Tag: #self-love

Reprogramming

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

We hold within our minds, bodies, and the magnetic field that surrounds us billions of bits of information in the form of frequency. 

These frequencies are shared with those around us, and will draw to us that which we are most familiar with based upon the hardwired programming that began in early childhood. The RAS/Reticular Activating System or “Reality Filter”, found in the brain stem, plays into this, too. We take in billions of bits of information each second. The RAS filters and translates this information into just a few thousand bits of information that we can use and work from – but this translation is largely based upon our past experiences.

Where focus goes, reality follows, so if our subconscious programming says that narcissistic relationships are our comfort zone because of our childhood caregivers, well guess what? That is exactly what we will find. Ouch, right?

But what is really, really cool about this is that our personalities (personal realities) are never set. I’ve heard people say “it’s just who I am” – and I call bullshit. We are growing creatures and can change drastically any dysfunctional or outdated paradigm that we may have been living to create something truly beautiful. Which brings us back to awareness, the magnetic field, and why the heck we are here in the first place.

My personal belief is that we are born onto this planet by choice. That our souls know exactly what lessons we need to learn, and how we can distill the most pleasure from this experience here on earth.

 Sometimes, life brings contrast and it sucks until we figure out the issue, learn the lesson, or move beyond the hardship.  

But conversely, we all know that the vast majority of the time, life is a beautiful thing.  We are so fortunate to be here, enjoying the experience of being human with other humans.  

If  we did not have this human experience, how could we ever understand the way dark chocolate melts on the tongue, the aroma filling our mouth as we get a “sweet” little hit of pleasure-invoking dopamine?  

How could we know how it feels to really hug a loved one or hold a new baby in our arms?  

How could we understand the pleasure of co-creation with another human – or the pleasure of the act of procreation, for that matter?  

We would not appreciate the vibrancy of a bouquet of flowers, the awe-inspiring views from a mountaintop, made even better by a rigorous climb to arrive.  

“Sweeter after difficulties”

There are thousands more amazing experiences that come with the “Human Condition”.  But it is important to understand that in order to create a truly happy and fulfilling life in which we feel like a deliberate creator, we must address and move past those things that act as an anchor to our freedom.  

We draw to us the people and experiences that match our current vibrational state.  We attract  that will support and promote our growth at exactly the time that we are ready for the lesson. 

Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing.  A new career, relationship, home, life change.  

Just as often, we attract those people, circumstances and experiences that feel the opposite. Frustrating. Angst-causing. Triggering.

These “growth gifts” from the Universe” should be our best lessons. Our greatest opportunity for growth and evolution. It is the thing that makes us feel the most uncomfortable that can create the greatest learning and inspiration.

In the moment, being consistently triggered or dysregulated by a condition or someone else’s behavior – often completely without their awareness of the way you are affected – sucks major 🏀⚾️🥎.

Most of us react and withdraw because we don’t want to feel the deeper, buried pain that is associated with whatever is causing our distress. Our subconscious mind likes to keep the painful things repressed. Or we turn to addictive behavior or substances to suppress those negative feelings.

I know from personal experience. I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to “feel” my emotions if they were in any way negative. As a result, I looked for ways to repress my anger, my grief, my anxiety.

I wanted to feel numb, and the disorder did that for me – Until the numbness and trauma resulting from the disordered thinking and behavior became more painful than confronting those memories, and I began the process of reprogramming long-held belief systems that had been set by someone else’s faulty wiring. We really are organic computers.

Uncovering those hidden parts of our younger selves is a difficult and complex process, largely because the brain’s main function is to help us survive. The brain does not understand that the trauma we experienced as children keeps us in unhealthy patterning throughout adulthood- to the “computer” part of our mind, we survived so whatever programs were established should continue our survival. Easy peasy, right?🙄

But when we do the work to let go of those limiting belief systems, the rest of life can begin to unfold in a more beautiful way. In a more natural way. In a way that feels less survival and struggle and more deliberate creation.

Sometimes, we think we’ve worked through it all and that we are fairly “enlightened”.  And that is exactly when the Universe sends just the right person or experience to throw you completely off your game and remind me – uh – us 👀 – that growth is a process and a journey and we never completely reach the Enlightened destination.  

But. Back to that amazingly cool aspect of the human brain: When we go into those dark places, (anyone else have a brain that loves to do this at 2 am or so?🙄) and do the work – have those hard conversations with our skeletons and monsters – unacknowledged parts of ourselves to discover the deeper source of that dysregulation, Babe. Miracles and magic happen.

Once we get past the “oh sh#t” of “seeing” the connections between our dysregulated behavior and childhood experiences and patterning, it is frickin’ eureka. It’s aha, and the light of a thousand lanterns flaring at once to cast out the darkness where things were once hidden. It’s dopamine times a hundred. It feels like taking one more step towards flight; towards heaven, and we are able to shake off the fear that has held us to move forward in Love. In Freedom.

And that’s what it’s all about, ultimately.  

“In every relationship, we have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you will accept.” – Jay Shetty; Think Like a Monk

From our place of center and love, we are able to approach the circumstance, partners or others who had been “causing” our unhappiness to be deeply vulnerable and hopefully, that person will be able to honor our experience and move forward with their own increased awareness. But not always.

Sometimes, that other person is not ready to release their own wounds and they may struggle to recognize when they are treating others with less than value. Or they are not ready to learn to communicate. Or they become defensive, or hostile. depending on their own “core wounds”; your non healing may trigger and be threatening to their own sense of worth and value.

We may realize that the person who was in our life at that time was meant to be a catalyst for us to let go of those outdated and unhealthy patterns but we no longer mesh vibrationally and have to let them go with love and grace.

This is so, so hard when it is a long-term relationship or friendship. If you know, you know… but they are hopefully on their own healing journey and staying in a situation where you do not match ultimately will only bring pain to both parties.😣.

We need to let go of the outdated mindset of previous generations where we remained in a marriage until we died, often early as a result of the constant flood of adrenaline and cortisol in our systems from being in an unhappy relationship. It just makes no sense.

And speaking of healing…🙄

I have had more than a few such friendships and experiences that I let go of in the last decade or so, and that process has been expedited in the past few years as I continue to remain relentless about my personal growth and evolution.  Most, I have released, though I still hold so much love for them.

But sometimes, we reconnect down the road when they have begun their own healing journey, and it is a beautiful thing.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself consistently reacting to someone else’s actions or behavior, it is probable that those strong emotions are tied to some form or childhood (or young adulthood) trauma. If it’s in any way histrionic, it’s based in history. (Amygdala reaction Vs. Prefrontal cortex response)

Here’s a tool that could help you to discover the “roots” of your dysregulated state:

Get comfortable in a quiet place, seated or reclined, whichever is better for you.  Some find a scented sleeping mask helpful.   Scents such as lavender or geranium are particularly soothing to the autonomic nervous system and the slight sensory deprivation the mask provides can assist in connecting to those deeper parts of yourself. 

Put one hand over your heart and one on your navel.  

Take several deep, slow breaths through the nose, expanding the diaphragm with the inhale, allowing the belly to become soft on the exhale, also through the nose.  

If you are feeling distracted, a progressive relaxation beginning with the crown of the head and ending with the soles of the feet can be a helpful tool to take your mind a little deeper into the body.

Once you are feeling calm and centered, just ask yourself what you are feeling. How you are feeling. Notice any sensations that come up in the body, or pictures that arise in the mind. Compassionately observe without actively participating in whatever your mind or body experiences.

Keep breathing.  

Ask your body what it feels in connection to the person or circumstance that you have been reacting to.  

Watch what comes up, if anything.  If your trauma is particularly deep or is likely it will take several sessions to begin to access whatever it is that you need to acknowledge and feel into.  It is also possible that once you begin unearthing, you may have unexpected moments of realization as you go about your day.  

If you gain direct access to a memory or process/program that you know is the subconscious core of the emotional manifestation you are experiencing, just sit with whatever feelings come up.  Allow yourself to fully feel into whatever you need to experience.  Then give that beautiful aspect of yourself some love.  Can you feel the sense of sending love from your heart center to another part of your body?  

This is also a powerful healing technique when your body is out of alignment with your good health.  

When you are ready, slowly come back to your deep nasal breathing.  Feel your whole body, and the space around your body.  Do you feel a little lighter?  A little more space in your body or field?  

It is equally possible that you may feel a deep sense of grief and heaviness.  If that is the case, my love, I am sorry for this.  I also know it’s hard.  But eventually, it will be worth this temporary pain.❤️‍🩹

Allow yourself to process in whatever way feels best for you. Be gentle with yourself, and keep sending love – and forgiveness/self forgiveness and gratitude – to those parts of yourself. You deserve it.

If you need more information, tools/techniques for healing or just a little extra love, I am here for you, beautiful.  

Sending so much love and huge hugs, always.💖

– Terah

Unresolved Trauma and Healing Ourselves and our Relationships.❤️‍🩹

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Confession time.

You might want to grab a cuppa and a comfy chair for this one because I’m going to go a little deep. 

Full disclaimer – if you have been in the abuse cycle in your own life and relationships, this post could be a little triggering. But understanding our cycles and recognizing familiar patterns in others is power and allows us to move into a healthier space both in our relationships and in our own minds and bodies.

To quote Aristotle, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

For anyone who has read my work or knows me as a human, you know that a huge part of my purpose here on this planet is to uplift, educate and enlighten, especially when it comes to understanding the science (and spirit) of how we each create our realities – and that it all starts with our thoughts.  I hate the term “Coach” and I am no one’s guru, but I have had a fundamental understanding of the mind’s ability to alter our lives since I was a child and have been studying it for most of my adult life.  

I am full-on geeked out, slightly-obsessed, so-excited – can’t-keep-still-have-to-share passionate about it.  I literally read about, listen to a podcast or take a class in some aspect of the subject nearly every single day.  For years.  It really is so freaking cool and lights me up like nothing else.  Well, not much else. 😏

The human mind is an incredibly complex system of organic programs that are largely formed in our early childhood.  This can be wonderful if we had a healthy, loving childhood but can really f#ck us up into adulthood and sometimes for the rest of our lives if our parents did not have the tools to give us a healthy beginning to life.  

We can overlay this circuitry even as adults (neuroplasticity) which is also super cool, but only if we are aware of those programs running our lives in the first place.  These subsets run every aspect of our lives from what information we take in (Reticular Activating System) to our happiness baseline and the amount of Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin and Endorphins (happy brain chemicals) available to us – and conversely, the degree of adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) that are chronically cycling through our system, causing not only higher degrees of perceived stress but also inflammation and ultimately, disease.  (dis-ease) 

The problem is, most of us aren’t aware of these programs controlling our subconscious mind and affecting our everyday lives.  The way we perceive and navigate the world is just our “personality” (personal-reality) and we rarely go beyond that unless we have some sort of a come-to-God, radical wake-up call such as the passing of a close loved one or a NDE, ourselves.  

This largely-ignored circuitry also creates our attachment styles and the way that we approach relationships.  This is where my confession comes in.  

In spite of years of study of neurobiology, the mind-body connection, quantum physics and how it applies to our ability to create our personal reality – and a healthy dose of psychology, because I believe healing past trauma is the doorway to everything else – I have had a major blindspot or achilles heel in my personal life as a result of the relational patterning of a deeply abusive childhood – my personal relationships. If you can relate, you probably understand this perfectly. We tend to repeat the emotional patterns we learned as children.

For me, since I was a “pleaser/enabler” with abandonment issues and a healthy dose of “Fixer” syndrome, I was both avoidant and anxious in most of my closest relationships.  

As a result, I’ve experienced what you might call a smorgasbord of abusive personality types from my very first “real” intimate relationship; a physically beautiful, wealthy specimen of man that I met when I was barely 19 years old and living on the East Coast. The chemistry was instant and I thought I was in love. I was certainly starstruck. He swept me off my feet in every way possible. Including, after I had moved in with him, knocking me to the floor when he punched me in the face. I had grown up in a family of martial artists. I had begun “playing” karte with my dad, who is my Shihan (master) when I was quite young and studied under other teachers as a teen. Yet I could never fight back – because my circuitry says that I don’t hurt those that I love. I just allow it. I had been physically abused as a child, so there was a degree of “acceptance”as a result.

I eventually left him, fleeing (for my life) back to the Pacific Northwest where I avoided relationships for many years. I was not going to repeat that experience, ever. (Incidentally, I went on to earn six black belts, become a “Shihan”, myself, and have owned and operated a number of dojos since. I’ve also taught battered women’s groups and held many women’s self-defense classes; partially because I love it and it’s a family thing and partially as an aspect of my healing process from that experience).

I think it’s important to pause here to say that just as I was drawn to different forms of abusive relationships because of my lack of awareness of my own unhealed and dysfunctional relational patterns, I believe that those we become involved with are in exactly the same space, but usually from the opposite end of the spectrum.  

The man I was involved with on the East Coast committed suicide a couple of years after I left him.  I believe he hated himself for the damage he caused, but did not understand his neurological patterning to change the circuitry that created cycles of abuse.  

When we think about suicide, it is not the Self that we want to see die.  It is those parts of our personality/egoic constructs that are no longer serving our growth that need to go.  Recognizing this can be the difference between living a long and nappy life – or not.  

Which is exactly why I write this now. It is not easy to be deeply open and vulnerable to an audience, but how else will we ever change as a society to create better if we don’t start a dialogue about acknowledging and altering our own patterns?

This goes for our parents or caregivers, as well. I think most of the time, people are doing the best that they can to parent with the knowledge they have inherited, themselves. We can not hold ourselves as a victim and our parents or caregivers as the perpetrator into adulthood because that just keeps us stuck. We have to forgive, move forward and take accountability for changing our patterns.

That said, le’ts go back to my own “blind spots”.

I kept my word to myself, because we humans are learning creatures. I never allowed myself to be physically abused again. But because I had not healed all of my trauma and was still “stuck” in old programs, I found other ways to repeat the unhealthy relational patterning from childhood. Both my biological mother and the stepmother my father married when I was young were narcissistic personalities. I only received affection when I was “doing” or being good – behaving in whatever manner they needed on any given day, which was an ever-changing and complex thing. So I repeated that cycle with my next relationship. And the next.

I learned from these experiences and each relationship I tried was “better” (which is to say the unhealthy or toxic patterns became less obvious). But even now, though I seek only partners who are able to show affection and love deeply, I find myself drawn to “conflict avoidant” personality types who tend to mirror still-unresolved issues from my early life. We draw to us those people and experiences that best help us to learn and grow, even if those people and experiences don’t always feel great until we learn to recognize the pattern or growth opportunity.

But those “aha” moments where we see ourselves and gain self knowledge are powerful catalysts, so though it is not always easy and sometimes downright hard,  I continue to go into those dark closets of my subconscious mind to face my demons, unlock and alter those programs and circuits that keep me from living the fullest and most whole expression of who I am.

I keep seeking wisdom and understanding of myself and the world to continue to grow.

Beautiful friend, whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope you will, too. Because through awareness, self-knowledge, compassion and most of all, love, we will not only become more personally and relationally happy, but will build a healthier, stronger and longer-lasting brain and body, and gain an amazing sense of freedom and self-mastery.

And while we are at it, we just might change the world, too. 🥰

I’d say that is well worth the discomfort of acknowledging and vanquishing – or perhaps just coming to an agreement with – the skeletons in our closet and the monsters under the bed that we may have ignored out of survival or fear.  

What patterns have you been ignoring that you would like to see changed? 

So much love and huge hugs.💖💖💖

  • Terah 

Keep Going

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

My love.  

I wish I could tell you that every day will be easy.  

Fun.  Magical.  

I wish each day would feel like warm sand in your toes;

The endless blue ocean stretched before you;

A cool drink in your hand and someone you love close by.

But as we all know, 

That isn’t the case.  

Life brings Contrast.  

Challenge.  Loneliness.  

Moments of grief.

Days that will feel nearly impossible. 

Times when you will wonder if living 

Is worth the effort.

I know.  I have been there.  

I have known nearly every despair

I have loved deeply 

And lost deeply

I have wept oceans of sorrow.

But even in the moments of grief

Of uncertainty

Of aloneness

I know that to keep going

Is absolutely F#cking worth it.

Because those moments are just that.  

Moments.  

Even when they stretch to hours, days,

Or weeks.

Even when there are months of your life 

That may feel like “WTF, God?”

They pass. 

If you can just keep going; 

Keep moving forward, 

One slow step at a time,

Those days will pass.

The dark nights become 

A glorious dawn

Illumined by the beauty 

Of a sun so bright 

The heart sings 

And weeps at the same time. 

Life becomes beautiful again.

We find joy again.

We fall in Love.  

Sometimes with another soul.  

Sometimes with ourselves.

Sometimes with Nature, 

With God, 

With All That Is.

We learn to surf.

We learn to paint, 

To sing, 

To garden,

To travel,

Or a thousand other 

new skills that

Crack us open

To Possibility. To Expansion. To Wonder. 

We find ourselves dancing at a street festival,

Surrounded by friends 

And neighbors.

Or eating Ice-cream 

On a wharf

In the summer sun

With a beloved.

We experience the miracle 

Of childbirth

The magic of holding

And welcoming into the world

A new life.

We become parents

And sometimes Grandparents.

We learn the joy 

Of “spoiling” a grandchild. 

We connect
Or re-connect 

with loved ones.

We find our communities.

We find ourselves. 

We grow.  We expand.  We evolve.

And in between all of these beautiful miracles

That we call “life”,

We continue to experience Contrast.  

But we know

That even in those

Dark nights of the Soul

Those times of Disconnection 

From Source and All That Is,

Dawn is coming.

And it is amazing.

So please, Dear one;

Hold On.

Keep Going.

Don’t stop

In this moment

Because it is hard.

It will get better. Easier.  More fun.  Magical, even.

I promise.

Much Love, today and always. 💖

  • Terah 🌈

Self-love and Enlightenment

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “

Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves.

  It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.  

It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit.  

But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar. 

Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.  

We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along.  We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice. 

Then there is the anger for not asking to have our needs met; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect. 

For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread.  But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.  

 When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth. 

Eventually, we feel lighter.  We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us.  We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.

At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with.  

And so begins the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good.  

Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own.  Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the  difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.  

In the beginning, this can create isolation.  Loneliness.  But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces.  

Our tribe begins to find us.  

We fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant.  We develop relationships that lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn. 

We begin to create, or rather, to consciously collaborate with the Field to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention.  We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us.  

We find our wings, and begin to soar.  

Today and all days, I hope you are on the path to find your wings, beloved.  You deserve every joy you can imagine, and I know you can create the life you wish for.  

Much love and huge hugs.💖

– Terah

Neuropeptides and Emotional Regulation

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Do you often find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, stressed out, or angry?  

Periods of stress in our lives are part of the human experience, and can be a tremendous catalyst for growth and personal evolution.  Life is a gorgeous, complicated, challenging, and joyful adventure – and the contrast we experience is necessary to add depth and meaning – wholeness – to the story of our lives. 

But we aren’t meant to stay in that place of unhappiness for long periods. When our periods of upheaval become chronic, the constant release of cortisol and adrenaline, necessary in primitive times for short fight-or-flight responses, become a mood disorder that if left unresolved, can really f#ck up the brain and body. This “stuck” cycle can not only cause depression, memory loss, weight gain/loss and sleep issues, but also inflammation that can lead to a host of other issues and illnesses from diabetes, cancer and more.

The good news is that just because we have moments of stress doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the stress response indefinitely.  We can return to a place of greater emotional ease in less than two minutes, if we can understand what is happening in our nervous system.  

Most important is to realize that the brain’s stress response only takes 90 seconds to move through the body.

When we encounter things in our life that make us feel triggered – anxious, frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad, (insert your own favorite dysregulation response here_______🙄…) it can be easy to stay in that feeling state for much longer.  This is because we keep the stress response loop repeating itself instead of redirecting the brain’s focus to something happier.

But there are many ways to #flipyourhappyswitch when difficult or challenging circumstances in our lives may lower our #baselinehappy. 

We can bypass hours or even days’ worth of unhappiness with a few simple neurobiology “hacks” that redirect the brain’s wiring.  Consistent practice of these techniques will, over time, create a healthier stress response, too; which is pretty freaking awesome – the sooner we can get back to a feeling of joy in our lives, the sooner we can get back to being the amazing creators of reality that we are supposed to be.

Taking some deep nasal belly breaths stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and “tricks“ the mind into thinking that we are all good – or at least not in a heightened state of trauma response or fight or flight.  This is where I always begin when I am personally feeling dysregulated. 

There are a number of other techniques to re-direct the mind back to a state of ease – changing up our environment, listening to music that makes us feel good, going outside to “ground” with a walk, ride, run or swim. (the benefits of being outside are multiplied when we put our bodies in direct contact with the earth.  

I love barefoot trailrunning, but 5 minutes of sitting on the grass can have a profound effect on the body and mind.  Splashing cold water on the face, finding an activity or interest that is creative,  are all wonderful ways to reset the brain, release endorphins and run interference on that stress loop and get us back to a more peaceful or joyous state.

If you are in a place where none of these practices are possible, try this easy, four-step system to bypass the loop of trauma/stress response:

  1. Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is the root emotion causing your feeling of dysregulation? Take a moment to honor that feeling.
  2. Focus on facts – find one or two true things about you. “My name is_____ and I live in _____city/country/state. My parent/sibling/friend/pet is______.
  3. Find something physical – The sun feels amazing on my face. The fabric of my shirt is soft. The bakery in the store smells like cookies and fresh bread. I like to spritz a little of my favorite men’s cologne on a scarf or shirt collar so that I can bring my focus to the scent when I am in a crowd or large “big box” kind of store where I know I can become energetically overwhelmed.
  4. Look for one beautiful thing/Gratitude – feeling grateful triggers release of dopamine, the reward/feel-good hormone. Find one thing in your environment that you can feel truly grateful for – the color of the sky is a particularly pleasing shade of blue right now. The little girl in line front of me has the most amazing big brown eyes. This coffee is delicious. Better yet, find someone to smile at or have a conversation with. (Not a creepy smile, please….) Not only will focusing on someone else re-direct the brain’s stress response, but kindness releases all of the feel – good neurochemicals.Win-win situation, right?😄

I have been putting many of these techniques into practice for years, and I can tell you that they work, but I’ll add to this a list of the most common neurochemicals/hormones and how they affect the mind and body, along with a few more tricks and techniques to get you back to your happy place. 

Happy Brain Chemicals – DOSE

Dopamine – Reward/Hormone. “Pleasure Chemical”. Helps with focus, memory, motivation.

* gratitude. Complete a task or project. Improve sleep habits. Exercise. Do yoga/meditate. Go outside. Have sex – specifically, sex or self-stimulation that triggers orgasm. The greater the dopamine release, the more powerful the orgasm.👀. (Disclaimer – there is such a thing as “too much” when it comes to orgasm. Particularly using a stimulus such as porn, as it can create a tolerance which causes dopamine levels to drop.)

Oxytocin – The “Love Hormone”. Supports mental well being.

* Give a hug! Even self hug or massage will release oxytocin.  Kiss.  Warmth – sit in front of a fireplace.  Drink something warm.  Find a sunny spot. Send a loving text or letter. Snuggle with a pet.  Watch cute kitten videos. 

Serotonin – Feel-good hormone.

* Kindness.  Laughter yoga. Massage. Sunlight – 10 minutes of direct to eyes.  Remember happy memories heart rate

Endorphins – Responsible for pain relief, stress management, feelings of euphoria. Released by central nervous system and pituitary gland.

* Exercise/movement.  More sex. Dance. Acupuncture.  Eat something delicious and nourishing -Dark chocolate specifically triggers the endorphin response in the body. Scent – smell something pleasing.  (Essential oils, fresh-baked cookies, cinnamon, someone you love)

_________________

If you are someone going through a challenging or difficult time, I see you.❤️

I hope this information might help.

If you are in a place where just don’t want to get off of the couch/bed/carpet, I’ve been there, too. It’s ok to give yourself some space to not be ok, to have grace for yourself to be in the experience of those hard emotions – for a little while. But don’t get stuck in that place. Remember that mood follows action.

This means that sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, put on our “big girl/boy pants” and take action. Breathe, meditate, dance, listen to music, hug a loved one or pet, go for a walk, have good sex (even if it’s by yourself) – whatever it is that works best for you to get into a better place. This is self-care.

Wherever you are today, please remember that you are loved. You are a beautiful, magnificent Be-ing; worthy of every good you can imagine.

Much love and extra big hugs.💖

  • Terah

Connecting to our inner child to find authenticity and joy

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Our imagination is a wonderful tool for accessing our intuitive wisdom and those deeper parts of ourselves that know the path when our minds or “logic brains” can’t reason something out. I frequently will have visions or mental movies when I am in a state of relaxation that help guide many of the decisions of my life.

Last night while lying in bed, trying to bring my mind into a state of quiet and calm from the sadness and dysregulation I had been feeling, I had a short “mental movie” that helped bring clarity to my feelings as a result of a circumstance in my life that encompasses some incredible depth of feeling from joy to intense pain.

In the vision, I was a young child, maybe four or five years old; standing on a small wooden box or step in front of a tall friend of mine, who was, in the vision, eight years old or so. I was holding a daisy in front of me as an offering to my friend. My expression was quite solemn.

We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, then my friend kissed my nose and gave me a n encompassing hug.  The scene changed and we became adults.

The element of being a child in this vision is obviously the connection to my innocent self. That little girl is offering a gift of vulnerability to somebody she loves, unsure of whether or not they will accept it and return that love offering.

The Daisy is a symbol of purity and innocence, but interestingly, in Norse mythology it also represents love and new beginnings.  

I woke this morning to open to this passage from the “Sacred Path” book.  The book is meant to be an accompaniment to a deck of guidance cards, but I usually just use the book itself for its native-American sourced wealth of wisdom.  

Today’s lesson echoed the vision that I had last night, speaking of the idea of our inner child being the best guide to losing the illusions of those ego-based parts of ourselves that do not allow us to be vulnerable, playful, authentic, and joyful.

When we can tap into those younger parts of ourselves to remember the sacredness, the joy, the play, and the magic of life, we remember who we really are.  

And that is a beautiful thing.💕✨

Much love and big hugs, today and always.

– Terah

Honoring our anger

by Terah Drake, posted in honoring emotions, self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

We are taught just about from birth that our anger is not ok.  That it doesn’t have a place in the world.  That we should be seen and not heard and heaven forbid we actually express the way we feel.  

Only too often, we end up burying traumatic and painful experiences instead of expressing and processing through them because of this societal dictate.  

But babe, our #anger is just as much a part of us as our joy.  

In fact, it is possibly more important because it typically expresses itself only when we really need something and our other methods of #Communication haven’t worked – or we are so emotionally in our heads that we can’t verbalize what we need or are trying to accomplish.

But when that tantrum comes, it is generally because we need something powerful.  

More #love 

Less judgement (most of all from ourselves) 

More space (it is 💯 ok for our kids – or ourselves – to not want to be touched sometimes) – or maybe we really need a big hug.  

Or to be heard, or seen, or valued in some way that we are not receiving.  

Or a hundred other big and small reasons that that ”monster” side of ourselves flares up.  

Finnish/Scottish temper here, so believe me, I get the slow burn right up to flaming redhead watch the f#ck out pissed-ness, lol. 🤯🤷‍♀️🙄

When we are taught as children to repress our negative emotions, that anger, sadness, fear, etc. doesn’t just disappear into the ether. 

 It gets buried in our subconscious and eventually, like a really bad boil that becomes infected, will express itself in ways that are usually destructive to ourselves or others.  

We turn to bullying.  Or self-harm.  Or stealing.  Or addiction.  Anything to perpetuate the cycle of denying our truths; of denying our “negative” emotions.  

But when we allow that anger to #express what it needs to express, not only are we better equipped to give our kids, ourselves, and others the guidance or whatever it is that is needed in the moment, but that heat cools quickly to be replaced by joy; a quick storm turning to sunny skies.🌞✨

And each time we give our children or ourselves the grace to speak our truths openly and honestly, we are creating a better future for everyone.  

So the next time your wee one (whether it is your child, partner, or your own beautiful inner child) throws a tantrum, slowwwwwww down.  Ask yourself and them what it is that is trying to be communicated.   

Give that precious child what they need and watch as your relationships improve dramatically. 

Much love and big hugs!💖

@selfcarewarrior 👏💕

#honoryouranger #shadowwork #opencommunication #kids #kidsarepeopletoo #healing

In the Yuck

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

my brain and

heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was

to blame about

how big of a mess

I have become

eventually,

they couldn’t be 

in the same room

with each other 

now my head and heart 

share custody of me

I stay with my brain 

during the week

and my heart 

gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

    – instead, they give me

the same note to pass

to each other every week 

and their notes they

send to one another always 

says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays

my heart complains

about how my 

head has let me down

in the past

and on Wednesday

my head lists all

of the times my 

heart has screwed

things up for me 

in the future

they blame each

other for the 

state of my life

there’s been a lot

of yelling – and crying

so,

    lately, I’ve been

spending a lot of 

time with my gut

who serves as my

unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the

window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine

and collapse on my 

gut’s plush leather chair

that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit

until the sun comes up

last evening, 

my gut asked me

if I was having a hard

time being caught 

between my heart

and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know

if I could live with 

either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about

something that happened yesterday

while my head is always worried

about something that may happen tomorrow,” 

I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with

my mistakes of the past

or my anxiety about the future,”

I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case, 

you should 

go stay with your 

lungs for a while,”

I was confused

  – the look on my face gave it away

“if you are exhausted about

your heart’s obsession with

the fixed past and your mind’s focus

on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs

there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now

there is only inhale

there is only exhale

there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath

you can rest while your

heart and head work 

their relationship out.”

this morning,

while my brain

was busy reading

tea leaves

and while my

heart was staring

at old photographs 

I packed a little

bag and walked

to the door of 

my lungs

before I could even knock

she opened the door

with a smile and as

a gust of air embraced me

she said

“what took you so long?”

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

Today was a good day to practice being ok with not being ok.  To do some serious self-soothing. 

I have recently been overwhelmed with a hundred or so projects necessary to take care of in preparation to put my house on the market.  This is while trying to maintain a small sense of normalcy amidst divorce, the deaths of a loved one and beloved dog, natural disasters #greatflood) and a host of day to day stressors.  #worstyearever 

As a result, I think I’ve spent months skirting around my grief, falling into momentary frustration or sadness but then picking myself up by my bootstraps because it’s 💯 not ok for me to not be ok. 😣

I worry that spending too much time in negative emotions will lead to long-term neurological patterns, (it will) but it’s a balance, you know? Allowing yourself to really experience that deep-held grief is so hard, but it’s a necessary aspect of getting beyond the negative emotions to a healthier reality. 

This also goes back to inner child work – how would we treat our own or a beloved child who was sad or angry as a result of extreme trauma?   

Hopefully, we would be gentle with them, loving them as they processed through their grief and unhappiness.  We should treat our own inner child just the same.  

For me, it has felt like the last few days all of that stored emotion has been so close to the surface that I could barely breathe. I had lost the deep connection I’ve always had to my lungs. (Yoga instructor..🧘🏼‍♀️) and my mind was constantly throwing worst case scenarios at me as my heart vied for attention to deal with the myriad heartaches of the last year.  

I once had a therapist use the metaphor of pennies in a jar of water for stressors. The jar may be nearly full of water and not spill over, even with hundreds of pennies added. But at some point, there is one more penny that is added and the water begins to pour over the sides of the jar. From that point, every penny added contributes to the waterfall.

I think there must have been a penny or two added recently that were my waterfall coins. Anxiety about what’s next in a real estate market that is pretty crazy doesn’t help and I’ve found myself obsessing over Redfin and Realtor.com for hours, (where will we go?  How will we afford another home and property in this insane market?  What about interest rates??😬) and I’m so doing also avoiding the hundreds of
 projects that I should be doing instead.

Some days it be like that…😔

 So today I woke feeling incredibly heavy.  

I wanted to continue to avoid the yuck. It feels easier to throw myself into distraction. But like a boil that has abscessed, I couldn’t quite focus on any one task. I would experience moments of intense sadness or anger at what felt like silly things.

So I finally gave up trying to suppress those feelings and allowed myself to be fully in all the emotions.

I much prefer the feeling of residing in joy – the vast majority of the time – so this was a highly uncomfortable process for me. I spent a large portion of the day on the couch, giving myself space to just accept whatever came up.

Now here is what was wonderful about allowing these negative emotions to Be – at some point, I started to feel a little lighter.

Towards evening, my heart began to feel soothed. I reconnected with my lungs.  My brain stopped the whirlwind of “what ifs“.  

 I finally got up, made myself a meal and took my puppers ( #astrathewolfpup) for a walk. I let Apple choose my music and Spirit came through loud and clear in the song selections to let me know that Source has my back and I’m going to be ok. 🥰.  If I know one thing from my own history, it’s that ultimately, things always work out.  

If you are experiencing your own #darknightofthesoul, beautiful, I hope you choose to own those negative feelings. Sit in the yuck until your gorgeous inner child gets calm. Do some self-care and give yourself lots of ❤️ . It’s all part of the process of becoming whole, of becoming the most authentic version of yourself and ultimately, living your life as a dynamic creator and divine being.

You are loved.  You are capable.  You are worthy. And babe, in case you had forgotten, I love you.💖

Big hugs and lots of love.💕

– Terah

Starry-eyed Child

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow. – Kurt Vonnegut

Mary, Mary, quite contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells and cockleshells

And pretty maids all in a row

And pretty maids all in a row

What grows in your garden?

Do you have a rich inner life, well watered and fertilized with all of the things that make your inner child happy?

Your happy, fulfilled inner child is the key to experiencing joy no matter your current age. 

But for most of us, the better question might be: How often do you take a few moments to tune in to the precious, starry-eyed little boy or girl living inside of you?

It can be only too easy to lose track of those other parts of ourselves in the business and busy-ness of every day adult life.  

But even if you feel like your younger selves are lost to the deepest reaches of your inner being, I can promise you they are still there, waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting to come out and play.

Waiting to create a deeper sense of joy and presence in the everyday business and busyness of life.

Meeting that child (even if it’s for the first time) can be as easy as sitting quietly for a bit and asking that little one to come out and talk to you.  

Can you feel the sense of that younger you peeping around the curtains of the stage of your subconscious mind and deeper realms of the body?  If so, can you let them take center stage for a bit? 

What does she/he look like?  What are they wearing?  What would they like to do as they stand in the center of your mind-stage?  

Would they create a masterpiece from clay or paint?  Or maybe fingerpaint the walls?  Would they spend time in the woods or on the beach?  Would they dance?  What kind of dance? What colors make them happy?  

My inner child is especially fond of hip-hop, Latin dancing, singing, dancing and skipping on nature walks and spicy foods. She loves painting, animals, seeing new places and talking to random strangers.🤷‍♀️. She’s also goofy, temperamental and a little emotional.

Adult me isn’t quite so outgoing, leans towards logic and isn’t always comfortable with strong emotions. Adult me holds pain and past trauma a little closer to the heart.😣.

So allowing her to stay integrated also keeps those opposing parts of my personality balanced.  

A big part of this integration is finding time each week to tune in to how she’s doing, and find activities that will make her happy.  I also try to tune in to those younger aspects of myself when I’m making a major decision – our inner children tend to be closer to our intuition and that which connects us to Source/God/All That Is.  

Connecting to our intuition and Source also allows us to manifest our dreams and wishes and bring the desires of our hearts to us quicker and easier than we may have believed possible. ✨💫🪄 

Win/win, right?😁

What are the tools that you use to connect to your beautiful inner child?

Much love and big hugs;

  • Terah💖

Contrasts and the big picture

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

The last months have brought more challenges and difficulties to my life than in the many years before. 

I separated from my husband of nearly 14 years early last spring and moved out and onto a boat this fall.  Boatlife is awesome in so many ways but also very challenging in others, especially living on a 1969 wooden yacht in the winter.  

I still own my farm in the country and we’ve been through two rounds of major flooding now. 

Watching your life float away as your property is under a foot or more of water is a surreal experience.  Digging out the mountains of mud after the first round of flooding only to have even heavier flooding the following week was in some ways highly charged emotionally, but at the same time, knowing that there is nothing I can do about it at the moment makes it easier to let go of the anxiety and grief that I experienced the first time, standing in my garage up to my ankles in water and mud as my stored possessions and tokens of my children’s life floated around me.

One of my “most important people” passed away last summer.  My aunt Sandra was one of the three women in my life who showed me unconditional love growing up.  She took me in when I was a teenager headed in the wrong direction and gave me a new start, likely altering the entire course of my life for the better.  Her death was earth-shattering for a few weeks.  

I also had an ending to one of my dearest friendships of many years, which is so, so hard as I still hold much love her, but I know that the toxic elements that have been in the relationship for many years are always going to be there, and I have to release those things and relationships that cause ongoing strife and pain in order to move into the place that I know I want to be.  

My daughter has just gotten married and is moving to Okinawa, Japan in January.  I am beyond excited for her (and a little jealous, lol) but it is difficult knowing she will be so far away.  She has been living in Tempe for the last year and a half and it’s pretty easy for me to jump on a plane or plan a road trip to go see her, or fly her up for a family visit.  Not as much when it is a 20-plus hour flight.  

I often get messages from friends and loved ones like “I am so sorry for what you are going through” or “Are you ok?  You must really be struggling right now”.  But the truth is, I am happy the vast majority of the time.  I have an amazing life – and really am not struggling.  For the most part. 

I have times when I have to deal with the literal and metaphoric mud that is in my life.  I’ve got a few dumpster fires for sure.  But here’s how I process the “Contrasts” that we all experience in life and manage to remain happy and grounded 85-90% of the time:

I fully acknowledge and really allow myself to feel the shiznit when it happens.  I yell a little, or cry alot.  In the moment.  I take an honest look at what is happening and what my emotional experience is.   And then I step back and ask myself two questions:  Is this a problem I can solve right now?  And – Is it going to serve me to hold these negative emotions?  

Sometimes, very occasionally, using a so-called negative emotion such as anger to be a catalyst to get off our ass and make some positive change or to drop the toxic elements of our life that are causing the anger can be a good thing.  But more often than not, we allow our negative emotions to hold us as captive as those situations or people that are at the root of our emotional state do.  

So for me, I usually make the decision to let that sh#t go.  

If there is a problem I can solve, I look at the steps to fix it.  One of the biggest challenges to living on an old boat in winter is power usage.  I can’t cook and have my heat on at the same time.  I can’t have my hot water heater on and anything else besides the lights going.  It is an exercise in frustration and I am constantly tripping the circuit breakers.  I’ve had a few times when everything has gone out and it takes some time to trace the problem to its source.  But by addressing each element of the problem in turn, I can usually get things going again.  

With my currently flooding property, there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix the situation.  At the moment.  So I say “fuck it” and set aside the emotional aspects of that problem until I can begin taking steps to dig everything out of the mud again.  

Self-care is absolutely crucial in maintaining a healthy sense of balance and happiness, even in the middle of the shiznit.  Taking time to get some healthy exercise, eat well, spend time with friends and family, take some long, hot baths or whatever mode of self-care feels best for you can make a huge difference in holding onto your happy state.

Right now, I am overlooking a spectacular view of the Pacific ocean and Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon.  I have good coffee beside me as I write, and a fabulous, oversized bathtub in the room to soak away all of the residual stress of life.  I’ve been walking the beach, wandering quaint shops and of course, hitting the bookstores.  

Tomorrow I head back to reality but taking some time – whether it’s just a few hours or a few days –  to step away from it all keeps the bigger picture in perspective.  

Ultimately, the contrasts are there to remind us of the good.  When we are in the middle of life’s challenges – especially the big ones – it can be hard to see the big picture.  We get stuck in that tiny bit of black paint that seems our only reality.  But with practice, we can learn to step back and “see” the portrait of our life, recognizing that that bit of black paint is just one small spot of darkness in an otherwise bright and beautiful composition. 

 More importantly, that black “paint” is vital in bringing forward those lights and brights.  It may suck for a bit while you are in it, but beautiful, when you see the whole picture, you will be astounded by the brilliance and beauty of your life.  Truly.  

What are some of the contrasts that you have been experiencing lately – and how do you keep your happy space forward in your mind and heart amidst the challenges life may bring?  

If you are going through some of your own dark spots right now, I hope you know that you are not alone.  I am here with you, and you’ve so got this – but if you need a little extra love and support, I’ve got you back.  You are amazing.  You are worthy.  You are capable, and so very loved.  

Always;

  • Terah