There is an ancient story of the Hindu God Shiva, and the terrible death of Sati; the first incarnation of his later wife, Parvati.
In the story, Sati and Shiva meet when Shiva is still a practicing ascetic. Sati, being the perfect feminine aspect of Shiva, decides that Shiva is the only husband she will accept. Shiva, compelled by her intention, finds her, and the two fall deeply in love.
They marry, despite knowing that Sati’s father, Daksha, disapproves of the union.
In retaliation, Daksha plans an important fire sacrifice ceremony, inviting all of the nobility of the Divinity; but excludes Lord Shiva and Sati.
Sati decides to go anyway, planning to confront her father on his rejection and insult, but her father treats her badly in front of these esteemed guests, heaping more insults upon her and her absent husband.
Unable to bear the disrespect of her father, and the humiliation intended for her beloved, she throws herself into the sacred ceremonial fire and self-immolates.
Shiva is understandably enraged. In his fury and grief, Shiva creates a mighty warrior, who, along with his own feminine consort, destroys the sacred fire, along with the ceremonial grounds, and decapitates her father.
Shiva then gathers the burnt remains of Sati into his arms, and travels the entire cosmos with his wife’s burned body in his arms, renouncing the world and his duties to it, fully “in” the grief of losing his beloved.
The stories differ on this, but after some years, Sati’s body falls into 52 pieces across the Indian subcontinent, and Shiva returns to earth. He forgives Sati’s father, but replaces his head with that of a goat.
Eventually, Sati reincarnates as Parvati, and the two are reunited once more. Balance is restored for them, as well as the earth.
Which archetypes do you lean toward?
I am not religious.
That is to say, I don’t subscribe to any specific religion, though I believe we can find great value in ancient spiritual texts and doctrines. I believe that they were created to provide a roadmap to our inner selves; the stories, parables and “truths” meant to show us the “Kingdom of God” within; the greatest version of humanity, and what marvels, miracles and wonders we are capable of; if we let go of our egoic constructs, learned fears, behaviors, and limiting belief systems, and embrace the fullness of who we are.
The story above is a beautiful example of the full spectrum of human experience and expression – love, rebellion/holding personal truth in the face of another’s’ opinion and expectation, humiliation, self-sacrifice and transformation, stubbornness, grief, rage, retribution, losing our way, finding it again, forgiveness, humor, and eventual completion, as Shiva re-integrates with his love; the essential feminine aspect of his Divine nature.
Our power as humans comes from our authenticity. From owning the complexity of who we are. The only way to experience true, transformative authenticity is to release egoic barriers of fear, self-protection and the need to be perfect; to recognize and validate the many “archetypes” within each of us, and allow each of these aspects to come forward, as they are needed.
Authenticity means letting go of a fixed identity; dropping our learned patterns and the masks we wear to find acceptance, and live with complete self-honesty; accepting and embracing the fullness of all of our emotions, our desires, our passions and complexities, and our love.
It is alignment with the light – and the shadows within each of us.
It is the acceptance that we are complex creatures, capable of holding what might feel at times like paradoxical truths, in the same timeframe of our reality:
✨ Life – and the relationships we share with others in this time-space reality – can be hard, frustrating, chaotic, heavy, and sometimes downright awful – and also achingly beautiful, wonderful, fun, light, loving, and provide us with necessary connection, love, balance and healing.
✨ We can be kind, holding others with compassion and empathy – and still choose to set firm boundaries to protect our own precious soul. We can hold forgiveness in one hand, and remembrance in the other.
✨ Loss of any type, whether it is a job/career, and idea, or a loved one, is awful, yet can also lead to incredible self-growth.
✨ Grief sucks. Losing those that we love is terrible. It can be earth-shatteringly painful, and can rearrange our atoms into structures that feel unrecognizable.
Allowing ourselves to sit in the center of our grief and pain is absolutely awful – and it is the only way to truly move through it, to the lightness and gratitude for the time we had with those loved ones, waiting on the other side.
This life is contrast and complexity; light and dark, hot and cold, beauty and ugliness, fun and boring, joy and pain. The miracle of us, as humans, is that we contain all of this contrast within the microcosm of the Universe that is our inner world; reflecting outward.
We become alive and active co-creators of this reality with the recognition and acceptance of this fullness.
It is also the most direct route to creating a life of abundance and joy.
If you are new here, welcome! I am so glad to have you on this Soul Safari.
If you have been following for a while, I would love to know how some of what I write may have inspired or ignited your own journey to the Self, purpose, and the beauty and joy of co-creation that I believe we are here to experience.
When it comes to our personal belief systems, I am not so sure there is.
When it comes to taught lessons in much of organized religion, even less so.
This idea might get some of you riled up, but stay with me to the end – I think you might just see some value and understanding as I bring it all together.
Each religion teaches different ideologies; largely accepted and unchallenged “Truths”, such as There is no God but The God…But is God Yahweh, Allah, Shiva, the Demiurge, Zeus, or our own Buddha-nature?
We can speculate and theorize, preach and prosthetize, but ultimately, to say that any one person – or group of people – absolutely knows what “God” is is an extreme form of confirmation bias.
We each come to our own perspective and “belief” based upon our own unique set of experiences and learning. Humans may be at the top of the food chain here on earth, but we are extremely limited in what we can perceive or understand.
We receive an average of 11 million bits of sensory information per second – yet can only process 40-50 bits of that information per second. This overwhelming amount of data is filtered by the Reticular Activating System, the brain’s “Reality Filter”, which largely “shows” us reality through a lens that was created in the programming of the first seven years of our life.
So, for most of us, we are just reiterating, or regurgitating, the belief systems of our parents and caregivers, and their parents and caregivers, going back hundreds of generations.
The religious beliefs of the moment, whether that moment is right now, ancient Greece, or 3000 years ago, change slowly, and only with a massive collective mindshift.
Ra, Isis, Osiris, and others were also Thor, Freya, Loki, and others in the religious beliefs of the Norse, and were also Zeus, Poisedon, Athena, Hera, Apollo, Aphrodite, Artemis and others, who then became Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto, Minerva, Venus, Diana and Apollo, who kept his name when the Romans became the predominant political structure.
But you get the idea, right?
We can see “throughlines” in each culture, including Christianity, where religious culture “borrows” from the one before, but adapts to reflect the appropriate mindset of the time.
This is not to say that I do not personally believe that a higher consciousness or power exists, but my personal interpretation, insofar as my limited human mind can conceive, is that God is the Unified Field; a consciousness that is woven into the fabric of every atom of reality – including those of every human on this planet.
We are all cells in the infinite body of the Divine, having the experience of itself, as a human, or puppy, or plant, here on earth.
Within this framework, I believe there is a place for organized “religion”; a gathering of minds in shared appreciation of our connection to and within this fabric, without the extremes of judgment and dogma that often accompany conventional religion.
We need connection with others, and the reminder that comes through this connection that we are not individual, selfish little avatars rushing through this reality pursuing our own pleasures at the cost of others.
But personally, I do not believe that the only way to God, or Christ consciousness, or Enlightenment, is through one exclusive religion. We all can access the power and wisdom of “God”, whatever God is to us as a collective and individuals, at each and every moment.
Perhaps this is why the apostle Paul said “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances.”
Hafiz, a revered Sufi poet who lived in the 14th century, said “What is that sweet voice inside that incites you to fear? Now is the time to know that all you do is sacred.”
Both statements, though in different times and cultures, speak of Divine connection. When we “pray without ceasing”, we are in constant communication with the Source within – and without. If we recognize that this life, and our actions are sacred, we are in alignment with All That Is. We can not be in “sin.”
Which leads to the second topic of this blog. The idea of sin.
If there is no ultimate “Truth”, can there truly be sin?
The Hebrew word for sin is Chatta’ah. It means to “Miss the goal/ mark”. It is to be misaligned with the Sacred.
It does not, exactly, as biblical culture suggests, encompass the litany of evils or “deadly sins” that are found within most religion, from coveting your neighbors’ goat (or wife), going out in public without a headcovering, gossiping, idolatry, unbelief, and what seems like a hundred or so more rules, regulations, and accompanying rites.
I believe there is only one true “sin” – To believe, or treat the world as, Lao Tzu stated in the Tao Te Ching, as though everything is not sacred.
If “God” is in every particle in the known universe – and beyond – and we “worship” God as holy, does that not mean that everything – everything is, in fact, absolutely precious, beautiful, perfect, and sacred?
If we were to hold anything as an absolute truth, perhaps this would be it. If we love that which is sacred, we must love it all. “Sin” is when we forget this.
The only “sin” is to forget that this life is sacred. To destroy that sacredness; especially that which is innocent.
This is reinforced by biblical scripture – in Matthew 18:6, Christ says “Whoso shall cause one of these little ones (that believe in me) to fall, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Think about that. If it would be better to be drowned at sea with a stone around your neck than otherwise face the consequences of destroying the innocence of another being, what would the alternative be?
We are in “sin” when we use that which is sacred for our own selfish use and mean – whether that is hurting a child or animal, coveting a neighbor’s goat or wife, or using a holy order such as a ministry or church for personal gain.
Conversely, if we are in remembrance of the sacredness of life, how can we be anything but love?
If we are living in a state of love, we cannot be controlling, jealous, prideful, envious, gluttonous, wrathful, or in sloth.
When we die, I believe the actions and choices of our life will be weighed – by our own eternal knowledge – not according to the way we “acted” in life, but rather, what the predominant force of our hearts and minds were.
Anubis weighing the human heart with a feather
Islam teaches “hell” as a place of fire, boiling water, and suffering. Judaism teaches damnation as nothingness; a complete separation from God. But my belief is that there is no real “hell” at all; that this particular reality is a place for us to learn, and to grow spiritually. If we live from a place of selfishness, we likely are confronted by the “sins” of the life we chose to live, but when our soul takes accountability for these choices, we get to try again, in another life.
I’ve had experiences to suggest I’ve been through this life many, many times before. I’m certainly not perfect in this particular version of me, but I am aware, and that awareness allows me to keep remembering that life is beautiful, sacred, and absolutely perfect – even when it might feel far from it.
This is only my personal perspective, given my own unique set of life experiences. I can not speak for – or judge – anyone else’s personal way of seeing, being, or navigating this particular version of time-space reality.
But perhaps, if you are in a space where conventional religion has been failing you, this might give you something to think about.
“The pauses between the notes – ah, that is where the art resides.” – Arthur Schnabel; classical pianist, composer and pedagogue
Do you ever have days where it feels like the Universe is sending you the same message, over and over, in different ways?
Today has been one such day for me, and the message is one of my hardest lessons – the message of pause, rest, and surrender.
This seems like such a simple and relatively innocuous word, doesn’t it?
Truly “letting go” of the things I cannot control has been a lifelong work; likely both a result of childhood wounds and connected to my ADHD – driven lack of patience.
I have spent my entire adulthood practicing and teaching yoga, studying the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality, and having a private practice as a healer, helping clients through resetting impaired nervous system response, rewriting outdated neural programming through a hypnotherapy and other modalities from IFS therapy to understanding our attachment styles, and somatic release from Thai-massage based bodywork.
I know and teach all of these different modalities, yet in the largest issues in my life, I still have times when I struggle to just let go; to allow myself to rest, and appreciate the beauty in the pause between movements.
Letting go feels like a struggle.
The feeling of “fighting against the current” when I try to control things is exactly what is causing the resistance. The sense of life fighting me.
Ironically, this isn’t the Universe resisting my efforts, but rather, my own mind causing the feeling of struggle.
Here’s what happens in the brain and body when we are in a place of trying to control vs. surrender:
👉The stress of trying to figure things out, carry the burden of emotional weight, hold too tightly to people, events or circumstances in our life causes the activation of the sympathetic nervous system – our “fight or flight” response to danger or stress.
👉This activation floods the system with hormones such as cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine, increasing heartrate, alertness, and spatial awareness, while decreasing digestion, calm, and critical thinking.
The problem is, mammals are only intended to have 90-second bursts of these hormones before reverting to the parasympathetic “rest and digest” aspect of our nervous system.
👉When we are in chronic stress overload, the pre-frontal cortex; responsible for problem solving and analytic thinking, goes offline, and the amygdala – the part of the brain that triggers our “fight, fawn or flight” – takes over, disabling our ability to figure things out and essentially regressing us to primitive, less-than-mature and spiritually/emotionally aligned behavior.
If we have past trauma, especially from childhood, when our neurocircuitry was most established, our body/brain default is likely to interpret stressful situations as direct threats, compounding the sympathetic nervous system reaction.
But here’s an incredibly important truth:
In times of stress, the one thing that we do have control of is how we choose to respond to those things that we can not control. We can allow our primitive mind and subconscious, childhood-based patterns to control our behavior:
👉Retreat from the world
👉Throw an epic, Karen/Chad worthy tantrum,
👉Fall into “victimhood” behavior
– Or, conversely, we can:
✌️Become mindful of our internal and external states.
✌️Take a beat to acknowledge what’s happening in the moment.
✌️Take steps to reset our nervous system
✌️Shift our mental/emotional/nervous system state from resistance to acceptance.
One of my favorite metaphors for this subconscious/sympathetic nervous system response vs. calm, intentional direction is of an elephant and rider.
If a person jumps onto the back of an elephant without knowing how to direct it, the elephant will rampage out of control, taking the rider along with it. This is just like the subconscious mind when we are in a state of long-term sympathetic arousal.
But if we can catch ourselves when we are in a downward spiral of nervous system response and redirect our awareness and focus, we become the trained rider who flows along sedately through the jungle on the back of our “elephant”, being supported by our subconscious without being controlled by it.
The more we practice this, the neural pathways to regulated response are reinforced, and acceptance shifts from conscious effort to default response. Calm, intentional acceptance becomes baseline.
This is true empowerment – being in command of our thoughts, actions, and emotions, even when we are in moments or even seasons of our life where we may feel unable to control all of our external circumstances.
What is especially cool about this is that when we are in a state of parasympathetic nervous system regulation, our prefrontal cortex comes back online, working with the Reticular Activating System/Reality filter to give us greater access to solutions to those issues we were struggling with.
If you, like me, experience challenge with the idea of surrender and acceptance and feel yourself in anxiety or panic when life takes unexpected turns or seems to be slinging lemons your direction at high velocity, here are a few exercises that can help you to downregulate the nervous system to get you back into a state of calm to remember that those lemons make delicious lemonade.
Downregulating the nervous system – reset from fight/flight to rest/digest
Take a breath. Breathwork, particularly diaphragmatic, resets the nervous system quickly. Breathe in for four, out for six, then in for six, hold for six, out for eight. Alternately, take a deep breath through the nose, followed by a quick breath to completely fill the lungs and diaphragm, hold for a moment then release the breath completely. Repeat x 3.
Havening/Self-comforting – this method creates soothing delta brain waves and deactivates the amygdala. Cross the arms in a hugging gesture. Gently stroke from the shoulders down to elbows or wrists. You can use this technique on the face, upper thighs, or palms, as well.
Conscious relaxation – we hold so much of our stress in the body. When we can consciously direct the body to release whatever tension we may be holding, particularly in conjunction with the breath, we downregulate the nervous system and release somatically held energy, too.
Pivot thought/action – A thought, action, happy memory, or mantra that disrupts negative thought loops (rumination) and takes you back to the way that you want to feel rather than the stress that you are experiencing in the moment. For example – the memory of a favorite travel experience, celebration or event with a loved one, an affirmation you can repeat as a mantra – “I am safe, held, and happy” or even just counting backwards from twenty or humming a happy tune. If you can, play upbeat music, dance, go for a walk/run. Change your environment to stop those neural loops.
Mindfulness – Becoming the observer of Self helps to remove the ego/identity from a stressful situation. Mindfulness has been shown to be incredibly effective in stopping the stress response loop. Take a moment to become deeply aware of the body wherever it is in space. You can also try a “mudra”- bringing the fingers together to touch at the thumb/forefinger(index) or thumb/forefinger/middle finger. This not only anchors us in the body but also closes our energetic circuitry, according to metaphysical theory. Watch the breath as it flows in and out of the body.
Scent – Inhaling the aromas of essential oils or burning incense or herbs such as sage, palo santo, lavender, clove, frankincense, rosemary and sandalwood (as well as many other scents) creates a “pattern interrupt” for spiraling thoughts, bypasses the thalamus (logical switchboard) to regulate the limbic/ parasympathetic nervous system, and stimulates the release of feel-good neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine. Over time, using specific scents can create a “neural bridge” that the brain associates with safety and relaxation. As an added bonus, watching the rising smoke from incense encourages deeper breathing, also triggering downregulation of the nervous system.
If things are feeling a little out of control in your life at the moment, I hope learning a few of these tips and techniques will help you to let go of the things that are beyond your control, and get you back to a place of conscious creation and flow. 💫
This morning, I came across a post on the Internet in which the author was discussing the silence and lack of action over the political and economic crisis that is happening right now globally, but particularly here in the US.
In the article, she compares it to an (true) experience she had on a flight to New York, in which the hydraulics of the landing gear failed completely. The pilot announced what was happening to the passengers on the plane and explained that he was going to have to cruise at altitude for several hours to try to burn off as much fuel as possible so that when the plane caught fire on the runway when he tried to land, the fireball would be minimized.
The plane flew in circles for more than four hours. What surprised her the most about this experience is that the passengers didn’t scream or cry, didn’t pray loudly to God. Instead, they remained “eerily silent“ as the plane circled the airport, waiting to see if they would live or die.
She believes this silence to be essentially what is happening in America right now, and as I read the article, I had a bit of an “aha“ moment.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this “eerily silent” phenomenon, and trying to understand what is happening in the minds of so many Americans over the past several months.
I’ve questioned it as masked agents, intent upon deporting “illegals” (even when they are not) invade school campuses, farms, churches and businesses, break car windows to forcibly pull folks from their vehicles, and seemingly without accountability, other acts of violence, ironically, against those who fled countries rife with corruption and violence, seeking a better life for themselves and their families.
I have questioned the dismantling of public systems put in place to protect the elderly, the infirm, and others most in need.
When that same leader (illegally) sent the National Guard against our own people in our own states, I questioned how this could be happening in our country; the so-called “Land of the Free”.
I’ve questioned why we aren’t doing more in protest of the monstrous acts against #Gaza
I’ve questioned why people that I know and love support a man leading our country who is a convicted felon, racist, (was convicted in court of blatant racism and bias in his rentals, amongst other on-record incidents) sexist, (“I just grab ‘em by the 🐈 “ and the many, many other comments and actions against women), pardoned men who are convicted abusers, pedophiles, and rapists, has direct links to Russia/Putin, Epstein and child exploitation, 26 allegations of sexual abuse and rape, has had multiple bankruptcies, draft deferments and fraud judgements – and that’s not even naming all of the convictions, judgements and allegations against him.
I’ve heard “It’s in God’s hands”, suggesting we should just “let go and let God” – and I agree that in those things that we can not influence or control, we have to be able to surrender.
But right now, I believe we have a responsibility to stand against these injustices, illegal and unconstitutional acts. We have a responsibility to stand up and speak – and act where possible – for those who are not strong.
We have a responsibility to protect our democracy, our citizens and those that are here genuinely trying to make their own lives (and of future generations) better, and are contributing to our economy and the betterment of the United States. We have a responsibility to protect our beautiful country and all that inhabit it.
Coming back to those that claim to be “biblically based Christians”, what about the parable of the three Stewards? Aren’t we commanded from Genesis onward to care for and protect not only our lands but ALL of its inhabitants?
In biblical scripture including Romans, James, and Matthew, we are commanded to protect the elderly, the infirm, women and children. Jesus himself spent his adult years preaching this gospel, healing the sick and feeding the hungry.
One of the things I’ve especially is questioned why, on multiple occasions, I’ve been told to stay silent, stay in my lane and stick to the positive, “rainbows and butterflies” content that I have been known for for over a decade. To pretend that our country is not on fire – and as a result, let it burn.
My father is a mechanic, and has told me stories of how, when he was a child, he would be compelled to take apart household appliances and machinery to understand how they work, then would put them back together again. Cool, right?
I have no talent for machines, but I have the same compulsion when it comes to understanding the nature of reality, humans, and spirituality. Perhaps because of this, learning (at least those topics I find interesting) is one of my most fundamental character traits and “love language”. I literally learn every single day; reading, listening to podcasts, audiobooks, or YouTube.
As a result, I have, for decades now, studied world religion and mythology, multiple facets of psychology, relationship science, neuroscience, physiology, quantum physics, environmental sciences. And a fair smattering of history, which ties into all of the above.
Though the most recent research shows that our thoughts and desires directly affect our physiology, magnetic field and reality itself, I can tell you for a fact that burying our heads in the sand and pretending that “everything will work out” would be “magical thinking”.
We have to balance the reality that we wish to see with the reality that actually is if we want to create lasting change.
We have to heal ourselves, our societal dysfunctions and the harm we continue to inflict on the planet in order to build something better.
I understand that many people are afraid, and perhaps that causes us to be silent. I’m sure there are many that genuinely believed, and still wish to believe, that our current leader is going to “Make America Great” again, and perhaps this wishful thinking, along with the mass of propaganda and misinformation out there, makes it hard to recognize the slippery slope of fascism we are sliding down right now.
We humans also tend to stick to our pre-programmed belief systems, especially in times of challenge or difficulty.
Yet, all we have to do is look at world history and how many countries transitioned from democratic to authoritarian rule with just one leader, even within the past century, (Russia, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Italy, most South American countries, Poland and Hungary) to understand that the direction we are going is the opposite of ”great” for the average American citizen, though a May 2025 analysis by Oxfam found that the 10 richest U.S. billionaires increased their wealth by $365 billion in the preceding 12 months and $196 BILLION between Trump’s taking the Oval Office and May of 2025.
Remaining silent in the face of grave danger, challenge or even the unfamiliar is our primitive brains’ (primarily the amygdala) way of keeping us “safe”.
Beyond that, many of us who tend towards optimism (myself included) truly want to believe that good will win out, in the end.
Ultimately, I believe it will. Again, looking at history, we can see that when humans decide on the right course and act accordingly, we can create tremendous change for the good of humanity.
We can defeat despots. We win wars, feed nations, stop disease from decimating populations. We can invent miracles and what would have been called “magic” only a century ago. We can stop this speeding train, or plane, or bullet, before it harms many more.
But what will be the cost, if we stay silent, hoping for a miracle, in the meantime?
How many will suffer, as we pretend that our engine isn’t failing and we don’t need to find a safe place to land?
What will be the cost of our souls, if we continue to ignore the magnitude of wrongness that is happening right now?
We are the miracle we are waiting for. We are the heroes (or the villains) of this novel.
We can write a new, better story for ourselves, our country, and our children, if we speak up against what is wrong and stand together against evil.
But we won’t change anything by staying eerily silent.
It is my personal belief that the entire point of our existence here on this planet is to love, protect, and care for and appreciate ourselves, those around us, and the planet, and to create a better world for generations to come. I want my children to live in a country where they feel safe, abundant and happy. I want them to inherit a country they are proud of. An America the Beautiful; Home of the Free and The Brave.🇺🇸🌄🌾
I will continue to post tips and tools for increasing our “happiness baseline” and optimizing a better reality on my social media platforms – https://www.facebook.com/TerahDrake or my IG – @terahrosecatalyst or @thisblessedsacredlife
But I will also continue to speak out against those things that are wrong, harmful or even evil in our government and beyond.
I am currently reading #theatlasofhappiness by @mshelenrussell, a book detailing different customs of increasing happiness from around the world.
Loving the different ideas of what #happiness is from so many different cultural perspectives. This morning’s chapter was from #finland 🇫🇮; my grandmother’s home country. The Finns are a stoic people; having spent many centuries under the rule and thumb of other nations, they learned over generations to be more “survive” than “thrive”. Their national version of happiness – #kalsarikännit – interpreted as “Drinking at home in your underwear with not intention of going out” 😆😆- isn’t exactly my personal ideal, but each to their own. 🤷♀️
As I sit here enjoying the fragrance of #lemon from my tea, the layers of color, texture, and comfort that I have built into my #nest , and the coziness of this moment, it occurs to me that there is no one “big idea” to define an overall sense of happiness in life.
Lasting happiness is a series of small moments, such as the one I am in the experience of right now, that add up and compound upon each other to create a life of enduring and deep-rooted contentment.
I believe that a large part of the reason that so many people have continued anxiety and depression is because we are always “doing”. We are somewhere in the past or the future rather than just being right here, in appreciation of the moment.
There is hard science to back this theory.🧑🔬
When we are fully present in each moment, especially when we take time to breathe deeply, our sympathetic nervous system (the excitatory system) switches to a parasympathetic nervous system (inhibitory/calming), reducing the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline and increasing happiness hormones such as serotonin and dopamine, creating a greater sense of calm and well-being. (Add a snuggle with your favorite person or a pet and you get a hit of oxytocin – the “connection hormone”, not only enhancing mood but also empathy, kindness and generosity.) Over time and with practice, our baseline of happiness hormones and emotional resiliency increase, and stress hormones in the system decrease.
What’s especially wonderful about this is that your higher levels of ease and contentment have amazing health and longevity benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, regulating blood sugar levels and metabolic function, lowering the risk of heart disease, and creating better cognitive function and neurological health.
So if you are looking for a greater sense of overall contentment, ease, and joy in your life, look no further than the moment you’re in. It’s true that some moments are better than others, but there is always something to be grateful for. If we can find that appreciation and just rest and breathe in that space of gratitude, those moments will increase and and there will be a time when you realize that, in spite of the contrast that being a human on the planet earth brings, you are happy.🥰
I recently watched a YouTube video by relationship guru #JimmyKnowles from “Jimmy on Relationships” on the topic of “green flags” in people. In the video, he gave what I felt was an incredibly insightful metaphor on focusing on people with positive traits rather than searching for the negative. He gave a great metaphor to explain this, pertaining to “Currency Discriminators”. Currency Discriminators are counterfeit money experts. Apparently, they rarely spend much time looking at counterfeit bills. Instead, they spend most of their time becoming so familiar with authentic currency that anything that is fake or false jumps out at them. They learn what real looks like so they can easily spot a fake.
Interesting, right? And so apt for this particular subject.
Looking for red lights in others seems to be pervasive in our current culture. Anyone who spends time on social media or watching the news has heard of “toxic” or narcissistic behavior. There are hundreds or thousands of podcasts, videos and memes that teach us what to look for in order to spot a narcissist or a toxic person.
The problem is, if we are focusing on or dwelling on the darkness in others, it is impossible for us to be fully in the light, ourselves. But, if instead of spending so much of our energetic currency looking for red flags in people, we put more focus on looking for and celebrating good people and the beauty and wonder of life in general, the toxic bullsh#t might just fade into the background. Like feeding the good wolf rather than the evil one, the good that we feed will prevail.
Where focus goes, energy flows…What we are, we attract. We are the problem, and the solution.
When we view the world (and ourselves) through the lens of love, the world begins to look back at us in the same way. Focusing on the positive traits in ourselves and others brings more positive into our own lives.
Here are some “Green Lights” to look for in those that we might be considering deepening relationships with. When we get good at spotting authentic currency, it makes it easier to see and avoid the false and the unhealthy.
Honesty – They are honest in their word and deed. Their actions reflect their words. They have integrity between who they say they are and what they believe – and how they behave. Lying is a red flag for serious underlying issues, and a commitment to honesty is the best indicator for future success in relationships. If you can’t trust your partner everything else is pointless – or just won’t be there.
Kindness – You feel safe around them. You can be vulnerable with each other. They make you feel prioritized. They are consistent. You should never be confused about where you stand in relationships. If they hold you in value, they will put in the effort – we prioritize what we value.
Communication – They communicate openly and honestly. You can have hard conversations without them shutting down, running away or becoming hostile. They can communicate their own discomfort with openness and vulnerability.
Humor/sense of fun – They are able to hold life lightly. They don’t take themselves or life too seriously. They can joke and be silly without being rude. Having a sense of humor is a huge green flag.
Open mindedness – They are flexible. They are willing to approach the unfamiliar and can allow someone to hold a different view or perspective without dismissing or invalidating them.
Accountability – They have a “repair and rebuild” mentality. They are able to acknowledge and apologize for their words or actions. They say “I’m sorry” and genuinely mean it, even if they did not intend to cause pain or unhappiness.
Empathy – They understand others’ pain. They are curious about what makes others feel or what they think. Empathy helps us to feel safe and loved.
Vulnerability – They connect with themselves and others. They can communicate how they feel openly and honestly.
Praise – They celebrate others’ wins. They can praise others without feeling shame, themselves.
Growth mindset – They are self-aware. They have an attitude of gratitude. They are curious about life and have an interest in learning about how to grow and evolve. If we do not understand our own destructive or sabotaging patterns, we can neither grow or have compassion for others. This is not about perfection, but a continued expansion into the best version of ourselves.
They see everyone as equal. They treat others with value and care, understanding that our differences are our strengths, and our value lies in what makes us individually who we are. Teamwork makes the dream work!
They have healthy relationships with others. They hold healthy relationships with friends, co-workers and family. They are able to openly display affection and care for those they spend time with. They get along with a diverse group of people.
No one on the planet is “perfect”, of course. But when we seek out and focus on the good in others – and ourselves – we are creating a better world for everyone. We teach our children and others to see the good to learn to better be the good that we wish to create in the world.
What positive traits do you look for and celebrate in others?
It is estimated that just over half the world believes in reincarnation. Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, and Jainists all believe that our souls are eternal and keep incarnating in new bodies after we shed the previous skin of a lifetime. In fact, up to 25% of Christians believe it, as well. I found it interesting to learn that many philosophers, such as Pythagoras, Plato, and Socrates, also believed in the continued rebirth of the soul.
From a quantum physics standpoint, energy cannot “die”, but must be transferred or transformed. A tree becomes a log that is put into a fire to become a flame, to become ash, to become earth, to once again become a tree…
In spite of my own very traditional Christian upbringing, I’ve had a few experiences that have led me to believe that I’ve been around the proverbial block a few times now, too. I like to think of each lifetime as a school. When we’re a young soul, we get to go to kindergarten and life is pretty easy. We don’t think terribly deeply, and we’re mostly here for a good time, even though we are still learning simple lessons.
As we progress through lifetimes/grade levels, things get a little harder, but I think that’s by choice. That maybe before we are born, we choose the classes that we are going to take to best help us grow; to evolve and become Creators in our own right. By the time we’re in “university”, many of us are choosing some really f#cking hard life lessons so that we can achieve exponential growth.
I don’t know that we all pass every class that we take. Sometimes, we get stuck in victim mentality, or we get drawn into materialism, or those hard lessons cause us to become embittered rather than more compassionate. Sometimes when we are given the opportunity for growth we allow fear to rule us and we stay stuck rather than advancing.
Eventually, we shed our mortal coil and we get to go again, perhaps with some encoded memory that we’ve been here before, and hopefully do it a little better next time.
But over the past couple of years, I’ve started to think that maybe I should be a little more global in my belief system when it comes to reincarnation. I’m not so sure that it always has to mean that we literally die, go to some other place for reassignment and then come back as another person.
I think maybe we also reincarnate many times, in one lifetime. The death may be more metaphoric than literal, but we’ve all been through many experiences where we felt like some part of us died, as with the death of or separation from someone or something (such as a career) we love, or perhaps it is the “death” of some aspect of our identity or ego that we have carried from childhood. In fact, it is said that when someone consider suicide, it is not the whole self that wants to die, but rather some aspect of the ego that long ago stopped serving us.
When we go through these “little deaths”, we may feel that we are in purgatory for a time, and it can be months, or even years before we begin to crawl out of the protective cocoon we have built for ourselves, to learn to fly again. To be reborn, each time a little – or a lot – of a different person.
I’ve had a number of such experiences throughout my life; usually following some really frickin’ hard lessons. I have been through some of these over the past three years or so, but recently found myself in a situation that caused acute emotional pain; asking the question – “WTAF Universe (Unified Field/Source/God/Jah/whatever works for you); this totally sucks. Why am I getting this lesson AGAIN?
To be immediately followed with “oh.”
Because I didn’t learn the first time. If we fail a test in a particular class in school, if we are lucky and our instructor/teacher/professor takes mercy on us, we can re-take that test. I believe the Universe is infinitely merciful and so we get to take the test over. And sometimes, over, and over…and hopefully, eventually we figure it out. We have our “oh” or “aha” moment.
So the question, when we find ourselves in the same lesson, must be: “What did I need to learn here?” Sometimes, with those BIG lessons, it takes a bit of deep work to figure it out. We have to look at and work through the source of the thought processes that are creating or drawing to us these challenging experiences. But as soon as we realize what the lesson was all along, there is this amazing feeling of “aha”, and a knowledge that we just moved up a level. We shed the heaviness that was connected to what we were holding, and remember that we have wings again. We re-incarnate, lighter, happier, and excited for the future.
Of course, there will always be many other lessons to learn, but that particular class is passed, and past.
What’s especially exciting about the idea of multiple reincarnations within each lifetime; whether they are related to relationships, lack/poverty thinking, victim mentality, low self-value/self love or any other issue or program that has been carried from a flawed or traumatic childhood, is that just like being born into a new body with a new family, many of the old, unhealthy habits and people that were an aspect of that life and vibrational resonance drop away and healthier, happier habits and communities are formed.
We learn to set healthy boundaries and care for ourselves better. New opportunities show up. We become more deliberate in the creation of our personal reality. As an additional bonus, being a little further along the path enables us to guide and help others create a happier reality for themselves, too. We are ripples on a pond, contributing in our own way to the evolution of humanity.
How cool is that?😎
Have you had this experience? Have you felt like you have lived many lives in this lifetime? I’d love to see your stories!
It amazes me how often reality shifts in exactly the right direction when we make the decision to consciously create – or co-create – a fun and meaningful existence.
Occasionally, we have to do some major internal housecleaning In order to stay on-purpose with this, but just like anything, when we do the work to be as much the fullest expression of who we were meant to be, the Universe unfolds to create doors where we thought the windows were closed and sometimes creates fields of daisies and perfect pathways where we would have sworn there were walls or at least a thicket of thorns.
How often do we exchange distraction for living?
I booked a last-minute trip to the Oregon Coast last week for a variety of reasons; ranging from late autumn and winter being my favorite time to be on the coast, and the timing worked out well with being able to find sitters for my critters.
I also knew that I needed someplace quiet to clear my mind, to literally put my brain in a different point of reference (one of the reasons I love travel) and try to work past the writers block I have been experiencing for the first time, possibly in my life, over these last few months. To get to the heart, so to speak, of why I find myself avoiding sitting down to do something that normally feels incredibly important and easy to me.
Haystack Rock, Cannon Beach. 3rd largest intertidal monolith in the world!
It took me five days to figure it out. In that time, it has felt like the Universe has given me every green light (literally speaking – it’s been remarkable) and opened every possible door in the most beautiful way, perhaps so that I could give every worry and anxiety over and just do the work.
I’m not a huge fan of organized religion or the labels that we like to put on such a vast and unknowing idea as Source, or God, or the Unified Field – but I personally like the All That Is, because well, that Intelligence, that Wisdom, that Love, that Creativity – is in every particle of everything that is, right? Is every particle which means we are all part of God.
If I were having a conversation with this Intelligence last week, I imagine it sounding something like this:
“Heya, ATI? You around for a chat?”
“Hello, Terah. Always. What’s on your mind? Though who are we kidding, really- I know exactly what’s on your mind because I am you and vice versa. But let’s hear it out loud, anyway.”
(Trying not to roll my eyes and likely failing) “Well, you already know that writing seems to be not working well for me lately, and I’ve got a couple of books that really should have been at least submitted for editing a while back. I get distracted by a thousand things between weekly classes, clients, housework, yard work, projects that need finishing, bread that “needs” baking, meals to prepare, family, social life and of course, the critters.” And if I’m not doing any of that, I will find any other excuse to avoid doing the one thing that really lights me up and gives me a sense of purpose. I know I should be leaving the distractions and sitting down to work but…it’s not working.
“Wow. That’s a mouthful. I know it’s hard for you to let go of the habit of taking everything on yourself. Do you think maybe you aren’t writing because you are putting too much pressure on yourself? Or maybe, just maybe, you are holding a little too tightly to the reins and need to let go of the pressure, of the overwhelm, and that illusion of control you’ve got going on over there?”
“Uhhh. Maybe?”😶🌫️
“Alright. Let’s do this. Hop online, book your fave resort on the coast and I’ll take care of the rest so you can focus on getting your head back in the game and letting go of all of those distractions for a while.”
“But – what about the animals?”
“Done.”
“Thanksgiving week is going to be stupid expensive down there. I’m not paying $600 or more a night, especially when I just had a couple of nearly back-to-back trips.
“Check your email. You will find a “member appreciation” discount.” And btdubs, I’ll make sure you get the upgrades because we both know you like a little luxury to ease the process. A spoonful of sugar and all that…”
#hallmarkresortcannonbeach
“Oh. Ok!” Maybe this will work out! But the weather forecast looks pretty awful except for Monday…”
“I’ve got that covered, too. Now for the love of – well. Me – get packed. Don’t leave everything to last minute.”
Since I’ve been here, the weather has been incredible. The coffee has been perfect, the food – every single meal – has been amazing. The servers I’ve been blessed to have have been so incredibly kind; my breakfast at #thewayfarerrestaurant of avocado toast with poached eggs this morning especially memorable. My waitress made a point to give me the best table with a view available; a large cozy booth that should have sat six rather than one struggling writer. She even sent me off with a cup of Sleepy Monk coffee for my walk down the beach, on the house. 🥰
#insomniacoffee #sleepymonkcoffee – my two local faves.
I lost sight of myself and my work because I was overwhelmed with the “stuff”. With the increasing pressure I put on myself. With trying to help and heal everyone and everything, but not taking the time to help myself in the way that I needed it most – to really dig deep to acknowledge that at the heart of my distraction was – fear. Fear that my writing isn’t good enough. Fear that I’ll never reach a wider audience and if I do, fear that I won’t be good enough to help so many people. Fear that if I do birth these books and help many others with their own distractions and doubts, it will get beyond me. I’m just one person in the world and it’s a huge dream.
But this trip was the reminder that I needed that am not just one small person with a big fucking dream. Far from it.
I can’t remember a time in my life of ever feeling lonely, in part because even as a child, I have always had a sense of connection to something greater – though I wasn’t sure exactly what that was. I still don’t have the hubris to believe that I could understand something so vast as what “God” might be, but I do know that I am connected to every particle in the Universe, to every beautiful human who is trying to figure out this reality, and every beautiful human who has already figured out how to shape this reality, to the empty space that is the Unified Field and everything in between.
I see love…💖
But lately, it’s felt like the connection was a little fuzzier; like a bad connection between cell phones. I knew the connection was there but wasn’t getting the whole conversation; creating even greater confusion.
But this trip, I had such a definite sense of something Greater having my back to work out the details, and in a spectacular fashion. It was exactly the catalyst that I needed to not only figure my sh#t out but also finally see a clear path forward to get back to work.
I don’t expect to go home and have all of my projects magically completed, all the meals cooked to my palate and waiting to be savored. The distractions will still be there. The work will still need to be addressed. Contrast will happen. But understanding a few more of my own internal mechanisms and how to work through them should give me the impetus I need to keep my focus where it needs to be.
And on those days that feel a little extra crunchy, I can have a little internal dialogue with The All That Is, and I have a strong feeling that it just might look something like this:
“Sooooo, hey there, ATI? Big Brain?”
“Hi Terah. What’s up?”
“I’m struggling here a bit… I could use a little help in this whole co-creation thing”
(Visually rolls up sleeves with a cosmic grin). “Thought you’d never ask. Let’s get to work.”
Whichever way reality happens to bend and shift; Wherever life goes from there, I am confident that everything is working out exactly as it should be – beautifully. 💕
How do you see the world? Is it working for you, or against you?🤔
Let’s start this conversation. Growth is f#cking hard. Painful, in ways.
It can be depressing and overwhelming, initially.
It may lead to rainbows and unicorns, but know this to be true – we often have to leave the familiar, the Known, and even those people and places that we still love in order to find our path towards peace and freedom.
That path isn’t easy, either. I read recently that it is estimated that only 2% of the population choose growth. This is largely because our primitive brain has not evolved to understand the positive aspects of growth.
The primitive, or downstairs brain (limbic region and amygdala) has not really evolved in thousands of years, and keeps us “safe” from anything that could potentially be harmful. To the amydala, the unfamiliar is unsafe. The primitive brain tells us to stick to the familiar. The safe. It tells us that we should stay in the cave, and tries to override change by creating neurochemicals that make us feel deeply uncomfortable and even fearful of anything that seems unfamiliar.
It is understandable to want to stay in a place of perceived safety, even if that safety makes us deeply unhappy.
Because sometimes, the path to peace downright sucks. Before we can find joy, the path winds through dark forests and up steep mountains. There will be times when we feel lost. There will be times that we feel we are in darkness, and all that we can see is the step directly in front of us.
We will have to confront those dark parts of ourselves – the skeletons in our closets and monsters under the bed – past trauma, dysfunctional patterns and programs – that we may have avoided our entire lives before. We may endure times of aloneness and even loneliness as we make our way on our very individual path.
We will lose people along the way; those that can not accept the new version of ourselves; or just can’t make the journey.
It’s hard, and sad, even heartbreaking, sometimes.
But we also gain new friends and family that more accurately reflect the reality that we consciously choose to live, rather than one that was chosen for us. Our vibe finds our tribe.🥰
Most importantly, we gain peace in knowing that we have chosen our own path.
Time to fly, babe…
Eventually, that decision will become the best decision we have ever made for ourselves. Our journey through those dark paths leads to bright sunshine and warm seashores. The dense woods become charming paths leading through bright glades and mirror-still pools as our mind’s new programs learn to create new realities.
Even in this upgraded reality, there will still be days that clouds move across the path and feel hard or sad. We may mourn for that which we left behind.
But it is 💯 worth it. I can not overstate that enough.
It is worth every drop of discomfort, every leap into loneliness, every disconcerting, uncomfortable or downright scary experience with those lost parts of ourselves and the hard process of stripping away of old, outdated was of thinking and being.
It is worth the pain. The “fertilizer”, to live a life of freedom as a conscious creator rather than as a slave to the programs and patterns instilled upon us by our parents, caregivers, peers and societal expectations.
If you need evidence of this, look to any human who has begun to live by this new shift in paradigm. I challenge you to find one person who would go back to the Matrix of our own implanted b.s.
But it’s still f#king hard. 😖
Did you know that when a caterpillar creates its cocoon, it doesn’t just sprout wings and fly away – it completely dissolves into a black miasma within that cocoon before Re-forming as the beautiful symbol of transformation we all recognize and most of us love? Growth and evolution is much like this.🥶🦋
It may feel like we go through our own period of hibernation and re-forming as we spend more time in “being” and self-examination and less time in “doing”.
This is also a necessary part of the process. Just as the caterpillar must quietly dissolve in its cocoon to become something more, we also have to become still and go inside of ourselves in order to dismantle all those faulty and outgrown belief systems. It may feel like winter.
There was a study done in which scientists injected Redwood trees with a chemical similar to adrenaline in order to prevent the trees from hibernating over winter. Every single one of these normally long-living trees died within the year.
Humans have times when we must metaphorically hibernate, as well, if we are to grow into a new season of flowers and warmth.
Even having that big-picture understanding that the short term, hard changes will eventually lead to long-term happiness, the process is still hard. So it is important to acknowledge and honor the discomfort and sometimes even pain that happens when we start this journey towards peace.
If you are on this journey, I honor you. I acknowledge the pain you may be going through as those old egoic patterns begin to fall away. As you deconstruct.
If you need support or a shoulder on your journey, know that you are surrounded by love and there are others that will find you on the path.❤️. I am one of them, and am sending huge hugs, care and encouragement along the way.
To an emotionally unhealthy person, clear boundaries or a “no” is either a challenge or a personal affront.
To someone who is whole or on their healing journey, there is no possibility for affront. Choosing to listen to one’s own needs instead of people pleasing is a mark of self-respect and value.
We must nourish ourselves before we can feed others…
Babe. Grab a cuppa and a comfy chair because we are going to take a little dive into a number of subjects today that all tie together, eventually. But the overarching theme here – and this is so important – is this:
You have a right and a responsibility to protect your peace.
This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but it is a radical concept to others who might be accustomed to being the peacemaker in family and peer dynamics – rather than the peace holder.
Protecting your peace means it’s not only ok, but vital that we learn to set healthy boundaries for ourselves, our time, and our energetic resources. It is making sure we find time for self-care and learning what it is that makes us as individuals happy.
Because Goddess knows, it can be only too easy to lose ourselves in the interests and lives of our partners, peers, and parents. And of course, our children, if we have them.
“Until we are able to love and take care of ourselves, we cannot be much help to others.”
This doesn’t mean that we should not care for and share interests and passions with those close to us, of course. Loving those around us makes everyone’s lives better, and common ground is the best place to find healthy, happy connection, right? But finding a sense of authenticity and joy in our lives requires finding the balance between loving ourselves and others.
I like to imagine our bodies, minds, and the magnetic field that surrounds us as an energy storehouse. When we are in balance with ourselves and the world around us – happy with ourselves, our partnerships, family dynamics, social groups, and career or purpose, our energy levels are full. Light. We feel easy in the world and are able to share some of that stored energy with those around us.
But it can also be too easy to get caught up in the drama of someone else’s toxic mentality – and we have absolutely no obligation to invest our time and headspace into energy vampires – people or things that draw from our energy accounts without any promise of return.
This can be so hard for those of us who are empaths, people pleasers or fixer/mediator type personalities.
Here’s where an interesting concept comes in – Have you heard of the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho’ oponopono?
The word translates into English as “Correction”, but also contains the synonyms “manage” or “supervise”. The practice, often facilitated by a family elder or a Hawaiian Hapuna – healer/priest – is one of healing, reconciliation, forgiveness and love, often within a family or extended family, but extending to anyone who breaks Kapu, or spiritual laws. Often, when a member of the community became ill, a Hapuna would be consulted to help the person become healthy again through finding forgiveness from the Gods or the person with whom there may have been a dispute.
The practice of Ho’oponopono consists of four simple phrases –
~ I’m sorry.
~ Please forgive me.
~ Thank you.
~ I love you.
Ho’oponopono is taking responsibility for one’s thoughts or actions, making amends through word or deed, giving gratitude and love to the situation or person we may have wronged. This is a beautifully powerful practice and I believe we can take this idea and practice into every aspect of our lives to create greater unity and wholeness within ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.
The thing is, apologies and vulnerable communication can be so hard.
Often, our past (childhood) programming translates the need for an apology or regular, honest communication from someone as “I must be bad/wrong/unloveable”, etc. This is rarely if ever the case, of course, but remember that an estimated 98% of our daily thoughts and actions are acted from our subconscious, (ego) and most of that began in the first eight years of life.
Our conscious mind may not understand or even care to query as to why it is difficult to say “I am sorry” or communicate without feeling defensive, frightened or intimidated. When we are acting from past trauma or unhealthy patterns, the amygdala – the brain’s processor for emotional responses, decision making, – and emotional response – is triggered, causing us to go into a state of anxiety, anger or fear. This is a primitive, emotional survival-instinct based reaction.
Amygdala “ reaction” Vs. Pre-frontal cortex “response” – If it’s histrionic (emotion-based) it’s history-based.
It requires some deep self-exploration and conscious awareness to find the root of our behaviors. Frankly, I don’t believe we can fully do this until we confront the faulty belief systems that our parents, caregivers and peers implanted in our minds from an early age (lack of value/unworthiness. Abandonment. Fear-based thinking/survival. Disempowerment. The list goes on…)
This is where the concept of Ho’oponopono related to the self can be applied to assist in the reprogramming and healing process. When we begin to practice having curiosity about how our internal states are reflected in our outside world on a regular basis, we can begin to address those unhealthy and untrue patterns and programmed ways of thinking.
We can learn to love ourselves in the way that our earliest caregivers perhaps did not know how to. We can forgive ourselves for our past to move forward in a manner based on a healthier EQ, have gratitude and appreciation for who we are in the present moment. All of this establishes the habit of growing the neural network of response from the prefrontal cortex; the part of the brain linked to higher-order functions such as logic, empathy, care and altruism. We learn to be in a place of responding rather than reacting. We learn to validate others’ feelings and take accountability for our own words and behaviors that might sometimes be less than constructive or healthy for ourselves or those around us.
@drtstaswart 😎
The process of healing and learning to be aware and take accountability for every aspect of who we are in the present is not easy, as I mentioned above. I began learning about psychology, trauma, and eventually neurobiology and quantum physics/vibrational realities decades ago -not to help others, but to learn to heal myself and my own childhood trauma.
It’s amazing to me how even now, I occasionally discover layers of early dysfunctional programming and behaviors that I had absolutely no idea were there, particularly around my value system in my most intimate relationships.
But as hard and sometimes frightening as this learning and growth is, it can also be exciting, as I have spoken of in past posts and blogs relating to neurochemistry and confronting discomfort eventually giving us an emotional “high”. (#intothechaos) I don’t think I could stress in words just how worth it it is to do that healing in order to create a happier, healthier version of ourselves in our present and future realities; though, if you’ve read any of my work, you know I try.👀.
Which takes us back to Ho’oponopono and healing ourselves and our close relationships.
How can it relate when it comes to protecting our own peace while still caring for others?
Not everyone decides to take a pathway to healing.
Some are just too entrenched in those patterns and programs – ego-identification driven behaviors that they can not see or even try to see that their behaviors, words and actions are harmful. It is important to honor whatever or whomever they decide to be.
Every single human is on their own path. No matter how much an individual might be able to “see” why a person is the way they are, (why can’t they see their beauty and potential?…) each of us have to be responsible for the maintenance of only our own side of the road.
If someone looking for a better reality comes to us, we can do our best to provide some guideposts on the journey but even then, holding expectations for any other human besides ourselves only damages ourselves and our ability to have healthy relationships.
Sometimes, it is people that are close to us – family or friends that we have known perhaps our whole lives – that are toxic and unwilling or unable to do the work to be someone that we want to spend time and our energetic resources on. We may still love them deeply for the history we shared, but ⬆️⬆️ A. We can’t “fix” anyone. And B. If we don’t protect our peace/energetic resources, we have less to share with those who come willingly to our pathway that may need it most.
Are they ready to get out of the mud?
Let me give an example of this. I had coffee and a chat with a close friend about this subject recently.
“Elizabeth” is a healer and empath with a history of unhealthy relationships beginning in early childhood. In spite of her history of trauma, she has a beautiful petal-pink heart, and is committed to self-growth and evolution. She loves to love people, but like many empathy and healers, also has a tendency to give more of herself than she has to give. As a result, she often draws narcissists and energy vampires because she has difficulty protecting her energy field.
Imagine a lake of crystal-clear water surrounded by a forest filled with creatures. Every thirsty animal is going to come to drink from, swim in, and carouse in the lake, right? Eventually, as we know of African waterholes, the banks become muddy and the water murky and low from so many draining and churning up the water.
Alternatively, we have a neighboring lake that has a large fence around it with a gate that opens when a thirsty animal or small group of creatures comes over. The animals learn from the gatekeeper that they are welcome to drink if they are well behaved and drink only what they need. The lake remains pristine and full, as a result.
Beautiful, right?
But Elizabeth has only recently been learning to protect her peace – her lake. So some unhealthy folks from her past still come around, expecting unlimited energy from her – and get Pissed with a capital P when she protects her boundaries. They kick and scream, say awful things and accuse her of being a terrible person and not being a “true friend” for not giving them unlimited access to her resources.
When we spoke of this, she was emotionally torn between knowing that healthy boundaries abOore necessary, and that she can’t “fix” or “save” those that don’t really want to be saved – and feeling guilty for not being a “true friend”.
But what she wasn’t considering is that true friendship is always a two-sided relationship. Always. It doesn’t mean that the way two people express their care is necessarily the same – past programming/experience, love languages and attachment styles rarely if ever cross over completely – but there is always a give and take of energy between both people in any healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel filled, at least most of the time.
Beyond that, it doesn’t matter how much good or potential we see in someone – if they don’t want to do the work to bring out that light in themselves, they will only end up drawing those who try to “help” them further into their darkness.
So we spoke of Ho’oponopono, and sending love – speaking or thinking of them from a distance – to those people from her past – or present – that did not respect her boundaries or value her caring heart.
Here’s what I suggested as her Ho’oponopono “prayer” to her old friend:
~ I am sorry for what you have been through.
~ Please forgive me for whatever pain I may have caused you.
~ Thank you for the wonderful moments of our past.
~ I love you, and wish you happiness.
This practice allows us to send loving kindness and healing to others – and ourselves – without having to physically engage in potentially exhausting mental and energetic judo with a toxic friend, family member, employer or peer.
Here’s a huge bonus aspect of putting this practice into “meditation” – It helps us build a healthier, happier brain.
According to Chade-Meng Tan;(@chandemeng ) Nobel Peace Prize nominee (One Billion Acts Of Peace) and author of Joy on Demand, sitting in silence for just three minutes and sending peace, love, or happiness “I wish for ______ to be happy” can drastically improve your own happiness baseline.
I did a little dive into the neurological and neurobiological processes of this phenomena and discovered that not only does this practice increase activity in the prefrontal cortex and create new neural pathways that help us to better self-regulate our emotional responses (NIH PMID 25646442), but it also lowers cortisol levels and increases oxytocin and serotonin. I’d call that a win all the way around, right? 😎
For me, I often incorporate this practice into my morning meditation. I place my left hand on my heart and my right on my abdomen, breathe slowly and deeply and repeat the prayer or mantra as I visualize someone in my life or from my own past that I would like to send some healing and love to.
Incidentally, Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting in lotus with a loincloth and a bindi. I have also practiced this while out on a walk, cooking a meal, or even while creating art. Anything that puts us into a state of “flow” can be considered meditation.
(Bearing in mind, there has been significant research on the myriad physiological and neurological benefits of sitting in quiet focus for just 10 minutes each day. That is a whole blog unto itself (or a book) so we won’t go into details, but something to consider…)
But meditation aside, practicing just a few minutes of Ho’oponopono each day can be a powerful tool for learning to create and honor your own boundaries while still loving others that may not be healthy for us to continue a relationship with. Remember that your energetic resources are finite, and protecting the beauty and purity of your “lake” will not only keep you happier and healthier but will also draw healthier people to you as you move forward on your journey.
How are you learning to protect your energy and your peace? What tools or techniques have been most helpful in setting and keeping healthy boundaries? Is there anything here that especially resonates?
This Blessed Sacred Life 