Tag: #terahrose.catalyst

America the Beautiful?

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

This morning, I came across a post on the Internet in which the author was discussing the silence and lack of action over the political and economic crisis that is happening right now globally, but particularly here in the US.

 In the article, she compares it to an (true) experience she had on a flight to New York, in which the hydraulics of the landing gear failed completely. The pilot announced what was happening to the passengers on the plane and explained that he was going to have to cruise at altitude for several hours to try to burn off as much fuel as possible so that when the plane caught fire on the runway when he tried to land, the fireball would be minimized.

The plane flew in circles for more than four hours. What surprised her the most about this experience is that the passengers didn’t scream or cry, didn’t pray loudly to God. Instead, they remained “eerily silent“ as the plane circled the airport, waiting to see if they would live or die.

She believes this silence to be essentially what is happening in America right now, and as I read the article, I had a bit of an “aha“ moment.

I’ve  been thinking a lot about this “eerily silent” phenomenon, and trying to understand what is happening in the minds of so many Americans over the past several months.  

I’ve questioned it as masked agents, intent upon deporting “illegals” (even when they are not) invade school campuses, farms, churches and businesses, break car windows to forcibly pull folks from their vehicles, and seemingly without accountability, other acts of violence, ironically, against those who fled countries rife with corruption and violence, seeking a better life for themselves and their families. 

I have questioned the dismantling of public systems put in place to protect the elderly, the infirm, and others most in need.  

When that same leader (illegally) sent the National Guard against our own people in our own states, I questioned how this could be happening in our country; the so-called “Land of the Free”.

I’ve questioned why we aren’t doing more in protest of the monstrous acts against #Gaza 

I’ve questioned why people that I know and love support a man leading our country who is a convicted felon, racist, (was convicted in court of blatant racism and bias in his rentals, amongst other on-record incidents) sexist, (“I just grab ‘em by the 🐈 “ and the many, many other comments and actions against women), pardoned men who are convicted abusers, pedophiles, and rapists, has direct links to Russia/Putin, Epstein and child exploitation, 26 allegations of sexual abuse and rape, has had multiple bankruptcies, draft deferments and fraud judgements – and that’s not even naming all of the convictions, judgements and allegations against him.

I’ve heard “It’s in God’s hands”, suggesting we should just “let go and let God” –  and I agree that in those things that we can not influence or control, we have to be able to surrender.  

But right now, I believe we have a responsibility to stand against these injustices, illegal and unconstitutional acts.  We have a responsibility to stand up and speak – and act where possible – for those who are not strong. 

We have a responsibility to protect our democracy, our citizens and those that are here genuinely trying to make their own lives (and of future generations) better, and are contributing to our economy and the betterment of the United States.   We have a responsibility to protect our beautiful country and all that inhabit it. 

Coming back to those that claim to be “biblically based Christians”, what about the parable of the three Stewards?  Aren’t we commanded from Genesis onward to care for and protect not only our lands but ALL of its inhabitants? 

In biblical scripture including Romans, James, and Matthew, we are commanded to protect the elderly, the infirm, women and children.  Jesus himself spent his adult years preaching this gospel, healing the sick and feeding the hungry. 

One of the things I’ve especially is questioned why, on multiple occasions, I’ve been told to stay silent, stay in my lane and stick to the positive, “rainbows and butterflies” content that I have been known for for over a decade.  To pretend that our country is not on fire – and as a result, let it burn.  

My father is a mechanic, and has told me stories of how, when he was a child, he would be compelled to take apart household appliances and machinery to understand how they work, then would put them back together again. Cool, right?

I have no talent for machines, but I have the same compulsion when it comes to understanding the nature of reality, humans, and spirituality.  Perhaps because of this, learning (at least those topics I find interesting) is one of  my most fundamental character traits and “love language”.   I literally learn every single day; reading, listening to podcasts, audiobooks, or YouTube.

As a result, I have, for decades now, studied world religion and mythology, multiple facets of psychology, relationship science, neuroscience, physiology, quantum physics, environmental sciences.  And a fair smattering of history, which ties into all of the above. 

Though the most recent research shows that our thoughts and desires directly affect our physiology, magnetic field and reality itself, I can tell you for a fact that burying our heads in the sand and pretending that “everything will work out” would be “magical thinking”.  

We have to balance the reality that we wish to see with the reality that actually is if we want to create lasting change.  

We have to heal ourselves, our societal dysfunctions and the harm we continue to inflict on the planet in order to build something better. 

I understand that many people are afraid, and perhaps that causes us to be silent.  I’m sure there are many that genuinely believed,  and still wish to believe, that our current leader is going to “Make America Great” again, and perhaps this wishful thinking, along with the mass of  propaganda and misinformation out there, makes it hard to recognize the slippery slope of fascism we are sliding down right now.   

We humans also tend to stick to our pre-programmed belief systems, especially in times of challenge or difficulty.  

Yet, all we have to do is look at world history and how many countries transitioned from democratic to authoritarian rule with just one leader, even within the past century, (Russia, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Italy, most South American countries, Poland and Hungary) to understand that the direction we are going is the opposite of ”great” for the average American citizen, though a  May 2025 analysis by Oxfam found that the 10 richest U.S. billionaires increased their wealth by $365 billion in the preceding 12 months and $196 BILLION between Trump’s taking the Oval Office and May of 2025.

Remaining silent in the face of grave danger, challenge or even the unfamiliar is our primitive brains’ (primarily the amygdala) way of keeping us “safe”.  

Beyond that, many of us who tend towards optimism (myself included) truly want to believe that good will win out, in the end.

Ultimately, I believe it will.  Again, looking at history, we can see that when humans decide on the right course and act accordingly, we can create tremendous change for the good of humanity. 

We can defeat despots.  We win wars, feed nations, stop disease from decimating populations.  We can invent miracles and what would have been called “magic” only a century ago.  We can stop this speeding train, or plane, or bullet, before it harms many more.

But what will be the cost,  if we stay silent, hoping for a miracle, in the meantime? 

How many will suffer, as we pretend that our engine isn’t failing and we don’t need to find a safe place to land?  

What will be the cost of our souls, if we continue to ignore the magnitude of wrongness that is happening right now? 

We are the miracle we are waiting for.  We are the heroes (or the villains) of this novel.

We can write a new, better story for ourselves, our country, and our children, if we speak up against what is wrong and stand together against evil.  

But we won’t change anything by staying eerily silent. 

It is my  personal belief that the entire point of our existence here on this planet is to love, protect, and care for and appreciate ourselves, those around us, and the planet, and to create a better world for generations to come.  I want my children to live in a country where they feel safe, abundant and happy.  I want them to inherit a country they are proud of.  An America the Beautiful; Home of the Free and The Brave.🇺🇸🌄🌾

I will continue to post tips and tools for increasing our “happiness baseline” and optimizing a better reality on my social media platforms – https://www.facebook.com/TerahDrake or my IG – @terahrosecatalyst or @thisblessedsacredlife

But I will also continue to speak out against those things that are wrong, harmful or even evil in our government and beyond.  

And I hope you will, too. 🙏🏻

Big love.💖

  • Terah

Reincarnation Reevaluation

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

It is estimated that just over half the world believes in reincarnation. Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, and Jainists all believe that our souls are eternal and keep incarnating in new bodies after we shed the previous skin of a lifetime.  In fact, up to 25% of Christians believe it, as well.  I found it interesting to learn that many philosophers, such as Pythagoras, Plato, and Socrates, also believed in the continued rebirth of the soul.  

From a quantum physics standpoint, energy cannot “die”, but must be transferred or transformed.  A tree becomes a log that is put into a fire to become a flame, to become ash, to become earth, to once again become a tree…

In spite of my own very traditional Christian upbringing, I’ve had a few experiences that have led me to believe that I’ve been around the proverbial block a few times now, too.  I like to think of each lifetime as a school. When we’re a young soul, we get to go to kindergarten and life is pretty easy. We don’t think terribly deeply, and we’re mostly here for a good time, even though we are still learning simple lessons.  

 As we progress through lifetimes/grade levels, things get a little harder, but I think that’s by choice. That maybe before we are born, we choose the classes that we are going to take to best help us grow; to evolve and become Creators in our own right. By the time we’re in “university”, many of us are choosing some really f#cking hard life lessons so that we can achieve exponential growth.  

I don’t know that we all pass every class that we take. Sometimes, we get stuck in victim mentality, or we get drawn into materialism, or those hard lessons cause us to become embittered rather than more compassionate.  Sometimes when we are given the opportunity for growth we allow fear to rule us and we stay stuck rather than advancing.  

Eventually, we shed our mortal coil and we get to go again, perhaps with some encoded memory that we’ve been here before, and hopefully do it a little better next time.  

But over the past couple of years, I’ve started to think that maybe I should be a little more global in my belief system when it comes to reincarnation.  I’m not so sure that it always has to mean that we literally die, go to some other place for reassignment and then come back as another person. 

I think maybe we also reincarnate many times, in one lifetime.  The death may be more metaphoric than literal, but we’ve all been through many experiences where we felt like some part of us died, as with the death of or separation from someone or something (such as a career) we love, or perhaps it is the “death” of some aspect of our identity or ego that we have carried from childhood. In fact, it is said that when someone consider suicide, it is not the whole self that wants to die, but rather some aspect of the ego that long ago stopped serving us.

When we go through these “little deaths”, we may feel that we are in purgatory for a time, and it can be months, or even years before we begin to crawl out of the protective cocoon we have built for ourselves, to learn to fly again. To be reborn, each time a little – or a lot –  of a different person.  

I’ve had a number of such experiences throughout my life; usually following some really frickin’ hard lessons.  I have been through some of these over the past three years or so, but recently found myself in a situation that caused acute emotional pain; asking the question – “WTAF Universe (Unified Field/Source/God/Jah/whatever works for you); this totally sucks.  Why am I getting this lesson AGAIN?  

To be immediately followed with “oh.”  

Because I didn’t learn the first time.  If we fail a test in a particular class in school, if we are lucky and our instructor/teacher/professor takes mercy on us, we can re-take that test. I believe the Universe is infinitely merciful and so we get to take the test over. And sometimes, over, and over…and hopefully, eventually we figure it out. We have our “oh” or “aha” moment.

So the question, when we find ourselves in the same lesson, must be:  “What did I need to learn here?”  Sometimes, with those BIG lessons, it takes a bit of deep work to figure it out.  We have to look at and work through the source of the thought processes that are creating or drawing to us these challenging experiences.  But  as soon as we realize what the lesson was all along, there is this amazing feeling of “aha”, and a knowledge that we just moved up a level.  We shed the heaviness that was connected to what we were holding, and remember that we have wings again.  We re-incarnate, lighter, happier, and excited for the future.  

Of course, there will always be many other lessons to learn, but that particular class is passed, and past.  

What’s especially exciting about the idea of multiple reincarnations within each lifetime; whether they are related to relationships, lack/poverty thinking, victim mentality, low self-value/self love or any other issue or program that has been carried from a flawed or traumatic childhood, is that just like being born into a new body with a new family, many of the old, unhealthy habits and people that were an aspect of that life and vibrational resonance drop away and healthier, happier habits and communities are formed. 

 We learn to set healthy boundaries and care for ourselves better.  New opportunities show up.  We become more deliberate in the creation of our personal reality.  As an additional bonus, being a little further along the path enables us to guide and help others create a happier reality for themselves, too.  We are ripples on a pond, contributing in our own way to the evolution of humanity.  

How cool is that?😎

Have you had this experience?  Have you felt like you have lived many lives in this lifetime?  I’d love to see your stories!

Big love.💖

– Terah

Honoring the Pain in the Process – self growth is f#cking hard!

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized
Evolution ain’t easy…🥶

Let’s start this conversation. Growth is f#cking hard. Painful, in ways.

It can be depressing and overwhelming, initially.  

It may lead to rainbows and unicorns, but know this to be true – we often have to leave the familiar, the Known, and even those people and places that we still love in order to find our path towards peace and freedom.  

That path isn’t easy, either.  I read recently that it is estimated that only 2% of the population choose growth.  This is largely because our primitive brain has not evolved to understand the positive aspects of growth.  

The primitive, or downstairs brain (limbic region and amygdala) has not really evolved in thousands of years, and keeps us “safe” from anything that could potentially be harmful. To the amydala, the unfamiliar is unsafe. The primitive brain tells us to stick to the familiar. The safe. It tells us that we should stay in the cave, and tries to override change by creating neurochemicals that make us feel deeply uncomfortable and even fearful of anything that seems unfamiliar.

It is understandable to want to stay in a place of perceived safety, even if that safety makes us deeply unhappy.

Because sometimes, the path to peace downright sucks. Before we can find joy, the path winds through dark forests and up steep mountains. There will be times when we feel lost. There will be times that we feel we are in darkness, and all that we can see is the step directly in front of us.

We will have to confront those dark parts of ourselves – the skeletons in our closets and monsters under the bed – past trauma, dysfunctional patterns and programs – that we may have avoided our entire lives before. We may endure times of aloneness and even loneliness as we make our way on our very individual path.

We will lose people along the way; those that can not accept the new version of ourselves; or just can’t make the journey.  

It’s hard, and sad, even heartbreaking, sometimes.  

But we also gain new friends and family that more accurately reflect the reality that we consciously choose to live, rather than one that was chosen for us.  Our vibe finds our tribe.🥰

Most importantly, we gain peace in knowing that we have chosen our own path.

Time to fly, babe…

Eventually, that decision will become the best decision we have ever made for ourselves. Our journey through those dark paths leads to bright sunshine and warm seashores. The dense woods become charming paths leading through bright glades and mirror-still pools as our mind’s new programs learn to create new realities.

Even in this upgraded reality, there will still be days that clouds move across the path and feel hard or sad. We may mourn for that which we left behind.

But it is 💯 worth it. I can not overstate that enough.

It is worth every drop of discomfort, every leap into loneliness, every disconcerting, uncomfortable or downright scary experience with those lost parts of ourselves and the hard process of stripping away of old, outdated was of thinking and being.

It is worth the pain. The “fertilizer”, to live a life of freedom as a conscious creator rather than as a slave to the programs and patterns instilled upon us by our parents, caregivers, peers and societal expectations.

If you need evidence of this, look to any human who has begun to live by this new shift in paradigm.  I challenge you to find one person who would go back to the Matrix of our own implanted b.s. 

But it’s still f#king hard. 😖

Did you know that when a caterpillar creates its cocoon, it doesn’t just sprout wings and fly away – it completely dissolves into a black miasma within that cocoon before Re-forming as the beautiful symbol of transformation we all recognize and most of us love? Growth and evolution is much like this.🥶🦋

It may feel like we go through our own period of hibernation and re-forming as we spend more time in “being” and self-examination and less time in “doing”.  

This is also a necessary part of the process.  Just as the caterpillar must quietly dissolve in its cocoon to become something more, we also have to become still and go inside of ourselves in order to dismantle all those faulty and outgrown belief systems.  It may feel like winter.  

There was a study done in which scientists injected Redwood trees with a chemical similar to adrenaline in order to prevent the trees from hibernating over winter.  Every single one of these normally long-living trees died within the year.   

Humans have times when we must metaphorically hibernate, as well, if we are to grow into a new season of flowers and warmth.  

Even having that big-picture understanding that the short term, hard changes will eventually lead to long-term happiness, the process is still hard. So it is important to acknowledge and honor the discomfort and sometimes even pain that happens when we start this journey towards peace.

If you are on this journey, I honor you. I acknowledge the pain you may be going through as those old egoic patterns begin to fall away. As you deconstruct.

If you need support or a shoulder on your journey, know that you are surrounded by love and there are others that will find you on the path.❤️. I am one of them, and am sending huge hugs, care and encouragement along the way.

Big love.💖

– Terah

Protecting your Peace/Ho’oponopono

by Terah Drake, posted in self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth, self-development

To an emotionally unhealthy person, clear boundaries or a “no” is either a challenge or a personal affront.  

To someone who is whole or on their healing journey, there is no possibility for affront.  Choosing to listen to one’s own needs instead of people pleasing is a mark of self-respect and value.  

We must nourish ourselves before we can feed others…

Babe. Grab a cuppa and a comfy chair because we are going to take a little dive into a number of subjects today that all tie together, eventually. But the overarching theme here – and this is so important – is this:

You have a right and a responsibility to protect your peace.  

This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but it is a radical concept to others who might be accustomed to being the peacemaker in family and peer dynamics – rather than the peace holder.

Protecting your peace means it’s not only ok, but vital that we learn to set healthy boundaries for ourselves, our time, and our energetic resources.  It is making sure we find time for self-care and learning what it is that makes us as individuals happy. 

Because Goddess knows, it can be only too easy to lose ourselves in the interests and lives of our partners, peers, and parents. And of course, our children, if we have them.

“Until we are able to love and take care of ourselves, we cannot be much help to others.”

This doesn’t mean that we should not care for and share interests and passions with those close to us, of course.  Loving those around us makes everyone’s lives better, and common ground is the best place to find healthy, happy connection, right?  But finding a sense of authenticity and joy in our lives requires finding the balance between loving ourselves and others.  

I like to imagine our bodies, minds, and the magnetic field that surrounds us as an energy storehouse.  When we are in balance with ourselves and the world around us – happy with ourselves, our partnerships, family dynamics, social groups, and career or purpose, our energy levels are full.  Light. We feel easy in the world and are able to share some of that stored energy with those around us.  

But it can also be too easy to get caught up in the drama of someone else’s toxic mentality – and we have absolutely no obligation to invest our time and headspace into energy vampires – people or things that draw from our energy accounts without any promise of return.  

This can be so hard for those of us who are empaths, people pleasers or fixer/mediator type personalities.

Here’s where an interesting concept comes in – Have you heard of the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho’ oponopono? 

The word translates into English as “Correction”, but also contains the synonyms “manage” or “supervise”.  The practice, often facilitated by a family elder or a Hawaiian Hapuna – healer/priest – is one of healing, reconciliation, forgiveness and love, often within a family or extended family, but extending to anyone who breaks Kapu, or spiritual laws.  Often, when a member of the community became ill, a Hapuna would be consulted to help the person become healthy again through finding forgiveness from the Gods or the person with whom there may have been a dispute.  

The practice of Ho’oponopono consists of four simple phrases – 

~ I’m sorry.

~ Please forgive me. 

~ Thank you. 

~ I love you.

Ho’oponopono is taking responsibility for one’s thoughts or actions, making amends through word or deed, giving gratitude and love to the situation or person we may have wronged. This is a beautifully powerful practice and I believe we can take this idea and practice into every aspect of our lives to create greater unity and wholeness within ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.

The thing is, apologies and vulnerable communication can be so hard.  

Often, our past (childhood) programming translates the need for an apology or regular, honest communication from someone as “I must be bad/wrong/unloveable”, etc.  This is rarely if ever the case, of course, but remember that an estimated 98% of our daily thoughts and actions are acted from our subconscious, (ego) and most of that began in the first eight years of life. 

Our conscious mind may not understand or even care to query as to why it is difficult to say “I am sorry” or communicate without feeling defensive, frightened or intimidated. When we are acting from past trauma or unhealthy patterns, the amygdala – the brain’s processor for emotional responses, decision making, – and emotional response – is triggered, causing us to go into a state of anxiety, anger or fear. This is a primitive, emotional survival-instinct based reaction.

Amygdala “ reaction” Vs. Pre-frontal cortex “response” – If it’s histrionic (emotion-based) it’s history-based.

It requires some deep self-exploration and conscious awareness to find the root of our behaviors.  Frankly, I don’t believe we can fully do this until we confront the faulty belief systems that our parents, caregivers and peers implanted in our minds from an early age (lack of value/unworthiness.  Abandonment.  Fear-based thinking/survival.  Disempowerment. The list goes on…) 

This is where the concept of Ho’oponopono related to the self can be applied to assist in the reprogramming and healing process.  When we begin to practice having curiosity about how our internal states are reflected in our outside world on a regular basis, we can begin to address those unhealthy and untrue patterns and programmed ways of thinking.

We can learn to love ourselves in the way that our earliest caregivers perhaps did not know how to. We can forgive ourselves for our past to move forward in a manner based on a healthier EQ, have gratitude and appreciation for who we are in the present moment. All of this establishes the habit of growing the neural network of response from the prefrontal cortex; the part of the brain linked to higher-order functions such as logic, empathy, care and altruism. We learn to be in a place of responding rather than reacting. We learn to validate others’ feelings and take accountability for our own words and behaviors that might sometimes be less than constructive or healthy for ourselves or those around us.

@drtstaswart 😎

The process of healing and learning to be aware and take accountability for every aspect of who we are in the present is not easy, as I mentioned above. I began learning about psychology, trauma, and eventually neurobiology and quantum physics/vibrational realities decades ago -not to help others, but to learn to heal myself and my own childhood trauma.

It’s amazing to me how even now, I occasionally discover layers of early dysfunctional programming and behaviors that I had absolutely no idea were there, particularly around my value system in my most intimate relationships.

But as hard and sometimes frightening as this learning and growth is, it can also be exciting, as I have spoken of in past posts and blogs relating to neurochemistry and confronting discomfort eventually giving us an emotional “high”. (#intothechaos) I don’t think I could stress in words just how worth it it is to do that healing in order to create a happier, healthier version of ourselves in our present and future realities; though, if you’ve read any of my work, you know I try.👀.

Which takes us back to Ho’oponopono and healing ourselves and our close relationships.

How can it relate when it comes to protecting our own peace while still caring for others? 

Not everyone decides to take a pathway to healing.  

Some are just too entrenched in those patterns and programs – ego-identification driven behaviors that they can not see or even try to see that their behaviors, words and actions are harmful. It is important to honor whatever or whomever they decide to be.

Every single human is on their own path.  No matter how much an individual might be able to “see” why a person is the way they are, (why can’t they see their beauty and potential?…) each of us have to be responsible for the maintenance of only our own side of the road.  

If someone looking for a better reality comes to us, we can do our best to provide some guideposts on the journey but even then, holding expectations for any other human besides ourselves only damages ourselves and our ability to have healthy relationships.  

Sometimes, it is people that are close to us – family or friends that we have known perhaps our whole lives – that are toxic and unwilling or unable to do the work to be someone that we want to spend time and our energetic resources on. We may still love them deeply for the history we shared, but ⬆️⬆️ A. We can’t “fix” anyone. And B. If we don’t protect our peace/energetic resources, we have less to share with those who come willingly to our pathway that may need it most.

Are they ready to get out of the mud?

Let me give an example of this.  I had coffee and a chat with a close friend about this subject recently.  

“Elizabeth” is a healer and empath with a history of unhealthy relationships beginning in early childhood.  In spite of her history of trauma, she has a beautiful petal-pink heart, and is committed to self-growth and evolution.  She loves to love people, but like many empathy and healers, also has a tendency to give more of herself than she has to give.  As a result, she often draws narcissists and energy vampires because she has difficulty protecting her energy field. 

Imagine a lake of crystal-clear water surrounded by a forest filled with creatures.  Every thirsty animal is going to come to drink from, swim in, and carouse in the lake, right?  Eventually, as we know of African waterholes, the banks become muddy and the water murky and low from so many draining and churning up the water. 

Alternatively, we have a neighboring lake that has a large fence around it with a gate that opens when a thirsty animal or small group of creatures comes over.  The animals learn from the gatekeeper that they are welcome to drink if they are well behaved and drink only what they need.  The lake remains pristine and full, as a result.  

Beautiful, right?  

But Elizabeth has only recently been learning to protect her peace – her lake.  So some unhealthy folks from her past still come around, expecting unlimited energy from her – and get Pissed with a capital P when she protects her boundaries.  They kick and scream, say awful things and accuse her of being a terrible person and not being a “true friend” for not giving them unlimited access to her resources.  

When we spoke of this, she was emotionally torn between knowing that healthy boundaries abOore necessary, and that she can’t “fix” or “save” those that don’t really want to be saved – and feeling guilty for not being a “true friend”.   

But what she wasn’t considering is that true friendship is always a two-sided relationship.  Always.  It doesn’t mean that the way two people express their care is necessarily the same – past programming/experience, love languages and attachment styles rarely if ever cross over completely – but there is always a give and take of energy between both people in any healthy relationship.  In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel filled, at least most of the time.   

Beyond that, it doesn’t matter how much good or potential we see in someone – if they don’t want to do the work to bring out that light in themselves, they will only end up drawing those who try to “help” them further into their darkness.  

So we spoke of Ho’oponopono, and sending love – speaking or thinking of them from a distance – to those people from her past – or present – that did not respect her boundaries or value her caring heart.  

Here’s what I suggested as her Ho’oponopono “prayer” to her old friend:  

~ I am sorry for what you have been through.

~ Please forgive me for whatever pain I may have caused you.

~ Thank you for the wonderful moments of our past.

~ I love you, and wish you happiness. 

This practice allows us to send loving kindness and healing to others – and ourselves – without having to physically engage in potentially exhausting mental and energetic judo with a toxic friend, family member, employer or peer.

Here’s a huge bonus aspect of putting this practice into “meditation” – It helps us build a healthier, happier brain.  

According to Chade-Meng Tan;(@chandemeng ) Nobel Peace Prize nominee (One Billion Acts Of Peace) and author of Joy on Demand, sitting in silence for just three minutes and sending peace, love, or happiness “I wish for ______ to be happy” can drastically improve your own happiness baseline.

I did a little dive into the neurological and neurobiological processes of this phenomena and discovered that not only does this practice increase activity in the prefrontal cortex and create new neural pathways that help us to better self-regulate our emotional responses (NIH PMID 25646442), but it also lowers cortisol levels and increases oxytocin and serotonin. I’d call that a win all the way around, right? 😎

For me, I often incorporate this practice into my morning meditation.  I place my left hand on my heart and my right on my abdomen, breathe slowly and deeply and repeat the prayer or mantra as I visualize someone in my life or from my own past that I would like to send some healing and love to.  

Incidentally, Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting in lotus with a loincloth and a bindi.  I have also practiced this while out on a walk, cooking a meal, or even while creating art.  Anything that puts us into a state of “flow” can be considered meditation.  

(Bearing in mind, there has been significant research on the myriad physiological and neurological benefits of sitting in quiet focus for just 10 minutes each day.  That is a whole blog unto itself (or a book) so we won’t go into details, but something to consider…)

But meditation aside, practicing just a few minutes of Ho’oponopono each day can be a powerful tool for learning to create and honor your own boundaries while still loving others that may not be healthy for us to continue a relationship with. Remember that your energetic resources are finite, and protecting the beauty and purity of your “lake” will not only keep you happier and healthier but will also draw healthier people to you as you move forward on your journey.

How are you learning to protect your energy and your peace? What tools or techniques have been most helpful in setting and keeping healthy boundaries? Is there anything here that especially resonates?

Big love.💖

  • Terah

Perceptions, Presets, and Personal Relationships

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

The human brain is an organic computer; a recognition machine that every moment is creating stories and constructs to fill in the blanks of the world around us, largely based upon our individual sets of life experiences and preset patterns.

Put into scientific terms, the reticular activating system; the brain’s “reality filter” sorts through the roughly 6,000,000,000 bits of information we take in per second through our primary senses and magnetic field, and translates that information into 4000 or so usable bits of information that we then view the world through. This filter is essentially created through our unique early childhood programming.

This is why confirmation bias happens. Why we so often end up exactly like our parents or caregivers; for better or worse. This is also why learning and incorporating new experiences into our adult lives is so vitally important if we are to continue evolving as individuals and as a species.

But that is a big and multi-faceted subject. For now, let’s look at how it applies to our self-perception and the way that we create relationships with others.

Our relationship with others can only be a reflection of some aspect of the relationship we have with ourselves.

“The world is looking glass and gives back to every man their reflection of his own face.” – William Make-Peace Thackeray

Because of this, It is nearly impossible for any individual to fully understand who another human is. But we can learn to know ourselves better through how we respond and relate to others and the world around us, and in turn broaden our ability to have a greater scope of understanding of who someone is.

When we meet another person, we create an image of them based upon what our own previous life experiences have been. We build assumptions based on our own identity; an identity that is often an egoic construct based on those childhood patterns of survival and “safety”, or lack thereof that we have continued living well into adulthood.

It is estimated that 98% of our thoughts and actions are habitual (and largely based upon this early programming) before we turn 40, unless we are actively working on neuroplasticity – altering that circuitry and growing a better brain.

What we see in the person we are interacting with at any given moment is an amalgamation of recognized aspects of these preset programs and patterns; often having very little to do with who they truly are as an individual.

Unfortunately, in the same way that we often cannot smell our own bad breath, we are usually unaware of the background programs that are controlling our real-time thoughts, words, and behaviors. It is difficult to see our own dysfunctional patterns until something happens that forces us to confront those damaging subconscious belief systems. We can not know that we are in a dark room until someone opens a window and sunlight pours in.

We can only understand another based upon our own identity patterns.

I have seen this pattern in myself plenty of times. I meet someone and I have this “Wow!” moment in which I see their gorgeous inner child or something especially fabulous in their manner; in their incredible potential, and the beauty of their soul, and I fall a little bit in love. Or sometimes a lotta bit.

When I say that we can not truly know another soul for who they are, I am not negating what I see in that person – I know that when I see that beauty and potential, it is absolutely there. But my own preset patterns of recognition don’t always allow me to see all the other aspects of their nature that might not be as compatible with my own. (Reticular Activating System…). What I also don’t always see is how my own dys-functional pre-sets from childhood might be playing into accepting partners or friendships who do not treat me with value.

Often, the recognition of those things I might not see, whether it is in those relationships or in myself, comes months or even years down the road when I have an “aha” moment or realization that I have been accepting sub-par treatment or that the vastly different, difficult, challenging, or impossible aspects of who they are will not change. I have to either accept the whole person rather than the “potential” that I see, or I need to reframe the relationship that I have with that person.

I very recently had one such epiphany; realizing that an unhealthy situation I had gotten myself thoroughly entrenched in was connected to unresolved (unbeknownst to me at the time) patterns that traced back to my very first relationship. This realization hit me like a ton of “holy sh#t” bricks and made my shadow side do a happy dance, feeling significantly lighter for the understanding and letting go of that heaviness.

Haven’t we all experienced this at one time or another?

I really appreciate the Pollyanna aspect of my nature and her ability to want to be besties with the wise, beautiful, Divinely -connected Starseed inner children she sees in others. I like to think that that sparkly, Rainbow-Brite aspect of my nature is my essential nature. The one I was born with, rather than the one that I learned through a complicated childhood.

But that other, darker side; based upon learned behaviors and belief systems from that oftentimes difficult childhood is not nearly as sweet, and has negatively influenced my personal relationships and the way I have viewed the world.

I grew up in a home where there was a tremendous amount of volatility and instability. I could not trust the adults in my life to care for me, protect me, or keep their word to me. Because of this, I learned to be fiercely independent and would not allow myself to trust or be truly vulnerable in my closest relationships. Or if I did, at the first sign of any kind of “betrayal”, I shut down and shut them out. I created self-fulfilling prophecies of being treated with less-than love and value in my closest relationships, based on faulty belief systems. I couldn’t even recognize that they were there or how much they were hurting me until I began to observe myself from the outside.

For me, learning to recognize the patterns of both my inner “Pollyanna” and my darker, less-than-trusting side, and look deeply into my own reactions and behavioral patterns with others has allowed me to cultivate healthier relationships.  As an added bonus, it has also helped me to recognize that humans are complex, and sometimes we fuck up.  I can be okay with those that I love (myself included) being less than perfect, and loving them through their own bullsh#t while maintaining some healthy boundaries for myself, when necessary.   

This is not to say that I am willing to be treated as less than the beautiful soul and gorgeously complex creation that I am, (nor should you) but it does give me a greater ability to have grace for the patterns and presets of those that I choose to surround myself with.

God knows, I am still working on all of this every single day, (#growthmindset) but awareness of my own presets and choosing to see the light in myself, others, and the world around me, rather than the mistrust I was taught, has been huge in altering every single aspect of my life from personal relationships to how I allow myself to see and create reality. 

So if we find ourselves feeling cynical, critical, and judgemental of others, we can learn to recognize that it is our own self-identity that is cynical, critical, and judgemental. We just project onto others what we feel critical of in ourselves.

If we are convinced that humanity is destined for destruction, hell, or just a life half-lived; a life of “settling”; if our view of the world is cynical or fear-based; this is all based upon our own internal belief systems and dialogue.  

But the opposite is also true. If we can learn to see ourselves as essentially good; of being capable of beauty, growth and evolution, we will see that reflected in the people and the world around us. The mind is always listening in on our self-talk, and if we begin to shift the way we speak to and about ourselves, those neurological patterns can begin to reshape themselves, too. I get bonafide nerded out just thinking about how amazing the human brain (and body) is…😉

If we can see the possibility and potential, the magic and miraculously Divine nature of our own beautiful Self,  we will believe others to also be miraculous, magical, Divine beings of infinite potential.  

If this resonates, maybe it’s time to step out of the shadow of a faulty and untrue belief system that was instilled by people who didn’t know a better way, and step into the bright, shiny, fabulously Divine being that you are. Maybe it’s time to unravel from the collective cocoon and way of being taught to us by our parents, society, religion, educational system, and political figures, and start embracing your own unique beauty, capability, and intelligence.

Because that is where your power is, babe. That is where your joy is. Where your magic and freedom and fun are – In the fullness of who you are, and the wisdom of what is right for you.

Through your own awareness, growth, and evolution, your relationships will improve.  You will attract others of a similar mindset who wish the same for themselves.  Through choosing to create your best possible life, and fully loving the Who that you are, you give those around you the permission to do the same. 

Ripples on a pond, babe. 🌊. How cool is that?

Big Love. ✨💖✨

  • Terah 

Relationships and the Journey to Wholeness

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Let’s talk about love.  

Specifically, love and connection in our most intimate relationships – marriage or committed partnerships, whatever that may look like to you.  

I’m not necessarily talking about romance, sex, or all of those neurochemical butterfly-inducing aspects of meeting a romantic partner/soulmate/twin flame, etc., though we all find all of those delicious feelings to be absolutely wonderful. But rather, I would like to have a dialogue around finding and/or maintaining a healthy, loving relationship; hopefully one that is based upon a journey to two people becoming whole as individuals and as a couple.

This conversation is about relationships that are based upon mutual empowerment, shared values, a commitment to honesty, vulnerability, transparency and effective communication. This is about connecting to and creating a deep and abiding love that promotes continued growth, individually and communally, and as a result, also contains passion. Chemistry. Excitement and electricity.

Questions to ask when ready for committed relationship:

  1. What do I need from a relationship? Write it down. Be as specific as possible. What are your emotional/physical/financial needs, values and desires? What are your “love languages”?
  1. What am I bringing to the relationship? Be honest. What gifts, talents, and loveable traits – and what baggage, toxic traits or unhealthy patterns? We can not expect a “perfect partner” if we aren’t bringing an equal energy to the table. This can also help us to identify those things that we might want to work on before we begin looking for our soulmate.
  1. What will I not tolerate in a relationship? We can be a part of the process of our partner’s healing and growth, but it is important to identify those traits in another person that feel deeply harmful or unhealthy to us.

I’ve never believed in holding regret. It does not really serve our growth – if anything, it can create a cycle of victimhood that we never really grow past, rather than taking the lessons from each experience life brings us and applying those lessons to the future.

But I do wish that before I ever became involved with my first romantic relationship, I had some of the understanding I have learned in the last few decades – and the last few years, especially, as I have delved deeply into understanding the science of how we create our reality, both individually and collectively.

This particularly applies in acknowledging and addressing those unhealthy relational cycles that we perpetuate without realizing; largely based on childhood trauma or unhealthy parenting styles.

Growth can not happen without accountability, which is the opposite of victim mentality.

Of course, we can really only learn when the timing is right – when the student is ready, the master will come – but 😣 It could have saved so much heartache and stress had I known that we bring our past programs into every single relationship in our lives.

This is exactly why I write now, in the hope that a little of my knowledge and experience might create better for someone else.❤️

Recognizing those long-held patterns can be a catalyst for growth and even joy, if we follow a few not-always-so-simple but worth the effort steps:

  • Awareness: Acknowledge the shiznit. Create greater understanding and recognition around our past programs and patterns. The wounded inner child cycle will continue until we get to the oringination point of our core wounds. What we resist, persists.
  • Access/Heal the Past: Begin to acknowledge those memories, experiences, events and emotions that have been keeping us stuck in unhealthy patterns and self-sabotage. Identify triggering behaviors that put us in a place of dysregulation. Find ways to gradually increase baseline levels of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins if you have been chronically depressed or anxious as a result of those past programs. Spend time in nature to expedite the healing process, especially near trees, mountains, or water.
  • Self-Love. Showing ourselves the same degree or more of love and value that we have given to others can be one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Identify those things about yourself that make you amazing and begin celebrating those gifts, talents and traits. Give to yourself the “love language” that you most share with others. Speak kindly to yourself.
  • Learn: Find the tools to begin to work through and heal that unhealthy way of thinking and relating to others. We live in a time where there is more knowledge and information available to us than any other time in the known history of the world. Sometimes this plethora of information can be overwhelming, but there is really no reason why we cannot find those tools and modalities that might work best for us to begin our healing journey towards lasting happiness. Finding a good therapist (I highly recommend someone with IFS experience) can be a wonderful way to jump-start your path to wholeness, too. I will share a few of the modalities and ways that I have found that seem to work well for me, but your journey is your journey and hopefully you will continue the process of growth and evolution long after you have read this book.
  • Connect: We humans are created for connection. Without it, much like plants without water, we either become dry, prickly things or we wither and die. The “baby warehouses” of Nazi Germany or the research done on rats and addiction illustrate this fact starkly. Touch creates oxytocin. Connection with others floods the brain with serotonin. Sex releases dopamine and endorphins. All of these neurochemicals increase our immunity, decrease addictive behaviors, make us generally feel good and have a host of other amazing benefits that I have mentioned in previous posts.

There are many folks out there that espouse the value of independence in finding our best path to healing. I do absolutely believe it is important that we have a sense of self sufficiency in every day life and enjoy our own company. I believe that an unhealthy Codependency does not serve anyone in the long run.

However, it is equally true that humans are made for connection. Made for partnership. Choosing a partner who will not only hold a safe space for us as we work on our self-growth, but that we can do the same for can make the journey to wholeness so much more beautiful and even expedite the process.

– TDrake @baselinehappy

This is where things can get tricky. We will continue to choose partners who perpetuate unhealthy past cycles rather than help us grow and heal to wholeness unless we have an awareness of our own childhood patterns of behavior and bonding. I believe this is habit on a neurological level and a desire to confront and move past our toxic history on a spiritual plane. Unresolved issues will continue to repeat themselves until we figure our sh*t out.

I wrote a while back about relationships and trauma bonding.  Trauma bonds are relational bonds that commonly form as a result of past toxic and/or abusive relationships, often beginning in childhood.  

I have heard some relationship therapists believe that 80% or more of adult intimate partnerships are based upon trauma bonding; relationships that are formed as a result of shared trauma or because the childhood wounds of two people match up.

Care. Consistency. Respect. Faith. How are you showing up for your parter?

For example; girl has avoidant or abusive parent and grows up with an anxious attachment style.  Girl grows up to meet boy who has an avoidant attachment style as a result of toxic patterns in his own childhood and they fall in “love’, but continue to perpetuate the unhealthy patterns of their youth because of this faulty programming.  

This seems pretty accurate based upon what I have seen in the vast majority of my own patterns and those of people close to me.

The way that the parents and caregivers of our childhood “teach” us sets up our neurological processes for the rest of our life. I believe that most parents and caregivers are doing the best that they can, based upon what they have learned, themselves. But just because something is a learned behavior, it doesn’t mean it is a healthy behavior – and there are so many ways that parents can fuck their kids neurological programming up from an early age without realizing they are doing so.

There are also plenty of unhealthy parenting styles that are not necessarily “abuse”, (the “coach”, the micromanager, the “helicopter parent”, the “tuned out” parent, the “follow the rules” parent…the list goes on) but can still leave us with destructive behavioral patterns that can be incredibly hard to recognize, let alone change. And so the cycle repeats itself over and over, often for generations – until someone along the line becomes aware enough to say “enough”.

Parenting is quite possibly the most important “career” in the world yet we do not require any form of marriage or child rearing education before we start creating another generation. 😑

At some point in every relationship, the intensity begins to fade.  Typically, it takes 18 months for the bodies’ elevated levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) to drop; a built-in chemical process that ensures (historically) that when we fall for someone, we will remain together for long enough to procreate.  

As these chemicals begin to wear off, unfortunately, often so do the “blinders” that we put on in the first phases of infatuation and we may begin to be triggered by our partner. The way that we once seemed to relate on every subject becomes a task of how to relate on any subject. If the relationship is one that is built upon trauma bonds and both partners aren’t working on healing and growth – as well as maintaining comparability and connection – inevitably the relationship fails. Sometimes it takes many years of unhappiness for us to move on.

Sometimes those programs and belief systems are so ingrained that we never do.

We just suffer and assume that is what a “partnership” is.  

But Babe.  That is the furthest thing from the truth.  We are meant to be happy, fulfilled and supported in our marriages, cohabitations or partnerships. Truly.

It doesn’t mean that our relationships won’t be challenging at times.  A healing/healthy relationship requires a great deal of honest communication, empathy, respect, trust, and understanding and love/self love to work towards a healthier way of being, both together and individually.  It requires making ourselves uncomfortable at times in order to give our partner what they need rather than what is familiar to us.  It is finding ways to love each other that are a collaboration; a meeting in the middle, rather than running away or waiting for our partner to make the first move.  

When we do find ourselves dysregulated or “triggered” by our partner, (or anyone, for that matter) if we can stop, take a few deep breaths and ask our minds and bodies “Why”, we can begin to access those deep wounds in order to begin to heal them.  In order to heal it, we must feel it.  

Conversely, if we don’t deal with our sh#t, we will just continue to remain a victim as we play out, over and over, the same rejection/abandonment/humiliation/betrayal/injustice wounds that we suffered as children.  What we resist, persists.

Again, if both parties are not on the same page for growth and forward movement, (change is hard the brain does not like change.) the odds of a successful and happy future together are slim to none.  

I recently posted a video short on my social media pages about “laziness” being the number one red flag to look for in a potential partner. It really hit home for me as historically, I have chosen partners who were incredibly unmotivated to grow or put in effort in nearly every aspect of the relationship. I chose these partners based upon my own unhealthy childhood patterns of needing to be the “caregiver” in a partnership in order to feel valued. This takes us back to that beginning statement about regret… Can you relate?

This is not only common sense advice, but there have been hundreds of studies done since the forties (and earlier) on relationship science and generally, they point to the same outcome of unhappiness or failure of a relationship when both parties aren’t doing the “work” to maintain a happy, healthy partnership.  

I would recommend looking into some of the studies done at the Gottman Institute in Seattle. #@gottman.com  Dr. John Gottman has been able to predict with nearly 94% accuracy whether a marriage will fail, based upon his “Four Horsemen” philosophy – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.  Dr. Andrew Huberman @hubermanlab.com has some excellent podcasts on increasing the success of partnerships and he also refers to the Gottmans as a go-to source for understanding.  

But let’s cycle back to the main point of this letter.  Healing our own trauma patterns in order to have successful relationships.  

Once we have begun the healing work of accessing and re-programming old, dysfunctional programs and patterns, we must begin to create a new personal and relational identity based upon healthier ways of viewing ourselves and how we navigate in the world.  We must embrace and live our new personal belief systems.  We must become a mirror of the change that we want to see in ourselves, our relationships and our world at large; a reflection of our healing rather than our brokenness. 

And that is a beautiful thing.❤️

Today and all days, much love and huge hugs.💖

– Terah

This One Precious Life

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

My love. 

If I could have only one wish for you today,

it would be that you could see

How precious

How beautiful, 

And how infinitesimally short

Life truly is.

I would wish that this understanding 

Would draw out your perspective

To fully realize that none of us 

Are guaranteed tomorrow 

And the only real certainty 

In this life

Is Death,

And that each day,

Each moment,

Each breath

On this magnificent planet 

is a blessing and a gift.

I would wish that this knowledge

Would help you to stop 

Giving your power to petty tyrants; 

To stop giving your precious energy

To those who do not value 

The investment and expenditure

Of who you are;

To stop being afraid,

To stop seeking 

The approval

And validation 

Of others

Who could not possibly 

Give you advice based on

Their own understanding

And experience in the world.

I would wish that the fullness

Of appreciation of life’s 

Beauty and brevity

Would cause you to

Begin to live your life

From the perspective of 

What feels most important to you;

That you would seek out those people,

Experiences, and adventures 

that feed your soul,

Quicken your mind

And fill your heart

With a love so deep and vast

That  joy

Expands into every 

Pore and crevice,

Every cell and molecule 

Of your being 

And pours from your eyes

In tears of gold. 

I would wish that

The preciousness,

The magnificence,

The awe-inspiring beauty

Of this life

Could help you to release your

Past pain and programming

To more fully love, value,

And appreciate

Those friends, family, 

And neighbors that

Also love, value

And appreciate you;

That you might remember 

To hold those loved ones 

So close,

To hug harder

To kiss deeper

To be present

To speak of things 

That matter

Things of interest

And importance

But also, 

Of lightness,

Of fun

Of Bliss. 

Because they, too have been allotted 

only a small portion

Of this earth’s history

And perhaps,

Tomorrow will see them

Moving on

Beyond this realm

To whatever is next.

Today, my love, 

This is my greatest wish 

For you.  

Because perhaps, 

The greatest sin

We could ever commit

Is to live a life 

Only half-lived

And die with regret

Bitter in our hearts

And on our tongues. 

Much love ❤️

Today and all days;

– Terah

Reprogramming

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

We hold within our minds, bodies, and the magnetic field that surrounds us billions of bits of information in the form of frequency. 

These frequencies are shared with those around us, and will draw to us that which we are most familiar with based upon the hardwired programming that began in early childhood. The RAS/Reticular Activating System or “Reality Filter”, found in the brain stem, plays into this, too. We take in billions of bits of information each second. The RAS filters and translates this information into just a few thousand bits of information that we can use and work from – but this translation is largely based upon our past experiences.

Where focus goes, reality follows, so if our subconscious programming says that narcissistic relationships are our comfort zone because of our childhood caregivers, well guess what? That is exactly what we will find. Ouch, right?

But what is really, really cool about this is that our personalities (personal realities) are never set. I’ve heard people say “it’s just who I am” – and I call bullshit. We are growing creatures and can change drastically any dysfunctional or outdated paradigm that we may have been living to create something truly beautiful. Which brings us back to awareness, the magnetic field, and why the heck we are here in the first place.

My personal belief is that we are born onto this planet by choice. That our souls know exactly what lessons we need to learn, and how we can distill the most pleasure from this experience here on earth.

 Sometimes, life brings contrast and it sucks until we figure out the issue, learn the lesson, or move beyond the hardship.  

But conversely, we all know that the vast majority of the time, life is a beautiful thing.  We are so fortunate to be here, enjoying the experience of being human with other humans.  

If  we did not have this human experience, how could we ever understand the way dark chocolate melts on the tongue, the aroma filling our mouth as we get a “sweet” little hit of pleasure-invoking dopamine?  

How could we know how it feels to really hug a loved one or hold a new baby in our arms?  

How could we understand the pleasure of co-creation with another human – or the pleasure of the act of procreation, for that matter?  

We would not appreciate the vibrancy of a bouquet of flowers, the awe-inspiring views from a mountaintop, made even better by a rigorous climb to arrive.  

“Sweeter after difficulties”

There are thousands more amazing experiences that come with the “Human Condition”.  But it is important to understand that in order to create a truly happy and fulfilling life in which we feel like a deliberate creator, we must address and move past those things that act as an anchor to our freedom.  

We draw to us the people and experiences that match our current vibrational state.  We attract  that will support and promote our growth at exactly the time that we are ready for the lesson. 

Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing.  A new career, relationship, home, life change.  

Just as often, we attract those people, circumstances and experiences that feel the opposite. Frustrating. Angst-causing. Triggering.

These “growth gifts” from the Universe” should be our best lessons. Our greatest opportunity for growth and evolution. It is the thing that makes us feel the most uncomfortable that can create the greatest learning and inspiration.

In the moment, being consistently triggered or dysregulated by a condition or someone else’s behavior – often completely without their awareness of the way you are affected – sucks major 🏀⚾️🥎.

Most of us react and withdraw because we don’t want to feel the deeper, buried pain that is associated with whatever is causing our distress. Our subconscious mind likes to keep the painful things repressed. Or we turn to addictive behavior or substances to suppress those negative feelings.

I know from personal experience. I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to “feel” my emotions if they were in any way negative. As a result, I looked for ways to repress my anger, my grief, my anxiety.

I wanted to feel numb, and the disorder did that for me – Until the numbness and trauma resulting from the disordered thinking and behavior became more painful than confronting those memories, and I began the process of reprogramming long-held belief systems that had been set by someone else’s faulty wiring. We really are organic computers.

Uncovering those hidden parts of our younger selves is a difficult and complex process, largely because the brain’s main function is to help us survive. The brain does not understand that the trauma we experienced as children keeps us in unhealthy patterning throughout adulthood- to the “computer” part of our mind, we survived so whatever programs were established should continue our survival. Easy peasy, right?🙄

But when we do the work to let go of those limiting belief systems, the rest of life can begin to unfold in a more beautiful way. In a more natural way. In a way that feels less survival and struggle and more deliberate creation.

Sometimes, we think we’ve worked through it all and that we are fairly “enlightened”.  And that is exactly when the Universe sends just the right person or experience to throw you completely off your game and remind me – uh – us 👀 – that growth is a process and a journey and we never completely reach the Enlightened destination.  

But. Back to that amazingly cool aspect of the human brain: When we go into those dark places, (anyone else have a brain that loves to do this at 2 am or so?🙄) and do the work – have those hard conversations with our skeletons and monsters – unacknowledged parts of ourselves to discover the deeper source of that dysregulation, Babe. Miracles and magic happen.

Once we get past the “oh sh#t” of “seeing” the connections between our dysregulated behavior and childhood experiences and patterning, it is frickin’ eureka. It’s aha, and the light of a thousand lanterns flaring at once to cast out the darkness where things were once hidden. It’s dopamine times a hundred. It feels like taking one more step towards flight; towards heaven, and we are able to shake off the fear that has held us to move forward in Love. In Freedom.

And that’s what it’s all about, ultimately.  

“In every relationship, we have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you will accept.” – Jay Shetty; Think Like a Monk

From our place of center and love, we are able to approach the circumstance, partners or others who had been “causing” our unhappiness to be deeply vulnerable and hopefully, that person will be able to honor our experience and move forward with their own increased awareness. But not always.

Sometimes, that other person is not ready to release their own wounds and they may struggle to recognize when they are treating others with less than value. Or they are not ready to learn to communicate. Or they become defensive, or hostile. depending on their own “core wounds”; your non healing may trigger and be threatening to their own sense of worth and value.

We may realize that the person who was in our life at that time was meant to be a catalyst for us to let go of those outdated and unhealthy patterns but we no longer mesh vibrationally and have to let them go with love and grace.

This is so, so hard when it is a long-term relationship or friendship. If you know, you know… but they are hopefully on their own healing journey and staying in a situation where you do not match ultimately will only bring pain to both parties.😣.

We need to let go of the outdated mindset of previous generations where we remained in a marriage until we died, often early as a result of the constant flood of adrenaline and cortisol in our systems from being in an unhappy relationship. It just makes no sense.

And speaking of healing…🙄

I have had more than a few such friendships and experiences that I let go of in the last decade or so, and that process has been expedited in the past few years as I continue to remain relentless about my personal growth and evolution.  Most, I have released, though I still hold so much love for them.

But sometimes, we reconnect down the road when they have begun their own healing journey, and it is a beautiful thing.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself consistently reacting to someone else’s actions or behavior, it is probable that those strong emotions are tied to some form or childhood (or young adulthood) trauma. If it’s in any way histrionic, it’s based in history. (Amygdala reaction Vs. Prefrontal cortex response)

Here’s a tool that could help you to discover the “roots” of your dysregulated state:

Get comfortable in a quiet place, seated or reclined, whichever is better for you.  Some find a scented sleeping mask helpful.   Scents such as lavender or geranium are particularly soothing to the autonomic nervous system and the slight sensory deprivation the mask provides can assist in connecting to those deeper parts of yourself. 

Put one hand over your heart and one on your navel.  

Take several deep, slow breaths through the nose, expanding the diaphragm with the inhale, allowing the belly to become soft on the exhale, also through the nose.  

If you are feeling distracted, a progressive relaxation beginning with the crown of the head and ending with the soles of the feet can be a helpful tool to take your mind a little deeper into the body.

Once you are feeling calm and centered, just ask yourself what you are feeling. How you are feeling. Notice any sensations that come up in the body, or pictures that arise in the mind. Compassionately observe without actively participating in whatever your mind or body experiences.

Keep breathing.  

Ask your body what it feels in connection to the person or circumstance that you have been reacting to.  

Watch what comes up, if anything.  If your trauma is particularly deep or is likely it will take several sessions to begin to access whatever it is that you need to acknowledge and feel into.  It is also possible that once you begin unearthing, you may have unexpected moments of realization as you go about your day.  

If you gain direct access to a memory or process/program that you know is the subconscious core of the emotional manifestation you are experiencing, just sit with whatever feelings come up.  Allow yourself to fully feel into whatever you need to experience.  Then give that beautiful aspect of yourself some love.  Can you feel the sense of sending love from your heart center to another part of your body?  

This is also a powerful healing technique when your body is out of alignment with your good health.  

When you are ready, slowly come back to your deep nasal breathing.  Feel your whole body, and the space around your body.  Do you feel a little lighter?  A little more space in your body or field?  

It is equally possible that you may feel a deep sense of grief and heaviness.  If that is the case, my love, I am sorry for this.  I also know it’s hard.  But eventually, it will be worth this temporary pain.❤️‍🩹

Allow yourself to process in whatever way feels best for you. Be gentle with yourself, and keep sending love – and forgiveness/self forgiveness and gratitude – to those parts of yourself. You deserve it.

If you need more information, tools/techniques for healing or just a little extra love, I am here for you, beautiful.  

Sending so much love and huge hugs, always.💖

– Terah

Once Upon A Time

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

I fell in love, once.

I had known love before,

Of course. 

I love easily

And much.

But I had not known

What it felt like to 

Be In Love. 

It’s different.

I fell so hard and so deep 

That when we were together

It was like the heat 

And the light

Of a thousand flames

Extinguished around me

And rekindled as one

Fiery torch that ignited 

Around the two of us.

Consumed us.

It’s heat felt like joy

Felt like completion

Felt like the stillness 

In the eye of a storm

It felt Meant.  

Like God Itself

Was contained

Within those flames.

When we were apart 

Those flames still 

Consumed me.

He consumed me;

My thoughts. My emotions.

My body. 

It felt like a piece of my soul 

Had moved out from my body

To take up residence 

Within his where it could 

Stay close to his heart.

It felt like that piece of my soul

Knew where it wanted to be.

Where it belonged.

But Souls don’t always 

Get it right,

It would seem.

Because as I fell

I realized 

That he could not be there

To catch me.

To hold my spirit safe

In its new home.

Perhaps it was too much.

Too much heat.

Too much need.

Too much want.

Too many complications

That created a wall

That I couldn’t find 

My way around

Though I tried

With a thousand 

Words of love 

With kisses

With touch

With my heart 

And my mind

To find my way 

Through the stone

To where he stood

Now apart from me

In another place

Disconnected.

Unreachable.

Unbreachable.

And yet I fall

My heart still searching

Still seeking

With only the darkness 

To hold me

With only the depth 

Of my sorrow to keep me 

From crashing

Through the earth

To shatter 

On Some distant 

Surface below.

Unresolved Trauma and Healing Ourselves and our Relationships.❤️‍🩹

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Confession time.

You might want to grab a cuppa and a comfy chair for this one because I’m going to go a little deep. 

Full disclaimer – if you have been in the abuse cycle in your own life and relationships, this post could be a little triggering. But understanding our cycles and recognizing familiar patterns in others is power and allows us to move into a healthier space both in our relationships and in our own minds and bodies.

To quote Aristotle, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

For anyone who has read my work or knows me as a human, you know that a huge part of my purpose here on this planet is to uplift, educate and enlighten, especially when it comes to understanding the science (and spirit) of how we each create our realities – and that it all starts with our thoughts.  I hate the term “Coach” and I am no one’s guru, but I have had a fundamental understanding of the mind’s ability to alter our lives since I was a child and have been studying it for most of my adult life.  

I am full-on geeked out, slightly-obsessed, so-excited – can’t-keep-still-have-to-share passionate about it.  I literally read about, listen to a podcast or take a class in some aspect of the subject nearly every single day.  For years.  It really is so freaking cool and lights me up like nothing else.  Well, not much else. 😏

The human mind is an incredibly complex system of organic programs that are largely formed in our early childhood.  This can be wonderful if we had a healthy, loving childhood but can really f#ck us up into adulthood and sometimes for the rest of our lives if our parents did not have the tools to give us a healthy beginning to life.  

We can overlay this circuitry even as adults (neuroplasticity) which is also super cool, but only if we are aware of those programs running our lives in the first place.  These subsets run every aspect of our lives from what information we take in (Reticular Activating System) to our happiness baseline and the amount of Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin and Endorphins (happy brain chemicals) available to us – and conversely, the degree of adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) that are chronically cycling through our system, causing not only higher degrees of perceived stress but also inflammation and ultimately, disease.  (dis-ease) 

The problem is, most of us aren’t aware of these programs controlling our subconscious mind and affecting our everyday lives.  The way we perceive and navigate the world is just our “personality” (personal-reality) and we rarely go beyond that unless we have some sort of a come-to-God, radical wake-up call such as the passing of a close loved one or a NDE, ourselves.  

This largely-ignored circuitry also creates our attachment styles and the way that we approach relationships.  This is where my confession comes in.  

In spite of years of study of neurobiology, the mind-body connection, quantum physics and how it applies to our ability to create our personal reality – and a healthy dose of psychology, because I believe healing past trauma is the doorway to everything else – I have had a major blindspot or achilles heel in my personal life as a result of the relational patterning of a deeply abusive childhood – my personal relationships. If you can relate, you probably understand this perfectly. We tend to repeat the emotional patterns we learned as children.

For me, since I was a “pleaser/enabler” with abandonment issues and a healthy dose of “Fixer” syndrome, I was both avoidant and anxious in most of my closest relationships.  

As a result, I’ve experienced what you might call a smorgasbord of abusive personality types from my very first “real” intimate relationship; a physically beautiful, wealthy specimen of man that I met when I was barely 19 years old and living on the East Coast. The chemistry was instant and I thought I was in love. I was certainly starstruck. He swept me off my feet in every way possible. Including, after I had moved in with him, knocking me to the floor when he punched me in the face. I had grown up in a family of martial artists. I had begun “playing” karte with my dad, who is my Shihan (master) when I was quite young and studied under other teachers as a teen. Yet I could never fight back – because my circuitry says that I don’t hurt those that I love. I just allow it. I had been physically abused as a child, so there was a degree of “acceptance”as a result.

I eventually left him, fleeing (for my life) back to the Pacific Northwest where I avoided relationships for many years. I was not going to repeat that experience, ever. (Incidentally, I went on to earn six black belts, become a “Shihan”, myself, and have owned and operated a number of dojos since. I’ve also taught battered women’s groups and held many women’s self-defense classes; partially because I love it and it’s a family thing and partially as an aspect of my healing process from that experience).

I think it’s important to pause here to say that just as I was drawn to different forms of abusive relationships because of my lack of awareness of my own unhealed and dysfunctional relational patterns, I believe that those we become involved with are in exactly the same space, but usually from the opposite end of the spectrum.  

The man I was involved with on the East Coast committed suicide a couple of years after I left him.  I believe he hated himself for the damage he caused, but did not understand his neurological patterning to change the circuitry that created cycles of abuse.  

When we think about suicide, it is not the Self that we want to see die.  It is those parts of our personality/egoic constructs that are no longer serving our growth that need to go.  Recognizing this can be the difference between living a long and nappy life – or not.  

Which is exactly why I write this now. It is not easy to be deeply open and vulnerable to an audience, but how else will we ever change as a society to create better if we don’t start a dialogue about acknowledging and altering our own patterns?

This goes for our parents or caregivers, as well. I think most of the time, people are doing the best that they can to parent with the knowledge they have inherited, themselves. We can not hold ourselves as a victim and our parents or caregivers as the perpetrator into adulthood because that just keeps us stuck. We have to forgive, move forward and take accountability for changing our patterns.

That said, le’ts go back to my own “blind spots”.

I kept my word to myself, because we humans are learning creatures. I never allowed myself to be physically abused again. But because I had not healed all of my trauma and was still “stuck” in old programs, I found other ways to repeat the unhealthy relational patterning from childhood. Both my biological mother and the stepmother my father married when I was young were narcissistic personalities. I only received affection when I was “doing” or being good – behaving in whatever manner they needed on any given day, which was an ever-changing and complex thing. So I repeated that cycle with my next relationship. And the next.

I learned from these experiences and each relationship I tried was “better” (which is to say the unhealthy or toxic patterns became less obvious). But even now, though I seek only partners who are able to show affection and love deeply, I find myself drawn to “conflict avoidant” personality types who tend to mirror still-unresolved issues from my early life. We draw to us those people and experiences that best help us to learn and grow, even if those people and experiences don’t always feel great until we learn to recognize the pattern or growth opportunity.

But those “aha” moments where we see ourselves and gain self knowledge are powerful catalysts, so though it is not always easy and sometimes downright hard,  I continue to go into those dark closets of my subconscious mind to face my demons, unlock and alter those programs and circuits that keep me from living the fullest and most whole expression of who I am.

I keep seeking wisdom and understanding of myself and the world to continue to grow.

Beautiful friend, whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope you will, too. Because through awareness, self-knowledge, compassion and most of all, love, we will not only become more personally and relationally happy, but will build a healthier, stronger and longer-lasting brain and body, and gain an amazing sense of freedom and self-mastery.

And while we are at it, we just might change the world, too. 🥰

I’d say that is well worth the discomfort of acknowledging and vanquishing – or perhaps just coming to an agreement with – the skeletons in our closet and the monsters under the bed that we may have ignored out of survival or fear.  

What patterns have you been ignoring that you would like to see changed? 

So much love and huge hugs.💖💖💖

  • Terah