Tag: #consciouscreation

Relationships and the Journey to Wholeness

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Let’s talk about love.  

Specifically, love and connection in our most intimate relationships – marriage or committed partnerships, whatever that may look like to you.  

I’m not necessarily talking about romance, sex, or all of those neurochemical butterfly-inducing aspects of meeting a romantic partner/soulmate/twin flame, etc., though we all find all of those delicious feelings to be absolutely wonderful. But rather, I would like to have a dialogue around finding and/or maintaining a healthy, loving relationship; hopefully one that is based upon a journey to two people becoming whole as individuals and as a couple.

This conversation is about relationships that are based upon mutual empowerment, shared values, a commitment to honesty, vulnerability, transparency and effective communication. This is about connecting to and creating a deep and abiding love that promotes continued growth, individually and communally, and as a result, also contains passion. Chemistry. Excitement and electricity.

Questions to ask when ready for committed relationship:

  1. What do I need from a relationship? Write it down. Be as specific as possible. What are your emotional/physical/financial needs, values and desires? What are your “love languages”?
  1. What am I bringing to the relationship? Be honest. What gifts, talents, and loveable traits – and what baggage, toxic traits or unhealthy patterns? We can not expect a “perfect partner” if we aren’t bringing an equal energy to the table. This can also help us to identify those things that we might want to work on before we begin looking for our soulmate.
  1. What will I not tolerate in a relationship? We can be a part of the process of our partner’s healing and growth, but it is important to identify those traits in another person that feel deeply harmful or unhealthy to us.

I’ve never believed in holding regret. It does not really serve our growth – if anything, it can create a cycle of victimhood that we never really grow past, rather than taking the lessons from each experience life brings us and applying those lessons to the future.

But I do wish that before I ever became involved with my first romantic relationship, I had some of the understanding I have learned in the last few decades – and the last few years, especially, as I have delved deeply into understanding the science of how we create our reality, both individually and collectively.

This particularly applies in acknowledging and addressing those unhealthy relational cycles that we perpetuate without realizing; largely based on childhood trauma or unhealthy parenting styles.

Growth can not happen without accountability, which is the opposite of victim mentality.

Of course, we can really only learn when the timing is right – when the student is ready, the master will come – but 😣 It could have saved so much heartache and stress had I known that we bring our past programs into every single relationship in our lives.

This is exactly why I write now, in the hope that a little of my knowledge and experience might create better for someone else.❤️

Recognizing those long-held patterns can be a catalyst for growth and even joy, if we follow a few not-always-so-simple but worth the effort steps:

  • Awareness: Acknowledge the shiznit. Create greater understanding and recognition around our past programs and patterns. The wounded inner child cycle will continue until we get to the oringination point of our core wounds. What we resist, persists.
  • Access/Heal the Past: Begin to acknowledge those memories, experiences, events and emotions that have been keeping us stuck in unhealthy patterns and self-sabotage. Identify triggering behaviors that put us in a place of dysregulation. Find ways to gradually increase baseline levels of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins if you have been chronically depressed or anxious as a result of those past programs. Spend time in nature to expedite the healing process, especially near trees, mountains, or water.
  • Self-Love. Showing ourselves the same degree or more of love and value that we have given to others can be one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Identify those things about yourself that make you amazing and begin celebrating those gifts, talents and traits. Give to yourself the “love language” that you most share with others. Speak kindly to yourself.
  • Learn: Find the tools to begin to work through and heal that unhealthy way of thinking and relating to others. We live in a time where there is more knowledge and information available to us than any other time in the known history of the world. Sometimes this plethora of information can be overwhelming, but there is really no reason why we cannot find those tools and modalities that might work best for us to begin our healing journey towards lasting happiness. Finding a good therapist (I highly recommend someone with IFS experience) can be a wonderful way to jump-start your path to wholeness, too. I will share a few of the modalities and ways that I have found that seem to work well for me, but your journey is your journey and hopefully you will continue the process of growth and evolution long after you have read this book.
  • Connect: We humans are created for connection. Without it, much like plants without water, we either become dry, prickly things or we wither and die. The “baby warehouses” of Nazi Germany or the research done on rats and addiction illustrate this fact starkly. Touch creates oxytocin. Connection with others floods the brain with serotonin. Sex releases dopamine and endorphins. All of these neurochemicals increase our immunity, decrease addictive behaviors, make us generally feel good and have a host of other amazing benefits that I have mentioned in previous posts.

There are many folks out there that espouse the value of independence in finding our best path to healing. I do absolutely believe it is important that we have a sense of self sufficiency in every day life and enjoy our own company. I believe that an unhealthy Codependency does not serve anyone in the long run.

However, it is equally true that humans are made for connection. Made for partnership. Choosing a partner who will not only hold a safe space for us as we work on our self-growth, but that we can do the same for can make the journey to wholeness so much more beautiful and even expedite the process.

– TDrake @baselinehappy

This is where things can get tricky. We will continue to choose partners who perpetuate unhealthy past cycles rather than help us grow and heal to wholeness unless we have an awareness of our own childhood patterns of behavior and bonding. I believe this is habit on a neurological level and a desire to confront and move past our toxic history on a spiritual plane. Unresolved issues will continue to repeat themselves until we figure our sh*t out.

I wrote a while back about relationships and trauma bonding.  Trauma bonds are relational bonds that commonly form as a result of past toxic and/or abusive relationships, often beginning in childhood.  

I have heard some relationship therapists believe that 80% or more of adult intimate partnerships are based upon trauma bonding; relationships that are formed as a result of shared trauma or because the childhood wounds of two people match up.

Care. Consistency. Respect. Faith. How are you showing up for your parter?

For example; girl has avoidant or abusive parent and grows up with an anxious attachment style.  Girl grows up to meet boy who has an avoidant attachment style as a result of toxic patterns in his own childhood and they fall in “love’, but continue to perpetuate the unhealthy patterns of their youth because of this faulty programming.  

This seems pretty accurate based upon what I have seen in the vast majority of my own patterns and those of people close to me.

The way that the parents and caregivers of our childhood “teach” us sets up our neurological processes for the rest of our life. I believe that most parents and caregivers are doing the best that they can, based upon what they have learned, themselves. But just because something is a learned behavior, it doesn’t mean it is a healthy behavior – and there are so many ways that parents can fuck their kids neurological programming up from an early age without realizing they are doing so.

There are also plenty of unhealthy parenting styles that are not necessarily “abuse”, (the “coach”, the micromanager, the “helicopter parent”, the “tuned out” parent, the “follow the rules” parent…the list goes on) but can still leave us with destructive behavioral patterns that can be incredibly hard to recognize, let alone change. And so the cycle repeats itself over and over, often for generations – until someone along the line becomes aware enough to say “enough”.

Parenting is quite possibly the most important “career” in the world yet we do not require any form of marriage or child rearing education before we start creating another generation. 😑

At some point in every relationship, the intensity begins to fade.  Typically, it takes 18 months for the bodies’ elevated levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) to drop; a built-in chemical process that ensures (historically) that when we fall for someone, we will remain together for long enough to procreate.  

As these chemicals begin to wear off, unfortunately, often so do the “blinders” that we put on in the first phases of infatuation and we may begin to be triggered by our partner. The way that we once seemed to relate on every subject becomes a task of how to relate on any subject. If the relationship is one that is built upon trauma bonds and both partners aren’t working on healing and growth – as well as maintaining comparability and connection – inevitably the relationship fails. Sometimes it takes many years of unhappiness for us to move on.

Sometimes those programs and belief systems are so ingrained that we never do.

We just suffer and assume that is what a “partnership” is.  

But Babe.  That is the furthest thing from the truth.  We are meant to be happy, fulfilled and supported in our marriages, cohabitations or partnerships. Truly.

It doesn’t mean that our relationships won’t be challenging at times.  A healing/healthy relationship requires a great deal of honest communication, empathy, respect, trust, and understanding and love/self love to work towards a healthier way of being, both together and individually.  It requires making ourselves uncomfortable at times in order to give our partner what they need rather than what is familiar to us.  It is finding ways to love each other that are a collaboration; a meeting in the middle, rather than running away or waiting for our partner to make the first move.  

When we do find ourselves dysregulated or “triggered” by our partner, (or anyone, for that matter) if we can stop, take a few deep breaths and ask our minds and bodies “Why”, we can begin to access those deep wounds in order to begin to heal them.  In order to heal it, we must feel it.  

Conversely, if we don’t deal with our sh#t, we will just continue to remain a victim as we play out, over and over, the same rejection/abandonment/humiliation/betrayal/injustice wounds that we suffered as children.  What we resist, persists.

Again, if both parties are not on the same page for growth and forward movement, (change is hard the brain does not like change.) the odds of a successful and happy future together are slim to none.  

I recently posted a video short on my social media pages about “laziness” being the number one red flag to look for in a potential partner. It really hit home for me as historically, I have chosen partners who were incredibly unmotivated to grow or put in effort in nearly every aspect of the relationship. I chose these partners based upon my own unhealthy childhood patterns of needing to be the “caregiver” in a partnership in order to feel valued. This takes us back to that beginning statement about regret… Can you relate?

This is not only common sense advice, but there have been hundreds of studies done since the forties (and earlier) on relationship science and generally, they point to the same outcome of unhappiness or failure of a relationship when both parties aren’t doing the “work” to maintain a happy, healthy partnership.  

I would recommend looking into some of the studies done at the Gottman Institute in Seattle. #@gottman.com  Dr. John Gottman has been able to predict with nearly 94% accuracy whether a marriage will fail, based upon his “Four Horsemen” philosophy – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.  Dr. Andrew Huberman @hubermanlab.com has some excellent podcasts on increasing the success of partnerships and he also refers to the Gottmans as a go-to source for understanding.  

But let’s cycle back to the main point of this letter.  Healing our own trauma patterns in order to have successful relationships.  

Once we have begun the healing work of accessing and re-programming old, dysfunctional programs and patterns, we must begin to create a new personal and relational identity based upon healthier ways of viewing ourselves and how we navigate in the world.  We must embrace and live our new personal belief systems.  We must become a mirror of the change that we want to see in ourselves, our relationships and our world at large; a reflection of our healing rather than our brokenness. 

And that is a beautiful thing.❤️

Today and all days, much love and huge hugs.💖

– Terah

Reprogramming

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

We hold within our minds, bodies, and the magnetic field that surrounds us billions of bits of information in the form of frequency. 

These frequencies are shared with those around us, and will draw to us that which we are most familiar with based upon the hardwired programming that began in early childhood. The RAS/Reticular Activating System or “Reality Filter”, found in the brain stem, plays into this, too. We take in billions of bits of information each second. The RAS filters and translates this information into just a few thousand bits of information that we can use and work from – but this translation is largely based upon our past experiences.

Where focus goes, reality follows, so if our subconscious programming says that narcissistic relationships are our comfort zone because of our childhood caregivers, well guess what? That is exactly what we will find. Ouch, right?

But what is really, really cool about this is that our personalities (personal realities) are never set. I’ve heard people say “it’s just who I am” – and I call bullshit. We are growing creatures and can change drastically any dysfunctional or outdated paradigm that we may have been living to create something truly beautiful. Which brings us back to awareness, the magnetic field, and why the heck we are here in the first place.

My personal belief is that we are born onto this planet by choice. That our souls know exactly what lessons we need to learn, and how we can distill the most pleasure from this experience here on earth.

 Sometimes, life brings contrast and it sucks until we figure out the issue, learn the lesson, or move beyond the hardship.  

But conversely, we all know that the vast majority of the time, life is a beautiful thing.  We are so fortunate to be here, enjoying the experience of being human with other humans.  

If  we did not have this human experience, how could we ever understand the way dark chocolate melts on the tongue, the aroma filling our mouth as we get a “sweet” little hit of pleasure-invoking dopamine?  

How could we know how it feels to really hug a loved one or hold a new baby in our arms?  

How could we understand the pleasure of co-creation with another human – or the pleasure of the act of procreation, for that matter?  

We would not appreciate the vibrancy of a bouquet of flowers, the awe-inspiring views from a mountaintop, made even better by a rigorous climb to arrive.  

“Sweeter after difficulties”

There are thousands more amazing experiences that come with the “Human Condition”.  But it is important to understand that in order to create a truly happy and fulfilling life in which we feel like a deliberate creator, we must address and move past those things that act as an anchor to our freedom.  

We draw to us the people and experiences that match our current vibrational state.  We attract  that will support and promote our growth at exactly the time that we are ready for the lesson. 

Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing.  A new career, relationship, home, life change.  

Just as often, we attract those people, circumstances and experiences that feel the opposite. Frustrating. Angst-causing. Triggering.

These “growth gifts” from the Universe” should be our best lessons. Our greatest opportunity for growth and evolution. It is the thing that makes us feel the most uncomfortable that can create the greatest learning and inspiration.

In the moment, being consistently triggered or dysregulated by a condition or someone else’s behavior – often completely without their awareness of the way you are affected – sucks major 🏀⚾️🥎.

Most of us react and withdraw because we don’t want to feel the deeper, buried pain that is associated with whatever is causing our distress. Our subconscious mind likes to keep the painful things repressed. Or we turn to addictive behavior or substances to suppress those negative feelings.

I know from personal experience. I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to “feel” my emotions if they were in any way negative. As a result, I looked for ways to repress my anger, my grief, my anxiety.

I wanted to feel numb, and the disorder did that for me – Until the numbness and trauma resulting from the disordered thinking and behavior became more painful than confronting those memories, and I began the process of reprogramming long-held belief systems that had been set by someone else’s faulty wiring. We really are organic computers.

Uncovering those hidden parts of our younger selves is a difficult and complex process, largely because the brain’s main function is to help us survive. The brain does not understand that the trauma we experienced as children keeps us in unhealthy patterning throughout adulthood- to the “computer” part of our mind, we survived so whatever programs were established should continue our survival. Easy peasy, right?🙄

But when we do the work to let go of those limiting belief systems, the rest of life can begin to unfold in a more beautiful way. In a more natural way. In a way that feels less survival and struggle and more deliberate creation.

Sometimes, we think we’ve worked through it all and that we are fairly “enlightened”.  And that is exactly when the Universe sends just the right person or experience to throw you completely off your game and remind me – uh – us 👀 – that growth is a process and a journey and we never completely reach the Enlightened destination.  

But. Back to that amazingly cool aspect of the human brain: When we go into those dark places, (anyone else have a brain that loves to do this at 2 am or so?🙄) and do the work – have those hard conversations with our skeletons and monsters – unacknowledged parts of ourselves to discover the deeper source of that dysregulation, Babe. Miracles and magic happen.

Once we get past the “oh sh#t” of “seeing” the connections between our dysregulated behavior and childhood experiences and patterning, it is frickin’ eureka. It’s aha, and the light of a thousand lanterns flaring at once to cast out the darkness where things were once hidden. It’s dopamine times a hundred. It feels like taking one more step towards flight; towards heaven, and we are able to shake off the fear that has held us to move forward in Love. In Freedom.

And that’s what it’s all about, ultimately.  

“In every relationship, we have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you will accept.” – Jay Shetty; Think Like a Monk

From our place of center and love, we are able to approach the circumstance, partners or others who had been “causing” our unhappiness to be deeply vulnerable and hopefully, that person will be able to honor our experience and move forward with their own increased awareness. But not always.

Sometimes, that other person is not ready to release their own wounds and they may struggle to recognize when they are treating others with less than value. Or they are not ready to learn to communicate. Or they become defensive, or hostile. depending on their own “core wounds”; your non healing may trigger and be threatening to their own sense of worth and value.

We may realize that the person who was in our life at that time was meant to be a catalyst for us to let go of those outdated and unhealthy patterns but we no longer mesh vibrationally and have to let them go with love and grace.

This is so, so hard when it is a long-term relationship or friendship. If you know, you know… but they are hopefully on their own healing journey and staying in a situation where you do not match ultimately will only bring pain to both parties.😣.

We need to let go of the outdated mindset of previous generations where we remained in a marriage until we died, often early as a result of the constant flood of adrenaline and cortisol in our systems from being in an unhappy relationship. It just makes no sense.

And speaking of healing…🙄

I have had more than a few such friendships and experiences that I let go of in the last decade or so, and that process has been expedited in the past few years as I continue to remain relentless about my personal growth and evolution.  Most, I have released, though I still hold so much love for them.

But sometimes, we reconnect down the road when they have begun their own healing journey, and it is a beautiful thing.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself consistently reacting to someone else’s actions or behavior, it is probable that those strong emotions are tied to some form or childhood (or young adulthood) trauma. If it’s in any way histrionic, it’s based in history. (Amygdala reaction Vs. Prefrontal cortex response)

Here’s a tool that could help you to discover the “roots” of your dysregulated state:

Get comfortable in a quiet place, seated or reclined, whichever is better for you.  Some find a scented sleeping mask helpful.   Scents such as lavender or geranium are particularly soothing to the autonomic nervous system and the slight sensory deprivation the mask provides can assist in connecting to those deeper parts of yourself. 

Put one hand over your heart and one on your navel.  

Take several deep, slow breaths through the nose, expanding the diaphragm with the inhale, allowing the belly to become soft on the exhale, also through the nose.  

If you are feeling distracted, a progressive relaxation beginning with the crown of the head and ending with the soles of the feet can be a helpful tool to take your mind a little deeper into the body.

Once you are feeling calm and centered, just ask yourself what you are feeling. How you are feeling. Notice any sensations that come up in the body, or pictures that arise in the mind. Compassionately observe without actively participating in whatever your mind or body experiences.

Keep breathing.  

Ask your body what it feels in connection to the person or circumstance that you have been reacting to.  

Watch what comes up, if anything.  If your trauma is particularly deep or is likely it will take several sessions to begin to access whatever it is that you need to acknowledge and feel into.  It is also possible that once you begin unearthing, you may have unexpected moments of realization as you go about your day.  

If you gain direct access to a memory or process/program that you know is the subconscious core of the emotional manifestation you are experiencing, just sit with whatever feelings come up.  Allow yourself to fully feel into whatever you need to experience.  Then give that beautiful aspect of yourself some love.  Can you feel the sense of sending love from your heart center to another part of your body?  

This is also a powerful healing technique when your body is out of alignment with your good health.  

When you are ready, slowly come back to your deep nasal breathing.  Feel your whole body, and the space around your body.  Do you feel a little lighter?  A little more space in your body or field?  

It is equally possible that you may feel a deep sense of grief and heaviness.  If that is the case, my love, I am sorry for this.  I also know it’s hard.  But eventually, it will be worth this temporary pain.❤️‍🩹

Allow yourself to process in whatever way feels best for you. Be gentle with yourself, and keep sending love – and forgiveness/self forgiveness and gratitude – to those parts of yourself. You deserve it.

If you need more information, tools/techniques for healing or just a little extra love, I am here for you, beautiful.  

Sending so much love and huge hugs, always.💖

– Terah

Unresolved Trauma and Healing Ourselves and our Relationships.❤️‍🩹

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Confession time.

You might want to grab a cuppa and a comfy chair for this one because I’m going to go a little deep. 

Full disclaimer – if you have been in the abuse cycle in your own life and relationships, this post could be a little triggering. But understanding our cycles and recognizing familiar patterns in others is power and allows us to move into a healthier space both in our relationships and in our own minds and bodies.

To quote Aristotle, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

For anyone who has read my work or knows me as a human, you know that a huge part of my purpose here on this planet is to uplift, educate and enlighten, especially when it comes to understanding the science (and spirit) of how we each create our realities – and that it all starts with our thoughts.  I hate the term “Coach” and I am no one’s guru, but I have had a fundamental understanding of the mind’s ability to alter our lives since I was a child and have been studying it for most of my adult life.  

I am full-on geeked out, slightly-obsessed, so-excited – can’t-keep-still-have-to-share passionate about it.  I literally read about, listen to a podcast or take a class in some aspect of the subject nearly every single day.  For years.  It really is so freaking cool and lights me up like nothing else.  Well, not much else. 😏

The human mind is an incredibly complex system of organic programs that are largely formed in our early childhood.  This can be wonderful if we had a healthy, loving childhood but can really f#ck us up into adulthood and sometimes for the rest of our lives if our parents did not have the tools to give us a healthy beginning to life.  

We can overlay this circuitry even as adults (neuroplasticity) which is also super cool, but only if we are aware of those programs running our lives in the first place.  These subsets run every aspect of our lives from what information we take in (Reticular Activating System) to our happiness baseline and the amount of Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin and Endorphins (happy brain chemicals) available to us – and conversely, the degree of adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) that are chronically cycling through our system, causing not only higher degrees of perceived stress but also inflammation and ultimately, disease.  (dis-ease) 

The problem is, most of us aren’t aware of these programs controlling our subconscious mind and affecting our everyday lives.  The way we perceive and navigate the world is just our “personality” (personal-reality) and we rarely go beyond that unless we have some sort of a come-to-God, radical wake-up call such as the passing of a close loved one or a NDE, ourselves.  

This largely-ignored circuitry also creates our attachment styles and the way that we approach relationships.  This is where my confession comes in.  

In spite of years of study of neurobiology, the mind-body connection, quantum physics and how it applies to our ability to create our personal reality – and a healthy dose of psychology, because I believe healing past trauma is the doorway to everything else – I have had a major blindspot or achilles heel in my personal life as a result of the relational patterning of a deeply abusive childhood – my personal relationships. If you can relate, you probably understand this perfectly. We tend to repeat the emotional patterns we learned as children.

For me, since I was a “pleaser/enabler” with abandonment issues and a healthy dose of “Fixer” syndrome, I was both avoidant and anxious in most of my closest relationships.  

As a result, I’ve experienced what you might call a smorgasbord of abusive personality types from my very first “real” intimate relationship; a physically beautiful, wealthy specimen of man that I met when I was barely 19 years old and living on the East Coast. The chemistry was instant and I thought I was in love. I was certainly starstruck. He swept me off my feet in every way possible. Including, after I had moved in with him, knocking me to the floor when he punched me in the face. I had grown up in a family of martial artists. I had begun “playing” karte with my dad, who is my Shihan (master) when I was quite young and studied under other teachers as a teen. Yet I could never fight back – because my circuitry says that I don’t hurt those that I love. I just allow it. I had been physically abused as a child, so there was a degree of “acceptance”as a result.

I eventually left him, fleeing (for my life) back to the Pacific Northwest where I avoided relationships for many years. I was not going to repeat that experience, ever. (Incidentally, I went on to earn six black belts, become a “Shihan”, myself, and have owned and operated a number of dojos since. I’ve also taught battered women’s groups and held many women’s self-defense classes; partially because I love it and it’s a family thing and partially as an aspect of my healing process from that experience).

I think it’s important to pause here to say that just as I was drawn to different forms of abusive relationships because of my lack of awareness of my own unhealed and dysfunctional relational patterns, I believe that those we become involved with are in exactly the same space, but usually from the opposite end of the spectrum.  

The man I was involved with on the East Coast committed suicide a couple of years after I left him.  I believe he hated himself for the damage he caused, but did not understand his neurological patterning to change the circuitry that created cycles of abuse.  

When we think about suicide, it is not the Self that we want to see die.  It is those parts of our personality/egoic constructs that are no longer serving our growth that need to go.  Recognizing this can be the difference between living a long and nappy life – or not.  

Which is exactly why I write this now. It is not easy to be deeply open and vulnerable to an audience, but how else will we ever change as a society to create better if we don’t start a dialogue about acknowledging and altering our own patterns?

This goes for our parents or caregivers, as well. I think most of the time, people are doing the best that they can to parent with the knowledge they have inherited, themselves. We can not hold ourselves as a victim and our parents or caregivers as the perpetrator into adulthood because that just keeps us stuck. We have to forgive, move forward and take accountability for changing our patterns.

That said, le’ts go back to my own “blind spots”.

I kept my word to myself, because we humans are learning creatures. I never allowed myself to be physically abused again. But because I had not healed all of my trauma and was still “stuck” in old programs, I found other ways to repeat the unhealthy relational patterning from childhood. Both my biological mother and the stepmother my father married when I was young were narcissistic personalities. I only received affection when I was “doing” or being good – behaving in whatever manner they needed on any given day, which was an ever-changing and complex thing. So I repeated that cycle with my next relationship. And the next.

I learned from these experiences and each relationship I tried was “better” (which is to say the unhealthy or toxic patterns became less obvious). But even now, though I seek only partners who are able to show affection and love deeply, I find myself drawn to “conflict avoidant” personality types who tend to mirror still-unresolved issues from my early life. We draw to us those people and experiences that best help us to learn and grow, even if those people and experiences don’t always feel great until we learn to recognize the pattern or growth opportunity.

But those “aha” moments where we see ourselves and gain self knowledge are powerful catalysts, so though it is not always easy and sometimes downright hard,  I continue to go into those dark closets of my subconscious mind to face my demons, unlock and alter those programs and circuits that keep me from living the fullest and most whole expression of who I am.

I keep seeking wisdom and understanding of myself and the world to continue to grow.

Beautiful friend, whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope you will, too. Because through awareness, self-knowledge, compassion and most of all, love, we will not only become more personally and relationally happy, but will build a healthier, stronger and longer-lasting brain and body, and gain an amazing sense of freedom and self-mastery.

And while we are at it, we just might change the world, too. 🥰

I’d say that is well worth the discomfort of acknowledging and vanquishing – or perhaps just coming to an agreement with – the skeletons in our closet and the monsters under the bed that we may have ignored out of survival or fear.  

What patterns have you been ignoring that you would like to see changed? 

So much love and huge hugs.💖💖💖

  • Terah 

Keep Going

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

My love.  

I wish I could tell you that every day will be easy.  

Fun.  Magical.  

I wish each day would feel like warm sand in your toes;

The endless blue ocean stretched before you;

A cool drink in your hand and someone you love close by.

But as we all know, 

That isn’t the case.  

Life brings Contrast.  

Challenge.  Loneliness.  

Moments of grief.

Days that will feel nearly impossible. 

Times when you will wonder if living 

Is worth the effort.

I know.  I have been there.  

I have known nearly every despair

I have loved deeply 

And lost deeply

I have wept oceans of sorrow.

But even in the moments of grief

Of uncertainty

Of aloneness

I know that to keep going

Is absolutely F#cking worth it.

Because those moments are just that.  

Moments.  

Even when they stretch to hours, days,

Or weeks.

Even when there are months of your life 

That may feel like “WTF, God?”

They pass. 

If you can just keep going; 

Keep moving forward, 

One slow step at a time,

Those days will pass.

The dark nights become 

A glorious dawn

Illumined by the beauty 

Of a sun so bright 

The heart sings 

And weeps at the same time. 

Life becomes beautiful again.

We find joy again.

We fall in Love.  

Sometimes with another soul.  

Sometimes with ourselves.

Sometimes with Nature, 

With God, 

With All That Is.

We learn to surf.

We learn to paint, 

To sing, 

To garden,

To travel,

Or a thousand other 

new skills that

Crack us open

To Possibility. To Expansion. To Wonder. 

We find ourselves dancing at a street festival,

Surrounded by friends 

And neighbors.

Or eating Ice-cream 

On a wharf

In the summer sun

With a beloved.

We experience the miracle 

Of childbirth

The magic of holding

And welcoming into the world

A new life.

We become parents

And sometimes Grandparents.

We learn the joy 

Of “spoiling” a grandchild. 

We connect
Or re-connect 

with loved ones.

We find our communities.

We find ourselves. 

We grow.  We expand.  We evolve.

And in between all of these beautiful miracles

That we call “life”,

We continue to experience Contrast.  

But we know

That even in those

Dark nights of the Soul

Those times of Disconnection 

From Source and All That Is,

Dawn is coming.

And it is amazing.

So please, Dear one;

Hold On.

Keep Going.

Don’t stop

In this moment

Because it is hard.

It will get better. Easier.  More fun.  Magical, even.

I promise.

Much Love, today and always. 💖

  • Terah 🌈

Self-love and Enlightenment

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “

Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves.

  It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.  

It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit.  

But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar. 

Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.  

We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along.  We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice. 

Then there is the anger for not asking to have our needs met; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect. 

For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread.  But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.  

 When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth. 

Eventually, we feel lighter.  We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us.  We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.

At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with.  

And so begins the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good.  

Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own.  Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the  difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.  

In the beginning, this can create isolation.  Loneliness.  But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces.  

Our tribe begins to find us.  

We fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant.  We develop relationships that lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn. 

We begin to create, or rather, to consciously collaborate with the Field to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention.  We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us.  

We find our wings, and begin to soar.  

Today and all days, I hope you are on the path to find your wings, beloved.  You deserve every joy you can imagine, and I know you can create the life you wish for.  

Much love and huge hugs.💖

– Terah

Travel to Nourish the Soul

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

There are so many reasons that I love to travel.  Seeing new sights and experiencing different cultures, meeting people, eating good food, and getting out of my comfort zone and the routine of everyday life all feel like deeply important aspects of cultivating and growing the Who that I am, but also because seeing more of the world is a beautiful reminder of how very blessed we are to be alive and well on planet earth.  

I try to get out and find a new adventure somewhere within a few hours of where I live at least a couple of times each month, but I also take longer trips several times per year.  I haven’t had much opportunity for international travel since Covid, but I have had taken every chance to get out of town that I can get in spite of this, and road trips are the perfect example of the truth of the saying “it’s not the destination, it is the journey.”  We in the Pacific Northwest are incredibly fortunate to live in an area of breathtaking beauty, but it can be easy to forget that there is so much more to see in the world.  

One of the things that I particularly enjoy about road trips is just how diverse our country is, from the landscape to the people and cultures.  I would imagine for someone from another country, spending time in Louisiana, Montana and DC would be much like visiting very different countries where the people spoke the same language. Ish.  (To a non-native, the slow southern drawl of NewAwlins’ is basically a different dialect from let’s say, the clipped, rapid-fire, speech of a Bostonian.  

The dry landscape of Southern Utah and parts of Arizona; Sedona, in particular; where towering, castle-like red rock formations flow into deep desert often feel otherworldly to me – like being on another planet entirely. 

My daughter lives in Arizona and I have friends sprinkled throughout the Southwest, so have been fortunate that I have extra reason to travel as often as possible. This past week, I left the snow and wet cold weather of Washington to drive through Idaho and Utah; on my way to spend a few days with my daughter soaking up the sun, shopping, spaa-ing, and finding fun activities to do with her, her boyfriend, and her BFF.

The drive through Utah especially is always spectacular, regardless of the season.  This trip was a winter wonderland; steeply pointed, snow-covered mountains rising majestically from sloping valleys, picturesque farmlands, and clean, old-western-feeling towns and cities.  The first time I visited Utah, I had expected backward, highly dogmatic communities with little to offer but I have found the opposite to be true, at least in the towns and cities I have been through.  I love the hippy-alternative-outdoorsy-coffeeshop vibe of Ogden so much that I have considered moving there. 

One of my favorite things about visiting the Phoenix area in particular is the ability to find pretty much anything I could want at just about any time.

As an example, one of the days I began with a desert hike and green juice. At noon, we had a fabulous mimosa brunch followed by shopping in the afternoon, hitting the Asian market, pedicures, Lebanese food for dinner then neon-light night bowling, complete with fruity cocktails and a dance-club atmosphere. And yes, there was dancing between sets.😁

I drove up the 1-5 corridor on the way home; typically my least favorite route as it is pretty much always miles upon miles of brown. Brown hills, brown fields, brownish roads. Boring.

This journey was an amazing exception.  This year has brought nearly unprecedented rain and snow to Southern California.  As a result, the normally dry, lifeless low mountains and hills that perimeter the highway were vibrantly, verdantly green with patches of yellow and violet wildflowers just beginning to bloom.  It was breathtaking; like driving through the Scottish Highlands or the Big Island of Hawaii rather than California.  As I crossed from Northern California into Oregon, the feeling of awe continued as the softly rolling hills changed to craggy, pine-covered mountains rising dramatically in the distance.  Driving along the Umpqua river, a flock of doves rose from a stand of Madronas growing above the river, drawing my attention to a picturesque, rust-colored railroad bridge crossing the sun-dappled water.  

I found myself thinking that I wished I could send everyone back home a mental video of all that I see when I am on the road, but that moment was particularly poignant.  

As I continued North, the area of Roseburg and Douglas feels much like a modern-day Shire; softy rolling hills covered with homes, businesses, and churches built right into the hillside; sleek black cattle and cotton-ball sheep grazing contentedly on veridian slopes.  

I managed to hit the city of Portland right at rush hour.  Portland has been called the “City of Bridges”, with good reason.  12 different bridges span the wide Willamette river in the city proper and sitting in my tiny fiat on one of these bridges hundreds of feet above the water with a thousand or so other cars is both fun and a little scary.  

Driving anytime is a faith walk, isn’t it?  

But being so high above the river for prolonged periods, enjoying the panoramic views of the river, other bridges, and the city while praying that we don’t have an earthquake or engineering failure makes the whole experience just a little more illuminated.  

Incidentally, if you happen to be planning a trip to Portland and are, like me, a bit of a bibliophile, Powell’s City of Books is one of my absolute favorite places in the world.  Possibly just behind the Louvre and the Musèe d’Orsay in Paris. The fun vibe of #dragonflycoffee is worth a stop for a honey-lavender latte and delicious baked goods, as well. 

Most of the I-5 corridor between Portland and Seattle is pretty, but the skyline of Seattle is breathtaking.  I’ve driven through many cities and it still gets me every.single.time.  It really is that beautiful; well designed with Lake Washington, the Puget Sound, and the Olympic mountains framing the unique architecture of the highrises, sculptural buildings, coliseums, and of course, the quintessential Space Needle. 

I lived on the east coast for several years in my late teens and early twenties.  When I would come home for a visit, driving through the pines along the pass from Skagit to Whatcom county always felt like the symbol of being home.  We really are so fortunate to live in an area of such beauty – there aren’t many places where someone can snowshoe or hike mountains in the morning and be enjoying a sandwich from the East Sound Deli on the sun-drenched Orcas island by the late afternoon.  

If I can’t get out of town for a trip somewhere, there are so many quaint cafes, good restaurants, unique shops, and cool spots in Whatcom County that virtually anywhere can feel like a mini vacation.  

Whether traveling or at home, I love combining natural beauty, exercise, and fresh air with good food and exploring local shops.  A few of my local favorites are walking Boulevard Park in Fairhaven followed by pizza at Ovn and a delicious gf dessert at my all-time favorite Evolve Chocolate Cafe in Village Books 📖📚(or a glass or three of wine at The Black Cat).  

Sampling fresh raw oysters at the Drayton Harbor Oyster Company in Blaine followed by a walk along the harbor or a beach walk at Semiahmoo – and a glass of local cider or wine at Packers on the beach – is the perfect way to spend a warm spring or summer day.  

Northshore Lake Whatcom is a treasure that I am reluctant to share but if you haven’t been on the trail for a walk along the lake, you are missing something special.  The Fork At Agate Bay is a foodie’s paradise for dinner afterward.  This would be a great date day experience for something a little extra special.  

Lynden in North Whatcom county is a fun place to spend an afternoon if you love a Dutch vibe and good pastries.  The Lynden Music Festival in the fall is wonderful and well worth checking out, but there are often weekend musical events at bar and restaurant venues in this quaint town.  

Another important aspect of finding the smaller cafés, shops, and restaurants, no matter where you go, means you are supporting local businesses.  If I like the vibe at a shop I will buy at least one thing, usually as a gift for a friend or loved one.  Small gestures really can make a difference. 😊

There are a thousand and one other amazing places I would love to share and possibly will at some point, but the point is, just get out there and explore. 

Find your own sense of awe and wonder in Discovery.  Find one thing new to see or do every single day, if you can.  It will not only make you a better person, but it will help to grow a bigger, better brain, regardless of your age or education.  New experiences=New neural connections.  Win-Win-Win situation.   

If you are looking for a particular adventure, feel free to PM me.  If I can help someone find experiences that will feed the soul, I am all in.✨

Much love and big hugs💖

  • Terah

Rainbow Warriors/Love Vs. Fear in creating a better world.

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Have you heard of the “Rainbow People” prophecy held by many Native American cultures?  

“There will come a day when people of all races, colors, and creeds will put aside their differences. They will come together in love, joining hands in unification, to heal the earth and all its children. They will move over the earth like a great Whirling Rainbow, bringing peace, understanding and healing everywhere they go. Many creatures thought to be extinct or mythical will resurface at this time; the great trees that perished will return almost overnight. All living things will flourish, drawing sustenance from the breast of our Mother, the Earth.”

The Navajo-Hopi Prophecy is not only similar to this but also very similar to the Christian belief of the “New Earth”:

“The great spiritual Teachers who walked the Earth and taught the basics of the truths of the Whirling Rainbow Prophecy will return and walk amongst us once more, sharing their power and understanding with all. We will learn how to see and hear in a sacred manner. Men and women will be equals in the way the Creator intended them to be; all children will be safe anywhere they want to go. Elders will be respected and valued for their contributions to life. Their wisdom will be sought out. The whole Human race will be called The People and there will be no more war, sickness or hunger forever.”

There are many Versions of this legend, but most speak of a time of darkness in which greed and division would prevail.  The earth would become sick and many creatures would die, fish going belly-up and birds dropping from the sky. (we have seen this happen many times in recent years)  This excerpt from Steven McFadden’s book Legend of the Rainbow Warriors is another example:

“The Native People would be all but helpless, but then Light would come from the East, and the natives would begin to find their strength, their pride, and their wisdom… I see this happening now with the tribe of People in my area, the dear to my heart Lummi. … At the same time, many brothers and sisters of the other nations – white, yellow, and black – who would feel strongly the calling of Spirit. (This is certainly happening right now. Never before has there been such a vast call of Spirit for people to teach their wisdom, thanks largely to the internet and social media) They would understand the basic fact that it is the Earth which gives us the water, food, clothing, shelter and beauty necessary for the circle of life. These awakened souls would find each other, and together they would teach all the people of the world to have respect for the Earth Mother, of whose very stuff human beings are made. Respect would prevail.

Under the symbol of the rainbow, all the races and religions would band together to spread the great wisdom of living in harmony with each other and with all the creations of the world – and thereby restore the Sacred Hoop. Those who teach this way would be the Warriors of the Rainbow, but they would do no harm. Using peaceful means alone, and by becoming examples of right living, after a great struggle they would bring an end to the destruction and desecration of the Earth.

The tasks of Rainbow Warriors would be many and great. There would be mountains of ignorance to conquer and they would meet prejudice and hatred. THey must be dedicated, unwavering in their strength, and strong of heart. They would find willing hearts and minds that would follow them on this road of healing. Peace and plenty would then reign through a long and joyous Golden Age. “

It sometimes feels like the earth is, indeed, doomed to destruction.  I see so many people – intentionally or inadvertently – bringing darkness into this world through fear and anger.  I occasionally find myself feeling frustrated or unhappy by the choices people choose to perpetuate when I know for a fact that we all have the potential to choose better.  To live well.  To be happy. 

From media negativity to social media algorithms pushing hate in our face, everyone joins in the shouting and stick-rattling on government control, vaccines, guns, rampant violence and shootings here in the US and abroad.  Then there’s the war with Ukraine, potential war with China and Russia, oh, and let’s not forget the sh#t show of the Grammys.   

This and a thousand different topics of current events keep us surrounded by darkness and angst.  

But here is an essential truth: 

We can not be in the light and hold another person or thing in darkness. 

We can not spread good and light while expressing darkness.  

We cannot hold and have light in our hands or in our hearts if what we are feeling and sharing is darkness.  

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about these things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice.  And the God of Peace will be with you.  – Phillipians 4:8-9

For those who are of a religious or spiritual bent, is not God the Light?  

Is it not written that God is Love? ✨❤️

So how can we be in the Spirit of God if our thoughts, words, and actions spread anger, anxiety and fear?  

Here is something to consider:

Our thoughts are energy; molecules vibrating that become things – just as much a tangible aspect of reality as the roadways that we drive each day to work, the trees that purify our air, and the molecules that dance within our own body.   If our thoughts are continuously creating our reality, what reality are we putting out there when we continuously project darkness? We can incorporate brain biology to this concept – the more we invest in negative thinking, the more our neurochemistry and eventually, the neural networks of the brain will reflect this and become who we are rather than a passing dive into fear and anxiety.  

What reality are we creating not only for ourselves but for everyone else, when we, as a society, collectively dwell in fear, angst, and anger?  Certainly not a happy, healthy place to live, to grow, to raise children and evolve as a species.😑

So here’s a proposition.  

What if, instead of dwelling on all of this end of the world bullsh#t, we instead kept our focus on those things that were noble, pure, light, and beautiful; as Paul said to the Philippians?  

What if we stopped throwing sticks at our hearts and God and recognized our grace and ability to change the doctrines and dogmas we have been holding to create something good in the world?  To see that, as Hafiz said nearly eight hundred years ago, that everything is sacred.  

If God is in every molecule, then all is God, right?  Even those things, circumstances or people that we may not approve of.  

It’s also important to remember and acknowledge that we all have times when we lose our way.  

All of us – whether we are a celebrity or a stonemason.  So what if, instead of casting stones, we held ourselves and others in love, in grace; in Light, and started creating the heaven on earth that I – and many others – believe we were meant to live?  Not only would we be happier and healthier as individuals, but the world just might become a beautiful reflection of who we are rather than a mirror of the darkness we hold for and within ourselves.  

Just a thought. 🙄

There are those who DO step forward, every day to bring light into the darkness.  To create a better reality.  To wake up and not only smell the coffee but share that motherfxcing goodness.  To all the other Rainbow Warriors out there, Thank you.  I love you.  I honor you. I appreciate you.  

To those that keep sowing those seeds of discord, anger and angst, babe, I see you.  I understand that you are expressing yourself from a place of fear rather than love, but believe me when I tell you – it does not have to be so.  Fear is an illusion that we create or accept, largely because our primitive brain functioning wants us to stay safe in the cave rather than step into the light of what may feel unknown.  

But when you come to the light side, you will see some of the joy we hold over here.  Some of the healing.  Some of the grace.  And yes, we, too, have cookies. 😉

Much love, big hugs and many blessings for this and every day.💖

– Terah

Egoic Constructs – Safety or Prison?

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Life is a dream; a self-created reality in which our subconscious programs largely direct our thoughts, moods, and actions. Most of the time, these programs keep us in a state of sleepwalking as we react and respond to life based upon what our past experiences have dictated. But frankly, it’s all bullshit.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…Life is but a dream.

– Row, Row, Row your boat.

It’s all a construct. The human brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. As a result, we build these supposedly “safe” walls and edifices with our minds until at some point, whether we realize it or not, we are locked inside a fortress of our own making.

These constructs are often (usually) based on childhood experiences and family dynamics that lay down neurological programming – such as taking on the identity of one of the six “roles” of a dysfunctional family life: the Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Mascot, Caretaker/Enabler, and the Golden Child. Because these egoic identities were built as a result of our early neurological programming, they become the pathways that we continue to follow well into adulthood, and sometimes until death.

I don’t know about you, but this just feels like a huge Ouch.  

I think of myself as someone who is fairly #awake.  I’ve had a deeper sense of “knowing” for as long as I can remember.  I think I may have been born a little less asleep, or perhaps I’ve just been around the block enough (#reincarnation) that I am usually pretty good at seeing through the veil.  Through the constructs. Through the Bullsh#t.  

But for any of us, no matter where we are in our soul’s evolutionary journey, I believe that in this life; what the Buddhism and Hinduism call the “Maya”, or veil of illusion, we wake, then fall asleep again, only to awaken wondering when it was that we lost our awareness of the Maya.  

I don’t know that we ever become fully enlightened, full time.  That’s part of the process.  Part of the contrast that is necessary to keep things interesting and to keep us engaged.

But here’s the thing – the more often we awaken, the longer these periods of awareness will be, and the more observation and awareness that we bring into the Who that we are keeps these periods stretched out and more frequent. 

But a recent circumstance in my life made it abundantly clear that I was still holding long-standing #childhoodpatterns of low self-worth and people pleasing. In my desire to see someone I care for happy and whole, I lose parts of myself. In my need to heal and be invaluable, I allow myself to be de-valued.

 In my own #toxicchildhood, I alternated between Hero, Scapegoat and Caretaker, and perpetuated those cycles into my first relationships.  I thought I had healed those parts of myself years ago, but this experience showed me that I was still holding those roles – those identities – close to the heart.  

Seeing my own dysfunctional childhood programs and huge egoic constructs staring me in the face felt like being punched in the gut and tbh, I had a week’s worth of wobble as I tried to decide if I could just ignore it all and keep #pretending that the years of #therapy and #selfwork had left me fully #woke. Enlightened.

In the end, I opted to look that sh#t straight in the face and run towards the storm rather than away from it. The fastest way through, right? Until we choose to be #relentless about our continued growth and do the damned work, we can not move into greater #wholeness and #authenticity. We can not achieve the life of freedom and joy that we may be seeking.

And sometimes, that f#cking sucks. The work is hard, and often creates more chaos in our lives before it opens up to peace and joy. I guess that’s why it’s called “work”.🤷‍♀️

But here’s the thing – Once you get past the initial shock and pain of seeing those hard truths revealed, you realize that your conscious mind and highest self is navigating the waters of your life, moving you towards greater freedom and fullness rather than continuing to be a slave to your past programming and #toxichistory.

Our highest selves are always communicating with us, trying to show us the way to release those outdated programs and patterns that no longer serve our highest evolution. But it is up to us to listen. To pay attention. And when those hard truths come, we must confront them rather than turn away.

Going into those unfamiliar waters, confronting our “demons” and doing the work may be difficult – but it is also incredibly rewarding and an exciting journey.  It can be beautiful and joyous, even.✨  Ultimately, being awake and aware not only makes us more happy, caring, and compassionate humans, it’s a whole lot more fun.😁

What unhealthy #childhood programs might be holding you back from living your best life and the fullest expression of who you are? 

Much love and huge hugs.💕

  • Terah

Neuropeptides and Emotional Regulation

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Do you often find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, stressed out, or angry?  

Periods of stress in our lives are part of the human experience, and can be a tremendous catalyst for growth and personal evolution.  Life is a gorgeous, complicated, challenging, and joyful adventure – and the contrast we experience is necessary to add depth and meaning – wholeness – to the story of our lives. 

But we aren’t meant to stay in that place of unhappiness for long periods. When our periods of upheaval become chronic, the constant release of cortisol and adrenaline, necessary in primitive times for short fight-or-flight responses, become a mood disorder that if left unresolved, can really f#ck up the brain and body. This “stuck” cycle can not only cause depression, memory loss, weight gain/loss and sleep issues, but also inflammation that can lead to a host of other issues and illnesses from diabetes, cancer and more.

The good news is that just because we have moments of stress doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the stress response indefinitely.  We can return to a place of greater emotional ease in less than two minutes, if we can understand what is happening in our nervous system.  

Most important is to realize that the brain’s stress response only takes 90 seconds to move through the body.

When we encounter things in our life that make us feel triggered – anxious, frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad, (insert your own favorite dysregulation response here_______🙄…) it can be easy to stay in that feeling state for much longer.  This is because we keep the stress response loop repeating itself instead of redirecting the brain’s focus to something happier.

But there are many ways to #flipyourhappyswitch when difficult or challenging circumstances in our lives may lower our #baselinehappy. 

We can bypass hours or even days’ worth of unhappiness with a few simple neurobiology “hacks” that redirect the brain’s wiring.  Consistent practice of these techniques will, over time, create a healthier stress response, too; which is pretty freaking awesome – the sooner we can get back to a feeling of joy in our lives, the sooner we can get back to being the amazing creators of reality that we are supposed to be.

Taking some deep nasal belly breaths stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and “tricks“ the mind into thinking that we are all good – or at least not in a heightened state of trauma response or fight or flight.  This is where I always begin when I am personally feeling dysregulated. 

There are a number of other techniques to re-direct the mind back to a state of ease – changing up our environment, listening to music that makes us feel good, going outside to “ground” with a walk, ride, run or swim. (the benefits of being outside are multiplied when we put our bodies in direct contact with the earth.  

I love barefoot trailrunning, but 5 minutes of sitting on the grass can have a profound effect on the body and mind.  Splashing cold water on the face, finding an activity or interest that is creative,  are all wonderful ways to reset the brain, release endorphins and run interference on that stress loop and get us back to a more peaceful or joyous state.

If you are in a place where none of these practices are possible, try this easy, four-step system to bypass the loop of trauma/stress response:

  1. Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is the root emotion causing your feeling of dysregulation? Take a moment to honor that feeling.
  2. Focus on facts – find one or two true things about you. “My name is_____ and I live in _____city/country/state. My parent/sibling/friend/pet is______.
  3. Find something physical – The sun feels amazing on my face. The fabric of my shirt is soft. The bakery in the store smells like cookies and fresh bread. I like to spritz a little of my favorite men’s cologne on a scarf or shirt collar so that I can bring my focus to the scent when I am in a crowd or large “big box” kind of store where I know I can become energetically overwhelmed.
  4. Look for one beautiful thing/Gratitude – feeling grateful triggers release of dopamine, the reward/feel-good hormone. Find one thing in your environment that you can feel truly grateful for – the color of the sky is a particularly pleasing shade of blue right now. The little girl in line front of me has the most amazing big brown eyes. This coffee is delicious. Better yet, find someone to smile at or have a conversation with. (Not a creepy smile, please….) Not only will focusing on someone else re-direct the brain’s stress response, but kindness releases all of the feel – good neurochemicals.Win-win situation, right?😄

I have been putting many of these techniques into practice for years, and I can tell you that they work, but I’ll add to this a list of the most common neurochemicals/hormones and how they affect the mind and body, along with a few more tricks and techniques to get you back to your happy place. 

Happy Brain Chemicals – DOSE

Dopamine – Reward/Hormone. “Pleasure Chemical”. Helps with focus, memory, motivation.

* gratitude. Complete a task or project. Improve sleep habits. Exercise. Do yoga/meditate. Go outside. Have sex – specifically, sex or self-stimulation that triggers orgasm. The greater the dopamine release, the more powerful the orgasm.👀. (Disclaimer – there is such a thing as “too much” when it comes to orgasm. Particularly using a stimulus such as porn, as it can create a tolerance which causes dopamine levels to drop.)

Oxytocin – The “Love Hormone”. Supports mental well being.

* Give a hug! Even self hug or massage will release oxytocin.  Kiss.  Warmth – sit in front of a fireplace.  Drink something warm.  Find a sunny spot. Send a loving text or letter. Snuggle with a pet.  Watch cute kitten videos. 

Serotonin – Feel-good hormone.

* Kindness.  Laughter yoga. Massage. Sunlight – 10 minutes of direct to eyes.  Remember happy memories heart rate

Endorphins – Responsible for pain relief, stress management, feelings of euphoria. Released by central nervous system and pituitary gland.

* Exercise/movement.  More sex. Dance. Acupuncture.  Eat something delicious and nourishing -Dark chocolate specifically triggers the endorphin response in the body. Scent – smell something pleasing.  (Essential oils, fresh-baked cookies, cinnamon, someone you love)

_________________

If you are someone going through a challenging or difficult time, I see you.❤️

I hope this information might help.

If you are in a place where just don’t want to get off of the couch/bed/carpet, I’ve been there, too. It’s ok to give yourself some space to not be ok, to have grace for yourself to be in the experience of those hard emotions – for a little while. But don’t get stuck in that place. Remember that mood follows action.

This means that sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, put on our “big girl/boy pants” and take action. Breathe, meditate, dance, listen to music, hug a loved one or pet, go for a walk, have good sex (even if it’s by yourself) – whatever it is that works best for you to get into a better place. This is self-care.

Wherever you are today, please remember that you are loved. You are a beautiful, magnificent Be-ing; worthy of every good you can imagine.

Much love and extra big hugs.💖

  • Terah

Equations of the Heart and Mind

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Did you know that the heart thinks?  

A human heart contains 40,000 neural cells that form a complex nervous system.  

This “heart mind” sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart.  Just as the brain produces hormones/neural chemicals, the heart also produces its own adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine, as well as ANF, (atrial natriuretic factor) a peptide that helps regulate healthy heart and kidney function.  The heart also keeps the energetic signals of the body and brain regulated through the physical contraction and expansion of a “heartbeat”.  

But here’s where things get even more interesting:  The heart produces its own electromagnetic field that is 5000 times greater than that of the brain.  

This magnetic field is a signal network that extends around us in a range of fifteen to twenty-five feet (!) and interacts with other living beings as well as the earth’s own electromagnetic field, feeding us information about the world around us and broadcasting our own information to everyone and everything we meet.

This also ties into the Enteric Nervous System – a network of 100 million nerve cells that line the esophagus down to and through the gastrointestinal tract, which also communicates information back to the brain.

This complex system of heart-gut-brain relation and communication is much more the “knowing mind” than the brain as a segregated entity, which largely makes decisions for us based upon past experience and neurological patterns rather than the full picture of each moment.  

So cool, right?  

As many things that were taught for thousands of years but discarded with the dawn of the Industrial Age, I believe our ancestors were on to a fundamental truth with adages like “You will never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.”   Or “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.” 

J Krishamurti said “Intuition is the whisper of the soul.”

 One of my personal favorites – “At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”  

If we wanted to get a little deeper into the quantum physics of the magnetic field, all of the information that we gather in the “quantum field” – that field that extends beyond us and into everything and All That Is, is also feeding us information.

It is the aggregate of information that is gathered between our brain, our heart/magnetic field, and the gut in the “field” that gives us the 11 million bits of information that humans process each second. But the problem here is that the brain has to translate all that information into roughly 40-50 bits per second for us to function and think without shorting out.

This is where unconscious bias comes in. The brain uses a system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter out anything it screens as impertinent.

Unfortunately, this can be a huge detriment to helping us to achieve a happy life.

Because the human brain works largely on programming and patterning, it often filters out the information that we actually need to find joy in favor of the information that the brain thinks will help us to survive best based upon our past programming and experience.

So if following the crowd, people pleasing, shutting down, fighting, accepting less-than treatment, (or even abuse) or any other trauma-based behavior were childhood subsets, there is a good chance that those early programs will be dictating your adult behavioral experiences, too.

As we have discussed before, the brain is wired to survive, not to thrive.  So ouch.😣. 

But awareness of this can help us to recognize and bypass what is past programming and what is actually truth and the best solution for not only our greatest happiness, but also for the greatest expansion of who we are in the evolution of our souls.

That just makes me wanna shout “hellllll yeah!”😁.

Because this means we don’t have to be a slave to our past programs. We can begin right now to steer our own ship and navigate our destiny for a greater joy than we ever dreamed possible.

I know this from personal experience.🥳

Even in the times of my greatest sorrow and heartbreak, I can’t help but go back to the feeling of joy – what is now my personal preset of “baseline happy”, which is pretty damned amazing.

I may have moments, or sometimes even hours where I feel unhappy, or I need to allow myself to grieve for whatever the unhappiness of my circumstance is – but here is the absolute truth of my existence – the vast majority of the time, regardless of whatever that circumstance may be, I am dance-in-the-fields-when-I-walk-my-dogs or in-my-kitchen while-cooking happy. 💫💃🏼

I don’t get bored. I feel a huge amount of gratitude for this big beautiful life. I smile at nearly every stranger, and go out of my way to help others feel a little of my joy – because I believe the world would be a much better place if we all understood these truths about ourselves and chose to live happy. I wish we all would make the conscious choice to fully live, rather than existing or waiting to die.

So, the next time you have a dilemma or a problem you can’t solve, perhaps the best question to ask is this: what is the consensus of my heart and gut/intuition telling me?

Then, bring the brain into the equation to ask – “Is this my truth/wisdom, or is this the voice of my parents/peers/societal norms that are giving me these answers?”

Intuition+heart intelligence+past experience and programming = answers. 😎

Today and all days, please remember – You are loved. You are worth every joy. You are amazing.💖

Sending big, big hugs your way, beautiful one.🥰

– Terah