Tag: #integration

In praise of age

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

I have not withdrawn into despair, I did not go mad in gathering honey, I did not go mad, I did not go mad, I did not go mad. – Hoda Al-Namai

Thinking a lot about how our society views getting older lately.   

I’ve never had a huge concept of “age”, but I experience the unhealthy concept we have of getting olderin our culture of age-obsessed thinking. 

It’s everywhere we look.  

It’s in Hollywood, in politics, in social media.  

We think we should look 18 when we’re 80.  Or at least, 25 when we are 50 and “youth culture” tells us that we are no longer valid.  

Topically, in my experience, (and quantum theory backs this up) the degree that we age is very much based upon the degree that we accept what society tells us is true about age. 

I’ve been told that I look significantly younger than I am my entire adult life.  Part of this is because I believe my body is my temple, and I care for it well, but beyond that, I just don’t think about what I am. “supposed to” look, feel, or be like at any given age. 

I haven’t quite cracked the code on not aging at all; skin cells still break down, and the rate at which they replicate may not be the same at 50 as it is at 15, but our mindset can hugely influence just how rapidly our aging markers shorten.

From every other perspective beyond what we are told about our held value, getting older is an incredible experience.  

Because I have lived many years here on earth,I’ve had ample time and opportunity to learn, to grow, and to

examine the doctrines and dogma that I was brought up with.  

I’ve had years to recognize, acknowledge, and fall in love with those previously lost parts of myself that I had disconnected from out of shame, or guilt, or fear. 

I have had decades to sift through and discard any previous belief systems that do not serve my best, my most true, and highest self.  

Because of my years of experience; the joys and the losses, the challenges and the triumphs, the grief, and the bliss, I am so much more settled into the gorgeous, full and authentic human, be-ing than I ever have before.  

I can feel the strength of my foundation; something I certainly did not have in my teens, 20s, or even my 30s.  

I feel completely safe in exploring alternate ideas and ideologies from what I have learned to date. 

In fact, I have come to realize that this is the best way to keep growing – and having the stable foundation of what feels true to me keeps my value system intact while I approach new things with curiosity.

I have learned that my value is not in the constant need to be validated by others.  

I don’t have to “Do” to prove my worth.  I love who I am, exactly as I am.  

For that matter, I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone, and I don’t have to stay in a room where my care and value is not recognized or appreciated.  

I am not in any way saying I am close to whatever “perfect” is supposed to be, and being a little more aware doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes.  

But rather than judging or shaming myself, I have learned to take a step back, acknowledge the “mistake“ or misaligned behavior, and then look for the root of that sabotaging behavior.  

When I was actively teaching martial arts, one of my favorite things was those moments when one of my advanced students would get a good strike in on me in the sparring ring. 

It didn’t happen often, but when it did, I would always get a little thrill, because that little “zing” would show me an area of weakness that I may not have recognized otherwise. 

I’ve taken that lesson into every aspect of my life.

We humans are such beautifully complex creatures, and our past can influence our presence, but one of the most powerful lessons that I have learned is that it doesn’t have to be our identity.  

Like that kick to the gut, or punch to the jaw, (geared up, ofc) I may have an area in my psyche that I’m not paying attention to, or have a link to a past identity or egoic construct that I didn’t previously recognize.  

I can acknowledge the trauma, the challenges, the losses, and the accompanying patterns that grew as a result of those past experiences – but I get to decide the meaning – and how I frame – the emotions and residual vibration of those life experiences.  

I can allow the energy that lies behind me to be anchors that keep me tied to the past, or I can embrace them as lessons that provide ammunition for future growth and evolution.  

Perhaps the only real “truth” that I know for certain is that when I’m in the present moment, the past is no longer real.  

With each turn around the sun this physical and spiritual embodiment of my Self takes, I have become more deeply attuned to the world and other souls around me; able to “see” what keeps people stuck, but I have also lost any sense of judgment over where people are at in their personal journey. 

I love it when my experience and ability to heal or empower can be a catalyst for healing or growth in others, but my years of living this life have taught me that I don’t need to be a “savior” to those around me. 

I may be able to guide another soul who is ready along the path a bit; the reason I got trained in and and started my healing “business“, but I have learned that it has never been my place to try to change any other soul who doesn’t want to change, no matter how  “good” I may have thought my intentions to be. 

I have also learned that the law of equal exchange is both real and valid. I used to give my services away for free, or ask very little in exchange for my lifetime of experience in empowering, healing, and coaching others – then be hurt when the teaching or training I had given away was neither valued or implemented. 

 I have come to realize that if someone truly wants the help that I can provide, the equal exchange of energetic currency is incredibly important, and devaluing myself also devaluates their experience.  

When I was very young, I had a bit of a “Cinderella” complex.  

 Because of the lens that we are taught through fantasy and fairytale, I associated my childhood trauma with the idea of some prints or Savior who would sweep in to save the day, making all of my dreams come true, and fulfilling my every heart’s desire.

In gaining both years and experience on this earth, I have realized that there is no fairytale hero who will save me.   I have to be the hero of my own life, as we all do.  

I believe this is the primary lesson of this existence, here on earth.  

If we learn to love and heal ourselves, and in doing so, experience firsthand our incredible power and ability to shape our individual reality, the magnetic resonance of that love, healing and self-creation is projected into the Field, and may provide the spark for someone else to find wholeness, too.✨

This is how we save the world. This is how we heal our planet; one beautiful soul awakening to their incredible value, beauty, and power, becoming a ripple that spreads into the ocean of this reality.  

We are the new Christs, creating heaven on earth.  

This is the importance, and immeasurable value of each additional year we spend on this planet, in this time space reality. 

So darling, the next time you look in the mirror and see the physical evidence of your time here, celebrate that shit.  

Own your age, in your completely unique perspective. 

Trash whatever opinions someone else tries to force down your throat in what you or your life is supposed to look like at any given age.  

Wear the flowers, or the stripes, the sparkles or the tie-dye, or whatever suits you, Boo.

Keep your hair long, or rock a mohawk.  

Follow your bliss.  Follow your heart.  Listen to the whispers of your soul.  

Love yourself, and recognize your incredible contribution and value on this planet. 

Be gorgeously, gratefully, fully what you are.

But please, beloved, for the love of All That Is, stop thinking that your value ends at whatever perceived age your culture or society may tell you is valid.  Let go of old and outdated identities that no longer serve your highest self. 

Cast them off like an old coat that is three sizes too small and horribly outdated.

Step into the glorious version of yourself, as you are, right now.  

It’s more than enough, I promise.  

Big love.💖

  • Terah 

Safari of the self – finding authenticity and empowerment through integration

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized
The journey to the Self is through the Self.

Know Thyself.   –  Maxim inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo, Delphi.

Plato interpreted this philosophic maxim to mean “Know your soul.”  

Do you feel that you know your Self with a captital S – your soul?  Do you feel solid and whole in who you are, at your core?   We are meant to be complex, multi-dimensional beings.  When we are whole, we are our most authentic Self; in touch with our highest Self, we are in touch with our child-like nature – our curiosity, sense of fun, possibility, and adventure.  We are able to enjoy pleasure like an embodied, divine being, but also to take radical responsibility for the creation of our lives; to sit down and get sh#t done when it is necessary, like a grown-ass man or woman.  But being integrated isn’t always natural or easy.

Recently, I enjoyed an evening out with one of my oldest friends.  You know those friends that you love on first sight, and know that regardless of time or distance, you just know that you will be friends for life?  She’s one of those.  🥰  We were discussing who we were as kids compared to now.  Once upon a time, she was a badass gangsta with a gorgeous, wicked temper and a propensity to put the hurt on anyone who so much as looked at her beautiful self the wrong way, but now, as an adult working mom she felt she had to become “tame” and as a result, boring. She said she occasionally felt a stirring of that girl inside her, but suppressed that aspect of her Self because she felt that part of her personality would have a negative impact on her personal and professional life.

She had made her career and children her priority, and had stopped living fully or authentically.  She had a wonderful relationship with her kids, but felt limited socially.   She lost her ability to have fun.  She became anxious and disempowered, and badly wanted to reclaim those parts of herself that allowed her to feel a deep sense of joy and satisfaction of life.

I have many friends who feel this way.  One dimensional.  They have no concept of being in touch with their “inner child”, their vulnerability, or their sensuality, because growing up means you have to be a responsible, reliable adult, right?  

As women, we especially need to hold a piece of ourselves as that badass gangsta warrior woman.  Not an imbalance – she needs to be tempered with compassion, empathy, love and nurturing, but this part of ourselves is where we gain our strength, our power, and when necessary, that momma bear that could tear someone apart with a flick of a wrist if her cubs or loved ones were threatened.  This part of ourselves is also often associated with our sensuality, another piece of our Self that is often either suppressed or overindulged.  We are meant to be sensual creatures – it is an aspect of our biology, after all, but that does not mean we have to overly sexualize ourselves to gain value from men, just as repressing the beauty and sexuality of who we are to be “taken seriously” is an imbalance of our authenticity and this imbalance can result in creating a life of loneliness or feeling less-than.  

I did not lose myself all at once.  I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water.  – Amy Tan

Most of us are taught to suppress our “fullness” from a young age.  We begin to rub parts ourselves away because we want to feel accepted or loved.  We want to “fit in”.  This is perfectly natural, of course.  It is a vital aspect of our DNA to seek connection, companionship and even acceptance of those around us.  We are at our best when we have meaningful connection with others.  When we have loving, supportive partners, family, friends and community.   

The problem is, like my friend, in seeking that approval and acceptance, it can be too easy to go too far to one end of the spectrum of our personalities, closing the door to our complexity, to our ability to express ourselves, or even feel deeply. We become disempowered when we allow others to dictate who we are, though this often happens by degrees, without really even knowing that it is happening.  Has happened. 

We become one-dimensional when we are meant to be multi-dimensional beings.  When we suppress parts of who we are, those parts are like children who are lacking love and attention.  They want to be acknowledged and integrated, and will do whatever it takes to receive the acknowledgment they need, but often in ways that impact us negatively.  Those subconscious parts of ourselves will act out in the form of regression, depression, isolation, dysregulation/overly emotional or angry responses, self-sabotage, or even unexpected violence.   We end up feeling overwhelmed or imbalanced.

Seek not outside of yourself; Heaven is within.  – Mary Lou Cook 

You are a gorgeous, multi-faceted individual who deserves to love every piece of who you are; mind, body and soul.  One of the most important aspects of feeling whole; of good mental health and happiness is acknowledging, embracing, and integrating every aspect of our Self.  We should have access to a sense of our inner child at various stages, our moody or mouthy teen, even the bright-eyed and curious college-age “kid” who we may have thought we grew out of decades ago.  

The following exercises can help you to access lost parts of yourself.  Many,  if not all will likely feel strange, uncomfortable, or emotional for a bit.  Stay with it.  I promise you will experience a shift that can be profound, if you do.  Most of us do not feel truly worthy of love, and part of this is because we spend so much of our lives rejecting those lost parts of ourselves. 

Inner Child Exercise: Find a photo of you as a child.  Hold that photo in your left hand and place your right hand on your heart.  Gaze at the photo, feel the connection between who you are now and who you were then.  Tell that child that you love her.  Do this daily, preferably when you wake and right before bed, when your mind is in a relaxed state.  (Theta brain wave)

Physical touch Exercise:  Give yourself a hug.  Say “Thank you, I love you.”  Stay in this position until you feel a sense of love and appreciation.  Alternatively, place one hand on your heart, one on your navel just below your belly button.  Close your eyes and repeat “Thank you, I love you.’  

Mirror Exercise:  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Really look.  Find three things that you like and admire about your face.  Say it aloud, then follow with –  “I love you.”  

Visual Affirmation Exercise: Write love notes to yourself such as “I love you.”  “You are beautiful/intelligent/worthy/capable, etc.” “I love the way we play.” Or I appreciate our curiosity/sensuality/childlike nature, etc.”  

Deep Inner Work Exercise:  Find a place to get quiet.  Come into your breath, spend some time just observing the slow inflow and outflow of breath from your lungs and nose.   When you feel quiet, ask yourself the question – what aspects of You have you repressed?  Who wants to be heard and have a conversation?  When you have a sense of what part(s) of your Self need to have some attention, whether it is your inner child, your powerful warrior,  your sensual being, or any other aspect of personality that you may have ignored or suppressed, it is time to have a conversation.  Don’t be surprised if you feel some negative energy.  You may feel a little queasy, frightened, frustrated, angry – or a host of other emotions that we tend to keep under wraps, afraid to show who we really are.  Observe and allow whatever you are feeling to be, but hold that part of you as the calm in the storm.   

What you may need to say or experience to those lost parts of yourself is entirely personal, but once you begin to feel centered, a conversation might look something like this:  “Hello, my Love.  It has been too long.”  I have missed you.” “I am so very sorry that I ignored you for so long.”  “I love you.”   “I will never neglect you again.”  “Can we find a way to be fully integrated/together?”  Stay with that part of yourself until you do feel a sense of integration.  Be prepared to come back to this aspect of self regularly for a while – it takes time to heal a rift that may have been years in the making.  Plus, loving and accepting ourselves should be daily practice. 

When you have come to the place where you feel those previously suppressed and forgotten parts of who you were once again as who you are, you will not only feel a deeper sense of wholeness and empowerment, but you will fall in love with yourself in a way that you may not have even known was possible.  And that is a beautiful thing. 

Today, I hope that you will find time to pull the lid off of those parts of yourself that you have suppressed and repressed for too long.  Give them some love and attention, and gratitude for being vital aspects of yourself; of what has gotten you to where you are today, and begin working towards full integration.  Feel that beautiful complexity from your toes to your fingertips, and into the fullest expression of who you truly are.  You deserve it.

Big love. ❤️ 

  • Terah

Starry-eyed Child

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow. – Kurt Vonnegut

Mary, Mary, quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells and cockleshells

And pretty maids all in a row

And pretty maids all in a row

What grows in your garden?

Do you have a rich inner life, well watered and fertilized with all of the things that make your inner child happy?

Your happy, fulfilled inner child is the key to experiencing joy no matter your current age. 

But for most of us, the better question might be: How often do you take a few moments to tune in to the precious, starry-eyed little boy or girl living inside of you?

It can be only too easy to lose track of those other parts of ourselves in the business and busy-ness of every day adult life.  

But even if you feel like your younger selves are lost to the deepest reaches of your inner being, I can promise you they are still there, waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting to come out and play.

Waiting to create a deeper sense of joy and presence in the everyday business and busyness of life.

Meeting that child (even if it’s for the first time) can be as easy as sitting quietly for a bit and asking that little one to come out and talk to you.  

Can you feel the sense of that younger you peeping around the curtains of the stage of your subconscious mind and deeper realms of the body?  If so, can you let them take center stage for a bit? 

What does she/he look like?  What are they wearing?  What would they like to do as they stand in the center of your mind-stage?  

Would they create a masterpiece from clay or paint?  Or maybe fingerpaint the walls?  Would they spend time in the woods or on the beach?  Would they dance?  What kind of dance? What colors make them happy?  

My inner child is especially fond of hip-hop, Latin dancing, singing, dancing and skipping on nature walks and spicy foods. She loves painting, animals, seeing new places and talking to random strangers.🤷‍♀️. She’s also goofy, temperamental and a little emotional.

Adult me isn’t quite so outgoing, leans towards logic and isn’t always comfortable with strong emotions. Adult me holds pain and past trauma a little closer to the heart.😣.

So allowing her to stay integrated also keeps those opposing parts of my personality balanced.  

A big part of this integration is finding time each week to tune in to how she’s doing, and find activities that will make her happy.  I also try to tune in to those younger aspects of myself when I’m making a major decision – our inner children tend to be closer to our intuition and that which connects us to Source/God/All That Is.  

Connecting to our intuition and Source also allows us to manifest our dreams and wishes and bring the desires of our hearts to us quicker and easier than we may have believed possible. ✨💫🪄 

Win/win, right?😁

What are the tools that you use to connect to your beautiful inner child?

Much love and big hugs;

  • Terah💖