I am currently reading #theatlasofhappiness by @mshelenrussell, a book detailing different customs of increasing happiness from around the world.
Loving the different ideas of what #happiness is from so many different cultural perspectives. This morning’s chapter was from #finland 🇫🇮; my grandmother’s home country. The Finns are a stoic people; having spent many centuries under the rule and thumb of other nations, they learned over generations to be more “survive” than “thrive”. Their national version of happiness – #kalsarikännit – interpreted as “Drinking at home in your underwear with not intention of going out” 😆😆- isn’t exactly my personal ideal, but each to their own. 🤷♀️
As I sit here enjoying the fragrance of #lemon from my tea, the layers of color, texture, and comfort that I have built into my #nest , and the coziness of this moment, it occurs to me that there is no one “big idea” to define an overall sense of happiness in life.
Lasting happiness is a series of small moments, such as the one I am in the experience of right now, that add up and compound upon each other to create a life of enduring and deep-rooted contentment.
I believe that a large part of the reason that so many people have continued anxiety and depression is because we are always “doing”. We are somewhere in the past or the future rather than just being right here, in appreciation of the moment.
There is hard science to back this theory.🧑🔬
When we are fully present in each moment, especially when we take time to breathe deeply, our sympathetic nervous system (the excitatory system) switches to a parasympathetic nervous system (inhibitory/calming), reducing the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline and increasing happiness hormones such as serotonin and dopamine, creating a greater sense of calm and well-being. (Add a snuggle with your favorite person or a pet and you get a hit of oxytocin – the “connection hormone”, not only enhancing mood but also empathy, kindness and generosity.) Over time and with practice, our baseline of happiness hormones and emotional resiliency increase, and stress hormones in the system decrease.
What’s especially wonderful about this is that your higher levels of ease and contentment have amazing health and longevity benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, regulating blood sugar levels and metabolic function, lowering the risk of heart disease, and creating better cognitive function and neurological health.
So if you are looking for a greater sense of overall contentment, ease, and joy in your life, look no further than the moment you’re in. It’s true that some moments are better than others, but there is always something to be grateful for. If we can find that appreciation and just rest and breathe in that space of gratitude, those moments will increase and and there will be a time when you realize that, in spite of the contrast that being a human on the planet earth brings, you are happy.🥰
“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “
Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves. It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.
It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit. But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar.
Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.
We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along. We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice.
There is the anger for not asking; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect.
For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread. But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.
When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth.
Eventually, we feel lighter. We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us. We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.
At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with. And so we learn the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good. Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own. Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.
In the beginning, this can create isolation. Loneliness. But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces. Our tribe begins to find us. We begin to fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant. That lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn.
We begin to create, or rather, I believe that we learn to consciously collaborate with Source to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention. We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us. We find our wings, and begin to soar.
Today and all days, beloved, I want to see you soar. I wish for you the feeling of freedom as you create a life of abundance and beauty. A life of light, and of love.
Do you often find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, stressed out, or angry?
Periods of stress in our lives are part of the human experience, and can be a tremendous catalyst for growth and personal evolution. Life is a gorgeous, complicated, challenging, and joyful adventure – and the contrast we experience is necessary to add depth and meaning – wholeness – to the story of our lives.
But we aren’t meant to stay in that place of unhappiness for long periods. When our periods of upheaval become chronic, the constant release of cortisol and adrenaline, necessary in primitive times for short fight-or-flight responses, become a mood disorder that if left unresolved, can really f#ck up the brain and body. This “stuck” cycle can not only cause depression, memory loss, weight gain/loss and sleep issues, but also inflammation that can lead to a host of other issues and illnesses from diabetes, cancer and more.
The good news is that just because we have moments of stress doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the stress response indefinitely. We can return to a place of greater emotional ease in less than two minutes, if we can understand what is happening in our nervous system.
Most important is to realize that the brain’s stress response only takes 90 seconds to move through the body.
When we encounter things in our life that make us feel triggered – anxious, frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad, (insert your own favorite dysregulation response here_______🙄…) it can be easy to stay in that feeling state for much longer. This is because we keep the stress response loop repeating itself instead of redirecting the brain’s focus to something happier.
But there are many ways to #flipyourhappyswitch when difficult or challenging circumstances in our lives may lower our #baselinehappy.
We can bypass hours or even days’ worth of unhappiness with a few simple neurobiology “hacks” that redirect the brain’s wiring. Consistent practice of these techniques will, over time, create a healthier stress response, too; which is pretty freaking awesome – the sooner we can get back to a feeling of joy in our lives, the sooner we can get back to being the amazing creators of reality that we are supposed to be.
Taking some deep nasal belly breaths stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and “tricks“ the mind into thinking that we are all good – or at least not in a heightened state of trauma response or fight or flight. This is where I always begin when I am personally feeling dysregulated.
There are a number of other techniques to re-direct the mind back to a state of ease – changing up our environment, listening to music that makes us feel good, going outside to “ground” with a walk, ride, run or swim. (the benefits of being outside are multiplied when we put our bodies in direct contact with the earth.
I love barefoot trailrunning, but 5 minutes of sitting on the grass can have a profound effect on the body and mind. Splashing cold water on the face, finding an activity or interest that is creative, are all wonderful ways to reset the brain, release endorphins and run interference on that stress loop and get us back to a more peaceful or joyous state.
If you are in a place where none of these practices are possible, try this easy, four-step system to bypass the loop of trauma/stress response:
Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is the root emotion causing your feeling of dysregulation? Take a moment to honor that feeling.
Focus on facts – find one or two true things about you. “My name is_____ and I live in _____city/country/state. My parent/sibling/friend/pet is______.
Find something physical – The sun feels amazing on my face. The fabric of my shirt is soft. The bakery in the store smells like cookies and fresh bread. I like to spritz a little of my favorite men’s cologne on a scarf or shirt collar so that I can bring my focus to the scent when I am in a crowd or large “big box” kind of store where I know I can become energetically overwhelmed.
Look for one beautiful thing/Gratitude – feeling grateful triggers release of dopamine, the reward/feel-good hormone. Find one thing in your environment that you can feel truly grateful for – the color of the sky is a particularly pleasing shade of blue right now. The little girl in line front of me has the most amazing big brown eyes. This coffee is delicious. Better yet, find someone to smile at or have a conversation with. (Not a creepy smile, please….) Not only will focusing on someone else re-direct the brain’s stress response, but kindness releases all of the feel – good neurochemicals.Win-win situation, right?😄
I have been putting many of these techniques into practice for years, and I can tell you that they work, but I’ll add to this a list of the most common neurochemicals/hormones and how they affect the mind and body, along with a few more tricks and techniques to get you back to your happy place.
Happy Brain Chemicals – DOSE
Dopamine – Reward/Hormone. “Pleasure Chemical”. Helps with focus, memory, motivation.
* gratitude. Complete a task or project. Improve sleep habits. Exercise. Do yoga/meditate. Go outside. Have sex – specifically, sex or self-stimulation that triggers orgasm. The greater the dopamine release, the more powerful the orgasm.👀. (Disclaimer – there is such a thing as “too much” when it comes to orgasm. Particularly using a stimulus such as porn, as it can create a tolerance which causes dopamine levels to drop.)
Oxytocin – The “Love Hormone”. Supports mental well being.
* Give a hug! Even self hug or massage will release oxytocin. Kiss. Warmth – sit in front of a fireplace. Drink something warm. Find a sunny spot. Send a loving text or letter. Snuggle with a pet. Watch cute kitten videos.
Serotonin – Feel-good hormone.
* Kindness. Laughter yoga. Massage. Sunlight – 10 minutes of direct to eyes. Remember happy memories heart rate
Endorphins – Responsible for pain relief, stress management, feelings of euphoria. Released by central nervous system and pituitary gland.
* Exercise/movement. More sex. Dance. Acupuncture. Eat something delicious and nourishing -Dark chocolate specifically triggers the endorphin response in the body. Scent – smell something pleasing. (Essential oils, fresh-baked cookies, cinnamon, someone you love)
_________________
If you are someone going through a challenging or difficult time, I see you.❤️
I hope this information might help.
If you are in a place where just don’t want to get off of the couch/bed/carpet, I’ve been there, too. It’s ok to give yourself some space to not be ok, to have grace for yourself to be in the experience of those hard emotions – for a little while. But don’t get stuck in that place. Remember that mood follows action.
This means that sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, put on our “big girl/boy pants” and take action. Breathe, meditate, dance, listen to music, hug a loved one or pet, go for a walk, have good sex (even if it’s by yourself) – whatever it is that works best for you to get into a better place. This is self-care.
Wherever you are today, please remember that you are loved. You are a beautiful, magnificent Be-ing; worthy of every good you can imagine.
A human heart contains 40,000 neural cells that form a complex nervous system.
This “heart mind” sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. Just as the brain produces hormones/neural chemicals, the heart also produces its own adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine, as well as ANF, (atrial natriuretic factor) a peptide that helps regulate healthy heart and kidney function. The heart also keeps the energetic signals of the body and brain regulated through the physical contraction and expansion of a “heartbeat”.
But here’s where things get even more interesting: The heart produces its own electromagnetic field that is 5000 times greater than that of the brain.
This magnetic field is a signal network that extends around us in a range of fifteen to twenty-five feet (!) and interacts with other living beings as well as the earth’s own electromagnetic field, feeding us information about the world around us and broadcasting our own information to everyone and everything we meet.
This also ties into the Enteric Nervous System – a network of 100 million nerve cells that line the esophagus down to and through the gastrointestinal tract, which also communicates information back to the brain.
This complex system of heart-gut-brain relation and communication is much more the “knowing mind” than the brain as a segregated entity, which largely makes decisions for us based upon past experience and neurological patterns rather than the full picture of each moment.
So cool, right?
As many things that were taught for thousands of years but discarded with the dawn of the Industrial Age, I believe our ancestors were on to a fundamental truth with adages like “You will never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” Or “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.”
J Krishamurti said “Intuition is the whisper of the soul.”
One of my personal favorites – “At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”
If we wanted to get a little deeper into the quantum physics of the magnetic field, all of the information that we gather in the “quantum field” – that field that extends beyond us and into everything and All That Is, is also feeding us information.
It is the aggregate of information that is gathered between our brain, our heart/magnetic field, and the gut in the “field” that gives us the 11 million bits of information that humans process each second. But the problem here is that the brain has to translate all that information into roughly 40-50 bits per second for us to function and think without shorting out.
This is where unconscious bias comes in. The brain uses a system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter out anything it screens as impertinent.
Unfortunately, this can be a huge detriment to helping us to achieve a happy life.
Because the human brain works largely on programming and patterning, it often filters out the information that we actually need to find joy in favor of the information that the brain thinks will help us to survive best based upon our past programming and experience.
So if following the crowd, people pleasing, shutting down, fighting, accepting less-than treatment, (or even abuse) or any other trauma-based behavior were childhood subsets, there is a good chance that those early programs will be dictating your adult behavioral experiences, too.
As we have discussed before, the brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. So ouch.😣.
But awareness of this can help us to recognize and bypass what is past programming and what is actually truth and the best solution for not only our greatest happiness, but also for the greatest expansion of who we are in the evolution of our souls.
That just makes me wanna shout “hellllll yeah!”😁.
Because this means we don’t have to be a slave to our past programs. We can begin right now to steer our own ship and navigate our destiny for a greater joy than we ever dreamed possible.
I know this from personal experience.🥳
Even in the times of my greatest sorrow and heartbreak, I can’t help but go back to the feeling of joy – what is now my personal preset of “baseline happy”, which is pretty damned amazing.
I may have moments, or sometimes even hours where I feel unhappy, or I need to allow myself to grieve for whatever the unhappiness of my circumstance is – but here is the absolute truth of my existence – the vast majority of the time, regardless of whatever that circumstance may be, I am dance-in-the-fields-when-I-walk-my-dogs or in-my-kitchen while-cooking happy. 💫💃🏼
I don’t get bored. I feel a huge amount of gratitude for this big beautiful life. I smile at nearly every stranger, and go out of my way to help others feel a little of my joy – because I believe the world would be a much better place if we all understood these truths about ourselves and chose to live happy. I wish we all would make the conscious choice to fully live, rather than existing or waiting to die.
So, the next time you have a dilemma or a problem you can’t solve, perhaps the best question to ask is this: what is the consensus of my heart and gut/intuition telling me?
Then, bring the brain into the equation to ask – “Is this my truth/wisdom, or is this the voice of my parents/peers/societal norms that are giving me these answers?”
Intuition+heart intelligence+past experience and programming = answers. 😎
Today and all days, please remember – You are loved. You are worth every joy. You are amazing.💖
When you do not know what to choose, show total involvement in everything. Then Life will choose, and it is never wrong. -Sadhguru
This can be so hard, can’t it?
To be totally involved in anything, let alone everything can be a struggle. We are often taught from a young age to choose the “safe” path in every aspect of life. Or we take the easy choices offered to us because we fear we might fail at the harder ones. We tend to base our present and future actions upon our past experiences, and unfortunately, our past experiences have too often been linked to struggle or pain.
We have all experienced loss in love/family/friendship relationships, jobs or business opportunities, health, pets, or any number of circumstances that, like a child burning his hand on a hot stove, have set our neurological programming to “stay away”.
Those programs are there to protect us, right? This goes back to the idea (fact) that our brains are hardwired to survive, rather than to thrive.
The thing is, the same neurological processes that teach us to watch out for a hot fire or poisonous spider – those that keep us safe from physical harm to ensure our best chance for survival – also control our emotional well being and so wire our brain to “beware” those things that have previously hurt us.
We get jilted or broken by a relationship or lover – or two – and we become reluctant to love fully. Or at all.
Someone we think is a friend rejects us and we begin to assume this is going to be the case with all friendships. So we shut down – but loneliness is a poor substitute for the joy we often find in good company and community, isn’t it?
We close shop on our dream business or get fired/laid off from a job we enjoy through no fault of our own – and we start thinking “maybe it’s me”. Or we begin to wonder if we are truly worthy of achieving our dreams or having the financial abundance that we desire.
We fail with that first art piece, poetry, novel, or gourmet meal, and instead of giving it a second, third, fourth or even fifth go, decide that it’s “just not for us”. Can you relate?
We learn to live our lives allowing our past pain to dictate our future experience. Our world gets smaller as we “play it safe” in an attempt to keep us from more pain.
But if those old programs that keep us safe also keep us from living fully and joyfully, it might be time to overlay some new programs and ways of being. True happiness is a fairly recent evolutionary process, but I believe this is the absolute coolest aspect of our existence today:
We Can Choose Happiness.
We can stop playing it safe, if safe means unfulfilled and unhappy.
It might be time to give up the self-limiting illusion of control, stop saying “maybe tomorrow” and start saying “yes” – or better yet, “Helllll Yeah” to those opportunities that come your way, and jump, eyes, heart and arms wide open off that ledge – and into the waiting arms of All That Is. Sadhguru called it “Life”, but this is just another word for Source. When we give up control and take that leap, have faith that The Universe has your back.
So say yes to that new love. Yes to the travel. Yes to that bakery, bookstore, crystal shop or any other business you have been dreaming of. Yes to the dream job you have been offered but feels like a stretch. Yes to the poetry, yes to the art, yes to the new culinary explorations from a burn-your-ass curry to a delicate halibut cheek sashimi.
I was recently talking whiskeys with a friend. I loved his take on his liquors of choice:
“When I drink, I want something that is going to beat me up and take my lunch money.” Now that is an all-in, hellll yeah attitude.
So say yes to the big jammy reds, the light-on-your palate whites or the peaty, fire-down-your-gullet single malts. Unless alcohol is a problem for you, of course.
Say yes the birdwatching, whale watching, boy or girl watching. Say yes to big hugs and long embraces, yes to conversations with strangers, to new coffee shops, to learning to surf or pick-up games of beach volleyball, bowling or tree climbing – even if you think you might suck. Especially if you think you might suck. Having fun while failing can be one of life’s great pleasures, believe me.
Say yes to new adventures. Or misadventures, as long as it’s fun and doesn’t harm anyone.
Say yes to that sexy new neighbor with the fabulous French accent. Or Spanish, Romanian, or no accent at all.
Try it all, at least once. How do you know what’s right for you if you don’t experience a few wrongs? This one sentence translates into nearly everything in life from finding the perfect boot to the right relationship – and everything in between.
In fact, just say yes to anything that points you in the general direction of bliss, of a feeling of ease within yourself and the fullest expansion of who you are. It just might be the best thing you ever did.
Is it possible that if you dive right in you might get hurt again? Of course. But the experience is never wasted. We heal, and every single experience teaches us something about ourselves, our world and others. I can guarantee from personal experience, once you do jump off that cliff and into the waiting arms of the Universe – of whatever it is that is out there that is so much greater than our comprehension – you will never, ever want to go back to that place of lack, of allowing the past to dictate the future.
It’s a brave new world. I believe we are on the cusp of a huge evolutionary step foward, from surviving to thriving. If you are reading this, perhaps this is your time to take that leap into the unknown – and into the waiting arms of Source, of Love, of bliss, of expansion and authenticity.
I can’t wait to see all that the future holds for you. It’s going to be absolutely magical.✨
The last months have brought more challenges and difficulties to my life than in the many years before.
I separated from my husband of nearly 14 years early last spring and moved out and onto a boat this fall. Boatlife is awesome in so many ways but also very challenging in others, especially living on a 1969 wooden yacht in the winter.
I still own my farm in the country and we’ve been through two rounds of major flooding now.
Watching your life float away as your property is under a foot or more of water is a surreal experience. Digging out the mountains of mud after the first round of flooding only to have even heavier flooding the following week was in some ways highly charged emotionally, but at the same time, knowing that there is nothing I can do about it at the moment makes it easier to let go of the anxiety and grief that I experienced the first time, standing in my garage up to my ankles in water and mud as my stored possessions and tokens of my children’s life floated around me.
One of my “most important people” passed away last summer. My aunt Sandra was one of the three women in my life who showed me unconditional love growing up. She took me in when I was a teenager headed in the wrong direction and gave me a new start, likely altering the entire course of my life for the better. Her death was earth-shattering for a few weeks.
I also had an ending to one of my dearest friendships of many years, which is so, so hard as I still hold much love her, but I know that the toxic elements that have been in the relationship for many years are always going to be there, and I have to release those things and relationships that cause ongoing strife and pain in order to move into the place that I know I want to be.
My daughter has just gotten married and is moving to Okinawa, Japan in January. I am beyond excited for her (and a little jealous, lol) but it is difficult knowing she will be so far away. She has been living in Tempe for the last year and a half and it’s pretty easy for me to jump on a plane or plan a road trip to go see her, or fly her up for a family visit. Not as much when it is a 20-plus hour flight.
I often get messages from friends and loved ones like “I am so sorry for what you are going through” or “Are you ok? You must really be struggling right now”. But the truth is, I am happy the vast majority of the time. I have an amazing life – and really am not struggling. For the most part.
I have times when I have to deal with the literal and metaphoric mud that is in my life. I’ve got a few dumpster fires for sure. But here’s how I process the “Contrasts” that we all experience in life and manage to remain happy and grounded 85-90% of the time:
I fully acknowledge and really allow myself to feel the shiznit when it happens. I yell a little, or cry alot. In the moment. I take an honest look at what is happening and what my emotional experience is. And then I step back and ask myself two questions: Is this a problem I can solve right now? And – Is it going to serve me to hold these negative emotions?
Sometimes, very occasionally, using a so-called negative emotion such as anger to be a catalyst to get off our ass and make some positive change or to drop the toxic elements of our life that are causing the anger can be a good thing. But more often than not, we allow our negative emotions to hold us as captive as those situations or people that are at the root of our emotional state do.
So for me, I usually make the decision to let that sh#t go.
If there is a problem I can solve, I look at the steps to fix it. One of the biggest challenges to living on an old boat in winter is power usage. I can’t cook and have my heat on at the same time. I can’t have my hot water heater on and anything else besides the lights going. It is an exercise in frustration and I am constantly tripping the circuit breakers. I’ve had a few times when everything has gone out and it takes some time to trace the problem to its source. But by addressing each element of the problem in turn, I can usually get things going again.
With my currently flooding property, there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix the situation. At the moment. So I say “fuck it” and set aside the emotional aspects of that problem until I can begin taking steps to dig everything out of the mud again.
Self-care is absolutely crucial in maintaining a healthy sense of balance and happiness, even in the middle of the shiznit. Taking time to get some healthy exercise, eat well, spend time with friends and family, take some long, hot baths or whatever mode of self-care feels best for you can make a huge difference in holding onto your happy state.
Right now, I am overlooking a spectacular view of the Pacific ocean and Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon. I have good coffee beside me as I write, and a fabulous, oversized bathtub in the room to soak away all of the residual stress of life. I’ve been walking the beach, wandering quaint shops and of course, hitting the bookstores.
Tomorrow I head back to reality but taking some time – whether it’s just a few hours or a few days – to step away from it all keeps the bigger picture in perspective.
Ultimately, the contrasts are there to remind us of the good. When we are in the middle of life’s challenges – especially the big ones – it can be hard to see the big picture. We get stuck in that tiny bit of black paint that seems our only reality. But with practice, we can learn to step back and “see” the portrait of our life, recognizing that that bit of black paint is just one small spot of darkness in an otherwise bright and beautiful composition.
More importantly, that black “paint” is vital in bringing forward those lights and brights. It may suck for a bit while you are in it, but beautiful, when you see the whole picture, you will be astounded by the brilliance and beauty of your life. Truly.
What are some of the contrasts that you have been experiencing lately – and how do you keep your happy space forward in your mind and heart amidst the challenges life may bring?
If you are going through some of your own dark spots right now, I hope you know that you are not alone. I am here with you, and you’ve so got this – but if you need a little extra love and support, I’ve got you back. You are amazing. You are worthy. You are capable, and so very loved.
Charlie Brown, in the comic strip Peanuts, expressed it perfectly – What if today, we were just grateful for everything?
Better yet, what if every day, we were grateful for everything? What if we were grateful for every single experience life has or is bringing to us?
This may seem like a strange way to think. Why would we be grateful for all of the negative or even awful things that we experience in this life?
It can be so easy to regret and lament past decisions and the “negative” experiences life has brought to us. But this can keep us in a negative loop – holding “victim mentality”, and inhibiting our abilities as creators.
So what if instead we learned to be grateful for it all? What if we viewed all of the negative experiences of our past as opportunities for growth – to gain wisdom, to learn greater compassion, to experience the contrast of those things that don’t work for us to better know those things that do?
What if we considered the possibility that we came to this life as spirit, ready to be born into flesh to learn those lessons and to fully experience every single aspect of life from the sunsets to the sh#t on our shoe?
You may be reading this and rolling your eyes, thinking that I am being a wide-eyed idealist rather than a realist. What could possibly be the motivation to be thankful for the sh#t on our shoe or any other “crappy” experience life throws our way? (pun intended )
Would you reconsider if I told you being grateful not only increases life quality, overall happiness, physical and emotional health but also builds a better brain and significantly fatter wallet?
I thought that might catch your attention. Read on…
Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology and creator of the wildly popular “Happiness Lab” at Yale University, teaches that gratitude is one of the key factors of happiness – and science is backing up this previously “woo woo” theory. In her course “Psychology and The Good Life” (most popular course at Yale in 300 years) she teaches much of that science.
For example, it has been shown in research that when we feel grateful, our brain produces greater concentrations of dopamine; a feel-good neurotransmitter. That dopamine increases when we express that gratitude through writing, speech, or compassionate action.
Gratitude also increases creativity and performance – professor SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY,, author of The How of Happiness, conducted an 8-month study of happiness at Harvard University. The results of this study showed that when a daily gratitude and affirmation practice was used, people were 19% more productive, analytic problem solving increased by 29%, and here’s the really cool one – revenue was increased by 36%. { Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2004, 2006a, 2007}
Crazy, right?
So what if we woke each day feeling happy, energized and ready to set intentions for an amazing day? And on those days that weren’t quite as amazing, what if we were grateful for the contrast – and even more so the ability to wake tomorrow and try again?
What if we made the conscious decision to begin to overlay those old subconscious programs of lack and negativity with something better?
What if we started a gratitude practice each and every day, in which we spent just a few minutes writing or really feeling into the space of gratefulness?
What if we wrote letters to our loved ones expressing all the things we appreciate about them?
What if we wrote a letter to ourselves expressing all the amazing things we loved and appreciated about us? Can you think of five things off the top of your head that you love and appreciate about yourself? 🤔
I’ve had a morning gratitude/affirmation journaling/meditation practice for several years now and I can tell you that not only do I feel better and more joyful – even in the times of intense stress – but my day flows better and I am able to create and manifest just about anything I can put my mind to.
Some days I like to “supercharge” this practice with a “handsa” – I write my daily affirmation on my palm to come back to throughout the day. Today’s handsa is “As my heart fully opens, my mind expands and that space is effortlessly filled with wisdom, freedom, joy, and abundance.” But there are days where I keep it super simple, too – “Big Juicy Life”, “I Create” “I am love” or “I hold myself in the space of”: (gratitude, joy, contentment, prosperity,etc.)
How can you make space each day for gratitude? What would a daily practice look like to you if you knew being in a place of optimism and gratefulness would absolutely improve the quality of your life?
Each morning I spend time in meditation, study and prayer/asking for wisdom. I have nearly a dozen books sitting next to my meditation cushion ranging from biblical devotionals, self-development, “A Course in Miracles” and several different card decks for accessing our own inner wisdom as well as that of Source.
This morning after meditation I did a basic four-card spread with these gorgeous “Goddesses Knowledge Cards”. ✨
The goddesses that I drew were Hera, Medusa as Pegasus) Psyche, and White Shell Woman.
Hera is symbolic of mature power and wisdom, nurturing, beauty, and luxury. For me, I feel the wisdom imparted is in holding my center in a place of strength.
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The second card, Psyche, is the Goddess who fell in love with Eros, god of Love, who flies away when she realizes who he is.
She searches the world for him and is given three “impossible” tasks by Aphrodite, which she completes but over the years of searching and trying to complete these fears, grows from an innocent young girl to a beautiful, mature woman who eventually wins Eros back where they live happily together in their sumptuous castle.
This is a card of transformation, but also of hard work and persistence. Patience has been a constant lesson for me over the past months as I wait for the future I seek to unfold.
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When Medusa was slain the spectacular winged Pegasus sprang from her blood. I especially love this story and symbolism. 💫
Medusa was originally a beautiful young girl and priestess of Athena who was raped by Poseidon – and then punished by Athena for the transgression (or possibly granted the wish for revenge against men).
As most of us know, she killed many men who came to the island where she lived in isolation and was eventually killed by Perseus.
To me, this narrative is about how holding anger and hatred makes us ugly and toxic – but transformation into something beautiful and iconic can happen when that part of us is out to death and we experience “rebirth”.
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White Shell Woman, creator and sustainer of life of the Navajo people, is a gift giver and mother of two important protectors of the People. I love the chant that is related to her – “All things around me are restored to beauty”. The lesson here feels like restoration and blessing.🥰
The overall theme of my spread is clearly letting go of the toxic sh#t I am dealing with right now, holding my center to persevere, and having patience – so not not natural to me – as I move through powerful changes happening to look forward to a beautiful unfolding transformation.
I feel like this is not only a spread that is incredibly pertinent to my life ATM but also the world in general.
This last year and a half has been all about change, right? And a boatload of toxic bullsh💩t that just seems the ongoing narrative of the world.😣
But if we persevere and hold our center, we can use it as powerful fertilizer to transform into something even better. Or we can hold that sh#t and become the gorgon. Always our choice.
For me, the wisdom, comfort and confirmation (same lessons I’ve been receiving pretty much daily) of these cards helps me to move through my days with greater faith and joy.
I know there will be moments of challenge and even grief as I move through these changes but every day also brings so much beauty and grace – and that is what will hold my focus on, letting that bad stuff go. 👀
Today, I hope this spread might bring you a little guidance, comfort and wisdom, too, my love – and maybe help you “let that 💩 go” to become something better. You deserve it, beautiful one.✨
If our thoughts produce emotions and emotions are resonance – and resonance/vibration is the language of the universe, what language are you speaking to Source?
When we ask for the outflow of our best possible life from a place of lack, anger, fear or other negative emotional states, it is impossible for Source to grant that reality because Good can’t be created from the building blocks of lack.
It’s like asking your mom to bake a decadent chocolate cake when all you supply her with is white flour. 👩🍳🧁🤷♀️
This might seem like a simplified metaphor but the idea is exactly the same. Good out, better back.
If you aren’t sure of how to create your highest vibe, start with gratitude – but don’t just list out those things you value.
What’s really important is that you practice feeling the joy of those things. From that place of higher resonance you can begin the process of co-creating the life of your dreams.
The next step is to look at the deeper held beliefs that might be holding you back or creating blocks to your best reality.
It’s estimated that a whopping 70-80% of us experience childhood abuse or trauma that greatly contribute to a negative subconscious state of mind.
What are the subconscious programs of lack of worth and value that may have been running since childhood that contradict what you want to experience in real time?
Here are some questions that can help you to understand whether or not you are asking for chocolate cake but putting out white refined flour, borrowed from Greg Baden’s book “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief”:
These questions target the heart of what we believe we deserve.
In the book, the author goes on to speak of the “Great Question” as our fundamental belief in the contrast of good and evil (good loves us, evil wants our destruction) in the world or the idea that there is One Source (that has our best interest at heart) from which everything stems.
A very interesting question indeed, but regardless of which side of the fence you might stand on, I believe that realizing your essential sense of value and worth is 💯 crucial to the co-creation of an amazing, magical reality.
What you resonate, you draw to you.
Let me repeat that in a different way because this is the most important fundamental law of the universe:
What you vibrate, you create.
This is true of attracting money, a mate, the car of your dreams or a rusted out hulk, a home, health and vibrancy or illness and fatigue… and everything else under the sun.
Let’s say “Josh” wishes to manifest his dream career opening a travel agency but those inner voices (subconscious programs) tell him that it is safer to stay in the soul-sucking corporate job he’s been at for the last ten years, or that he will surely fail if he tries something different. Or maybe he doesn’t deserve to have a career that makes him happy and makes good money too.
Sad, right? 🥺
What do you think the odds are that Josh will ever see his dream become a reality? Probably pretty low unless he begins to re-write those programs to create a better reality.
We can take the same formula to everything in our lives. What partners do we tend to attract over and over? (What did your parents, family and social groups teach you that you deserved?)
How many times have we failed at our diet or getting in shape? (Do you really see yourself as you want to be?)
I know it might be painful to look at these lessons, babe. Change is rarely easy and often hard AF. But believe me, so very worth it.
You are worth it. ✨
Affirmations, vision boards, mantra and meditation are all great ways to begin overwriting those patterns of lack. Therapy can be pretty amazing, too.🥰
There are also many wonderful resources on YouTube for guided meditations that can help facilitate the process, too.
I especially like “Power Thoughts Meditation Club which combines powerful binaural beats with positive affirmations. Here’s one example:
For now, if you haven’t begun a daily gratitude practice, it’s a perfect place to start getting yourself into that higher vibrational state, and there’s no better time than the present to begin.💫
Today I am grateful for so many things – a lovely sunset stroll with a good friend, cold drinks and live music on a Saturday night, good coffee, an amazing meditation and relaxed morning, my happy pups…but family and friends top my list.
What’s on your list today? Are you holding the ingredients for a decadent chocolate cake aka an amazing reality in your field – or dusty white flour? 🤗
When we are in the midst of a difficult situation, the last thing we want to hear is some well-meaning person telling us “there is a reason for everything”, right?
But what if we just re-framed our suffering a little? What if we looked at those difficulties as a way to bring us closer to the wholeness we might have been missing before?
What if all of life was happening for us, not to us, and that in the karmic/grand scheme of things we are here to learn to re-structure who we are despite our circumstances to become the greatest possible version of ourselves? 🤔
Painting is one of the ways I express my need to create. Probably because of this, I’ve always liked to think of life as a spectacular, massive painting.
Have you ever been in front of an art piece so large that you could only take in small portions when you were up close?
Let’s say that someone puts you right in front of just such a painting.
What you see directly before you is a big stroke of dark grey or even black paint. It makes you feel a little sad.
But when you step back, you realize that that stroke of dark paint was the pupil of the most amazing set of eyes you have ever seen.
You step back even further to realize that the painting is of a beautiful woman reclining beside a still lake, perhaps smiling up at someone she loves. The sun is shining and the sky is blue with small grey clouds behind distant mountains.
Poignant, right? When we are right in front of our adversities it is so very challenging to remember that what we are experiencing is dark but necessary portion of a much larger story, and the overarching story is a breathtaking work of art. Like you.💕✨
If you are one of those people who are in the middle of something challenging or even heartbreaking right now, I see you, and am sending so much love.
Breathe, allow the experience – and whatever emotions might come with it.
But also remember that life is an ever-unfolding painting, and when you are able to create some space between yourself and what you are going through, you will see how your challenges provided contrast to make a truly magnificent piece of art.
This Blessed Sacred Life 