Our imagination is a wonderful tool for accessing our intuitive wisdom and those deeper parts of ourselves that know the path when our minds or “logic brains” can’t reason something out. I frequently will have visions or mental movies when I am in a state of relaxation that help guide many of the decisions of my life.
Last night while lying in bed, trying to bring my mind into a state of quiet and calm from the sadness and dysregulation I had been feeling, I had a short “mental movie” that helped bring clarity to my feelings as a result of a circumstance in my life that encompasses some incredible depth of feeling from joy to intense pain.
In the vision, I was a young child, maybe four or five years old; standing on a small wooden box or step in front of a tall friend of mine, who was, in the vision, eight years old or so. I was holding a daisy in front of me as an offering to my friend. My expression was quite solemn.
We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, then my friend kissed my nose and gave me a n encompassing hug. The scene changed and we became adults.
The element of being a child in this vision is obviously the connection to my innocent self. That little girl is offering a gift of vulnerability to somebody she loves, unsure of whether or not they will accept it and return that love offering.
The Daisy is a symbol of purity and innocence, but interestingly, in Norse mythology it also represents love and new beginnings.
I woke this morning to open to this passage from the “Sacred Path” book. The book is meant to be an accompaniment to a deck of guidance cards, but I usually just use the book itself for its native-American sourced wealth of wisdom.
Today’s lesson echoed the vision that I had last night, speaking of the idea of our inner child being the best guide to losing the illusions of those ego-based parts of ourselves that do not allow us to be vulnerable, playful, authentic, and joyful.
When we can tap into those younger parts of ourselves to remember the sacredness, the joy, the play, and the magic of life, we remember who we really are.
For several years, my (adult) son has gotten a new tattoo each New Year’s Eve.
The tattoo that he chooses is one that is representative of where he’s at in life, the past year and the one to come. I personally think this is a really cool way to physically evaluate where you are at and manifest the future you wish to create. It’s not my way, but I love the idea and that he knows so clearly what is right for him.
This year he is getting a tattoo of the Memento Mori skull with a Pacific Northwest scene incorporated.
Momento Mori means “Remember Your Death.” another way of putting this is “Remember that one day, you, too, shall die.”
This may seem morose or melancholic, but I believe it is a perfect representation and way to begin a new year. It is a reminder of the preciousness of life. Incorporating the Pac NW mountains and pine trees is a grounding memento of the home he grew up in.
It got me thinking about how ending one calendar year and beginning another is a bit like a mini-death and rebirth. Personally, if I were going to do a similar tattoo, I might go with “Memento Mori, Memento Vivere” – Remember your Death, Remember to Live.
How often do we spend our days just putting one foot in front of the other without really being here? How many of us aren’t really living but just existing, waiting to die? What if our New Year’s resolution was to really live our best possible lives in 2023?
How would that look for you? What would you change if you knew you had no limits?
What steps might you take to move toward the life you would like to be living instead of existing?
What risks would you take that might make you uncomfortable in the short term but alter your level of joy exponentially in the long term?
Recent studies in Neurobiology show that the old idea of “Be happy and your life will follow” is a flawed philosophy.
The adage “Fake it until you make it” is far more accurate – mood follows action. This is so important that it is worth repeating.
Mood follows action.
Behavior is the control panel of the mind. We have to take the steps that feel uncomfortable and sometimes frightening for the joy to show up.
This means that in order to step into our best possible life, it is often necessary to step away from all that is familiar to us and into the unknown.
It is our safety-based (fear-based) egoic constructs and pre-set survival programming that keeps us locked into stale patterns and an unfulfilled existence.
This is not only a psychological phenomena based in how we were parented and cared for as children, but also a characteristic of our neurobiology.
When we begin something unfamiliar or new, the brain, being hardwired to survive rather than thrive; to choose safety over success, views things that are not known as “unsafe”.
Because of this primitive biology, the amygdala – the brain’s primitive survival center – will produce stress hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine, causing us to feel frustrated and uncomfortable; to give up and go back to the safety of our “cave” or normal life.
This is extra true for any of us over thirty-five years old – unless we are actively learning new things or utilizing practices to grow a better brain, 90% or more of the way we live is the result of the biological structure of the brain’s wiring. Ouch, right?
As a result, anything outside of what is generally familiar to us will feel hard – learning new skills, behaviors or languages, looking for a new career job or hobby, addressing past trauma, going back to school, starting new relationships, traveling to unfamiliar places. Anything new and unfamiliar will likely feel challenging. Difficult. The same chemical processes that keep us “safe” also inhibits us from continuing to grow.
But here’s where “magic” can happen: when we stop avoiding those things that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar and instead step into the chaos of what may feel like a storm of negative emotion, we will pass through the gates of what is fondly called the “Terror Barrier” and drop into a new neurochemical state.
After the initial dump of adrenaline, if we continue to “ride the wave” of discomfort, our brain begins to produce acetylcholine.
This chemical bypasses the safe zone to bring us into a deeper state of learning, focus and neuroplasticity. Aceylcholine is what is responsible for the feeling of being in a “flow state”. Once we have achieved this state, we have a dopamine release – a feel-good neurochemical reward for creating new neural networks and evolution of who we are.
So cool. 😄😎🤯
It’s like nature and biology created us to largely stay safe. Comfortable. To follow the crowd. But for those intrepid souls who are willing to step into the unknown, to move past the fear, frustration, discomfort and anxiety, new worlds and wonder await.
An interesting spiritual parallel to this is a scripture from the epistle of Thomas in the scrolls found at Nag Hammadi:
Fascinating – Exactly like the neural chemical process described above. Seek/step out of a comfort zone. Be disturbed/uncomfortable/troubled. Be astounded and amazed, then the keys to the universe are within your grasp.
For thousands of years, we as a species have left the intrepid exploration to the very few. We have chosen to remain safe, often at the expense of our long-term happiness.
But I would like to think that we are at a place in our evolution where that access is open to each of us.
We all have the ability to captain and pilot our own ship to the destiny that we choose, rather than that which society, family, peer groups or just our own fears have chosen for us.
All we have to do is decide what we want, and step into the unknown with the understanding that the initial response may feel uncomfortable. Frustrating. Disturbing. Like chaos. But as Moana found out, the other side of that reef is where the whole world lies.🌎✨💫
Let’s talk about one of our species most intriguing – and taboo – subjects.
Sex.
What subject has been, for thousands of years, more misunderstood and misrepresented, suppressed and repressed? We tend to alternate between scorning and overly glorifying it.
We can touch something incredibly sacred and healing in sex, yet we also use it as a weapon, preying upon women, the weak, and our youth and turning innocence into the profane.
Since before written history, sexuality – and sensuality – has been an essential aspect of our nature. We are created to be sexual creatures – humans are the only species that seeks coupling for sensual pleasure rather than strictly procreation.
The male penis has 4000 nerve endings and the female clitoris has twice that – 8000 nerve endings, though only 20-30 % of women in heterosexual relationships as compared to 91% of men experience orgasm regularly. (I believe this is simply lack of education and effort – 80-90% of women in lesbian relationships have regular orgasm.)
It is estimated that over 70 -80% percent of adults in the U.S and Europe have sex for pleasure – though that number is likely higher. It is possible that we have evolved to enjoy sex as we do to better our chances of survival, but what if there is more to it than that? What if we were meant to enjoy sex as a way to continue evolving?
Sex – good, consensual, erotic sex between adults – releases oxytocin, the feel-good “love hormone” which makes us feel more connected to our partner, as well as pain-dampening endorphins, and dopamine, a pleasure chemical also related to learning and motivation. Another happy side effect of sex? Studies have found that sex lengthens life span.
But pertaining to spirituality, what if we are hardwired to experience the sacred through sex?
An interesting study found that the same chemicals are produced in similar fashion during religious ecstasy as during sex – and meditators have been found to sometimes experience sexual pleasure during deep meditation. How many of us have experienced the feeling of deep connection to not only our partner but also to something much greater during sex?
An interesting study showed that nearly 80% of both women and men used a combination of their partner’s name and/or the word “God” during intercourse.
What if we tapped into that connection with intention?
We are most powerful when we are fully integrated in who we are. If we embraced that power and celebrated our sensuality as an essential and sacred part of not only our personality but also of our sexual experiences, we would not only be happier and healthier, but also far more connected to the Divine and the divinity within.
When you do not know what to choose, show total involvement in everything. Then Life will choose, and it is never wrong. -Sadhguru
This can be so hard, can’t it?
To be totally involved in anything, let alone everything can be a struggle. We are often taught from a young age to choose the “safe” path in every aspect of life. Or we take the easy choices offered to us because we fear we might fail at the harder ones. We tend to base our present and future actions upon our past experiences, and unfortunately, our past experiences have too often been linked to struggle or pain.
We have all experienced loss in love/family/friendship relationships, jobs or business opportunities, health, pets, or any number of circumstances that, like a child burning his hand on a hot stove, have set our neurological programming to “stay away”.
Those programs are there to protect us, right? This goes back to the idea (fact) that our brains are hardwired to survive, rather than to thrive.
The thing is, the same neurological processes that teach us to watch out for a hot fire or poisonous spider – those that keep us safe from physical harm to ensure our best chance for survival – also control our emotional well being and so wire our brain to “beware” those things that have previously hurt us.
We get jilted or broken by a relationship or lover – or two – and we become reluctant to love fully. Or at all.
Someone we think is a friend rejects us and we begin to assume this is going to be the case with all friendships. So we shut down – but loneliness is a poor substitute for the joy we often find in good company and community, isn’t it?
We close shop on our dream business or get fired/laid off from a job we enjoy through no fault of our own – and we start thinking “maybe it’s me”. Or we begin to wonder if we are truly worthy of achieving our dreams or having the financial abundance that we desire.
We fail with that first art piece, poetry, novel, or gourmet meal, and instead of giving it a second, third, fourth or even fifth go, decide that it’s “just not for us”. Can you relate?
We learn to live our lives allowing our past pain to dictate our future experience. Our world gets smaller as we “play it safe” in an attempt to keep us from more pain.
But if those old programs that keep us safe also keep us from living fully and joyfully, it might be time to overlay some new programs and ways of being. True happiness is a fairly recent evolutionary process, but I believe this is the absolute coolest aspect of our existence today:
We Can Choose Happiness.
We can stop playing it safe, if safe means unfulfilled and unhappy.
It might be time to give up the self-limiting illusion of control, stop saying “maybe tomorrow” and start saying “yes” – or better yet, “Helllll Yeah” to those opportunities that come your way, and jump, eyes, heart and arms wide open off that ledge – and into the waiting arms of All That Is. Sadhguru called it “Life”, but this is just another word for Source. When we give up control and take that leap, have faith that The Universe has your back.
So say yes to that new love. Yes to the travel. Yes to that bakery, bookstore, crystal shop or any other business you have been dreaming of. Yes to the dream job you have been offered but feels like a stretch. Yes to the poetry, yes to the art, yes to the new culinary explorations from a burn-your-ass curry to a delicate halibut cheek sashimi.
I was recently talking whiskeys with a friend. I loved his take on his liquors of choice:
“When I drink, I want something that is going to beat me up and take my lunch money.” Now that is an all-in, hellll yeah attitude.
So say yes to the big jammy reds, the light-on-your palate whites or the peaty, fire-down-your-gullet single malts. Unless alcohol is a problem for you, of course.
Say yes the birdwatching, whale watching, boy or girl watching. Say yes to big hugs and long embraces, yes to conversations with strangers, to new coffee shops, to learning to surf or pick-up games of beach volleyball, bowling or tree climbing – even if you think you might suck. Especially if you think you might suck. Having fun while failing can be one of life’s great pleasures, believe me.
Say yes to new adventures. Or misadventures, as long as it’s fun and doesn’t harm anyone.
Say yes to that sexy new neighbor with the fabulous French accent. Or Spanish, Romanian, or no accent at all.
Try it all, at least once. How do you know what’s right for you if you don’t experience a few wrongs? This one sentence translates into nearly everything in life from finding the perfect boot to the right relationship – and everything in between.
In fact, just say yes to anything that points you in the general direction of bliss, of a feeling of ease within yourself and the fullest expansion of who you are. It just might be the best thing you ever did.
Is it possible that if you dive right in you might get hurt again? Of course. But the experience is never wasted. We heal, and every single experience teaches us something about ourselves, our world and others. I can guarantee from personal experience, once you do jump off that cliff and into the waiting arms of the Universe – of whatever it is that is out there that is so much greater than our comprehension – you will never, ever want to go back to that place of lack, of allowing the past to dictate the future.
It’s a brave new world. I believe we are on the cusp of a huge evolutionary step foward, from surviving to thriving. If you are reading this, perhaps this is your time to take that leap into the unknown – and into the waiting arms of Source, of Love, of bliss, of expansion and authenticity.
I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for you. It’s going to be absolutely magical.✨
Are you a lucid dreamer? Do you find yourself thinking about your dreams during the day?
When we dream, we are every aspect of the dream. We are the Observer and the Participants. We are the people in the dream; from the little girl in the candy shop to the old man playing the oboe. We are the little white terrier who is biting ankles or sitting obediently. We are every blade of grass, ray of sunshine, shimmering leaf.
Alot like this, I like to think of people as trees; from the root system/foundation – our younger years – to the tiptop and outermost branches; our older selves. But we are also the creatures that call the tree home, as well the caretakers that promote the tree’s optimal growth and beauty.
There can be days, weeks, and even years when it feels like we are just growing slowly; waving gently in the breeze while birds and squirrels cavort in the branches. It occasionally rains or gentle winds cause leaves to drop to the base to become compost, fertilizing the roots and creating more growth. Just as it should be.
But sometimes, life brings heavy storms. The passing of a loved one, divorce, losing friends, or members of our tribe, financial crisis, natural disasters, and moving can all be examples of these storms. These times inevitably suck major testes, but thi is where things can get also really interesting in a wonderful, awful sort of way.
Those hurricane-force winds begin shaking not only our branches but the trunk itself, causing what may feel like our entire network of leaves and small branches to fall to the base of our tree.
This upheaval can begin to clog our roots. If we have unresolved childhood trauma, the emotional, energetic and psychic blocks that this can cause will compound the problem.
These upheavals can be such a frightening experience. As a result, all too often, we take on the persona of the birds and squirrels, retreating to the topmost branches or hovering above where it may feel safer but creates even more emotional distance from our root system.
When we spend too much time in this place, we may become so disconnected from our foundation that our root system begins to suffocate and rot. If we allow this to continue, we succumb to emotional and physical illness, aging before our time, and a host of other ailments that ultimately, keep us from living our best possible lives.
But if we remain present through the process – and connected to our inner caretaker – he will wade into the compost and get to work freeing up the root system to create space; aeration of that heavy load of decaying matter, allowing it to become a kickass fertilizer that supercharges our health and growth, allowing us to become the fullest, most beautiful expression of who we are meant to be.
But let’s be frank. Who really wants to wade into a swamp of fertilizer? It stinks. It’s thick and sludgy and difficult. 💩
Self-growth is damned hard, sometimes. Oftentimes. Most times.😬
For me, when those inevitable “storms” come, as they have, hard and fast, in the past couple of years, “doing the work“ often looks like hours of insomnia in the middle of the night, where my mind insists that I process through much of that fertilizer, both past and present. It sucks.
Of course, I have the choice of drinking myself into a stupor, taking a sleeping pill to avoid the 3 AM wake up call or just telling my caretaker to get lost (or f#ck off).
It often feels like it would be much easier to take on the Persona of the squirrels and birds, looking down at the narsty mire clogging my roots with a “hellllll naw” attitude. 😳
But here’s where the wonderful part comes in.
When I make the commitment to face the fears, insecurities, anxieties, and past trauma, I experience revelation that allows me to free up some of the space closest to my foundation, enabling not only better growth, but also a feeling of lightness and freedom that wasn’t there when I went to bed. I also often get the opportunity to meet lost aspects of myself that I didn’t even know existed, creating greater integration into the fullness of who I am. (if you are interested in learning more about this, check out IFS therapy. It’s powerful stuff.)
I may have gone to bed feeling bound and heavy, but by the time I have gotten up, had a cup of coffee, and done a little more processing of my nocturnal “work”, it feels like my branches are widespread, open, and shimmering gloriously in the morning light.
I would like you to also experience this revelation in the times when life feels difficult. You are a beautiful, amazing being of light and deserve to feel happy as often as possible, even when life hits you with challenging storms.
It may not be easy. But babe, you are worth the effort.
This article in Futurism is an Interesting read and makes a lot of sense to me.
Does anyone remember those old educational cartoons – “Schoolhouse Rock” that taught about the human body, mathematics, American Politics and much more more? 🤔
I specifically recall one of the episodes on the body – “red cells carry oxygen, white cells fight off germs”. Watching these cartoons very possibly started my interest in the human body and physics. Probably also part of the reason I have thought of humans as individual cells in a much larger macrocosm for a long time.
I’d imagine that something like say, a red blood cell doesn’t have a strong sense of awareness of anything outside of itself, right?
It is an individual cell, doing exactly the job that it was created for. But that one individual cell is really a part of a huge macrocosm and wouldn’t survive very long without the rest of the system. And certainly wouldn’t be very productive in supplying oxygen and nutrients if it was on it’s own, right?🩸
I think that humans have a tendency to be similar in this. We have difficulty in viewing ourselves as anything but individual entities and often act from this narrow perspective, sometimes causing pain to those around us or the world at large as we only think about what is best for our own survival or self-interest.
But what if we broadened our perspective as a collective? What if we could view ourselves as small, individual components of a much larger creation; individual drops of water that make up an ocean or, like a Seurat pointillism painting, individual dots of color that when seen together make up a breathtaking piece of art? What if we stopped the “me against you” mindset that seems to be so rampant today and instead considered everything from the viewpoint of the greatest good for all involved?
What if we put our incredible collective intelligence to good use to find sources of energy, sustenance and information that supported each other and our planet rather than enslaving others while stripping the earth of its resources and reserves?
I know that this topic may feel a little deep or intense for a Saturday morning, but if not now, when?
How long can we keep up the hostility and animosity that so many hold towards our neighbors, communities, leaders, and planet – before we well and truly go into self-destruct mode – or our earth decides that we are an invasive species that she is damned tired of supporting?
An interesting fact to consider is the fact that the “Doomsday Clock” just hit 90 seconds to midnight. This means we are closer than ever to world destruction.
Just sayin’…😒
Here is what I would put forth as an idea for today: that we create a personal and societal mantra along the lines of:
Or perhaps – “I am an individual human in a much, much larger body of humans and other species. How can I work as an individual, but also with other humans, to create greater unity, greater cohesion, greater entrainment – to achieve the healthiest, happiest self and ecosystem/biosphere/body possible?” 🌏.
Feels good, doesn’t it?🌈✨🌞
Incidentally, for those parents that are looking to provide a little more educational content than “SpongeBob”, The Magic Schoolbus had one episode where Miss F. took the kids through a human body, and there was a really wonderful series of French cartoons “Once Upon A Time – Life” from the 80’s that covered pretty much every aspect of humans in 26 episodes. They can be found on YouTube, as well as the “Schoolhouse Rocks“ series. 😎
We are taught just about from birth that our anger is not ok. That it doesn’t have a place in the world. That we should be seen and not heard and heaven forbid we actually express the way we feel.
Only too often, we end up burying traumatic and painful experiences instead of expressing and processing through them because of this societal dictate.
But babe, our #anger is just as much a part of us as our joy.
In fact, it is possibly more important because it typically expresses itself only when we really need something and our other methods of #Communication haven’t worked – or we are so emotionally in our heads that we can’t verbalize what we need or are trying to accomplish.
But when that tantrum comes, it is generally because we need something powerful.
More #love
Less judgement (most of all from ourselves)
More space (it is 💯 ok for our kids – or ourselves – to not want to be touched sometimes) – or maybe we really need a big hug.
Or to be heard, or seen, or valued in some way that we are not receiving.
Or a hundred other big and small reasons that that ”monster” side of ourselves flares up.
Finnish/Scottish temper here, so believe me, I get the slow burn right up to flaming redhead watch the f#ck out pissed-ness, lol. 🤯🤷♀️🙄
When we are taught as children to repress our negative emotions, that anger, sadness, fear, etc. doesn’t just disappear into the ether.
It gets buried in our subconscious and eventually, like a really bad boil that becomes infected, will express itself in ways that are usually destructive to ourselves or others.
We turn to bullying. Or self-harm. Or stealing. Or addiction. Anything to perpetuate the cycle of denying our truths; of denying our “negative” emotions.
But when we allow that anger to #express what it needs to express, not only are we better equipped to give our kids, ourselves, and others the guidance or whatever it is that is needed in the moment, but that heat cools quickly to be replaced by joy; a quick storm turning to sunny skies.🌞✨
And each time we give our children or ourselves the grace to speak our truths openly and honestly, we are creating a better future for everyone.
So the next time your wee one (whether it is your child, partner, or your own beautiful inner child) throws a tantrum, slowwwwwww down. Ask yourself and them what it is that is trying to be communicated.
Give that precious child what they need and watch as your relationships improve dramatically.
Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow. – Kurt Vonnegut
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
And pretty maids all in a row
And pretty maids all in a row
What grows in your garden?
Do you have a rich inner life, well watered and fertilized with all of the things that make your inner child happy?
Your happy, fulfilled inner child is the key to experiencing joy no matter your current age.
But for most of us, the better question might be: How often do you take a few moments to tune in to the precious, starry-eyed little boy or girl living inside of you?
It can be only too easy to lose track of those other parts of ourselves in the business and busy-ness of every day adult life.
But even if you feel like your younger selves are lost to the deepest reaches of your inner being, I can promise you they are still there, waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting to come out and play.
Waiting to create a deeper sense of joy and presence in the everyday business and busyness of life.
Meeting that child (even if it’s for the first time) can be as easy as sitting quietly for a bit and asking that little one to come out and talk to you.
Can you feel the sense of that younger you peeping around the curtains of the stage of your subconscious mind and deeper realms of the body? If so, can you let them take center stage for a bit?
What does she/he look like? What are they wearing? What would they like to do as they stand in the center of your mind-stage?
Would they create a masterpiece from clay or paint? Or maybe fingerpaint the walls? Would they spend time in the woods or on the beach? Would they dance? What kind of dance? What colors make them happy?
My inner child is especially fond of hip-hop, Latin dancing, singing, dancing and skipping on nature walks and spicy foods. She loves painting, animals, seeing new places and talking to random strangers.🤷♀️. She’s also goofy, temperamental and a little emotional.
Adult me isn’t quite so outgoing, leans towards logic and isn’t always comfortable with strong emotions. Adult me holds pain and past trauma a little closer to the heart.😣.
So allowing her to stay integrated also keeps those opposing parts of my personality balanced.
A big part of this integration is finding time each week to tune in to how she’s doing, and find activities that will make her happy. I also try to tune in to those younger aspects of myself when I’m making a major decision – our inner children tend to be closer to our intuition and that which connects us to Source/God/All That Is.
Connecting to our intuition and Source also allows us to manifest our dreams and wishes and bring the desires of our hearts to us quicker and easier than we may have believed possible. ✨💫🪄
Win/win, right?😁
What are the tools that you use to connect to your beautiful inner child?
The last months have brought more challenges and difficulties to my life than in the many years before.
I separated from my husband of nearly 14 years early last spring and moved out and onto a boat this fall. Boatlife is awesome in so many ways but also very challenging in others, especially living on a 1969 wooden yacht in the winter.
I still own my farm in the country and we’ve been through two rounds of major flooding now.
Watching your life float away as your property is under a foot or more of water is a surreal experience. Digging out the mountains of mud after the first round of flooding only to have even heavier flooding the following week was in some ways highly charged emotionally, but at the same time, knowing that there is nothing I can do about it at the moment makes it easier to let go of the anxiety and grief that I experienced the first time, standing in my garage up to my ankles in water and mud as my stored possessions and tokens of my children’s life floated around me.
One of my “most important people” passed away last summer. My aunt Sandra was one of the three women in my life who showed me unconditional love growing up. She took me in when I was a teenager headed in the wrong direction and gave me a new start, likely altering the entire course of my life for the better. Her death was earth-shattering for a few weeks.
I also had an ending to one of my dearest friendships of many years, which is so, so hard as I still hold much love her, but I know that the toxic elements that have been in the relationship for many years are always going to be there, and I have to release those things and relationships that cause ongoing strife and pain in order to move into the place that I know I want to be.
My daughter has just gotten married and is moving to Okinawa, Japan in January. I am beyond excited for her (and a little jealous, lol) but it is difficult knowing she will be so far away. She has been living in Tempe for the last year and a half and it’s pretty easy for me to jump on a plane or plan a road trip to go see her, or fly her up for a family visit. Not as much when it is a 20-plus hour flight.
I often get messages from friends and loved ones like “I am so sorry for what you are going through” or “Are you ok? You must really be struggling right now”. But the truth is, I am happy the vast majority of the time. I have an amazing life – and really am not struggling. For the most part.
I have times when I have to deal with the literal and metaphoric mud that is in my life. I’ve got a few dumpster fires for sure. But here’s how I process the “Contrasts” that we all experience in life and manage to remain happy and grounded 85-90% of the time:
I fully acknowledge and really allow myself to feel the shiznit when it happens. I yell a little, or cry alot. In the moment. I take an honest look at what is happening and what my emotional experience is. And then I step back and ask myself two questions: Is this a problem I can solve right now? And – Is it going to serve me to hold these negative emotions?
Sometimes, very occasionally, using a so-called negative emotion such as anger to be a catalyst to get off our ass and make some positive change or to drop the toxic elements of our life that are causing the anger can be a good thing. But more often than not, we allow our negative emotions to hold us as captive as those situations or people that are at the root of our emotional state do.
So for me, I usually make the decision to let that sh#t go.
If there is a problem I can solve, I look at the steps to fix it. One of the biggest challenges to living on an old boat in winter is power usage. I can’t cook and have my heat on at the same time. I can’t have my hot water heater on and anything else besides the lights going. It is an exercise in frustration and I am constantly tripping the circuit breakers. I’ve had a few times when everything has gone out and it takes some time to trace the problem to its source. But by addressing each element of the problem in turn, I can usually get things going again.
With my currently flooding property, there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix the situation. At the moment. So I say “fuck it” and set aside the emotional aspects of that problem until I can begin taking steps to dig everything out of the mud again.
Self-care is absolutely crucial in maintaining a healthy sense of balance and happiness, even in the middle of the shiznit. Taking time to get some healthy exercise, eat well, spend time with friends and family, take some long, hot baths or whatever mode of self-care feels best for you can make a huge difference in holding onto your happy state.
Right now, I am overlooking a spectacular view of the Pacific ocean and Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon. I have good coffee beside me as I write, and a fabulous, oversized bathtub in the room to soak away all of the residual stress of life. I’ve been walking the beach, wandering quaint shops and of course, hitting the bookstores.
Tomorrow I head back to reality but taking some time – whether it’s just a few hours or a few days – to step away from it all keeps the bigger picture in perspective.
Ultimately, the contrasts are there to remind us of the good. When we are in the middle of life’s challenges – especially the big ones – it can be hard to see the big picture. We get stuck in that tiny bit of black paint that seems our only reality. But with practice, we can learn to step back and “see” the portrait of our life, recognizing that that bit of black paint is just one small spot of darkness in an otherwise bright and beautiful composition.
More importantly, that black “paint” is vital in bringing forward those lights and brights. It may suck for a bit while you are in it, but beautiful, when you see the whole picture, you will be astounded by the brilliance and beauty of your life. Truly.
What are some of the contrasts that you have been experiencing lately – and how do you keep your happy space forward in your mind and heart amidst the challenges life may bring?
If you are going through some of your own dark spots right now, I hope you know that you are not alone. I am here with you, and you’ve so got this – but if you need a little extra love and support, I’ve got you back. You are amazing. You are worthy. You are capable, and so very loved.
Charlie Brown, in the comic strip Peanuts, expressed it perfectly – What if today, we were just grateful for everything?
Better yet, what if every day, we were grateful for everything? What if we were grateful for every single experience life has or is bringing to us?
This may seem like a strange way to think. Why would we be grateful for all of the negative or even awful things that we experience in this life?
It can be so easy to regret and lament past decisions and the “negative” experiences life has brought to us. But this can keep us in a negative loop – holding “victim mentality”, and inhibiting our abilities as creators.
So what if instead we learned to be grateful for it all? What if we viewed all of the negative experiences of our past as opportunities for growth – to gain wisdom, to learn greater compassion, to experience the contrast of those things that don’t work for us to better know those things that do?
What if we considered the possibility that we came to this life as spirit, ready to be born into flesh to learn those lessons and to fully experience every single aspect of life from the sunsets to the sh#t on our shoe?
You may be reading this and rolling your eyes, thinking that I am being a wide-eyed idealist rather than a realist. What could possibly be the motivation to be thankful for the sh#t on our shoe or any other “crappy” experience life throws our way? (pun intended )
Would you reconsider if I told you being grateful not only increases life quality, overall happiness, physical and emotional health but also builds a better brain and significantly fatter wallet?
I thought that might catch your attention. Read on…
Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology and creator of the wildly popular “Happiness Lab” at Yale University, teaches that gratitude is one of the key factors of happiness – and science is backing up this previously “woo woo” theory. In her course “Psychology and The Good Life” (most popular course at Yale in 300 years) she teaches much of that science.
For example, it has been shown in research that when we feel grateful, our brain produces greater concentrations of dopamine; a feel-good neurotransmitter. That dopamine increases when we express that gratitude through writing, speech, or compassionate action.
Gratitude also increases creativity and performance – professor SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY,, author of The How of Happiness, conducted an 8-month study of happiness at Harvard University. The results of this study showed that when a daily gratitude and affirmation practice was used, people were 19% more productive, analytic problem solving increased by 29%, and here’s the really cool one – revenue was increased by 36%. { Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2004, 2006a, 2007}
Crazy, right?
So what if we woke each day feeling happy, energized and ready to set intentions for an amazing day? And on those days that weren’t quite as amazing, what if we were grateful for the contrast – and even more so the ability to wake tomorrow and try again?
What if we made the conscious decision to begin to overlay those old subconscious programs of lack and negativity with something better?
What if we started a gratitude practice each and every day, in which we spent just a few minutes writing or really feeling into the space of gratefulness?
What if we wrote letters to our loved ones expressing all the things we appreciate about them?
What if we wrote a letter to ourselves expressing all the amazing things we loved and appreciated about us? Can you think of five things off the top of your head that you love and appreciate about yourself? 🤔
I’ve had a morning gratitude/affirmation journaling/meditation practice for several years now and I can tell you that not only do I feel better and more joyful – even in the times of intense stress – but my day flows better and I am able to create and manifest just about anything I can put my mind to.
Some days I like to “supercharge” this practice with a “handsa” – I write my daily affirmation on my palm to come back to throughout the day. Today’s handsa is “As my heart fully opens, my mind expands and that space is effortlessly filled with wisdom, freedom, joy, and abundance.” But there are days where I keep it super simple, too – “Big Juicy Life”, “I Create” “I am love” or “I hold myself in the space of”: (gratitude, joy, contentment, prosperity,etc.)
How can you make space each day for gratitude? What would a daily practice look like to you if you knew being in a place of optimism and gratefulness would absolutely improve the quality of your life?
This Blessed Sacred Life 