“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “
Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves.
It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.
It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit.
But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar.
Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.
We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along. We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice.
Then there is the anger for not asking to have our needs met; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect.
For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread. But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.
When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth.
Eventually, we feel lighter. We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us. We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.
At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with.
And so begins the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good.
Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own. Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.
In the beginning, this can create isolation. Loneliness. But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces.
Our tribe begins to find us.
We fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant. We develop relationships that lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn.
We begin to create, or rather, to consciously collaborate with the Field to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention. We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us.
We find our wings, and begin to soar.
Today and all days, I hope you are on the path to find your wings, beloved. You deserve every joy you can imagine, and I know you can create the life you wish for.
Life is a dream; a self-created reality in which our subconscious programs largely direct our thoughts, moods, and actions. Most of the time, these programs keep us in a state of sleepwalking as we react and respond to life based upon what our past experiences have dictated. But frankly, it’s all bullshit.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…Life is but a dream.
– Row, Row, Row your boat.
It’s all a construct. The human brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. As a result, we build these supposedly “safe” walls and edifices with our minds until at some point, whether we realize it or not, we are locked inside a fortress of our own making.
These constructs are often (usually) based on childhood experiences and family dynamics that lay down neurological programming – such as taking on the identity of one of the six “roles” of a dysfunctional family life: the Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Mascot, Caretaker/Enabler, and the Golden Child. Because these egoic identities were built as a result of our early neurological programming, they become the pathways that we continue to follow well into adulthood, and sometimes until death.
I don’t know about you, but this just feels like a huge Ouch.
I think of myself as someone who is fairly #awake. I’ve had a deeper sense of “knowing” for as long as I can remember. I think I may have been born a little less asleep, or perhaps I’ve just been around the block enough (#reincarnation) that I am usually pretty good at seeing through the veil. Through the constructs. Through the Bullsh#t.
But for any of us, no matter where we are in our soul’s evolutionary journey, I believe that in this life; what the Buddhism and Hinduism call the “Maya”, or veil of illusion, we wake, then fall asleep again, only to awaken wondering when it was that we lost our awareness of the Maya.
I don’t know that we ever become fully enlightened, full time. That’s part of the process. Part of the contrast that is necessary to keep things interesting and to keep us engaged.
But here’s the thing – the more often we awaken, the longer these periods of awareness will be, and the more observation and awareness that we bring into the Who that we are keeps these periods stretched out and more frequent.
But a recent circumstance in my life made it abundantly clear that I was still holding long-standing #childhoodpatterns of low self-worth and people pleasing. In my desire to see someone I care for happy and whole, I lose parts of myself. In my need to heal and be invaluable, I allow myself to be de-valued.
In my own #toxicchildhood, I alternated between Hero, Scapegoat and Caretaker, and perpetuated those cycles into my first relationships. I thought I had healed those parts of myself years ago, but this experience showed me that I was still holding those roles – those identities – close to the heart.
Seeing my own dysfunctional childhood programs and huge egoic constructs staring me in the face felt like being punched in the gut and tbh, I had a week’s worth of wobble as I tried to decide if I could just ignore it all and keep #pretending that the years of #therapy and #selfwork had left me fully #woke. Enlightened.
In the end, I opted to look that sh#t straight in the face and run towards the storm rather than away from it. The fastest way through, right? Until we choose to be #relentless about our continued growth and do the damned work, we can not move into greater #wholeness and #authenticity. We can not achieve the life of freedom and joy that we may be seeking.
And sometimes, that f#cking sucks. The work is hard, and often creates more chaos in our lives before it opens up to peace and joy. I guess that’s why it’s called “work”.🤷♀️
But here’s the thing – Once you get past the initial shock and pain of seeing those hard truths revealed, you realize that your conscious mind and highest self is navigating the waters of your life, moving you towards greater freedom and fullness rather than continuing to be a slave to your past programming and #toxichistory.
Our highest selves are always communicating with us, trying to show us the way to release those outdated programs and patterns that no longer serve our highest evolution. But it is up to us to listen. To pay attention. And when those hard truths come, we must confront them rather than turn away.
Going into those unfamiliar waters, confronting our “demons” and doing the work may be difficult – but it is also incredibly rewarding and an exciting journey. It can be beautiful and joyous, even.✨ Ultimately, being awake and aware not only makes us more happy, caring, and compassionate humans, it’s a whole lot more fun.😁
What unhealthy #childhood programs might be holding you back from living your best life and the fullest expression of who you are?
Do you often find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, stressed out, or angry?
Periods of stress in our lives are part of the human experience, and can be a tremendous catalyst for growth and personal evolution. Life is a gorgeous, complicated, challenging, and joyful adventure – and the contrast we experience is necessary to add depth and meaning – wholeness – to the story of our lives.
But we aren’t meant to stay in that place of unhappiness for long periods. When our periods of upheaval become chronic, the constant release of cortisol and adrenaline, necessary in primitive times for short fight-or-flight responses, become a mood disorder that if left unresolved, can really f#ck up the brain and body. This “stuck” cycle can not only cause depression, memory loss, weight gain/loss and sleep issues, but also inflammation that can lead to a host of other issues and illnesses from diabetes, cancer and more.
The good news is that just because we have moments of stress doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the stress response indefinitely. We can return to a place of greater emotional ease in less than two minutes, if we can understand what is happening in our nervous system.
Most important is to realize that the brain’s stress response only takes 90 seconds to move through the body.
When we encounter things in our life that make us feel triggered – anxious, frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad, (insert your own favorite dysregulation response here_______🙄…) it can be easy to stay in that feeling state for much longer. This is because we keep the stress response loop repeating itself instead of redirecting the brain’s focus to something happier.
But there are many ways to #flipyourhappyswitch when difficult or challenging circumstances in our lives may lower our #baselinehappy.
We can bypass hours or even days’ worth of unhappiness with a few simple neurobiology “hacks” that redirect the brain’s wiring. Consistent practice of these techniques will, over time, create a healthier stress response, too; which is pretty freaking awesome – the sooner we can get back to a feeling of joy in our lives, the sooner we can get back to being the amazing creators of reality that we are supposed to be.
Taking some deep nasal belly breaths stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and “tricks“ the mind into thinking that we are all good – or at least not in a heightened state of trauma response or fight or flight. This is where I always begin when I am personally feeling dysregulated.
There are a number of other techniques to re-direct the mind back to a state of ease – changing up our environment, listening to music that makes us feel good, going outside to “ground” with a walk, ride, run or swim. (the benefits of being outside are multiplied when we put our bodies in direct contact with the earth.
I love barefoot trailrunning, but 5 minutes of sitting on the grass can have a profound effect on the body and mind. Splashing cold water on the face, finding an activity or interest that is creative, are all wonderful ways to reset the brain, release endorphins and run interference on that stress loop and get us back to a more peaceful or joyous state.
If you are in a place where none of these practices are possible, try this easy, four-step system to bypass the loop of trauma/stress response:
Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is the root emotion causing your feeling of dysregulation? Take a moment to honor that feeling.
Focus on facts – find one or two true things about you. “My name is_____ and I live in _____city/country/state. My parent/sibling/friend/pet is______.
Find something physical – The sun feels amazing on my face. The fabric of my shirt is soft. The bakery in the store smells like cookies and fresh bread. I like to spritz a little of my favorite men’s cologne on a scarf or shirt collar so that I can bring my focus to the scent when I am in a crowd or large “big box” kind of store where I know I can become energetically overwhelmed.
Look for one beautiful thing/Gratitude – feeling grateful triggers release of dopamine, the reward/feel-good hormone. Find one thing in your environment that you can feel truly grateful for – the color of the sky is a particularly pleasing shade of blue right now. The little girl in line front of me has the most amazing big brown eyes. This coffee is delicious. Better yet, find someone to smile at or have a conversation with. (Not a creepy smile, please….) Not only will focusing on someone else re-direct the brain’s stress response, but kindness releases all of the feel – good neurochemicals.Win-win situation, right?😄
I have been putting many of these techniques into practice for years, and I can tell you that they work, but I’ll add to this a list of the most common neurochemicals/hormones and how they affect the mind and body, along with a few more tricks and techniques to get you back to your happy place.
Happy Brain Chemicals – DOSE
Dopamine – Reward/Hormone. “Pleasure Chemical”. Helps with focus, memory, motivation.
* gratitude. Complete a task or project. Improve sleep habits. Exercise. Do yoga/meditate. Go outside. Have sex – specifically, sex or self-stimulation that triggers orgasm. The greater the dopamine release, the more powerful the orgasm.👀. (Disclaimer – there is such a thing as “too much” when it comes to orgasm. Particularly using a stimulus such as porn, as it can create a tolerance which causes dopamine levels to drop.)
Oxytocin – The “Love Hormone”. Supports mental well being.
* Give a hug! Even self hug or massage will release oxytocin. Kiss. Warmth – sit in front of a fireplace. Drink something warm. Find a sunny spot. Send a loving text or letter. Snuggle with a pet. Watch cute kitten videos.
Serotonin – Feel-good hormone.
* Kindness. Laughter yoga. Massage. Sunlight – 10 minutes of direct to eyes. Remember happy memories heart rate
Endorphins – Responsible for pain relief, stress management, feelings of euphoria. Released by central nervous system and pituitary gland.
* Exercise/movement. More sex. Dance. Acupuncture. Eat something delicious and nourishing -Dark chocolate specifically triggers the endorphin response in the body. Scent – smell something pleasing. (Essential oils, fresh-baked cookies, cinnamon, someone you love)
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If you are someone going through a challenging or difficult time, I see you.❤️
I hope this information might help.
If you are in a place where just don’t want to get off of the couch/bed/carpet, I’ve been there, too. It’s ok to give yourself some space to not be ok, to have grace for yourself to be in the experience of those hard emotions – for a little while. But don’t get stuck in that place. Remember that mood follows action.
This means that sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, put on our “big girl/boy pants” and take action. Breathe, meditate, dance, listen to music, hug a loved one or pet, go for a walk, have good sex (even if it’s by yourself) – whatever it is that works best for you to get into a better place. This is self-care.
Wherever you are today, please remember that you are loved. You are a beautiful, magnificent Be-ing; worthy of every good you can imagine.
A human heart contains 40,000 neural cells that form a complex nervous system.
This “heart mind” sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. Just as the brain produces hormones/neural chemicals, the heart also produces its own adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine, as well as ANF, (atrial natriuretic factor) a peptide that helps regulate healthy heart and kidney function. The heart also keeps the energetic signals of the body and brain regulated through the physical contraction and expansion of a “heartbeat”.
But here’s where things get even more interesting: The heart produces its own electromagnetic field that is 5000 times greater than that of the brain.
This magnetic field is a signal network that extends around us in a range of fifteen to twenty-five feet (!) and interacts with other living beings as well as the earth’s own electromagnetic field, feeding us information about the world around us and broadcasting our own information to everyone and everything we meet.
This also ties into the Enteric Nervous System – a network of 100 million nerve cells that line the esophagus down to and through the gastrointestinal tract, which also communicates information back to the brain.
This complex system of heart-gut-brain relation and communication is much more the “knowing mind” than the brain as a segregated entity, which largely makes decisions for us based upon past experience and neurological patterns rather than the full picture of each moment.
So cool, right?
As many things that were taught for thousands of years but discarded with the dawn of the Industrial Age, I believe our ancestors were on to a fundamental truth with adages like “You will never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” Or “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.”
J Krishamurti said “Intuition is the whisper of the soul.”
One of my personal favorites – “At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”
If we wanted to get a little deeper into the quantum physics of the magnetic field, all of the information that we gather in the “quantum field” – that field that extends beyond us and into everything and All That Is, is also feeding us information.
It is the aggregate of information that is gathered between our brain, our heart/magnetic field, and the gut in the “field” that gives us the 11 million bits of information that humans process each second. But the problem here is that the brain has to translate all that information into roughly 40-50 bits per second for us to function and think without shorting out.
This is where unconscious bias comes in. The brain uses a system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter out anything it screens as impertinent.
Unfortunately, this can be a huge detriment to helping us to achieve a happy life.
Because the human brain works largely on programming and patterning, it often filters out the information that we actually need to find joy in favor of the information that the brain thinks will help us to survive best based upon our past programming and experience.
So if following the crowd, people pleasing, shutting down, fighting, accepting less-than treatment, (or even abuse) or any other trauma-based behavior were childhood subsets, there is a good chance that those early programs will be dictating your adult behavioral experiences, too.
As we have discussed before, the brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. So ouch.😣.
But awareness of this can help us to recognize and bypass what is past programming and what is actually truth and the best solution for not only our greatest happiness, but also for the greatest expansion of who we are in the evolution of our souls.
That just makes me wanna shout “hellllll yeah!”😁.
Because this means we don’t have to be a slave to our past programs. We can begin right now to steer our own ship and navigate our destiny for a greater joy than we ever dreamed possible.
I know this from personal experience.🥳
Even in the times of my greatest sorrow and heartbreak, I can’t help but go back to the feeling of joy – what is now my personal preset of “baseline happy”, which is pretty damned amazing.
I may have moments, or sometimes even hours where I feel unhappy, or I need to allow myself to grieve for whatever the unhappiness of my circumstance is – but here is the absolute truth of my existence – the vast majority of the time, regardless of whatever that circumstance may be, I am dance-in-the-fields-when-I-walk-my-dogs or in-my-kitchen while-cooking happy. 💫💃🏼
I don’t get bored. I feel a huge amount of gratitude for this big beautiful life. I smile at nearly every stranger, and go out of my way to help others feel a little of my joy – because I believe the world would be a much better place if we all understood these truths about ourselves and chose to live happy. I wish we all would make the conscious choice to fully live, rather than existing or waiting to die.
So, the next time you have a dilemma or a problem you can’t solve, perhaps the best question to ask is this: what is the consensus of my heart and gut/intuition telling me?
Then, bring the brain into the equation to ask – “Is this my truth/wisdom, or is this the voice of my parents/peers/societal norms that are giving me these answers?”
Intuition+heart intelligence+past experience and programming = answers. 😎
Today and all days, please remember – You are loved. You are worth every joy. You are amazing.💖
For several years, my (adult) son has gotten a new tattoo each New Year’s Eve.
The tattoo that he chooses is one that is representative of where he’s at in life, the past year and the one to come. I personally think this is a really cool way to physically evaluate where you are at and manifest the future you wish to create. It’s not my way, but I love the idea and that he knows so clearly what is right for him.
This year he is getting a tattoo of the Memento Mori skull with a Pacific Northwest scene incorporated.
Momento Mori means “Remember Your Death.” another way of putting this is “Remember that one day, you, too, shall die.”
This may seem morose or melancholic, but I believe it is a perfect representation and way to begin a new year. It is a reminder of the preciousness of life. Incorporating the Pac NW mountains and pine trees is a grounding memento of the home he grew up in.
It got me thinking about how ending one calendar year and beginning another is a bit like a mini-death and rebirth. Personally, if I were going to do a similar tattoo, I might go with “Memento Mori, Memento Vivere” – Remember your Death, Remember to Live.
How often do we spend our days just putting one foot in front of the other without really being here? How many of us aren’t really living but just existing, waiting to die? What if our New Year’s resolution was to really live our best possible lives in 2023?
How would that look for you? What would you change if you knew you had no limits?
What steps might you take to move toward the life you would like to be living instead of existing?
What risks would you take that might make you uncomfortable in the short term but alter your level of joy exponentially in the long term?
Recent studies in Neurobiology show that the old idea of “Be happy and your life will follow” is a flawed philosophy.
The adage “Fake it until you make it” is far more accurate – mood follows action. This is so important that it is worth repeating.
Mood follows action.
Behavior is the control panel of the mind. We have to take the steps that feel uncomfortable and sometimes frightening for the joy to show up.
This means that in order to step into our best possible life, it is often necessary to step away from all that is familiar to us and into the unknown.
It is our safety-based (fear-based) egoic constructs and pre-set survival programming that keeps us locked into stale patterns and an unfulfilled existence.
This is not only a psychological phenomena based in how we were parented and cared for as children, but also a characteristic of our neurobiology.
When we begin something unfamiliar or new, the brain, being hardwired to survive rather than thrive; to choose safety over success, views things that are not known as “unsafe”.
Because of this primitive biology, the amygdala – the brain’s primitive survival center – will produce stress hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine, causing us to feel frustrated and uncomfortable; to give up and go back to the safety of our “cave” or normal life.
This is extra true for any of us over thirty-five years old – unless we are actively learning new things or utilizing practices to grow a better brain, 90% or more of the way we live is the result of the biological structure of the brain’s wiring. Ouch, right?
As a result, anything outside of what is generally familiar to us will feel hard – learning new skills, behaviors or languages, looking for a new career job or hobby, addressing past trauma, going back to school, starting new relationships, traveling to unfamiliar places. Anything new and unfamiliar will likely feel challenging. Difficult. The same chemical processes that keep us “safe” also inhibits us from continuing to grow.
But here’s where “magic” can happen: when we stop avoiding those things that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar and instead step into the chaos of what may feel like a storm of negative emotion, we will pass through the gates of what is fondly called the “Terror Barrier” and drop into a new neurochemical state.
After the initial dump of adrenaline, if we continue to “ride the wave” of discomfort, our brain begins to produce acetylcholine.
This chemical bypasses the safe zone to bring us into a deeper state of learning, focus and neuroplasticity. Aceylcholine is what is responsible for the feeling of being in a “flow state”. Once we have achieved this state, we have a dopamine release – a feel-good neurochemical reward for creating new neural networks and evolution of who we are.
So cool. 😄😎🤯
It’s like nature and biology created us to largely stay safe. Comfortable. To follow the crowd. But for those intrepid souls who are willing to step into the unknown, to move past the fear, frustration, discomfort and anxiety, new worlds and wonder await.
An interesting spiritual parallel to this is a scripture from the epistle of Thomas in the scrolls found at Nag Hammadi:
Fascinating – Exactly like the neural chemical process described above. Seek/step out of a comfort zone. Be disturbed/uncomfortable/troubled. Be astounded and amazed, then the keys to the universe are within your grasp.
For thousands of years, we as a species have left the intrepid exploration to the very few. We have chosen to remain safe, often at the expense of our long-term happiness.
But I would like to think that we are at a place in our evolution where that access is open to each of us.
We all have the ability to captain and pilot our own ship to the destiny that we choose, rather than that which society, family, peer groups or just our own fears have chosen for us.
All we have to do is decide what we want, and step into the unknown with the understanding that the initial response may feel uncomfortable. Frustrating. Disturbing. Like chaos. But as Moana found out, the other side of that reef is where the whole world lies.🌎✨💫
When you do not know what to choose, show total involvement in everything. Then Life will choose, and it is never wrong. -Sadhguru
This can be so hard, can’t it?
To be totally involved in anything, let alone everything can be a struggle. We are often taught from a young age to choose the “safe” path in every aspect of life. Or we take the easy choices offered to us because we fear we might fail at the harder ones. We tend to base our present and future actions upon our past experiences, and unfortunately, our past experiences have too often been linked to struggle or pain.
We have all experienced loss in love/family/friendship relationships, jobs or business opportunities, health, pets, or any number of circumstances that, like a child burning his hand on a hot stove, have set our neurological programming to “stay away”.
Those programs are there to protect us, right? This goes back to the idea (fact) that our brains are hardwired to survive, rather than to thrive.
The thing is, the same neurological processes that teach us to watch out for a hot fire or poisonous spider – those that keep us safe from physical harm to ensure our best chance for survival – also control our emotional well being and so wire our brain to “beware” those things that have previously hurt us.
We get jilted or broken by a relationship or lover – or two – and we become reluctant to love fully. Or at all.
Someone we think is a friend rejects us and we begin to assume this is going to be the case with all friendships. So we shut down – but loneliness is a poor substitute for the joy we often find in good company and community, isn’t it?
We close shop on our dream business or get fired/laid off from a job we enjoy through no fault of our own – and we start thinking “maybe it’s me”. Or we begin to wonder if we are truly worthy of achieving our dreams or having the financial abundance that we desire.
We fail with that first art piece, poetry, novel, or gourmet meal, and instead of giving it a second, third, fourth or even fifth go, decide that it’s “just not for us”. Can you relate?
We learn to live our lives allowing our past pain to dictate our future experience. Our world gets smaller as we “play it safe” in an attempt to keep us from more pain.
But if those old programs that keep us safe also keep us from living fully and joyfully, it might be time to overlay some new programs and ways of being. True happiness is a fairly recent evolutionary process, but I believe this is the absolute coolest aspect of our existence today:
We Can Choose Happiness.
We can stop playing it safe, if safe means unfulfilled and unhappy.
It might be time to give up the self-limiting illusion of control, stop saying “maybe tomorrow” and start saying “yes” – or better yet, “Helllll Yeah” to those opportunities that come your way, and jump, eyes, heart and arms wide open off that ledge – and into the waiting arms of All That Is. Sadhguru called it “Life”, but this is just another word for Source. When we give up control and take that leap, have faith that The Universe has your back.
So say yes to that new love. Yes to the travel. Yes to that bakery, bookstore, crystal shop or any other business you have been dreaming of. Yes to the dream job you have been offered but feels like a stretch. Yes to the poetry, yes to the art, yes to the new culinary explorations from a burn-your-ass curry to a delicate halibut cheek sashimi.
I was recently talking whiskeys with a friend. I loved his take on his liquors of choice:
“When I drink, I want something that is going to beat me up and take my lunch money.” Now that is an all-in, hellll yeah attitude.
So say yes to the big jammy reds, the light-on-your palate whites or the peaty, fire-down-your-gullet single malts. Unless alcohol is a problem for you, of course.
Say yes the birdwatching, whale watching, boy or girl watching. Say yes to big hugs and long embraces, yes to conversations with strangers, to new coffee shops, to learning to surf or pick-up games of beach volleyball, bowling or tree climbing – even if you think you might suck. Especially if you think you might suck. Having fun while failing can be one of life’s great pleasures, believe me.
Say yes to new adventures. Or misadventures, as long as it’s fun and doesn’t harm anyone.
Say yes to that sexy new neighbor with the fabulous French accent. Or Spanish, Romanian, or no accent at all.
Try it all, at least once. How do you know what’s right for you if you don’t experience a few wrongs? This one sentence translates into nearly everything in life from finding the perfect boot to the right relationship – and everything in between.
In fact, just say yes to anything that points you in the general direction of bliss, of a feeling of ease within yourself and the fullest expansion of who you are. It just might be the best thing you ever did.
Is it possible that if you dive right in you might get hurt again? Of course. But the experience is never wasted. We heal, and every single experience teaches us something about ourselves, our world and others. I can guarantee from personal experience, once you do jump off that cliff and into the waiting arms of the Universe – of whatever it is that is out there that is so much greater than our comprehension – you will never, ever want to go back to that place of lack, of allowing the past to dictate the future.
It’s a brave new world. I believe we are on the cusp of a huge evolutionary step foward, from surviving to thriving. If you are reading this, perhaps this is your time to take that leap into the unknown – and into the waiting arms of Source, of Love, of bliss, of expansion and authenticity.
I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for you. It’s going to be absolutely magical.✨
Are you a lucid dreamer? Do you find yourself thinking about your dreams during the day?
When we dream, we are every aspect of the dream. We are the Observer and the Participants. We are the people in the dream; from the little girl in the candy shop to the old man playing the oboe. We are the little white terrier who is biting ankles or sitting obediently. We are every blade of grass, ray of sunshine, shimmering leaf.
Alot like this, I like to think of people as trees; from the root system/foundation – our younger years – to the tiptop and outermost branches; our older selves. But we are also the creatures that call the tree home, as well the caretakers that promote the tree’s optimal growth and beauty.
There can be days, weeks, and even years when it feels like we are just growing slowly; waving gently in the breeze while birds and squirrels cavort in the branches. It occasionally rains or gentle winds cause leaves to drop to the base to become compost, fertilizing the roots and creating more growth. Just as it should be.
But sometimes, life brings heavy storms. The passing of a loved one, divorce, losing friends, or members of our tribe, financial crisis, natural disasters, and moving can all be examples of these storms. These times inevitably suck major testes, but thi is where things can get also really interesting in a wonderful, awful sort of way.
Those hurricane-force winds begin shaking not only our branches but the trunk itself, causing what may feel like our entire network of leaves and small branches to fall to the base of our tree.
This upheaval can begin to clog our roots. If we have unresolved childhood trauma, the emotional, energetic and psychic blocks that this can cause will compound the problem.
These upheavals can be such a frightening experience. As a result, all too often, we take on the persona of the birds and squirrels, retreating to the topmost branches or hovering above where it may feel safer but creates even more emotional distance from our root system.
When we spend too much time in this place, we may become so disconnected from our foundation that our root system begins to suffocate and rot. If we allow this to continue, we succumb to emotional and physical illness, aging before our time, and a host of other ailments that ultimately, keep us from living our best possible lives.
But if we remain present through the process – and connected to our inner caretaker – he will wade into the compost and get to work freeing up the root system to create space; aeration of that heavy load of decaying matter, allowing it to become a kickass fertilizer that supercharges our health and growth, allowing us to become the fullest, most beautiful expression of who we are meant to be.
But let’s be frank. Who really wants to wade into a swamp of fertilizer? It stinks. It’s thick and sludgy and difficult. 💩
Self-growth is damned hard, sometimes. Oftentimes. Most times.😬
For me, when those inevitable “storms” come, as they have, hard and fast, in the past couple of years, “doing the work“ often looks like hours of insomnia in the middle of the night, where my mind insists that I process through much of that fertilizer, both past and present. It sucks.
Of course, I have the choice of drinking myself into a stupor, taking a sleeping pill to avoid the 3 AM wake up call or just telling my caretaker to get lost (or f#ck off).
It often feels like it would be much easier to take on the Persona of the squirrels and birds, looking down at the narsty mire clogging my roots with a “hellllll naw” attitude. 😳
But here’s where the wonderful part comes in.
When I make the commitment to face the fears, insecurities, anxieties, and past trauma, I experience revelation that allows me to free up some of the space closest to my foundation, enabling not only better growth, but also a feeling of lightness and freedom that wasn’t there when I went to bed. I also often get the opportunity to meet lost aspects of myself that I didn’t even know existed, creating greater integration into the fullness of who I am. (if you are interested in learning more about this, check out IFS therapy. It’s powerful stuff.)
I may have gone to bed feeling bound and heavy, but by the time I have gotten up, had a cup of coffee, and done a little more processing of my nocturnal “work”, it feels like my branches are widespread, open, and shimmering gloriously in the morning light.
I would like you to also experience this revelation in the times when life feels difficult. You are a beautiful, amazing being of light and deserve to feel happy as often as possible, even when life hits you with challenging storms.
It may not be easy. But babe, you are worth the effort.
This article in Futurism is an Interesting read and makes a lot of sense to me.
Does anyone remember those old educational cartoons – “Schoolhouse Rock” that taught about the human body, mathematics, American Politics and much more more? 🤔
I specifically recall one of the episodes on the body – “red cells carry oxygen, white cells fight off germs”. Watching these cartoons very possibly started my interest in the human body and physics. Probably also part of the reason I have thought of humans as individual cells in a much larger macrocosm for a long time.
I’d imagine that something like say, a red blood cell doesn’t have a strong sense of awareness of anything outside of itself, right?
It is an individual cell, doing exactly the job that it was created for. But that one individual cell is really a part of a huge macrocosm and wouldn’t survive very long without the rest of the system. And certainly wouldn’t be very productive in supplying oxygen and nutrients if it was on it’s own, right?🩸
I think that humans have a tendency to be similar in this. We have difficulty in viewing ourselves as anything but individual entities and often act from this narrow perspective, sometimes causing pain to those around us or the world at large as we only think about what is best for our own survival or self-interest.
But what if we broadened our perspective as a collective? What if we could view ourselves as small, individual components of a much larger creation; individual drops of water that make up an ocean or, like a Seurat pointillism painting, individual dots of color that when seen together make up a breathtaking piece of art? What if we stopped the “me against you” mindset that seems to be so rampant today and instead considered everything from the viewpoint of the greatest good for all involved?
What if we put our incredible collective intelligence to good use to find sources of energy, sustenance and information that supported each other and our planet rather than enslaving others while stripping the earth of its resources and reserves?
I know that this topic may feel a little deep or intense for a Saturday morning, but if not now, when?
How long can we keep up the hostility and animosity that so many hold towards our neighbors, communities, leaders, and planet – before we well and truly go into self-destruct mode – or our earth decides that we are an invasive species that she is damned tired of supporting?
An interesting fact to consider is the fact that the “Doomsday Clock” just hit 90 seconds to midnight. This means we are closer than ever to world destruction.
Just sayin’…😒
Here is what I would put forth as an idea for today: that we create a personal and societal mantra along the lines of:
Or perhaps – “I am an individual human in a much, much larger body of humans and other species. How can I work as an individual, but also with other humans, to create greater unity, greater cohesion, greater entrainment – to achieve the healthiest, happiest self and ecosystem/biosphere/body possible?” 🌏.
Feels good, doesn’t it?🌈✨🌞
Incidentally, for those parents that are looking to provide a little more educational content than “SpongeBob”, The Magic Schoolbus had one episode where Miss F. took the kids through a human body, and there was a really wonderful series of French cartoons “Once Upon A Time – Life” from the 80’s that covered pretty much every aspect of humans in 26 episodes. They can be found on YouTube, as well as the “Schoolhouse Rocks“ series. 😎
Today was a good day to practice being ok with not being ok. To do some serious self-soothing.
I have recently been overwhelmed with a hundred or so projects necessary to take care of in preparation to put my house on the market. This is while trying to maintain a small sense of normalcy amidst divorce, the deaths of a loved one and beloved dog, natural disasters #greatflood) and a host of day to day stressors. #worstyearever
As a result, I think I’ve spent months skirting around my grief, falling into momentary frustration or sadness but then picking myself up by my bootstraps because it’s 💯 not ok for me to not be ok. 😣
I worry that spending too much time in negative emotions will lead to long-term neurological patterns, (it will) but it’s a balance, you know? Allowing yourself to really experience that deep-held grief is so hard, but it’s a necessary aspect of getting beyond the negative emotions to a healthier reality.
This also goes back to inner child work – how would we treat our own or a beloved child who was sad or angry as a result of extreme trauma?
Hopefully, we would be gentle with them, loving them as they processed through their grief and unhappiness. We should treat our own inner child just the same.
For me, it has felt like the last few days all of that stored emotion has been so close to the surface that I could barely breathe. I had lost the deep connection I’ve always had to my lungs. (Yoga instructor..🧘🏼♀️) and my mind was constantly throwing worst case scenarios at me as my heart vied for attention to deal with the myriad heartaches of the last year.
I once had a therapist use the metaphor of pennies in a jar of water for stressors. The jar may be nearly full of water and not spill over, even with hundreds of pennies added. But at some point, there is one more penny that is added and the water begins to pour over the sides of the jar. From that point, every penny added contributes to the waterfall.
I think there must have been a penny or two added recently that were my waterfall coins. Anxiety about what’s next in a real estate market that is pretty crazy doesn’t help and I’ve found myself obsessing over Redfin and Realtor.com for hours, (where will we go? How will we afford another home and property in this insane market? What about interest rates??😬) and I’m so doing also avoiding the hundreds of projects that I should be doing instead.
Some days it be like that…😔
So today I woke feeling incredibly heavy.
I wanted to continue to avoid the yuck. It feels easier to throw myself into distraction. But like a boil that has abscessed, I couldn’t quite focus on any one task. I would experience moments of intense sadness or anger at what felt like silly things.
So I finally gave up trying to suppress those feelings and allowed myself to be fully in all the emotions.
I much prefer the feeling of residing in joy – the vast majority of the time – so this was a highly uncomfortable process for me. I spent a large portion of the day on the couch, giving myself space to just accept whatever came up.
Now here is what was wonderful about allowing these negative emotions to Be – at some point, I started to feel a little lighter.
Towards evening, my heart began to feel soothed. I reconnected with my lungs. My brain stopped the whirlwind of “what ifs“.
I finally got up, made myself a meal and took my puppers ( #astrathewolfpup) for a walk. I let Apple choose my music and Spirit came through loud and clear in the song selections to let me know that Source has my back and I’m going to be ok. 🥰. If I know one thing from my own history, it’s that ultimately, things always work out.
If you are experiencing your own #darknightofthesoul, beautiful, I hope you choose to own those negative feelings. Sit in the yuck until your gorgeous inner child gets calm. Do some self-care and give yourself lots of ❤️ . It’s all part of the process of becoming whole, of becoming the most authentic version of yourself and ultimately, living your life as a dynamic creator and divine being.
You are loved. You are capable. You are worthy. And babe, in case you had forgotten, I love you.💖
Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow. – Kurt Vonnegut
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
And pretty maids all in a row
And pretty maids all in a row
What grows in your garden?
Do you have a rich inner life, well watered and fertilized with all of the things that make your inner child happy?
Your happy, fulfilled inner child is the key to experiencing joy no matter your current age.
But for most of us, the better question might be: How often do you take a few moments to tune in to the precious, starry-eyed little boy or girl living inside of you?
It can be only too easy to lose track of those other parts of ourselves in the business and busy-ness of every day adult life.
But even if you feel like your younger selves are lost to the deepest reaches of your inner being, I can promise you they are still there, waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting to come out and play.
Waiting to create a deeper sense of joy and presence in the everyday business and busyness of life.
Meeting that child (even if it’s for the first time) can be as easy as sitting quietly for a bit and asking that little one to come out and talk to you.
Can you feel the sense of that younger you peeping around the curtains of the stage of your subconscious mind and deeper realms of the body? If so, can you let them take center stage for a bit?
What does she/he look like? What are they wearing? What would they like to do as they stand in the center of your mind-stage?
Would they create a masterpiece from clay or paint? Or maybe fingerpaint the walls? Would they spend time in the woods or on the beach? Would they dance? What kind of dance? What colors make them happy?
My inner child is especially fond of hip-hop, Latin dancing, singing, dancing and skipping on nature walks and spicy foods. She loves painting, animals, seeing new places and talking to random strangers.🤷♀️. She’s also goofy, temperamental and a little emotional.
Adult me isn’t quite so outgoing, leans towards logic and isn’t always comfortable with strong emotions. Adult me holds pain and past trauma a little closer to the heart.😣.
So allowing her to stay integrated also keeps those opposing parts of my personality balanced.
A big part of this integration is finding time each week to tune in to how she’s doing, and find activities that will make her happy. I also try to tune in to those younger aspects of myself when I’m making a major decision – our inner children tend to be closer to our intuition and that which connects us to Source/God/All That Is.
Connecting to our intuition and Source also allows us to manifest our dreams and wishes and bring the desires of our hearts to us quicker and easier than we may have believed possible. ✨💫🪄
Win/win, right?😁
What are the tools that you use to connect to your beautiful inner child?
This Blessed Sacred Life 