Soren Kierkegaard wrote "Once you label me you negate me". We are amazing, complex beings. I do not believe in absolutes, and I definitely don't believe that what we do is the absolute of Who we are. That being said, some of the ingredients that make me the Who that I am: I am a mom of two amazing kids and a number of pets, a rolling stone/traveler, a writer, artist, a yogini/yoga teacher, transformative wellness teacher, 6th degree BB Karate/martial arts instructor, Thai massage therapist/Intuitive Healer. I love helping others to find their happy place, and perhaps most importantly, I am a conscious creator of my reality - and hope that maybe through some of the wisdom and experience I share, you will learn to be, too.✨
“The pinnacle of self-love is not ecstasy, it is the heartbreaking process of undoing the life that our unloved self built when we didn’t know better. “
Becoming who we really are begins with learning to love every aspect of our lives – but most importantly, it is learning to love ourselves.
It is an unbecoming of who we were when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.
It is chaos before order; a difficult and messy unspooling of the heavily bound threads of dysfunction and neglect that we have wound around ourselves, all too often in a cocoon several sizes too small to contain our vast spirit.
But unwind we must before we can step into the fullness of our purpose and truest self; before we can learn to spread our wings and soar.
Before self-love becomes freedom, it must first be a burden that we carry with minds and hearts just beginning to open to new possibilities.
We must carry the weight of the anger that we feel towards others for not being treated with the care, love, and respect that we should have asked for all along. We must carry the weight of anger towards ourselves for what we allowed, often not realizing that there was ever a choice.
Then there is the anger for not asking to have our needs met; for not insisting that we were worthy of care and respect.
For those of us who experienced childhood trauma, this unraveling of emotions is an especially perilous journey, for dragons often lurk in those murky places of our subconscious minds that we fear to tread. But the journey is a worthy one and the reward of integration with those lost parts of ourselves can not be understated.
When we have processed the anger, then comes the heavy grief of time lost – sometimes many years’ worth.
Eventually, we feel lighter. We learn to set boundaries and say “No” to those things that are not right for us. We become deepy accountable to our own self-care and growth; a process that is not an easy one.
At some point, we begin to recognize the truth of the saying that we become the amalgamation of those that we spend the most time with.
And so begins the painful necessity of cutting away or holding at at careful distance those people and things that have hurt us in the past, or don’t currently serve our highest good.
Sometimes those closest to us decide to grow with us, even if their pace does not match our own. Sometimes they don’t, and we must make the difficult decision to allow them to continue their journey on their own, in their own way.
In the beginning, this can create isolation. Loneliness. But as we remove those things in our lives that were creating darkness, light can begin to enter those empty spaces.
Our tribe begins to find us.
We fall in love with not only ourselves, our lives and those souls around us, but we draw in and create close friendships and partnerships that are fulfilling rather than stagnant. We develop relationships that lift us and allow us to better lift others, in turn.
We begin to create, or rather, to consciously collaborate with the Field to become the architect of our lives, shaping the fabric of our reality with intention. We learn to see the infinite possibilities within and before us.
We find our wings, and begin to soar.
Today and all days, I hope you are on the path to find your wings, beloved. You deserve every joy you can imagine, and I know you can create the life you wish for.
There are so many reasons that I love to travel. Seeing new sights and experiencing different cultures, meeting people, eating good food, and getting out of my comfort zone and the routine of everyday life all feel like deeply important aspects of cultivating and growing the Who that I am, but also because seeing more of the world is a beautiful reminder of how very blessed we are to be alive and well on planet earth.
I try to get out and find a new adventure somewhere within a few hours of where I live at least a couple of times each month, but I also take longer trips several times per year. I haven’t had much opportunity for international travel since Covid, but I have had taken every chance to get out of town that I can get in spite of this, and road trips are the perfect example of the truth of the saying “it’s not the destination, it is the journey.” We in the Pacific Northwest are incredibly fortunate to live in an area of breathtaking beauty, but it can be easy to forget that there is so much more to see in the world.
One of the things that I particularly enjoy about road trips is just how diverse our country is, from the landscape to the people and cultures. I would imagine for someone from another country, spending time in Louisiana, Montana and DC would be much like visiting very different countries where the people spoke the same language. Ish. (To a non-native, the slow southern drawl of NewAwlins’ is basically a different dialect from let’s say, the clipped, rapid-fire, speech of a Bostonian.
The dry landscape of Southern Utah and parts of Arizona; Sedona, in particular; where towering, castle-like red rock formations flow into deep desert often feel otherworldly to me – like being on another planet entirely.
My daughter lives in Arizona and I have friends sprinkled throughout the Southwest, so have been fortunate that I have extra reason to travel as often as possible. This past week, I left the snow and wet cold weather of Washington to drive through Idaho and Utah; on my way to spend a few days with my daughter soaking up the sun, shopping, spaa-ing, and finding fun activities to do with her, her boyfriend, and her BFF.
The drive through Utah especially is always spectacular, regardless of the season. This trip was a winter wonderland; steeply pointed, snow-covered mountains rising majestically from sloping valleys, picturesque farmlands, and clean, old-western-feeling towns and cities. The first time I visited Utah, I had expected backward, highly dogmatic communities with little to offer but I have found the opposite to be true, at least in the towns and cities I have been through. I love the hippy-alternative-outdoorsy-coffeeshop vibe of Ogden so much that I have considered moving there.
One of my favorite things about visiting the Phoenix area in particular is the ability to find pretty much anything I could want at just about any time.
As an example, one of the days I began with a desert hike and green juice. At noon, we had a fabulous mimosa brunch followed by shopping in the afternoon, hitting the Asian market, pedicures, Lebanese food for dinner then neon-light night bowling, complete with fruity cocktails and a dance-club atmosphere. And yes, there was dancing between sets.😁
I drove up the 1-5 corridor on the way home; typically my least favorite route as it is pretty much always miles upon miles of brown. Brown hills, brown fields, brownish roads. Boring.
This journey was an amazing exception. This year has brought nearly unprecedented rain and snow to Southern California. As a result, the normally dry, lifeless low mountains and hills that perimeter the highway were vibrantly, verdantly green with patches of yellow and violet wildflowers just beginning to bloom. It was breathtaking; like driving through the Scottish Highlands or the Big Island of Hawaii rather than California. As I crossed from Northern California into Oregon, the feeling of awe continued as the softly rolling hills changed to craggy, pine-covered mountains rising dramatically in the distance. Driving along the Umpqua river, a flock of doves rose from a stand of Madronas growing above the river, drawing my attention to a picturesque, rust-colored railroad bridge crossing the sun-dappled water.
I found myself thinking that I wished I could send everyone back home a mental video of all that I see when I am on the road, but that moment was particularly poignant.
As I continued North, the area of Roseburg and Douglas feels much like a modern-day Shire; softy rolling hills covered with homes, businesses, and churches built right into the hillside; sleek black cattle and cotton-ball sheep grazing contentedly on veridian slopes.
I managed to hit the city of Portland right at rush hour. Portland has been called the “City of Bridges”, with good reason. 12 different bridges span the wide Willamette river in the city proper and sitting in my tiny fiat on one of these bridges hundreds of feet above the water with a thousand or so other cars is both fun and a little scary.
Driving anytime is a faith walk, isn’t it?
But being so high above the river for prolonged periods, enjoying the panoramic views of the river, other bridges, and the city while praying that we don’t have an earthquake or engineering failure makes the whole experience just a little more illuminated.
Incidentally, if you happen to be planning a trip to Portland and are, like me, a bit of a bibliophile, Powell’s City of Books is one of my absolute favorite places in the world. Possibly just behind the Louvre and the Musèe d’Orsay in Paris. The fun vibe of #dragonflycoffee is worth a stop for a honey-lavender latte and delicious baked goods, as well.
Most of the I-5 corridor between Portland and Seattle is pretty, but the skyline of Seattle is breathtaking. I’ve driven through many cities and it still gets me every.single.time. It really is that beautiful; well designed with Lake Washington, the Puget Sound, and the Olympic mountains framing the unique architecture of the highrises, sculptural buildings, coliseums, and of course, the quintessential Space Needle.
I lived on the east coast for several years in my late teens and early twenties. When I would come home for a visit, driving through the pines along the pass from Skagit to Whatcom county always felt like the symbol of being home. We really are so fortunate to live in an area of such beauty – there aren’t many places where someone can snowshoe or hike mountains in the morning and be enjoying a sandwich from the East Sound Deli on the sun-drenched Orcas island by the late afternoon.
If I can’t get out of town for a trip somewhere, there are so many quaint cafes, good restaurants, unique shops, and cool spots in Whatcom County that virtually anywhere can feel like a mini vacation.
Whether traveling or at home, I love combining natural beauty, exercise, and fresh air with good food and exploring local shops. A few of my local favorites are walking Boulevard Park in Fairhaven followed by pizza at Ovn and a delicious gf dessert at my all-time favorite Evolve Chocolate Cafe in Village Books 📖📚(or a glass or three of wine at The Black Cat).
Sampling fresh raw oysters at the Drayton Harbor Oyster Company in Blaine followed by a walk along the harbor or a beach walk at Semiahmoo – and a glass of local cider or wine at Packers on the beach – is the perfect way to spend a warm spring or summer day.
Northshore Lake Whatcom is a treasure that I am reluctant to share but if you haven’t been on the trail for a walk along the lake, you are missing something special. The Fork At Agate Bay is a foodie’s paradise for dinner afterward. This would be a great date day experience for something a little extra special.
Lynden in North Whatcom county is a fun place to spend an afternoon if you love a Dutch vibe and good pastries. The Lynden Music Festival in the fall is wonderful and well worth checking out, but there are often weekend musical events at bar and restaurant venues in this quaint town.
Another important aspect of finding the smaller cafés, shops, and restaurants, no matter where you go, means you are supporting local businesses. If I like the vibe at a shop I will buy at least one thing, usually as a gift for a friend or loved one. Small gestures really can make a difference. 😊
There are a thousand and one other amazing places I would love to share and possibly will at some point, but the point is, just get out there and explore.
Find your own sense of awe and wonder in Discovery. Find one thing new to see or do every single day, if you can. It will not only make you a better person, but it will help to grow a bigger, better brain, regardless of your age or education. New experiences=New neural connections. Win-Win-Win situation.
If you are looking for a particular adventure, feel free to PM me. If I can help someone find experiences that will feed the soul, I am all in.✨
Have you heard of the “Rainbow People” prophecy held by many Native American cultures?
“There will come a day when people of all races, colors, and creeds will put aside their differences. They will come together in love, joining hands in unification, to heal the earth and all its children. They will move over the earth like a great Whirling Rainbow, bringing peace, understanding and healing everywhere they go. Many creatures thought to be extinct or mythical will resurface at this time; the great trees that perished will return almost overnight. All living things will flourish, drawing sustenance from the breast of our Mother, the Earth.”
The Navajo-Hopi Prophecy is not only similar to this but also very similar to the Christian belief of the “New Earth”:
“The great spiritual Teachers who walked the Earth and taught the basics of the truths of the Whirling Rainbow Prophecy will return and walk amongst us once more, sharing their power and understanding with all. We will learn how to see and hear in a sacred manner. Men and women will be equals in the way the Creator intended them to be; all children will be safe anywhere they want to go. Elders will be respected and valued for their contributions to life. Their wisdom will be sought out. The whole Human race will be called The People and there will be no more war, sickness or hunger forever.”
There are many Versions of this legend, but most speak of a time of darkness in which greed and division would prevail. The earth would become sick and many creatures would die, fish going belly-up and birds dropping from the sky. (we have seen this happen many times in recent years) This excerpt from Steven McFadden’s book Legend of the Rainbow Warriors is another example:
“The Native People would be all but helpless, but then Light would come from the East, and the natives would begin to find their strength, their pride, and their wisdom… I see this happening now with the tribe of People in my area, the dear to my heart Lummi. … At the same time, many brothers and sisters of the other nations – white, yellow, and black – who would feel strongly the calling of Spirit. (This is certainly happening right now. Never before has there been such a vast call of Spirit for people to teach their wisdom, thanks largely to the internet and social media) They would understand the basic fact that it is the Earth which gives us the water, food, clothing, shelter and beauty necessary for the circle of life. These awakened souls would find each other, and together they would teach all the people of the world to have respect for the Earth Mother, of whose very stuff human beings are made. Respect would prevail.
Under the symbol of the rainbow, all the races and religions would band together to spread the great wisdom of living in harmony with each other and with all the creations of the world – and thereby restore the Sacred Hoop. Those who teach this way would be the Warriors of the Rainbow, but they would do no harm. Using peaceful means alone, and by becoming examples of right living, after a great struggle they would bring an end to the destruction and desecration of the Earth.
The tasks of Rainbow Warriors would be many and great. There would be mountains of ignorance to conquer and they would meet prejudice and hatred. THey must be dedicated, unwavering in their strength, and strong of heart. They would find willing hearts and minds that would follow them on this road of healing. Peace and plenty would then reign through a long and joyous Golden Age. “
It sometimes feels like the earth is, indeed, doomed to destruction. I see so many people – intentionally or inadvertently – bringing darkness into this world through fear and anger. I occasionally find myself feeling frustrated or unhappy by the choices people choose to perpetuate when I know for a fact that we all have the potential to choose better. To live well. To be happy.
From media negativity to social media algorithms pushing hate in our face, everyone joins in the shouting and stick-rattling on government control, vaccines, guns, rampant violence and shootings here in the US and abroad. Then there’s the war with Ukraine, potential war with China and Russia, oh, and let’s not forget the sh#t show of the Grammys.
This and a thousand different topics of current events keep us surrounded by darkness and angst.
But here is an essential truth:
We can not be in the light and hold another person or thing in darkness.
We can not spread good and light while expressing darkness.
We cannot hold and have light in our hands or in our hearts if what we are feeling and sharing is darkness.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about these things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice. And the God of Peace will be with you. – Phillipians 4:8-9
For those who are of a religious or spiritual bent, is not God the Light?
Is it not written that God is Love? ✨❤️
So how can we be in the Spirit of God if our thoughts, words, and actions spread anger, anxiety and fear?
Here is something to consider:
Our thoughts are energy; molecules vibrating that become things – just as much a tangible aspect of reality as the roadways that we drive each day to work, the trees that purify our air, and the molecules that dance within our own body. If our thoughts are continuously creating our reality, what reality are we putting out there when we continuously project darkness? We can incorporate brain biology to this concept – the more we invest in negative thinking, the more our neurochemistry and eventually, the neural networks of the brain will reflect this and become who we are rather than a passing dive into fear and anxiety.
What reality are we creating not only for ourselves but for everyone else, when we, as a society, collectively dwell in fear, angst, and anger? Certainly not a happy, healthy place to live, to grow, to raise children and evolve as a species.😑
So here’s a proposition.
What if, instead of dwelling on all of this end of the world bullsh#t, we instead kept our focus on those things that were noble, pure, light, and beautiful; as Paul said to the Philippians?
What if we stopped throwing sticks at our hearts and God and recognized our grace and ability to change the doctrines and dogmas we have been holding to create something good in the world? To see that, as Hafiz said nearly eight hundred years ago, that everything is sacred.
If God is in every molecule, then all is God, right? Even those things, circumstances or people that we may not approve of.
It’s also important to remember and acknowledge that we all have times when we lose our way.
All of us – whether we are a celebrity or a stonemason. So what if, instead of casting stones, we held ourselves and others in love, in grace; in Light, and started creating the heaven on earth that I – and many others – believe we were meant to live? Not only would we be happier and healthier as individuals, but the world just might become a beautiful reflection of who we are rather than a mirror of the darkness we hold for and within ourselves.
Just a thought. 🙄
There are those who DO step forward, every day to bring light into the darkness. To create a better reality. To wake up and not only smell the coffee but share that motherfxcing goodness. To all the other Rainbow Warriors out there, Thank you. I love you. I honor you. I appreciate you.
To those that keep sowing those seeds of discord, anger and angst, babe, I see you. I understand that you are expressing yourself from a place of fear rather than love, but believe me when I tell you – it does not have to be so. Fear is an illusion that we create or accept, largely because our primitive brain functioning wants us to stay safe in the cave rather than step into the light of what may feel unknown.
But when you come to the light side, you will see some of the joy we hold over here. Some of the healing. Some of the grace. And yes, we, too, have cookies. 😉
Much love, big hugs and many blessings for this and every day.💖
Life is a dream; a self-created reality in which our subconscious programs largely direct our thoughts, moods, and actions. Most of the time, these programs keep us in a state of sleepwalking as we react and respond to life based upon what our past experiences have dictated. But frankly, it’s all bullshit.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…Life is but a dream.
– Row, Row, Row your boat.
It’s all a construct. The human brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. As a result, we build these supposedly “safe” walls and edifices with our minds until at some point, whether we realize it or not, we are locked inside a fortress of our own making.
These constructs are often (usually) based on childhood experiences and family dynamics that lay down neurological programming – such as taking on the identity of one of the six “roles” of a dysfunctional family life: the Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child, Mascot, Caretaker/Enabler, and the Golden Child. Because these egoic identities were built as a result of our early neurological programming, they become the pathways that we continue to follow well into adulthood, and sometimes until death.
I don’t know about you, but this just feels like a huge Ouch.
I think of myself as someone who is fairly #awake. I’ve had a deeper sense of “knowing” for as long as I can remember. I think I may have been born a little less asleep, or perhaps I’ve just been around the block enough (#reincarnation) that I am usually pretty good at seeing through the veil. Through the constructs. Through the Bullsh#t.
But for any of us, no matter where we are in our soul’s evolutionary journey, I believe that in this life; what the Buddhism and Hinduism call the “Maya”, or veil of illusion, we wake, then fall asleep again, only to awaken wondering when it was that we lost our awareness of the Maya.
I don’t know that we ever become fully enlightened, full time. That’s part of the process. Part of the contrast that is necessary to keep things interesting and to keep us engaged.
But here’s the thing – the more often we awaken, the longer these periods of awareness will be, and the more observation and awareness that we bring into the Who that we are keeps these periods stretched out and more frequent.
But a recent circumstance in my life made it abundantly clear that I was still holding long-standing #childhoodpatterns of low self-worth and people pleasing. In my desire to see someone I care for happy and whole, I lose parts of myself. In my need to heal and be invaluable, I allow myself to be de-valued.
In my own #toxicchildhood, I alternated between Hero, Scapegoat and Caretaker, and perpetuated those cycles into my first relationships. I thought I had healed those parts of myself years ago, but this experience showed me that I was still holding those roles – those identities – close to the heart.
Seeing my own dysfunctional childhood programs and huge egoic constructs staring me in the face felt like being punched in the gut and tbh, I had a week’s worth of wobble as I tried to decide if I could just ignore it all and keep #pretending that the years of #therapy and #selfwork had left me fully #woke. Enlightened.
In the end, I opted to look that sh#t straight in the face and run towards the storm rather than away from it. The fastest way through, right? Until we choose to be #relentless about our continued growth and do the damned work, we can not move into greater #wholeness and #authenticity. We can not achieve the life of freedom and joy that we may be seeking.
And sometimes, that f#cking sucks. The work is hard, and often creates more chaos in our lives before it opens up to peace and joy. I guess that’s why it’s called “work”.🤷♀️
But here’s the thing – Once you get past the initial shock and pain of seeing those hard truths revealed, you realize that your conscious mind and highest self is navigating the waters of your life, moving you towards greater freedom and fullness rather than continuing to be a slave to your past programming and #toxichistory.
Our highest selves are always communicating with us, trying to show us the way to release those outdated programs and patterns that no longer serve our highest evolution. But it is up to us to listen. To pay attention. And when those hard truths come, we must confront them rather than turn away.
Going into those unfamiliar waters, confronting our “demons” and doing the work may be difficult – but it is also incredibly rewarding and an exciting journey. It can be beautiful and joyous, even.✨ Ultimately, being awake and aware not only makes us more happy, caring, and compassionate humans, it’s a whole lot more fun.😁
What unhealthy #childhood programs might be holding you back from living your best life and the fullest expression of who you are?
I read a biography on an author once who spoke of taking writing retreats to work on her novels several times a year.
At the time, I thought it was strange that she mentioned needing ten full days for her mind to rest and recover before she could really get into the creative space needed to delve fully into her work. Writing has always come so naturally to me; an easily accessible extension of who I am.
But the past few months, I’ve noticed that has shifted at a time that is a little critical in getting my words and work into the world. I’ve dealt with a lot of shiznit in my life before this point, but maybe not in quite such a condensed way, and it feels like that has put a damper on my creative outflow.
I sit to work and get distracted by a thousand and ten things before I get to the mental state that I write my best in. Or I just don’t get there. Even the “easy”(tedious😬) work of editing Light of Dawn, my fiction, has felt nearly impossible.
But I’m trying to give myself Grace, lots of love and good nourishment as I decompress from the past months and prepare for the work ahead of me when I return, having faith that the words – and the books – will be finished and ready for the shelves when my mind has come fully back to itself from that place of hiding and protection.
It’s so important to acknowledge that sometimes we just have to spend time in survival mode to get through the storms and to the blooming gardens on the other side. I feel those flowers close.🌸🌷🌻😉
When the words won’t work, I’m finding other ways to stay creative. Today I visited a sweet little farmers market at the McAllen library in Texas. I purchased some delicious spreadable chèvre from a lovely goat farmer – which I snacked on with some slices of giant radishes we bought along with fresh chopped nopales from a beautiful little Hispanic lady. Nopal is a cactus fruit commonly eaten down here.
To be honest, I had zero idea of what to do with the crunchy, limey flavored “fruit”, but I had some smoked turkey and a bin full of other veggies so decided to try my hand at a creamy soup.
It was a time-consuming soup. So much love put into this golden beauty. But as it turns out, nopal is a new favorite.😎. The soup was fabulous with an avocado crema and some tortilla chips.
Feels like a triple win, supporting abundance mentality, emotional healing and growth. ✨
I love supporting local farmers and small businesses at farmers markets, I got to try something new with ultra-fresh ingredients and have enough soup to last a week or possibly three because I don’t know how to do anything small.🤷♀️
How have you been supporting your creative states, emotional health and abundance mentality lately? I’d love to read what is working for you!⬇️🥰
Do you often find yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, stressed out, or angry?
Periods of stress in our lives are part of the human experience, and can be a tremendous catalyst for growth and personal evolution. Life is a gorgeous, complicated, challenging, and joyful adventure – and the contrast we experience is necessary to add depth and meaning – wholeness – to the story of our lives.
But we aren’t meant to stay in that place of unhappiness for long periods. When our periods of upheaval become chronic, the constant release of cortisol and adrenaline, necessary in primitive times for short fight-or-flight responses, become a mood disorder that if left unresolved, can really f#ck up the brain and body. This “stuck” cycle can not only cause depression, memory loss, weight gain/loss and sleep issues, but also inflammation that can lead to a host of other issues and illnesses from diabetes, cancer and more.
The good news is that just because we have moments of stress doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the stress response indefinitely. We can return to a place of greater emotional ease in less than two minutes, if we can understand what is happening in our nervous system.
Most important is to realize that the brain’s stress response only takes 90 seconds to move through the body.
When we encounter things in our life that make us feel triggered – anxious, frustrated, angry, fearful, or sad, (insert your own favorite dysregulation response here_______🙄…) it can be easy to stay in that feeling state for much longer. This is because we keep the stress response loop repeating itself instead of redirecting the brain’s focus to something happier.
But there are many ways to #flipyourhappyswitch when difficult or challenging circumstances in our lives may lower our #baselinehappy.
We can bypass hours or even days’ worth of unhappiness with a few simple neurobiology “hacks” that redirect the brain’s wiring. Consistent practice of these techniques will, over time, create a healthier stress response, too; which is pretty freaking awesome – the sooner we can get back to a feeling of joy in our lives, the sooner we can get back to being the amazing creators of reality that we are supposed to be.
Taking some deep nasal belly breaths stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and “tricks“ the mind into thinking that we are all good – or at least not in a heightened state of trauma response or fight or flight. This is where I always begin when I am personally feeling dysregulated.
There are a number of other techniques to re-direct the mind back to a state of ease – changing up our environment, listening to music that makes us feel good, going outside to “ground” with a walk, ride, run or swim. (the benefits of being outside are multiplied when we put our bodies in direct contact with the earth.
I love barefoot trailrunning, but 5 minutes of sitting on the grass can have a profound effect on the body and mind. Splashing cold water on the face, finding an activity or interest that is creative, are all wonderful ways to reset the brain, release endorphins and run interference on that stress loop and get us back to a more peaceful or joyous state.
If you are in a place where none of these practices are possible, try this easy, four-step system to bypass the loop of trauma/stress response:
Acknowledge what you are feeling. What is the root emotion causing your feeling of dysregulation? Take a moment to honor that feeling.
Focus on facts – find one or two true things about you. “My name is_____ and I live in _____city/country/state. My parent/sibling/friend/pet is______.
Find something physical – The sun feels amazing on my face. The fabric of my shirt is soft. The bakery in the store smells like cookies and fresh bread. I like to spritz a little of my favorite men’s cologne on a scarf or shirt collar so that I can bring my focus to the scent when I am in a crowd or large “big box” kind of store where I know I can become energetically overwhelmed.
Look for one beautiful thing/Gratitude – feeling grateful triggers release of dopamine, the reward/feel-good hormone. Find one thing in your environment that you can feel truly grateful for – the color of the sky is a particularly pleasing shade of blue right now. The little girl in line front of me has the most amazing big brown eyes. This coffee is delicious. Better yet, find someone to smile at or have a conversation with. (Not a creepy smile, please….) Not only will focusing on someone else re-direct the brain’s stress response, but kindness releases all of the feel – good neurochemicals.Win-win situation, right?😄
I have been putting many of these techniques into practice for years, and I can tell you that they work, but I’ll add to this a list of the most common neurochemicals/hormones and how they affect the mind and body, along with a few more tricks and techniques to get you back to your happy place.
Happy Brain Chemicals – DOSE
Dopamine – Reward/Hormone. “Pleasure Chemical”. Helps with focus, memory, motivation.
* gratitude. Complete a task or project. Improve sleep habits. Exercise. Do yoga/meditate. Go outside. Have sex – specifically, sex or self-stimulation that triggers orgasm. The greater the dopamine release, the more powerful the orgasm.👀. (Disclaimer – there is such a thing as “too much” when it comes to orgasm. Particularly using a stimulus such as porn, as it can create a tolerance which causes dopamine levels to drop.)
Oxytocin – The “Love Hormone”. Supports mental well being.
* Give a hug! Even self hug or massage will release oxytocin. Kiss. Warmth – sit in front of a fireplace. Drink something warm. Find a sunny spot. Send a loving text or letter. Snuggle with a pet. Watch cute kitten videos.
Serotonin – Feel-good hormone.
* Kindness. Laughter yoga. Massage. Sunlight – 10 minutes of direct to eyes. Remember happy memories heart rate
Endorphins – Responsible for pain relief, stress management, feelings of euphoria. Released by central nervous system and pituitary gland.
* Exercise/movement. More sex. Dance. Acupuncture. Eat something delicious and nourishing -Dark chocolate specifically triggers the endorphin response in the body. Scent – smell something pleasing. (Essential oils, fresh-baked cookies, cinnamon, someone you love)
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If you are someone going through a challenging or difficult time, I see you.❤️
I hope this information might help.
If you are in a place where just don’t want to get off of the couch/bed/carpet, I’ve been there, too. It’s ok to give yourself some space to not be ok, to have grace for yourself to be in the experience of those hard emotions – for a little while. But don’t get stuck in that place. Remember that mood follows action.
This means that sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, put on our “big girl/boy pants” and take action. Breathe, meditate, dance, listen to music, hug a loved one or pet, go for a walk, have good sex (even if it’s by yourself) – whatever it is that works best for you to get into a better place. This is self-care.
Wherever you are today, please remember that you are loved. You are a beautiful, magnificent Be-ing; worthy of every good you can imagine.
A human heart contains 40,000 neural cells that form a complex nervous system.
This “heart mind” sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. Just as the brain produces hormones/neural chemicals, the heart also produces its own adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine, as well as ANF, (atrial natriuretic factor) a peptide that helps regulate healthy heart and kidney function. The heart also keeps the energetic signals of the body and brain regulated through the physical contraction and expansion of a “heartbeat”.
But here’s where things get even more interesting: The heart produces its own electromagnetic field that is 5000 times greater than that of the brain.
This magnetic field is a signal network that extends around us in a range of fifteen to twenty-five feet (!) and interacts with other living beings as well as the earth’s own electromagnetic field, feeding us information about the world around us and broadcasting our own information to everyone and everything we meet.
This also ties into the Enteric Nervous System – a network of 100 million nerve cells that line the esophagus down to and through the gastrointestinal tract, which also communicates information back to the brain.
This complex system of heart-gut-brain relation and communication is much more the “knowing mind” than the brain as a segregated entity, which largely makes decisions for us based upon past experience and neurological patterns rather than the full picture of each moment.
So cool, right?
As many things that were taught for thousands of years but discarded with the dawn of the Industrial Age, I believe our ancestors were on to a fundamental truth with adages like “You will never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” Or “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.”
J Krishamurti said “Intuition is the whisper of the soul.”
One of my personal favorites – “At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”
If we wanted to get a little deeper into the quantum physics of the magnetic field, all of the information that we gather in the “quantum field” – that field that extends beyond us and into everything and All That Is, is also feeding us information.
It is the aggregate of information that is gathered between our brain, our heart/magnetic field, and the gut in the “field” that gives us the 11 million bits of information that humans process each second. But the problem here is that the brain has to translate all that information into roughly 40-50 bits per second for us to function and think without shorting out.
This is where unconscious bias comes in. The brain uses a system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter out anything it screens as impertinent.
Unfortunately, this can be a huge detriment to helping us to achieve a happy life.
Because the human brain works largely on programming and patterning, it often filters out the information that we actually need to find joy in favor of the information that the brain thinks will help us to survive best based upon our past programming and experience.
So if following the crowd, people pleasing, shutting down, fighting, accepting less-than treatment, (or even abuse) or any other trauma-based behavior were childhood subsets, there is a good chance that those early programs will be dictating your adult behavioral experiences, too.
As we have discussed before, the brain is wired to survive, not to thrive. So ouch.😣.
But awareness of this can help us to recognize and bypass what is past programming and what is actually truth and the best solution for not only our greatest happiness, but also for the greatest expansion of who we are in the evolution of our souls.
That just makes me wanna shout “hellllll yeah!”😁.
Because this means we don’t have to be a slave to our past programs. We can begin right now to steer our own ship and navigate our destiny for a greater joy than we ever dreamed possible.
I know this from personal experience.🥳
Even in the times of my greatest sorrow and heartbreak, I can’t help but go back to the feeling of joy – what is now my personal preset of “baseline happy”, which is pretty damned amazing.
I may have moments, or sometimes even hours where I feel unhappy, or I need to allow myself to grieve for whatever the unhappiness of my circumstance is – but here is the absolute truth of my existence – the vast majority of the time, regardless of whatever that circumstance may be, I am dance-in-the-fields-when-I-walk-my-dogs or in-my-kitchen while-cooking happy. 💫💃🏼
I don’t get bored. I feel a huge amount of gratitude for this big beautiful life. I smile at nearly every stranger, and go out of my way to help others feel a little of my joy – because I believe the world would be a much better place if we all understood these truths about ourselves and chose to live happy. I wish we all would make the conscious choice to fully live, rather than existing or waiting to die.
So, the next time you have a dilemma or a problem you can’t solve, perhaps the best question to ask is this: what is the consensus of my heart and gut/intuition telling me?
Then, bring the brain into the equation to ask – “Is this my truth/wisdom, or is this the voice of my parents/peers/societal norms that are giving me these answers?”
Intuition+heart intelligence+past experience and programming = answers. 😎
Today and all days, please remember – You are loved. You are worth every joy. You are amazing.💖
Our imagination is a wonderful tool for accessing our intuitive wisdom and those deeper parts of ourselves that know the path when our minds or “logic brains” can’t reason something out. I frequently will have visions or mental movies when I am in a state of relaxation that help guide many of the decisions of my life.
Last night while lying in bed, trying to bring my mind into a state of quiet and calm from the sadness and dysregulation I had been feeling, I had a short “mental movie” that helped bring clarity to my feelings as a result of a circumstance in my life that encompasses some incredible depth of feeling from joy to intense pain.
In the vision, I was a young child, maybe four or five years old; standing on a small wooden box or step in front of a tall friend of mine, who was, in the vision, eight years old or so. I was holding a daisy in front of me as an offering to my friend. My expression was quite solemn.
We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, then my friend kissed my nose and gave me a n encompassing hug. The scene changed and we became adults.
The element of being a child in this vision is obviously the connection to my innocent self. That little girl is offering a gift of vulnerability to somebody she loves, unsure of whether or not they will accept it and return that love offering.
The Daisy is a symbol of purity and innocence, but interestingly, in Norse mythology it also represents love and new beginnings.
I woke this morning to open to this passage from the “Sacred Path” book. The book is meant to be an accompaniment to a deck of guidance cards, but I usually just use the book itself for its native-American sourced wealth of wisdom.
Today’s lesson echoed the vision that I had last night, speaking of the idea of our inner child being the best guide to losing the illusions of those ego-based parts of ourselves that do not allow us to be vulnerable, playful, authentic, and joyful.
When we can tap into those younger parts of ourselves to remember the sacredness, the joy, the play, and the magic of life, we remember who we really are.
For several years, my (adult) son has gotten a new tattoo each New Year’s Eve.
The tattoo that he chooses is one that is representative of where he’s at in life, the past year and the one to come. I personally think this is a really cool way to physically evaluate where you are at and manifest the future you wish to create. It’s not my way, but I love the idea and that he knows so clearly what is right for him.
This year he is getting a tattoo of the Memento Mori skull with a Pacific Northwest scene incorporated.
Momento Mori means “Remember Your Death.” another way of putting this is “Remember that one day, you, too, shall die.”
This may seem morose or melancholic, but I believe it is a perfect representation and way to begin a new year. It is a reminder of the preciousness of life. Incorporating the Pac NW mountains and pine trees is a grounding memento of the home he grew up in.
It got me thinking about how ending one calendar year and beginning another is a bit like a mini-death and rebirth. Personally, if I were going to do a similar tattoo, I might go with “Memento Mori, Memento Vivere” – Remember your Death, Remember to Live.
How often do we spend our days just putting one foot in front of the other without really being here? How many of us aren’t really living but just existing, waiting to die? What if our New Year’s resolution was to really live our best possible lives in 2023?
How would that look for you? What would you change if you knew you had no limits?
What steps might you take to move toward the life you would like to be living instead of existing?
What risks would you take that might make you uncomfortable in the short term but alter your level of joy exponentially in the long term?
Recent studies in Neurobiology show that the old idea of “Be happy and your life will follow” is a flawed philosophy.
The adage “Fake it until you make it” is far more accurate – mood follows action. This is so important that it is worth repeating.
Mood follows action.
Behavior is the control panel of the mind. We have to take the steps that feel uncomfortable and sometimes frightening for the joy to show up.
This means that in order to step into our best possible life, it is often necessary to step away from all that is familiar to us and into the unknown.
It is our safety-based (fear-based) egoic constructs and pre-set survival programming that keeps us locked into stale patterns and an unfulfilled existence.
This is not only a psychological phenomena based in how we were parented and cared for as children, but also a characteristic of our neurobiology.
When we begin something unfamiliar or new, the brain, being hardwired to survive rather than thrive; to choose safety over success, views things that are not known as “unsafe”.
Because of this primitive biology, the amygdala – the brain’s primitive survival center – will produce stress hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine, causing us to feel frustrated and uncomfortable; to give up and go back to the safety of our “cave” or normal life.
This is extra true for any of us over thirty-five years old – unless we are actively learning new things or utilizing practices to grow a better brain, 90% or more of the way we live is the result of the biological structure of the brain’s wiring. Ouch, right?
As a result, anything outside of what is generally familiar to us will feel hard – learning new skills, behaviors or languages, looking for a new career job or hobby, addressing past trauma, going back to school, starting new relationships, traveling to unfamiliar places. Anything new and unfamiliar will likely feel challenging. Difficult. The same chemical processes that keep us “safe” also inhibits us from continuing to grow.
But here’s where “magic” can happen: when we stop avoiding those things that feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar and instead step into the chaos of what may feel like a storm of negative emotion, we will pass through the gates of what is fondly called the “Terror Barrier” and drop into a new neurochemical state.
After the initial dump of adrenaline, if we continue to “ride the wave” of discomfort, our brain begins to produce acetylcholine.
This chemical bypasses the safe zone to bring us into a deeper state of learning, focus and neuroplasticity. Aceylcholine is what is responsible for the feeling of being in a “flow state”. Once we have achieved this state, we have a dopamine release – a feel-good neurochemical reward for creating new neural networks and evolution of who we are.
So cool. 😄😎🤯
It’s like nature and biology created us to largely stay safe. Comfortable. To follow the crowd. But for those intrepid souls who are willing to step into the unknown, to move past the fear, frustration, discomfort and anxiety, new worlds and wonder await.
An interesting spiritual parallel to this is a scripture from the epistle of Thomas in the scrolls found at Nag Hammadi:
Fascinating – Exactly like the neural chemical process described above. Seek/step out of a comfort zone. Be disturbed/uncomfortable/troubled. Be astounded and amazed, then the keys to the universe are within your grasp.
For thousands of years, we as a species have left the intrepid exploration to the very few. We have chosen to remain safe, often at the expense of our long-term happiness.
But I would like to think that we are at a place in our evolution where that access is open to each of us.
We all have the ability to captain and pilot our own ship to the destiny that we choose, rather than that which society, family, peer groups or just our own fears have chosen for us.
All we have to do is decide what we want, and step into the unknown with the understanding that the initial response may feel uncomfortable. Frustrating. Disturbing. Like chaos. But as Moana found out, the other side of that reef is where the whole world lies.🌎✨💫
Let’s talk about one of our species most intriguing – and taboo – subjects.
Sex.
What subject has been, for thousands of years, more misunderstood and misrepresented, suppressed and repressed? We tend to alternate between scorning and overly glorifying it.
We can touch something incredibly sacred and healing in sex, yet we also use it as a weapon, preying upon women, the weak, and our youth and turning innocence into the profane.
Since before written history, sexuality – and sensuality – has been an essential aspect of our nature. We are created to be sexual creatures – humans are the only species that seeks coupling for sensual pleasure rather than strictly procreation.
The male penis has 4000 nerve endings and the female clitoris has twice that – 8000 nerve endings, though only 20-30 % of women in heterosexual relationships as compared to 91% of men experience orgasm regularly. (I believe this is simply lack of education and effort – 80-90% of women in lesbian relationships have regular orgasm.)
It is estimated that over 70 -80% percent of adults in the U.S and Europe have sex for pleasure – though that number is likely higher. It is possible that we have evolved to enjoy sex as we do to better our chances of survival, but what if there is more to it than that? What if we were meant to enjoy sex as a way to continue evolving?
Sex – good, consensual, erotic sex between adults – releases oxytocin, the feel-good “love hormone” which makes us feel more connected to our partner, as well as pain-dampening endorphins, and dopamine, a pleasure chemical also related to learning and motivation. Another happy side effect of sex? Studies have found that sex lengthens life span.
But pertaining to spirituality, what if we are hardwired to experience the sacred through sex?
An interesting study found that the same chemicals are produced in similar fashion during religious ecstasy as during sex – and meditators have been found to sometimes experience sexual pleasure during deep meditation. How many of us have experienced the feeling of deep connection to not only our partner but also to something much greater during sex?
An interesting study showed that nearly 80% of both women and men used a combination of their partner’s name and/or the word “God” during intercourse.
What if we tapped into that connection with intention?
We are most powerful when we are fully integrated in who we are. If we embraced that power and celebrated our sensuality as an essential and sacred part of not only our personality but also of our sexual experiences, we would not only be happier and healthier, but also far more connected to the Divine and the divinity within.
This Blessed Sacred Life 