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Singing the Blues/Tactics for the Tough Days

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

I have spoken a lot about creating our best possible reality; how being in the moment, gratitude, reframing the way we look at life, and other tools can create a happier baseline and help us to find ways to feel good more often.  I absolutely believe that life is a gorgeous, captivating experience that should be cherished.  

But some days, we just can’t avoid the blues. Life gets messy. Lonely. Challenging. Chaotic. Difficult, or just plain sh#tty. 🫤

We all experience heartbreak. Loss. Or all the “stuff” just stacks up and feels challenging. We feel sad, anxious, or maybe something out of our control makes us Hulk-smash angry. We might even feel a little broken.

This is an essential aspect of what being human is. Sometimes. 

It is so important to honor the difficult times as well as the good.   If we approach this life as a learning experience – a school – then it is the heartbreak and the hardship that so beautifully illustrate the times of joy, ease, and amazing love.  

On those days when we might feel like staying in bed for the rest of our lives, (or sink deep into a corner of a big comfy couch, hoping to disappear to an alternative reality🤷‍♀️) we have to find healthier alternatives because we all know that that is not a reasonable option, right? Most of us have responsibilities that require us to manage our stress and keep going. Keep moving forward, in the best way that we can.

And even if we didn’t have life to deal with, spending our days in bed really wouldn’t be a healthy way to deal; or rather, not deal with our challenges.  

But on those days, what we can do is give ourselves a little extra love –  and a lot of self-care.  This can make all the difference in getting us back on track with feeling good and being ready to take on the world again.  If you are having “one of those days”- or maybe weeks (Or even months) here are a few tips and tools to get you back on track.

1. Feel the Feels.

It has been the “norm” in our society to pretend that negative emotions do not exist.  This is often taught to us from childhood with messages like “big girls don’t cry/boys don’t cry“. Or “stop being so sensitive/stop being a baby”… ”pull your big boy/girl panties up”…and 100 other euphemisms for pushing down our emotions and ignoring the way that we feel. 

Sometimes, it is necessary to take the advice of our lived-through-wars-and-the-Great Depression-Prohibition-hard-as-rocks grandparent and do just that.  Shove those big feelings down for the time being. 

We can’t very well break down in a crying fit at the office, the grocery store, or our BFFs birthday party, no matter how sad we are. 

Sometimes we have to compartmentalize.  But it’s when we try to permanently repress our feelings of sadness/grief, anger, or frustration that those emotions very often turn into resentment and/or depression that can stay with us for years.

When I am experiencing a lot of contrast in my life, sometimes my “Pollyanna” side likes to take control for a while. She says things like “This will pass“ We’ve been through way worse“ ..”Look how blessed we are in so many other ways“ or “How can we possibly be sad/angry/heartbroken when there are people all over the world who are truly suffering in ways that we can only imagine?”

And you know, I am so very grateful for her. 

She does have a pretty amazing way of putting a positive spin on just about any situation. But sometimes, when things really pile up, I will politely ask her to shut the hell up for a few hours or a day so that I can allow those other parts of myself that aren’t being heard to speak their piece.  Sometimes, they just want to voice their opinions.  Sometimes, they need to express anger, or grief, or sadness, or whatever those “negative” emotions are that crop up from time to time.  Sometimes, they turn Pollyanna‘s tea party into a pity party of occasionally epic proportions.  And that is ok – for a little while.

 If I need to have an afternoon or evening wrapped in blankets listening to the blues on my big comfy couch or a few hours soaking in a big tub of hot water with epson salts and a glass of wine, I give that to myself. I take that time to pull all of those negative emotions out, have a good look at them, swear a little (or a lot) and I have a good cry.  

Here’s one of the cool things about allowing those painful emotions to surface – when we cry, our body releases trapped cortisol through our tears. 

This is why we invariably feel so much better after we have allowed ourselves to get a little “messy” in our emotions.  We are meant to feel sad, sometimes, because life isn’t always easy or fair.  When those hard lessons come, crying is one outlets  that allows us to release some of those difficult feelings that come with life’s challenging experiences.  

So allow yourself to fully experience those sad/angry feels. Sink  your toes into that mud, for a little bit.  But don’t stay there long enough to get stuck. 

Bearing in mind, we are not necessarily talking about deep trauma here, but rather those times in our life when we may  experience loss, heartbreak, or frustrations that are beyond our control.  For those deeper issues we may need to talk to a qualified professional.  See “Reprogramming” ⬇️ 

2. Reframe. It can be easy to get lost in the negative aspects of those moments when life brings us contrast, but every single experience can help us to know ourselves better. To grow. I personally believe that we draw to us the people and experience we need the most for exactly that purpose. Heartbreak can help us to see unhealthy relational patterns. Sickness can show us where we hold dis-ease in the body. Financial issues can show us where we might be living in a mental state of lack.

3. Self-care for the win. Give yourself some extra love in whatever way feels best to you. Take a walk in nature. Have a hot bath. Binge watch a show on your streaming channel of choice.(disclaimer: it is really unhealthy for the mind to do this daily) Have a glass of red wine and a small piece of dark chocolate. Go see a movie, read a book, go dancing, go for a float or whatever will make you a little happier and get those dopamine levels elevated.

3. Reprogramming.  If you find yourself feeling down more than up and repeating unhealthy behaviors, it may be time to look at your Core Belief Systems and the protective strategies/coping mechanisms that may be connected to them.  

Much of our unhappiness stems from the way we feel about ourselves at the root of who we are.   Do you find yourself using negative self-talk “this will never change” “I just have to accept —-” or even self-abusive statements such as –  “I am so stupid!” “Why can’t you just be normal?” “I’ll never succeed”. “No one likes me.” Insert your favorite self-insult here _____.😑. Or maybe you are struggling with addictive tendencies.  Or self-sabotage.  Or victim mentality.  

Whatever that deep-held belief system is that may be causing you to feel unhappy, it does not have to be a permanent state. 

Changing the way we see ourselves, our circumstances and the world is called neuroplasticity.  Our brain is capable of changing and growing at any state, and any age.  Neurological reprogramming can be helpful in a multitude of ways from the way that we observe and interact with the world to affecting our physiology and magnetic field on a quantum level.   Shifting our attitudes and perspectives alters the physical aspect of our reality (particle shifting in the quantum field) to create greater connection within ourselves and all that is around us. 

A good therapist can  be an invaluable resource when we feel stuck in those negative emotions.

They can help you to diagnose the root of the problem in ways that you might not be able to, give you the tools to begin the healing process, and then get the heck out of the way while you do exactly that.  

4. Mood follows action.

This is a well documented neurological phenomenon. Once we have worked through and released some of those negative emotions, it is important to find something to switch our brain patterning into a more positive state in order to achieve a “dopamine reset.” 

Dopamine, remember, is one of the feel good neurochemicals that are released when we do things like exercise, listen to good music, snuggle with a loved one, dance, sing, have sex, eat spicy foods, and basically anything that you know of that historically brings you a sense of pleasure. We may not feel like expending the energy to do any of these things, but forcing ourselves off of the couch and into something that brings us pleasure bypasses ruminative processes and increases the production of a host of feel-good neurochemicals and perhaps more importantly, our resilience to stressful situations and circumstances.

This puts us back on track to being able to feel good and function well on a day-to-day basis. 

 It doesn’t mean that we might not have other days that we have to wash, rinse, repeat until things start to feel easier, but at least, for the time being, it’s important that we pull ourselves out of the negative states of mind we may find ourselves “stuck” in.

If we allow ourselves to remain in an unhappy state for prolonged periods, it can become a personality disorder that will create a personal reality disorder, potentially leading to long-term depression, anxiety, addictive behaviors, or a host of other, secondary psychological and psychobiological issues that will keep us from living our best life.  

And ultimately, isn’t the goal to be happy?

5. Get moving/get some exercise. Ideally, outside. If unable to get moving, get into some water.

There’s a reason why we call nature “the great outdoors“, and one of them is for the fact that spending 20 minutes outdoors significantly decreases levels of cortisol and adrenaline and increases levels of serotonin, dopamine, and if we are getting cardiovascular exercise at the same time, endorphins. Part of this is the movement of the body, (endorphins) but even more so is the fact that the earth, the air, and water, all release negative ions, which basically cleans up our energetic field, and can promote healing on many levels. 

Ideally, spend your time outside barefoot or physically touching the earth. I’ve written on the benefits of “grounding” or ”earthing” (vitamin D. Serotonin. Negative Ions. Green being a naturally soothing color. Spiritual connection. The list goes on…) the importance of finding time to be outdoors each day really can’t be overstated, but especially so when we are feeling down or under the weather.

If being outdoors is not possible, go to the gym, do some yoga, have sex, or find whatever physical activity works best for you. 

Incidentally, sex has a whole host of physiological and emotional benefits; increasing oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and Human Growth Hormone (responsible for longevity and looking/feeling fabulous at any age)  in the brain and body, to name just a few. If you’re interested in more information on this, check out my blog “Sex and the Divine union”.   

But I digress.  Interesting topic…🤷‍♀️😉

Speaking of clean eating – 

6. Nourish the body and mind.

Eating well and minimizing sugar, junk food, and alcohol, especially when we are feeling “less than” is so important.  

Alcohol is a depressant. It may make us feel better for a short period of time, (and can certainly be fun in certain social environments) but ultimately, not only does it cause inflammation in the brain and body, it usually makes us feel awful the next day, and causes our lymphatic system, liver, and kidneys to work extra hard to process what is essentially a poison to our system.   Long-term use will lead to a greater increase in cortisol and adrenaline and ultimately, make us age faster, lose our good neurological function, and feel worse emotionally, too.

If you do drink, try to limit the amount you’re partaking to one or two alcoholic beverages.

Eating foods that are nutrient-dense and making sure that you get enough protein will keep the body and mind functioning smoothly, as well, and as a result, make recovery time of any sort significantly less.  Increasing vegetables and low-sugar, whole food fruits (eat the rainbow), and eating foods high in brain-optimizing amino acids and omegas support healthy body and neurological function.  

Healthy brain = happy brain. 

7. Take a nap. There is a reason why our ancestors took an afternoon “siesta”. Recent research has shown that a 10-30 minute nap can reset the dopamine receptors to the same levels they are after a full night’s sleep. It is important that we sleep no more than 90 minutes, as that can put us into REM and leave us feeling more groggy and out of sorts when we wake up.

For me, I take a brief nap most days.  It really is amazing how restorative putting the mind into a short reset can be.  If you aren’t someone who can fall asleep during the day, even putting your feet up, closing the eyes and just allowing yourself to be at rest can improve the quality of the way that you feel. 

8. Connect. Reach out and touch someone. Call someone for a chat. Meet up with a friend or loved one for a cup of tea or coffee. Connection with others is quite possibly the most important thing we can do for our emotional health and well-being.

Studies from university of Berkeley have shown that having quality connections with those around us can add 10 years to our life, and it it is believed in much of the academic community that the current trend in shorter lifespans (the first generation in a century that’s expected to live significantly shorter, then our predecessors) is a direct result of the fact that we spend less time in community and connection with others are than we ever have.

If we feel connected to our loved ones and those in our community, everything else tends to fall into place. Conversely, if we are disconnected and disengaged from those around us, our neurological levels of “happy hormones“ such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine are lower.  Physical touch is an amazing way to give ourselves a little boost. This can go back to sex, but just holding a hug for 10-20 seconds decreases cortisol, increases oxytocin, and sends a safety signal to the autonomic nervous system, significantly lowering the body’s fight or flight response. 

9. Get a good night’s sleep. This may seem like a no-brainer, but sleep really is vital to our physical and emotional well-being.  There is a reason why sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture in governments around the world.  It affects our ability to reason, to regulate our mood and autonomic nervous systems, and a host of other negative effects that could be a book unto itself.  When our adrenaline and cortisol levels are higher, it can greatly impact our ability to sleep well.  I am not a proponent of artificial drugs or chemicals for mood, energy, or sleep regulation, but taking melatonin occasionally can help to restore the mind’s own ability to regulate sleep patterns.

7.  Write it out.  There has been great research into the positive effects of writing out our thoughts and feelings.  Writing can also be a great tool to help us find solutions if we are stuck in a problem that we have not been able to find resolution for.  Don’t think too much on what you are going to put on paper – allow your subconscious mind to provide the dictation.  You may be surprised by what comes up. 

 You have the ability to self-repair.  To fill those cracks and crevices with love – with gold; to become something even more beautiful – a work of art. 

Today might feel challenging. Difficult. Maybe even downright sh#tty.  I have been there plenty of times, but babe, know this – contrast is there to help us grow.  To help us become more.  No rain or fertilizer, no growth, right?   On those hard days, no matter how bleak things may look, whatever it is you are experiencing is temporary.  This too shall pass, and as Little Orphan Annie liked to say, “The sun will come out tomorrow.”  

So spend some time giving yourself some extra love.  Treat yourself to something extra.  Take a walk in the rain.  Snuggle on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book.  Snuggle with a loved one.  Or whatever it is that will make you feel a little more right in the world.  You deserve it. 

Much love and the biggest hugs;

  • Terah 💖

Into the Chaos

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

I recently heard an expression – To know your future, look at your present.

This really struck me, and over the next several days, I found myself thinking about all of the ways this is true.  

We can so often gauge the next 5 years of our lives by just looking at how we are getting by right now. For that matter, many of us can look back 10 years and see very little difference between the way we are getting by right now.  

Here’s a statistic that makes me feel especially sad – 95% of people operate from a place of history.   This means that Only 5% of the human population operates from a place of vision and imagination.  From a place of curiosity and growth.

I believe that we are on this planet to learn. To grow. To experience life at its fullest. But how can we be experiencing the fullness of life if we are just repeating the same patterns of 10 years ago?

Where is the adventure, the excitement, the passion in that? Where is the contrast in that?

Sure, it’s true that there is a level of safety and comfort in routine.  In habit.  In the status quo. Change can be frightening and the primitive parts of our brain aren’t hardwired for change.  It is hardwired for safety.  Stay in the cave, stay safe.  Follow the rules, stay safe.  Don’t think for yourself, stay safe.  

We may be able to actively choose the way that we perceive the world, but up to 90% of our daily thoughts are habitual. The human brain is an organic, primitive computer, programmed for survival.  Survival is largely ego-based and the primary objective of this primitive state will always be to seek safety over happiness.  To repeat our history rather than create a dynamic new future.  So the mind keeps us in a feedback loop, re-creating yesterday, the day before, and the day before that.   

Our early childhood programming plays into this, too.  The brain is structured to learn intensely in childhood (2-6 or 7) then hardwire those processes into adulthood. So the Ideas and ideals of our parents and caregivers are passed down through generations, and it is rare that we want to question what is known. 

Mainstream media contributes further to this, hijacking the amygdala (primitive brain) to see the negative or threatening aspects of our reality before we see the good. 

But here’s the thing – if we are not moving or growing for a prolonged period of time, we are stagnant. I know this may feel like a painful truth, but stagnation is just a stone’s throw away from death.

And here’s the crux of this idea – What you do not change, you choose.

I’ll write that again, because it is so, so important.

What you do not change, you choose.  

So the real question becomes; what are you choosing?  Are you choosing to repeat the cycles and programs of your past, or are you redefining your present to create a better future?  Are you allowing the subconscious to rule your emotions and actions based upon patterning that began in childhood?  Are you actively writing your story or allowing someone else’s belief systems to dictate your reality?

Your past does not need to define you.  It does not have to be your future.  

The brain has an amazing ability to re-wire itself (neuroplasticity) through conscious awareness and directed focus to create new neurological programs. This means we must become deeply aware of the direction our thoughts are taking in order to alter the course of our internal dialogue and unconscious bias to change those habits of thinking – to reflect the outer reality that we wish to see rather than the one our past has created. We have to re-evaluate our belief systems to begin laying down new, happier, healthier programs; new ways of being.

This is not necessarily an easy process. Encountering the unfamiliar will always make us feel uncomfortable, and changing those long-held beliefs and hardwired programs will feel frustrating – the amygdala/primitive brain perceives change as a threat and produces stress hormones such as norepinephrine/adrenaline and cortisol to literally make us feel stressed, agitated and frustrated when we try something new.  This chemical release is meant to keep us safe, but it also inhibits our ability to grow.  This process is true of any change we undertake; from learning a new language or skill to healing unhealthy programs from the past. 

 But isn’t changing a life half-lived for a life of conscious creation and happiness worth a little discomfort? 

Rory Vaden, author of “Take the Stairs”, speaks of observing the difference in how buffalo and cows address the frequent storms that come across the mountains of his native state of Colorado.  

Cows, when they sense a storm coming, will turn and run in the opposite direction.  The problem with this is that they often become trapped in the storm, causing distress, injury, and even death – until it blows itself out.  

Buffalo, on the other hand, will wait until the storm crests the mountains, and then charge directly toward the incoming storm.  In this way, they run through the storm rather than getting stuck in it. 

 Our neurological processes can be compared to this.  Most of us just turn tail and run from change, or hunker down and hope the unfamiliar will pass us by.  But here is the super-cool thing about the brain pertaining to our ability to learn and grow – when we choose to go into the chaos/face the “storm” of stress hormones and the feeling of frustration that happens when we begin to examine and address old, outdated ways of thinking, adrenaline becomes acetylcholine; a neurochemical that allows us to go into sustained “focus” mode.  A flow state.  Our curiosity is stimulated.  Acetylcholine allows us to begin to learn new processes and belief systems. When we hold this sustained attention on learning, the brain will “reward” us with a hit of dopamine. 

Just to briefly touch on how this pertains to quantum physics, when we feel good, we draw good to us. We are better able to shape our reality on a quantum level – manipulate particles to create a life of our choosing rather than one of chance and circumstance. 

This also ties into the neurologic phenomenon of “mood follows action”. (“Fake it until you make it”)  We have to step into the storm of frustration that those stress hormones cause in order to move through the chaos and into the feel-good, top-of-the-mountain state of dopamine release.  We have to begin the action of feeling good in order to actually feel good.  When we make a habit of moving into and through the storm, our baseline dopamine levels become higher and the reward we get from learning becomes greater.  

I like to think of this as the “Explorer” phenomenon.  

We travel to a new state to experience a slightly different culture and we get a small hit of dopamine as a reward. We travel to another country such as Ireland or England where the culture is a little different – but still familiar – and we receive a bigger hit of dopamine. We go to rural Africa, India or Indonesia where the culture is vastly different than our previous experience and we have a massive hit of dopamine. I have experienced this myself, many times. I feel more alive when traveling than any other time in large part as a result of this, I am sure.

Just imagine what Magellan, Columbus, Marco Polo or my distant ancestor, Sir Francis Drake; must have experienced upon seeing countries and cultures previously unknown to most of the world must have felt. Wow, right?✨

The neurobiological process of learning and re-programming the mind is just like this. The greater the effort; the bigger the change, the bigger the change, the greater the reward. 🥳

You have the power to create an amazing reality of freedom and joy. I hope that today, you choose to begin shaping that reality into the life of your dreams.

Much love;

  • Terah💖

Judgement

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Hold my coffee because I need to jump up onto my soapbox to rant for a minute. 😑

Well, maybe more than a minute, because this is an encompassing subject that affects every single aspect of who we are and the world around us.

I’m referring to judgment and limiting beliefs systems – and how damaging it is to us as individuals, and society at large. It stunts out growth and limits our possibility.

Saturday, I went to a local casino with friends. I’m not really a gambler and rarely go to casinos. The energy makes me feel sad. But a few of my friends go somewhat regularly, and I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to see the experience from a different perspective. The first little bit was fun, although we all lost money. Half an hour in or so, some other friends joined us.

They had been there less than 10 minutes, had not been drinking and hadn’t had a chance to get a drink yet, but one of these friends  has a very boisterous personality.   The floor manager, along with a couple of the security came over to ask her to leave. 

They thought she was drunk and told her that she could not order any more drinks or gamble. Needless to say, I was shocked and confused. She hadn’t had a drink yet, so how could she be cut off from ordering more? 

I was sitting right next to her at a line of slot games to watch her technique, and although she didn’t behave like most of the other people in the casino, who seemed to me a little bit like depressed zombies as they lost their financial security to slot machines or tables rigged for the house to win, she was not in any way being unruly or extreme in her behavior. 

But her personality apparently did not fit into the accepted order, so she was kicked out. 

It’s interesting how things are brought to us in multiples, isn’t it?

The very next morning, one of my very good friends called me in tears because something similar happened to her at church.  

Apparently, she was too enthusiastic in her worship of God during the music and when the pastor would say “Can I get an Amen?”.  

As she was leaving, two men took her side to tell her that while they appreciated her spirit, could she please take her joy and enthusiasm down from a 10 to 5 or six?  Because “God“ likes us to be quiet and obedient, right?

We humans really love to put things in boxes; tiny little hidey – holes where we need things to fit in order to feel safe in the world around us.  

We put the idea of “God“ in a box that looks just enough like us in to feel safe, but enough different to feel like something we can rely on.

We judge each other and ourselves by our skin color, sex, personality, career choices, how much money we make, by the homes that we live in, our social status, age, looks, diet, exercise regimen, and 100 other things in this quest to create familiarity with every aspect of our existence. Because that which we don’t know or understand is often frightening.

But what is the old expression?   “Familiarity breeds contempt”

Or how about “When you label me, you negate me.”

We take the mystery and magic out of those people and things around us; we label, judge, and make smaller everything and everyone; ourselves included, and then we wonder why we have a habit of feeling deeply unhappy.  

We wonder why the rate of depression in the United States is estimated to be hovering around 46%, yet continue to hold to societal norms that were relevant or to our primitive ancestors in a time when a certain amount of assimilation was necessary for the safety and continuation of our species.

 I believe we are seeing such a tremendous uptick in neural divergence because we are living in a time when we are meant to evolve beyond our past limited ways of thinking.  We are meant to evolve beyond the fear that keeps us bound and shackled to a system that hasn’t worked well for a long time.  

Honestly, sometimes it is enough to make me weep – or pull my hair out. Or a combination of the two.

This frustration stems from the understanding that when we make small the world around us, we shrink proportionally. When we judge others, we also judge ourselves as lacking in some way.  We judge out of fear, out of lack, out of hatred.  There is no room for love in judgement. 

When  it comes right down to it, we are each living in a microcosm of our own making. 

We can only see reality based upon our minds’  acceptance of what is real and what is not. What is acceptable and what is not.   What our past experience and neurological programming deems appropriate.  This is why critical, judging, and destructive behaviors are often passed from generation to generation. 

Our programming begins with our parents or caregivers in childhood and continues throughout our lives, but the Reticular Activating System; the mind’s sensory filtration system, located in  a part of the “primitive brain” called the amygdala, will only allow us to “see” that which is acceptable or appropriate; largely based upon our past experience and preconceived ideas and notions.

 If our parents and those around us told us that the Earth was flat, well, of course, the earth must be flat and anybody that believes otherwise must be crazy.

But then, at some point, we learn that the Earth is in fact, round – and it is those that believe it is flat  that are crazy.

Do you see my point here? Truth is subjective and relative only to what we have created in our minds.

  • “Of course, there are different truths on different levels. Things are true relative to other things; “long” and “short” relate to each other, “high” and “low,” and so on. But is there any absolute truth? Something self-sufficient, independently true in itself? I don’t think so.
  • Dalai Lama

Let me make this a little bit personal with some examples from my own life.   

For those that know me, I look younger than what society says I should based upon how many trips around the sun I have had. I believe a large portion of this is because I do not agree or subscribe to whatever it is that “age” is supposed to be.

This has been true for my entire adult life.

 It was rare that older  “adults” who didn’t know me saw my value as a human being because of the way I looked.  Instead, they saw a “pretty young thing“ who was fun to look at, but the idea of me being intelligent and intuitive was not in the realm of possibility.

A poignant illustration of this was a night when I was at a party with my then fiancé’s parents, his brother and sister, and their spouses. 

I was 20 at the time.  My fiancées brother’s wife was in her early 30s and had recently gotten her doctorate. When a group of family friends approached us, I was introduced as the “sweet, beautiful“ daughter and Layla was introduced as the “smart” daughter.  Never mind that Layla was quite pretty, and I am quite intelligent; the Who that we were was instantly not only degraded, but negated to everyone in that group.  

Even now, I find myself judged as a result of my appearance.  In a group of people older than me I am the “baby”, but to those  in their 20s and 30s, I am a peer –  until my wisdom and experience  gives me away, and then I become the “mother“ or the “MILF” instead of just another soul enjoying a human experience of fun and connection.  

I become the flat earth, because of what they have been taught and continue to believe.

For much of my young adulthood, I exclusively had relationships with men significantly older.  

Then I met my ex husband, who was nearly eight years younger.  My past programming said “no effing way” to anything beyond friendship, but when, a month or so into spending time together, I realized that I quite enjoyed him as a person with a beautiful soul, I questioned my own doctrine.  I didn’t “see” the age difference in a man twenty years my senior, so why did I judge someone who was younger?

Because of the way I judged myself.  

This realization allowed me to open to the possibility of more, and friendship led to dating and eventual marriage.  We stayed together for 15 years, and I don’t think it ever occurred to either of us to think about the difference in our age.  Most people assumed I was younger than him.  

I, like most of us, have experienced the way people judge in every possible form. I have been stopped on the road by a police officer when I was out walking with a good friend, who happened to be an African-American male. The Officer wanted to make sure I was “safe“.  Because I was a white female out walking with a black man.  Wtf?

One of my best friends happens to be gay. I have known him since childhood, and knew he was gay before he did.  In my mind, it was no different than the fact that he has a mole on his left cheekbone or the way his heart feels, but society says that instead of being a perfect and beautiful soul, he is a “sinner”.  He’s bad.  Wrong. 

 F#ck that shite.  How dare any of us judge what makes someone else happy?  

I know that every single person reading this can relate in some way, whether it is feeling judged because of your career choices, your race, your looks, your age, your gender, your sexual preference or any of the other physical, emotional, or intellectual aspects of who you are as a person. 

 We judge who we will connect with based upon race, religion, age, sexual identity or a hundred other petty assumptions based upon personal “truths” that are not only subjective but likely completely untrue, but we limit the degree to which we live our lives as a result.  

So let’s just agree to stop.  Stop judging each other.  Stop judging ourselves.  Recognize that we are all souls having this very individual human experience, yet also connected.  And that is a beautiful thing.  

Much love and big hugs, always. 

  • Terah💖

Self-love, Unbecoming to Become

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “

Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves.  It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.  

It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit.  But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar. 

Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.  

We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along.  We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice. 

There is the anger for not asking; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect. 

For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread.  But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.  

 When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth. 

Eventually, we feel lighter.  We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us.  We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.

At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with.  And so we learn the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good.  Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own.  Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the  difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.  

In the beginning, this can create isolation.  Loneliness.  But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces.  Our tribe begins to find us.  We begin to fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant.  That lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn. 

We begin to create, or rather, I believe that we learn to consciously collaborate with Source to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention. We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us. We find our wings, and begin to soar.

Today and all days, beloved, I want to see you soar. I wish for you the feeling of freedom as you create a life of abundance and beauty. A life of light, and of love.

You deserve it.💖

Much love and big hugs

– Terah

Be Kind.

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

This has been a rough few years for so many of us.  

When we are unhappy, stressed, or dealing with some epic shiznit, it can be easy to forget that we are all in this together.  We can forget to be kind. 

It can be too easy to be mean.  Snarky.  Rude.  

Thoughtless to those we care for.

We lash out in big ways, hurting other people because of our own hurt or in small ways, such as trolling the instagrammer who’s just trying to express himself.  We get cranky with the barista at Starbucks who forgot part of your order, not knowing or caring that  she is dealing with her own stress, too.   We make mean comments to the random stranger who’s selling their self-built skoolie or the Cowboys fan when you love the Seahawks.  

I rarely listen to the radio and almost never watch television.   I’d rather read a book, listen to a podcast or an audiobook that stimulates my thought processes and curiousity and helps my brain to continue to grow.  

But this morning, I was running a couple of early morning errands and had the radio on in my car.  The hosts of the morning show that was on were doing a piece called “Missed Connections” where they read posts people have published online to try to connect with someone they met randomly and wanted to reconnect with in a meaningful way.  

Some of them were cute, some were funny and some were honestly kind of dumb.  But as I listened, I found myself beginning to feel uncomfortable as the hosts made fun of the posts, demeaning those that had written them for  the lack of education in proper spelling and grammar, or the content of the post itself.

By the time the piece was over, I felt a little sick to my stomach and incredibly sad.  It felt like meanness for the sake of ratings and I found myself wondering if this was who these people really were or if the cruelty was audience-driven.

The people who post these missed connections are putting themselves out there and making themselves vulnerable to try to connect with someone who obviously left an impression on them.  Some are silly, it is true, and I admit that it is hard for me not to be a bit of a grammar Nazi sometimes, myself.  But I feel like it crosses a line and says something about our society when we feel like we need to publicly demean or diminish other folks to be “funny”.  

Maybe it seems like the relative anonymity of those that write these posts gives permission to poke fun at them, but if the person who wrote it happened to be listening, I can imagine how hurtful and embarrassing it would feel.  If the person they wrote it for was listening,  the odds of those two actually connecting would be greatly lessened because of the social embarrassment connected to the post.

This same radio station has a “feel good moment“ that comes on each day, and although I haven’t heard the station often, it seems like the vibe is fairly positive, so this particular show did seem out of character for the positive influence my impression is that they are trying to create within our community.  

But if I had tuned in to hear this show for the first time and it was all I knew of the radio station, it would be very likely that I would avoid listening to the station at all in the future. 

Ironically, when I turned the radio off, I tuned into a Tom Bilyeu podcast covering the subject of insulin regulation. Throughout the podcast, he was kind of an asshole to the woman he was interviewing, with moments of what felt very much like passive aggressiveness. He obviously didn’t agree with many of her views, but it was when he challenged her spiritual beliefs that I found myself becoming angry.

He spoke of absolute “truths” and how spirituality makes people more unhappy, rather than furthering the advancement of humanity. But this is obviously based upon his own belief system, and not that of the billions of people worldwide that have a greater sense of peace as a result of their spiritual beliefs, whatever those may be. He was using his personal truth as an excuse to be a dick. 🍆🍆

I know that I am still in the minority in believing that we should put kindness and empathy foremost in how each of us behaves with others, and it is true that sometimes, we have a bad day and we just come across as being a bit of an 🍆.

But shouldn’t we collectively be working on awareness of our actions as we (hopefully) move towards evolution? 🤔

 I believe that as we grow as a species, kindness as a practice will become the norm, rather than pettiness, cruelty, small-mindedness, and meanness.  We are beginning to see it now as thought leaders and “influencers” promote the value and benefits of being kind.  

There is also good science behind the benefits of kindness, empathy and compassion, too –  from the neurochemical release of “happy hormones” such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine to the way our mental and emotional states of mind and way of being affect our magnetic field and the world beyond.  Being kind is also good for our physical health, btw, as well as the overall well-being of our communities. There have been numerous studies done on this subject. 

One of my favorites, in part because I lived there in the early 90s, happened in 1993 in Washington DC.   Thousands of meditators gathered over a period of nearly three weeks to demonstrate just how powerfully our thoughts can affect the world around us.  They meditated collectively each day with the intent of decreasing the rampant violent crime in the DC area.  The results of this project later became known as the Maharishi Effect.  

A 27-member independent Project Review Board consisting of sociologists and criminologists from leading universities, representatives from the police department and government of the District of Columbia, and civic leaders approved in advance the research protocol for the project and monitored its progress.

During this period, crime in the area decreased ranging from 15.6% to 24.6%.  The statistical probability of this being random variability was calculated at less than 2 in one billion.  

If your mind isn’t blown by this, read the statement again.  If you are still skeptical of the power of collective consciousness, just look at the opposite end of the spectrum with some of the massive attraction and popularity of some unthinkable trends such as eating tide pods.🙄

The point is, each of us has a choice in how we view and approach the world.  We all have the ability to influence the world around us, but I believe that for those in the public eye, the responsibility of choosing wisely is so much greater.

Is it really necessary to question the cut of someone’s hair, tor the color choice of cabinets because it doesn’t suit your personal taste? We seem to have this idea that our personal opinions are the “truth” of the world but in reality, there really isn’t any absolute truth.

Everything is subjective and based upon personal experience. Everything. We’ve all come to our personal belief systems because of our unique amalgamation of experiences.  It is that very uniqueness that makes this world such an amazing place. What if there was no other bird on the planet besides a Robin?  I don’t think any of us would feel excited about birdwatching or birdsong if that was the case.

Just as importantly, we should ask ourselves if degrading or demeaning others make any of us feel any better in the long run?  Probably not, right? 😣. 

Just because you aren’t rocking a purple Mohawk doesn’t mean it’s not cool for being 💯 unique.  

Just because English may not have been your best subject in school, or you may be a little, socially, awkward, or a struggle to know how to connect to others, doesn’t make you in any way “less than” anyone else.  

Just because you wouldn’t choose mint green for your kitchen doesn’t mean many others wouldn’t absolutely love it.  

Just because your political opinion is far left, or far right, or somewhere right in the middle doesn’t mean that those that don’t share your particular affiliation or mindset are less valuable.  

Just because you were brought up as Christian, it doesn’t mean that Christ is the only way to find God;  just as professing that Allah is the one and true God does not make it truth to the Christian, Hindu, or Muslim.  

You are beautiful, wonderful, unique and amazing just as you are.  

And so is the Starbucks barista that you were a jerk to. The woman with a different spiritual belief system. The “missed connections” writer who is less educated or socially awkward.

And the great uncle who doesn’t agree with your political opinions, that guy with the purple Mohawk and yes, even that woman who chose mint green for her kitchen skoolie build.

I thought it was pretty, btw. 🥰

So maybe, just maybe, the next time you are tempted to leave a mean comment, throw a fit because your coffee is too hot, or isn’t hot enough, or the cashier at the grocery store is a little grumpy, try to remember that you are just one person in a really, really big world of people – people that are dealing with their own griefs and stressors and are probably just trying to make it through the day in the best way they can.

And maybe, just maybe, if you choose to be kind, not only would you actually feel better as a person, they might do the same the next time their own knee-jerk reaction is to be mean.  

Who knows?  Your kindness to your grumpy, opinionated uncle or the Starbucks barista might even start a movement that spreads and becomes the new normal.  The new way of being.  

How cool would that be? 😉

Much love and many blessings.✨🌈

– Terah💖

Relationships and the Journey to Wholeness

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

Let’s talk about love.  

Specifically, love and connection in our most intimate relationships – marriage or committed partnerships, whatever that may look like to you.  

I’m not necessarily talking about romance, sex, or all of those neurochemical butterfly-inducing aspects of meeting a romantic partner/soulmate/twin flame, etc., though we all find all of those delicious feelings to be absolutely wonderful. But rather, I would like to have a dialogue around finding and/or maintaining a healthy, loving relationship; hopefully one that is based upon a journey to two people becoming whole as individuals and as a couple.

This conversation is about relationships that are based upon mutual empowerment, shared values, a commitment to honesty, vulnerability, transparency and effective communication. This is about connecting to and creating a deep and abiding love that promotes continued growth, individually and communally, and as a result, also contains passion. Chemistry. Excitement and electricity.

Questions to ask when ready for committed relationship:

  1. What do I need from a relationship? Write it down. Be as specific as possible. What are your emotional/physical/financial needs, values and desires? What are your “love languages”?
  1. What am I bringing to the relationship? Be honest. What gifts, talents, and loveable traits – and what baggage, toxic traits or unhealthy patterns? We can not expect a “perfect partner” if we aren’t bringing an equal energy to the table. This can also help us to identify those things that we might want to work on before we begin looking for our soulmate.
  1. What will I not tolerate in a relationship? We can be a part of the process of our partner’s healing and growth, but it is important to identify those traits in another person that feel deeply harmful or unhealthy to us.

I’ve never believed in holding regret. It does not really serve our growth – if anything, it can create a cycle of victimhood that we never really grow past, rather than taking the lessons from each experience life brings us and applying those lessons to the future.

But I do wish that before I ever became involved with my first romantic relationship, I had some of the understanding I have learned in the last few decades – and the last few years, especially, as I have delved deeply into understanding the science of how we create our reality, both individually and collectively.

This particularly applies in acknowledging and addressing those unhealthy relational cycles that we perpetuate without realizing; largely based on childhood trauma or unhealthy parenting styles.

Growth can not happen without accountability, which is the opposite of victim mentality.

Of course, we can really only learn when the timing is right – when the student is ready, the master will come – but 😣 It could have saved so much heartache and stress had I known that we bring our past programs into every single relationship in our lives.

This is exactly why I write now, in the hope that a little of my knowledge and experience might create better for someone else.❤️

Recognizing those long-held patterns can be a catalyst for growth and even joy, if we follow a few not-always-so-simple but worth the effort steps:

  • Awareness: Acknowledge the shiznit. Create greater understanding and recognition around our past programs and patterns. The wounded inner child cycle will continue until we get to the oringination point of our core wounds. What we resist, persists.
  • Access/Heal the Past: Begin to acknowledge those memories, experiences, events and emotions that have been keeping us stuck in unhealthy patterns and self-sabotage. Identify triggering behaviors that put us in a place of dysregulation. Find ways to gradually increase baseline levels of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins if you have been chronically depressed or anxious as a result of those past programs. Spend time in nature to expedite the healing process, especially near trees, mountains, or water.
  • Self-Love. Showing ourselves the same degree or more of love and value that we have given to others can be one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Identify those things about yourself that make you amazing and begin celebrating those gifts, talents and traits. Give to yourself the “love language” that you most share with others. Speak kindly to yourself.
  • Learn: Find the tools to begin to work through and heal that unhealthy way of thinking and relating to others. We live in a time where there is more knowledge and information available to us than any other time in the known history of the world. Sometimes this plethora of information can be overwhelming, but there is really no reason why we cannot find those tools and modalities that might work best for us to begin our healing journey towards lasting happiness. Finding a good therapist (I highly recommend someone with IFS experience) can be a wonderful way to jump-start your path to wholeness, too. I will share a few of the modalities and ways that I have found that seem to work well for me, but your journey is your journey and hopefully you will continue the process of growth and evolution long after you have read this book.
  • Connect: We humans are created for connection. Without it, much like plants without water, we either become dry, prickly things or we wither and die. The “baby warehouses” of Nazi Germany or the research done on rats and addiction illustrate this fact starkly. Touch creates oxytocin. Connection with others floods the brain with serotonin. Sex releases dopamine and endorphins. All of these neurochemicals increase our immunity, decrease addictive behaviors, make us generally feel good and have a host of other amazing benefits that I have mentioned in previous posts.

There are many folks out there that espouse the value of independence in finding our best path to healing. I do absolutely believe it is important that we have a sense of self sufficiency in every day life and enjoy our own company. I believe that an unhealthy Codependency does not serve anyone in the long run.

However, it is equally true that humans are made for connection. Made for partnership. Choosing a partner who will not only hold a safe space for us as we work on our self-growth, but that we can do the same for can make the journey to wholeness so much more beautiful and even expedite the process.

– TDrake @baselinehappy

This is where things can get tricky. We will continue to choose partners who perpetuate unhealthy past cycles rather than help us grow and heal to wholeness unless we have an awareness of our own childhood patterns of behavior and bonding. I believe this is habit on a neurological level and a desire to confront and move past our toxic history on a spiritual plane. Unresolved issues will continue to repeat themselves until we figure our sh*t out.

I wrote a while back about relationships and trauma bonding.  Trauma bonds are relational bonds that commonly form as a result of past toxic and/or abusive relationships, often beginning in childhood.  

I have heard some relationship therapists believe that 80% or more of adult intimate partnerships are based upon trauma bonding; relationships that are formed as a result of shared trauma or because the childhood wounds of two people match up.

Care. Consistency. Respect. Faith. How are you showing up for your parter?

For example; girl has avoidant or abusive parent and grows up with an anxious attachment style.  Girl grows up to meet boy who has an avoidant attachment style as a result of toxic patterns in his own childhood and they fall in “love’, but continue to perpetuate the unhealthy patterns of their youth because of this faulty programming.  

This seems pretty accurate based upon what I have seen in the vast majority of my own patterns and those of people close to me.

The way that the parents and caregivers of our childhood “teach” us sets up our neurological processes for the rest of our life. I believe that most parents and caregivers are doing the best that they can, based upon what they have learned, themselves. But just because something is a learned behavior, it doesn’t mean it is a healthy behavior – and there are so many ways that parents can fuck their kids neurological programming up from an early age without realizing they are doing so.

There are also plenty of unhealthy parenting styles that are not necessarily “abuse”, (the “coach”, the micromanager, the “helicopter parent”, the “tuned out” parent, the “follow the rules” parent…the list goes on) but can still leave us with destructive behavioral patterns that can be incredibly hard to recognize, let alone change. And so the cycle repeats itself over and over, often for generations – until someone along the line becomes aware enough to say “enough”.

Parenting is quite possibly the most important “career” in the world yet we do not require any form of marriage or child rearing education before we start creating another generation. 😑

At some point in every relationship, the intensity begins to fade.  Typically, it takes 18 months for the bodies’ elevated levels of oxytocin (the love hormone) to drop; a built-in chemical process that ensures (historically) that when we fall for someone, we will remain together for long enough to procreate.  

As these chemicals begin to wear off, unfortunately, often so do the “blinders” that we put on in the first phases of infatuation and we may begin to be triggered by our partner. The way that we once seemed to relate on every subject becomes a task of how to relate on any subject. If the relationship is one that is built upon trauma bonds and both partners aren’t working on healing and growth – as well as maintaining comparability and connection – inevitably the relationship fails. Sometimes it takes many years of unhappiness for us to move on.

Sometimes those programs and belief systems are so ingrained that we never do.

We just suffer and assume that is what a “partnership” is.  

But Babe.  That is the furthest thing from the truth.  We are meant to be happy, fulfilled and supported in our marriages, cohabitations or partnerships. Truly.

It doesn’t mean that our relationships won’t be challenging at times.  A healing/healthy relationship requires a great deal of honest communication, empathy, respect, trust, and understanding and love/self love to work towards a healthier way of being, both together and individually.  It requires making ourselves uncomfortable at times in order to give our partner what they need rather than what is familiar to us.  It is finding ways to love each other that are a collaboration; a meeting in the middle, rather than running away or waiting for our partner to make the first move.  

When we do find ourselves dysregulated or “triggered” by our partner, (or anyone, for that matter) if we can stop, take a few deep breaths and ask our minds and bodies “Why”, we can begin to access those deep wounds in order to begin to heal them.  In order to heal it, we must feel it.  

Conversely, if we don’t deal with our sh#t, we will just continue to remain a victim as we play out, over and over, the same rejection/abandonment/humiliation/betrayal/injustice wounds that we suffered as children.  What we resist, persists.

Again, if both parties are not on the same page for growth and forward movement, (change is hard the brain does not like change.) the odds of a successful and happy future together are slim to none.  

I recently posted a video short on my social media pages about “laziness” being the number one red flag to look for in a potential partner. It really hit home for me as historically, I have chosen partners who were incredibly unmotivated to grow or put in effort in nearly every aspect of the relationship. I chose these partners based upon my own unhealthy childhood patterns of needing to be the “caregiver” in a partnership in order to feel valued. This takes us back to that beginning statement about regret… Can you relate?

This is not only common sense advice, but there have been hundreds of studies done since the forties (and earlier) on relationship science and generally, they point to the same outcome of unhappiness or failure of a relationship when both parties aren’t doing the “work” to maintain a happy, healthy partnership.  

I would recommend looking into some of the studies done at the Gottman Institute in Seattle. #@gottman.com  Dr. John Gottman has been able to predict with nearly 94% accuracy whether a marriage will fail, based upon his “Four Horsemen” philosophy – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.  Dr. Andrew Huberman @hubermanlab.com has some excellent podcasts on increasing the success of partnerships and he also refers to the Gottmans as a go-to source for understanding.  

But let’s cycle back to the main point of this letter.  Healing our own trauma patterns in order to have successful relationships.  

Once we have begun the healing work of accessing and re-programming old, dysfunctional programs and patterns, we must begin to create a new personal and relational identity based upon healthier ways of viewing ourselves and how we navigate in the world.  We must embrace and live our new personal belief systems.  We must become a mirror of the change that we want to see in ourselves, our relationships and our world at large; a reflection of our healing rather than our brokenness. 

And that is a beautiful thing.❤️

Today and all days, much love and huge hugs.💖

– Terah

All One

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

We sleep.

When we sleep, we hold the illusion of separation – that each of us

Is a completely isolated 

And separate being, 

Drifting purposeless

On a giant rock in space.  

But then we Awaken.

 To realize we had been dreaming.  

And the dream often was a nightmare

Constructed by Illusion

By Ego

By the Dream itself. 

We dreamt we were alone.

We dreamt we were broken.

We dreamt we were “sinners”,

Destined for a dark hell.  

But it is the dream that is hell.

The dream that is the lie. 

The Truth 

Is that there is no separation.

No isolation.

No sin.

No hell.  

No brokenness.  

There is only the All That Is;

The All That Is is Us.

Separation from the Divine;

From “God”  

Is the illusion.  

This Awakening from 

The Dream,

This Remembrance 

Is the point of this existence.  

The Divine is Us

And we are the Divine.  

The Lover and the Beloved in one.

We are here to be the struggle

And the release.  

The conflict 

And the resolution.  

The battle and the peace.  

We are Arjuna in his struggle  – 

And Krishna/Shiva in his Wisdom.  

We are Christ and the Apostles.  

We are Mohammed, and Allah.  

The Divine 

Is every molecule of who we are

Of nature

Of the atmosphere  

The Divine 

Is the fabric of Reality

And Reality Itself.

Every experience 

We are given here 

Is an opportunity 

To remember this. 

Every sweet strawberry 

Tasted on the tongue

An opportunity to remember.

Every glass of wine

Every  lingering kiss 

Shared with a Lover

By a peaceful river

Or surrounded by green trees

An opportunity to remember.

We are the Divine.  

Every tiny hand held in our own.  

Every Child’s Innocence 

And Laughter, Tantrum and Terror.

The Divine. 

Every moment of Beauty; 

Every moment if Hope

Every moment of Joy.  

The Divine.

Every moment of Sorrow

Every moment of Despair

Every Conflict and Struggle.

The Divine.  

It is only in remembering

That there is no separation 

Between Us and God

Between Us and the All That Is 

That we find freedom.  

We are the Buddha

We are Allah, 

We are Elohim/Yahweh/God. 

We are the Mother, the Father, 

The Son 

and the Holy Spirit

And the Daughter.  

It is only in Awakening

In remembering 

That we can begin to 

Play with life

With reality.  

It is in remembering 

That we can create Magic.

It is in remembering 

that we experience Holy fallout.

It is in remembering 

that we fill our mouths and palms

With Joy. ✨

Today and all days, 

Beloved, 

My greatest wish 

Would be that you might 

Open yourself 

To the possibility 

That you are not alone.

That you are not isolated.

That you are not broken.

But that you are 

God Incarnate

Having a human experience 

On this beautiful 

Holographic Reality 

Of a planet called Earth.

I would wish you to see 

That you are Beauty.

That you are Wholeness

That you are a 

Rare and unique jewel;

A perfect expression 

Of the Divine. 

You are love

And you are loved.

The Lover and the Beloved

All wrapped up 

In one gorgeous package

Of infinite potential.

I see you.

I am You.

You are we

And we 

Are

Love.

– Terah

This One Precious Life

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

My love. 

If I could have only one wish for you today,

it would be that you could see

How precious

How beautiful, 

And how infinitesimally short

Life truly is.

I would wish that this understanding 

Would draw out your perspective

To fully realize that none of us 

Are guaranteed tomorrow 

And the only real certainty 

In this life

Is Death,

And that each day,

Each moment,

Each breath

On this magnificent planet 

is a blessing and a gift.

I would wish that this knowledge

Would help you to stop 

Giving your power to petty tyrants; 

To stop giving your precious energy

To those who do not value 

The investment and expenditure

Of who you are;

To stop being afraid,

To stop seeking 

The approval

And validation 

Of others

Who could not possibly 

Give you advice based on

Their own understanding

And experience in the world.

I would wish that the fullness

Of appreciation of life’s 

Beauty and brevity

Would cause you to

Begin to live your life

From the perspective of 

What feels most important to you;

That you would seek out those people,

Experiences, and adventures 

that feed your soul,

Quicken your mind

And fill your heart

With a love so deep and vast

That  joy

Expands into every 

Pore and crevice,

Every cell and molecule 

Of your being 

And pours from your eyes

In tears of gold. 

I would wish that

The preciousness,

The magnificence,

The awe-inspiring beauty

Of this life

Could help you to release your

Past pain and programming

To more fully love, value,

And appreciate

Those friends, family, 

And neighbors that

Also love, value

And appreciate you;

That you might remember 

To hold those loved ones 

So close,

To hug harder

To kiss deeper

To be present

To speak of things 

That matter

Things of interest

And importance

But also, 

Of lightness,

Of fun

Of Bliss. 

Because they, too have been allotted 

only a small portion

Of this earth’s history

And perhaps,

Tomorrow will see them

Moving on

Beyond this realm

To whatever is next.

Today, my love, 

This is my greatest wish 

For you.  

Because perhaps, 

The greatest sin

We could ever commit

Is to live a life 

Only half-lived

And die with regret

Bitter in our hearts

And on our tongues. 

Much love ❤️

Today and all days;

– Terah

Reprogramming

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

We hold within our minds, bodies, and the magnetic field that surrounds us billions of bits of information in the form of frequency. 

These frequencies are shared with those around us, and will draw to us that which we are most familiar with based upon the hardwired programming that began in early childhood. The RAS/Reticular Activating System or “Reality Filter”, found in the brain stem, plays into this, too. We take in billions of bits of information each second. The RAS filters and translates this information into just a few thousand bits of information that we can use and work from – but this translation is largely based upon our past experiences.

Where focus goes, reality follows, so if our subconscious programming says that narcissistic relationships are our comfort zone because of our childhood caregivers, well guess what? That is exactly what we will find. Ouch, right?

But what is really, really cool about this is that our personalities (personal realities) are never set. I’ve heard people say “it’s just who I am” – and I call bullshit. We are growing creatures and can change drastically any dysfunctional or outdated paradigm that we may have been living to create something truly beautiful. Which brings us back to awareness, the magnetic field, and why the heck we are here in the first place.

My personal belief is that we are born onto this planet by choice. That our souls know exactly what lessons we need to learn, and how we can distill the most pleasure from this experience here on earth.

 Sometimes, life brings contrast and it sucks until we figure out the issue, learn the lesson, or move beyond the hardship.  

But conversely, we all know that the vast majority of the time, life is a beautiful thing.  We are so fortunate to be here, enjoying the experience of being human with other humans.  

If  we did not have this human experience, how could we ever understand the way dark chocolate melts on the tongue, the aroma filling our mouth as we get a “sweet” little hit of pleasure-invoking dopamine?  

How could we know how it feels to really hug a loved one or hold a new baby in our arms?  

How could we understand the pleasure of co-creation with another human – or the pleasure of the act of procreation, for that matter?  

We would not appreciate the vibrancy of a bouquet of flowers, the awe-inspiring views from a mountaintop, made even better by a rigorous climb to arrive.  

“Sweeter after difficulties”

There are thousands more amazing experiences that come with the “Human Condition”.  But it is important to understand that in order to create a truly happy and fulfilling life in which we feel like a deliberate creator, we must address and move past those things that act as an anchor to our freedom.  

We draw to us the people and experiences that match our current vibrational state.  We attract  that will support and promote our growth at exactly the time that we are ready for the lesson. 

Sometimes, this is a wonderful thing.  A new career, relationship, home, life change.  

Just as often, we attract those people, circumstances and experiences that feel the opposite. Frustrating. Angst-causing. Triggering.

These “growth gifts” from the Universe” should be our best lessons. Our greatest opportunity for growth and evolution. It is the thing that makes us feel the most uncomfortable that can create the greatest learning and inspiration.

In the moment, being consistently triggered or dysregulated by a condition or someone else’s behavior – often completely without their awareness of the way you are affected – sucks major 🏀⚾️🥎.

Most of us react and withdraw because we don’t want to feel the deeper, buried pain that is associated with whatever is causing our distress. Our subconscious mind likes to keep the painful things repressed. Or we turn to addictive behavior or substances to suppress those negative feelings.

I know from personal experience. I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to “feel” my emotions if they were in any way negative. As a result, I looked for ways to repress my anger, my grief, my anxiety.

I wanted to feel numb, and the disorder did that for me – Until the numbness and trauma resulting from the disordered thinking and behavior became more painful than confronting those memories, and I began the process of reprogramming long-held belief systems that had been set by someone else’s faulty wiring. We really are organic computers.

Uncovering those hidden parts of our younger selves is a difficult and complex process, largely because the brain’s main function is to help us survive. The brain does not understand that the trauma we experienced as children keeps us in unhealthy patterning throughout adulthood- to the “computer” part of our mind, we survived so whatever programs were established should continue our survival. Easy peasy, right?🙄

But when we do the work to let go of those limiting belief systems, the rest of life can begin to unfold in a more beautiful way. In a more natural way. In a way that feels less survival and struggle and more deliberate creation.

Sometimes, we think we’ve worked through it all and that we are fairly “enlightened”.  And that is exactly when the Universe sends just the right person or experience to throw you completely off your game and remind me – uh – us 👀 – that growth is a process and a journey and we never completely reach the Enlightened destination.  

But. Back to that amazingly cool aspect of the human brain: When we go into those dark places, (anyone else have a brain that loves to do this at 2 am or so?🙄) and do the work – have those hard conversations with our skeletons and monsters – unacknowledged parts of ourselves to discover the deeper source of that dysregulation, Babe. Miracles and magic happen.

Once we get past the “oh sh#t” of “seeing” the connections between our dysregulated behavior and childhood experiences and patterning, it is frickin’ eureka. It’s aha, and the light of a thousand lanterns flaring at once to cast out the darkness where things were once hidden. It’s dopamine times a hundred. It feels like taking one more step towards flight; towards heaven, and we are able to shake off the fear that has held us to move forward in Love. In Freedom.

And that’s what it’s all about, ultimately.  

“In every relationship, we have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you will accept.” – Jay Shetty; Think Like a Monk

From our place of center and love, we are able to approach the circumstance, partners or others who had been “causing” our unhappiness to be deeply vulnerable and hopefully, that person will be able to honor our experience and move forward with their own increased awareness. But not always.

Sometimes, that other person is not ready to release their own wounds and they may struggle to recognize when they are treating others with less than value. Or they are not ready to learn to communicate. Or they become defensive, or hostile. depending on their own “core wounds”; your non healing may trigger and be threatening to their own sense of worth and value.

We may realize that the person who was in our life at that time was meant to be a catalyst for us to let go of those outdated and unhealthy patterns but we no longer mesh vibrationally and have to let them go with love and grace.

This is so, so hard when it is a long-term relationship or friendship. If you know, you know… but they are hopefully on their own healing journey and staying in a situation where you do not match ultimately will only bring pain to both parties.😣.

We need to let go of the outdated mindset of previous generations where we remained in a marriage until we died, often early as a result of the constant flood of adrenaline and cortisol in our systems from being in an unhappy relationship. It just makes no sense.

And speaking of healing…🙄

I have had more than a few such friendships and experiences that I let go of in the last decade or so, and that process has been expedited in the past few years as I continue to remain relentless about my personal growth and evolution.  Most, I have released, though I still hold so much love for them.

But sometimes, we reconnect down the road when they have begun their own healing journey, and it is a beautiful thing.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself consistently reacting to someone else’s actions or behavior, it is probable that those strong emotions are tied to some form or childhood (or young adulthood) trauma. If it’s in any way histrionic, it’s based in history. (Amygdala reaction Vs. Prefrontal cortex response)

Here’s a tool that could help you to discover the “roots” of your dysregulated state:

Get comfortable in a quiet place, seated or reclined, whichever is better for you.  Some find a scented sleeping mask helpful.   Scents such as lavender or geranium are particularly soothing to the autonomic nervous system and the slight sensory deprivation the mask provides can assist in connecting to those deeper parts of yourself. 

Put one hand over your heart and one on your navel.  

Take several deep, slow breaths through the nose, expanding the diaphragm with the inhale, allowing the belly to become soft on the exhale, also through the nose.  

If you are feeling distracted, a progressive relaxation beginning with the crown of the head and ending with the soles of the feet can be a helpful tool to take your mind a little deeper into the body.

Once you are feeling calm and centered, just ask yourself what you are feeling. How you are feeling. Notice any sensations that come up in the body, or pictures that arise in the mind. Compassionately observe without actively participating in whatever your mind or body experiences.

Keep breathing.  

Ask your body what it feels in connection to the person or circumstance that you have been reacting to.  

Watch what comes up, if anything.  If your trauma is particularly deep or is likely it will take several sessions to begin to access whatever it is that you need to acknowledge and feel into.  It is also possible that once you begin unearthing, you may have unexpected moments of realization as you go about your day.  

If you gain direct access to a memory or process/program that you know is the subconscious core of the emotional manifestation you are experiencing, just sit with whatever feelings come up.  Allow yourself to fully feel into whatever you need to experience.  Then give that beautiful aspect of yourself some love.  Can you feel the sense of sending love from your heart center to another part of your body?  

This is also a powerful healing technique when your body is out of alignment with your good health.  

When you are ready, slowly come back to your deep nasal breathing.  Feel your whole body, and the space around your body.  Do you feel a little lighter?  A little more space in your body or field?  

It is equally possible that you may feel a deep sense of grief and heaviness.  If that is the case, my love, I am sorry for this.  I also know it’s hard.  But eventually, it will be worth this temporary pain.❤️‍🩹

Allow yourself to process in whatever way feels best for you. Be gentle with yourself, and keep sending love – and forgiveness/self forgiveness and gratitude – to those parts of yourself. You deserve it.

If you need more information, tools/techniques for healing or just a little extra love, I am here for you, beautiful.  

Sending so much love and huge hugs, always.💖

– Terah

Once Upon A Time

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

I fell in love, once.

I had known love before,

Of course. 

I love easily

And much.

But I had not known

What it felt like to 

Be In Love. 

It’s different.

I fell so hard and so deep 

That when we were together

It was like the heat 

And the light

Of a thousand flames

Extinguished around me

And rekindled as one

Fiery torch that ignited 

Around the two of us.

Consumed us.

It’s heat felt like joy

Felt like completion

Felt like the stillness 

In the eye of a storm

It felt Meant.  

Like God Itself

Was contained

Within those flames.

When we were apart 

Those flames still 

Consumed me.

He consumed me;

My thoughts. My emotions.

My body. 

It felt like a piece of my soul 

Had moved out from my body

To take up residence 

Within his where it could 

Stay close to his heart.

It felt like that piece of my soul

Knew where it wanted to be.

Where it belonged.

But Souls don’t always 

Get it right,

It would seem.

Because as I fell

I realized 

That he could not be there

To catch me.

To hold my spirit safe

In its new home.

Perhaps it was too much.

Too much heat.

Too much need.

Too much want.

Too many complications

That created a wall

That I couldn’t find 

My way around

Though I tried

With a thousand 

Words of love 

With kisses

With touch

With my heart 

And my mind

To find my way 

Through the stone

To where he stood

Now apart from me

In another place

Disconnected.

Unreachable.

Unbreachable.

And yet I fall

My heart still searching

Still seeking

With only the darkness 

To hold me

With only the depth 

Of my sorrow to keep me 

From crashing

Through the earth

To shatter 

On Some distant 

Surface below.