Category: self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

Protecting your Peace/Ho’oponopono

by Terah Drake, posted in self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth, self-development

To an emotionally unhealthy person, clear boundaries or a “no” is either a challenge or a personal affront.  

To someone who is whole or on their healing journey, there is no possibility for affront.  Choosing to listen to one’s own needs instead of people pleasing is a mark of self-respect and value.  

We must nourish ourselves before we can feed others…

Babe. Grab a cuppa and a comfy chair because we are going to take a little dive into a number of subjects today that all tie together, eventually. But the overarching theme here – and this is so important – is this:

You have a right and a responsibility to protect your peace.  

This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but it is a radical concept to others who might be accustomed to being the peacemaker in family and peer dynamics – rather than the peace holder.

Protecting your peace means it’s not only ok, but vital that we learn to set healthy boundaries for ourselves, our time, and our energetic resources.  It is making sure we find time for self-care and learning what it is that makes us as individuals happy. 

Because Goddess knows, it can be only too easy to lose ourselves in the interests and lives of our partners, peers, and parents. And of course, our children, if we have them.

“Until we are able to love and take care of ourselves, we cannot be much help to others.”

This doesn’t mean that we should not care for and share interests and passions with those close to us, of course.  Loving those around us makes everyone’s lives better, and common ground is the best place to find healthy, happy connection, right?  But finding a sense of authenticity and joy in our lives requires finding the balance between loving ourselves and others.  

I like to imagine our bodies, minds, and the magnetic field that surrounds us as an energy storehouse.  When we are in balance with ourselves and the world around us – happy with ourselves, our partnerships, family dynamics, social groups, and career or purpose, our energy levels are full.  Light. We feel easy in the world and are able to share some of that stored energy with those around us.  

But it can also be too easy to get caught up in the drama of someone else’s toxic mentality – and we have absolutely no obligation to invest our time and headspace into energy vampires – people or things that draw from our energy accounts without any promise of return.  

This can be so hard for those of us who are empaths, people pleasers or fixer/mediator type personalities.

Here’s where an interesting concept comes in – Have you heard of the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho’ oponopono? 

The word translates into English as “Correction”, but also contains the synonyms “manage” or “supervise”.  The practice, often facilitated by a family elder or a Hawaiian Hapuna – healer/priest – is one of healing, reconciliation, forgiveness and love, often within a family or extended family, but extending to anyone who breaks Kapu, or spiritual laws.  Often, when a member of the community became ill, a Hapuna would be consulted to help the person become healthy again through finding forgiveness from the Gods or the person with whom there may have been a dispute.  

The practice of Ho’oponopono consists of four simple phrases – 

~ I’m sorry.

~ Please forgive me. 

~ Thank you. 

~ I love you.

Ho’oponopono is taking responsibility for one’s thoughts or actions, making amends through word or deed, giving gratitude and love to the situation or person we may have wronged. This is a beautifully powerful practice and I believe we can take this idea and practice into every aspect of our lives to create greater unity and wholeness within ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.

The thing is, apologies and vulnerable communication can be so hard.  

Often, our past (childhood) programming translates the need for an apology or regular, honest communication from someone as “I must be bad/wrong/unloveable”, etc.  This is rarely if ever the case, of course, but remember that an estimated 98% of our daily thoughts and actions are acted from our subconscious, (ego) and most of that began in the first eight years of life. 

Our conscious mind may not understand or even care to query as to why it is difficult to say “I am sorry” or communicate without feeling defensive, frightened or intimidated. When we are acting from past trauma or unhealthy patterns, the amygdala – the brain’s processor for emotional responses, decision making, – and emotional response – is triggered, causing us to go into a state of anxiety, anger or fear. This is a primitive, emotional survival-instinct based reaction.

Amygdala “ reaction” Vs. Pre-frontal cortex “response” – If it’s histrionic (emotion-based) it’s history-based.

It requires some deep self-exploration and conscious awareness to find the root of our behaviors.  Frankly, I don’t believe we can fully do this until we confront the faulty belief systems that our parents, caregivers and peers implanted in our minds from an early age (lack of value/unworthiness.  Abandonment.  Fear-based thinking/survival.  Disempowerment. The list goes on…) 

This is where the concept of Ho’oponopono related to the self can be applied to assist in the reprogramming and healing process.  When we begin to practice having curiosity about how our internal states are reflected in our outside world on a regular basis, we can begin to address those unhealthy and untrue patterns and programmed ways of thinking.

We can learn to love ourselves in the way that our earliest caregivers perhaps did not know how to. We can forgive ourselves for our past to move forward in a manner based on a healthier EQ, have gratitude and appreciation for who we are in the present moment. All of this establishes the habit of growing the neural network of response from the prefrontal cortex; the part of the brain linked to higher-order functions such as logic, empathy, care and altruism. We learn to be in a place of responding rather than reacting. We learn to validate others’ feelings and take accountability for our own words and behaviors that might sometimes be less than constructive or healthy for ourselves or those around us.

@drtstaswart 😎

The process of healing and learning to be aware and take accountability for every aspect of who we are in the present is not easy, as I mentioned above. I began learning about psychology, trauma, and eventually neurobiology and quantum physics/vibrational realities decades ago -not to help others, but to learn to heal myself and my own childhood trauma.

It’s amazing to me how even now, I occasionally discover layers of early dysfunctional programming and behaviors that I had absolutely no idea were there, particularly around my value system in my most intimate relationships.

But as hard and sometimes frightening as this learning and growth is, it can also be exciting, as I have spoken of in past posts and blogs relating to neurochemistry and confronting discomfort eventually giving us an emotional “high”. (#intothechaos) I don’t think I could stress in words just how worth it it is to do that healing in order to create a happier, healthier version of ourselves in our present and future realities; though, if you’ve read any of my work, you know I try.👀.

Which takes us back to Ho’oponopono and healing ourselves and our close relationships.

How can it relate when it comes to protecting our own peace while still caring for others? 

Not everyone decides to take a pathway to healing.  

Some are just too entrenched in those patterns and programs – ego-identification driven behaviors that they can not see or even try to see that their behaviors, words and actions are harmful. It is important to honor whatever or whomever they decide to be.

Every single human is on their own path.  No matter how much an individual might be able to “see” why a person is the way they are, (why can’t they see their beauty and potential?…) each of us have to be responsible for the maintenance of only our own side of the road.  

If someone looking for a better reality comes to us, we can do our best to provide some guideposts on the journey but even then, holding expectations for any other human besides ourselves only damages ourselves and our ability to have healthy relationships.  

Sometimes, it is people that are close to us – family or friends that we have known perhaps our whole lives – that are toxic and unwilling or unable to do the work to be someone that we want to spend time and our energetic resources on. We may still love them deeply for the history we shared, but ⬆️⬆️ A. We can’t “fix” anyone. And B. If we don’t protect our peace/energetic resources, we have less to share with those who come willingly to our pathway that may need it most.

Are they ready to get out of the mud?

Let me give an example of this.  I had coffee and a chat with a close friend about this subject recently.  

“Elizabeth” is a healer and empath with a history of unhealthy relationships beginning in early childhood.  In spite of her history of trauma, she has a beautiful petal-pink heart, and is committed to self-growth and evolution.  She loves to love people, but like many empathy and healers, also has a tendency to give more of herself than she has to give.  As a result, she often draws narcissists and energy vampires because she has difficulty protecting her energy field. 

Imagine a lake of crystal-clear water surrounded by a forest filled with creatures.  Every thirsty animal is going to come to drink from, swim in, and carouse in the lake, right?  Eventually, as we know of African waterholes, the banks become muddy and the water murky and low from so many draining and churning up the water. 

Alternatively, we have a neighboring lake that has a large fence around it with a gate that opens when a thirsty animal or small group of creatures comes over.  The animals learn from the gatekeeper that they are welcome to drink if they are well behaved and drink only what they need.  The lake remains pristine and full, as a result.  

Beautiful, right?  

But Elizabeth has only recently been learning to protect her peace – her lake.  So some unhealthy folks from her past still come around, expecting unlimited energy from her – and get Pissed with a capital P when she protects her boundaries.  They kick and scream, say awful things and accuse her of being a terrible person and not being a “true friend” for not giving them unlimited access to her resources.  

When we spoke of this, she was emotionally torn between knowing that healthy boundaries abOore necessary, and that she can’t “fix” or “save” those that don’t really want to be saved – and feeling guilty for not being a “true friend”.   

But what she wasn’t considering is that true friendship is always a two-sided relationship.  Always.  It doesn’t mean that the way two people express their care is necessarily the same – past programming/experience, love languages and attachment styles rarely if ever cross over completely – but there is always a give and take of energy between both people in any healthy relationship.  In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel filled, at least most of the time.   

Beyond that, it doesn’t matter how much good or potential we see in someone – if they don’t want to do the work to bring out that light in themselves, they will only end up drawing those who try to “help” them further into their darkness.  

So we spoke of Ho’oponopono, and sending love – speaking or thinking of them from a distance – to those people from her past – or present – that did not respect her boundaries or value her caring heart.  

Here’s what I suggested as her Ho’oponopono “prayer” to her old friend:  

~ I am sorry for what you have been through.

~ Please forgive me for whatever pain I may have caused you.

~ Thank you for the wonderful moments of our past.

~ I love you, and wish you happiness. 

This practice allows us to send loving kindness and healing to others – and ourselves – without having to physically engage in potentially exhausting mental and energetic judo with a toxic friend, family member, employer or peer.

Here’s a huge bonus aspect of putting this practice into “meditation” – It helps us build a healthier, happier brain.  

According to Chade-Meng Tan;(@chandemeng ) Nobel Peace Prize nominee (One Billion Acts Of Peace) and author of Joy on Demand, sitting in silence for just three minutes and sending peace, love, or happiness “I wish for ______ to be happy” can drastically improve your own happiness baseline.

I did a little dive into the neurological and neurobiological processes of this phenomena and discovered that not only does this practice increase activity in the prefrontal cortex and create new neural pathways that help us to better self-regulate our emotional responses (NIH PMID 25646442), but it also lowers cortisol levels and increases oxytocin and serotonin. I’d call that a win all the way around, right? 😎

For me, I often incorporate this practice into my morning meditation.  I place my left hand on my heart and my right on my abdomen, breathe slowly and deeply and repeat the prayer or mantra as I visualize someone in my life or from my own past that I would like to send some healing and love to.  

Incidentally, Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting in lotus with a loincloth and a bindi.  I have also practiced this while out on a walk, cooking a meal, or even while creating art.  Anything that puts us into a state of “flow” can be considered meditation.  

(Bearing in mind, there has been significant research on the myriad physiological and neurological benefits of sitting in quiet focus for just 10 minutes each day.  That is a whole blog unto itself (or a book) so we won’t go into details, but something to consider…)

But meditation aside, practicing just a few minutes of Ho’oponopono each day can be a powerful tool for learning to create and honor your own boundaries while still loving others that may not be healthy for us to continue a relationship with. Remember that your energetic resources are finite, and protecting the beauty and purity of your “lake” will not only keep you happier and healthier but will also draw healthier people to you as you move forward on your journey.

How are you learning to protect your energy and your peace? What tools or techniques have been most helpful in setting and keeping healthy boundaries? Is there anything here that especially resonates?

Big love.💖

  • Terah

Honoring our anger

by Terah Drake, posted in honoring emotions, self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

We are taught just about from birth that our anger is not ok.  That it doesn’t have a place in the world.  That we should be seen and not heard and heaven forbid we actually express the way we feel.  

Only too often, we end up burying traumatic and painful experiences instead of expressing and processing through them because of this societal dictate.  

But babe, our #anger is just as much a part of us as our joy.  

In fact, it is possibly more important because it typically expresses itself only when we really need something and our other methods of #Communication haven’t worked – or we are so emotionally in our heads that we can’t verbalize what we need or are trying to accomplish.

But when that tantrum comes, it is generally because we need something powerful.  

More #love 

Less judgement (most of all from ourselves) 

More space (it is 💯 ok for our kids – or ourselves – to not want to be touched sometimes) – or maybe we really need a big hug.  

Or to be heard, or seen, or valued in some way that we are not receiving.  

Or a hundred other big and small reasons that that ”monster” side of ourselves flares up.  

Finnish/Scottish temper here, so believe me, I get the slow burn right up to flaming redhead watch the f#ck out pissed-ness, lol. 🤯🤷‍♀️🙄

When we are taught as children to repress our negative emotions, that anger, sadness, fear, etc. doesn’t just disappear into the ether. 

 It gets buried in our subconscious and eventually, like a really bad boil that becomes infected, will express itself in ways that are usually destructive to ourselves or others.  

We turn to bullying.  Or self-harm.  Or stealing.  Or addiction.  Anything to perpetuate the cycle of denying our truths; of denying our “negative” emotions.  

But when we allow that anger to #express what it needs to express, not only are we better equipped to give our kids, ourselves, and others the guidance or whatever it is that is needed in the moment, but that heat cools quickly to be replaced by joy; a quick storm turning to sunny skies.🌞✨

And each time we give our children or ourselves the grace to speak our truths openly and honestly, we are creating a better future for everyone.  

So the next time your wee one (whether it is your child, partner, or your own beautiful inner child) throws a tantrum, slowwwwwww down.  Ask yourself and them what it is that is trying to be communicated.   

Give that precious child what they need and watch as your relationships improve dramatically. 

Much love and big hugs!💖

@selfcarewarrior 👏💕

#honoryouranger #shadowwork #opencommunication #kids #kidsarepeopletoo #healing

Meditation, Visualization, Feeling into the Space of New Creation

by Terah Drake, posted in self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

Hello, beautiful;

What is the emotion you currently experience most right now?  

If you are feeling stuck in old patterns of being that you can see but can’t seem to change, this one question can lead you to the answer as to why you may be in the mud instead of on the mountaintop.

If your answer is that the primary emotional state you experience is in any negative emotion such as anger, resentment, anxiety, sadness or frustration, this is exactly what is keeping you where you are rather than where you want to be.

We can not create a positive life from a negative state of mind.  This isn’t just a cute saying – this is science.  Here are a few of the negative consequences to the body and mind when we are habituated to negativity:

  1. The brain signals the body to produce neurochemicals such as cortisol and adrenaline. These are 💯 necessary for short-term flight-or-fight situations, but when they are circulating in our system long term, they can wreak havoc on our immune system, cardiovascular and neurological function. Long term stress can also trigger DNA markers for genetic disease and shorten telomeres; markers for aging and health, making us old far before our time.
  2. Stress hormones and chemicals can literally become an addiction . When we allow stress to become habitual we learn to depend on the hit of adrenaline and cortisol every time we create drama or stress for ourselves.
  3. Our magnetic field becomes smaller as we draw from it to sustain the increase in stress on our physical functions, decreasing our energy and vitality.
  4. We carry information on our physical and emotional state in our bodies, minds and magnetic field. This information is transmitted to those around us as well as into the quantum field, and remember that what we transmit, we also receive, creating a cycle of lack and unhappiness.

Obviously, none of us want to be creating more unhappiness for ourselves, right?  Though our subconscious programming might be preventing it, ultimately, most of us want to be happy.  

We were born to be creators. And who wouldn’t rather create a life of vitality, beauty and meaning versus one of dis-ease, unhappiness and lack?

If you can recognize that you are in a chronically negative state, you should be able to begin pruning those neural networks that are no longer serving your highest self to begin creating new networks and neurological programs that reflect the reality you wish to see.

An essential aspect of pruning old neural networks and building a new, healthier mindset is training your body’s biology to reflect the emotional reality you want to create.  Our bodies are capable of creating thousands of chemicals that can be used for healing and happiness – or for sickness, anxiety and depression. 

You are capable of moving mountains and creating any reality you can imagine, but in order to get there you must first overcome those pre-set blocks that might be keeping you from living your best life.  

What are you trying to manifest in your life right now? Greater abundance?  A limitless mind? Healing of sickness – or just an optimally functioning body?  An amazing relationship? The career of your dreams? 

Here is the #1 key to training the mind and body to move past those barriers, build new neural networks and step into greater abundance, health, relationship – into living a life of beauty and meaning:  

You have to feel it.

Now your first response to this might be “well duh, genius. We’ve talked about this before. Obviously we need to feel good to create good, right?” 🤔

But the truth is, it’s easier said than done.

 It requires us to look within to find those blocks that we might not even realize are there, keeping us from the life that we desire.  

It requires us taking accountability for the life we have created to this point, which can be deeply painful – and then we have to begin rebuilding ourselves to reflect something new. Which can also be difficult – but also incredibly rewarding.

If you are unsure of what blocks might be holding you back, here is a tool that will help you on your journey: a Visualization/Feeling meditation.

Sit comfortably with your back straight. Allow your mind to become quiet. Breathe deeply into your diaphragm. Try to keep your mind’s focus on your breath, at first. Take as long as you need to quiet the mind’s chatter. When you have found that place where it feels like floating in space – being nowhere, nothing; formless, ask yourself to feel the following:

  1. Abundance. What does it feel like to be abundant, to have all of your needs met, all the time? What might abundance look like in your life? Can you feel a sense of abundance not only in your mind but in your body?
  2. Fearless. Can you imagine – and feel the experience of being completely without fear – of having faith that you can achieve anything and Source/Spirit will have your back? What might you do or try that fear has held you from up to this point? Riding a motorcycle? Pursuing a new career or a newly single high school crush? Try to envision whatever it is fully, making it a sensory experience…. For me, cliff jumping is one of those experiences I can easily bring up to feel fearlessness – the adrenaline rush of looking down to the water far below and the weightlessness of space as I jump and begin falling. The cold water as it hits my feet then my whole body as I am submerged before swimming to the surface, exhilarated and refreshed….
  3. Limitless. This should feel similar to fearlessness but try to come into the feeling state of your own limitless ability. How would it change you if you could do anything, be anyone, think like a genius?
  4. Wealthy. What does this feel like to you? Can you envision having unlimited resources to go anywhere, do anything, help any number of people? Where would you go? What would you do? How would you be different than you are right now? Can you feel what it would be like to be truly wealthy – to have zero lack?
  5. Joy. Can you put yourself in the feeling state of bliss? Can you feel happy not only in your mind, but in every cell of your body? Can you feel joy in your heart?
  6. Perfect health. Try to feel vibrant health resonating in your entire body and mind.
  7. Relationship/love. What type of relationships do you most desire to create? What does having a wonderful relationship with and being deeply valued by a lover, spouse, partner, children, friends, family members – or your community – feel like? Can you see yourself in your ideal situation? What might it look like? Try to be as detailed as you can as you create possibilities in your mind, allowing yourself to feel the wonderful emotions of these relationships and scenarios. This is vitally important, which I will touch on shortly.
  8. Career/job. What would you be doing if you could do anything? Would you be a doctor, lawyer, corporate executive, spy, teacher, guru, or entrepreneur? What did you wish to be when you were a child? Can you feel into that state?

How did this meditation go? Did you get through all of these questions? Did you experience blocks or difficulty on any of them? Most of us have blocks In several of these areas. We are often trained from an early age by our parental figures to be limited or that we lack ability and value.

This is a false bill of goods and deeply unfortunate.  We will never create an ideal world as long as we continue to teach our children that they are flawed and limited.😤

The good news is, these blocks show you the first part of your roadmap to a better reality.  If you experienced a block when you asked yourself to be wealthy, or fearless, or have the relationship of your dreams, you know what programs need to be overlayed with new programs and patterns.  

Which takes us back to visualization and feeling the way that we want to be.  When we put our minds and bodies into a cohesive feeling state, we are not only creating greater health, but we are training ourselves to live in the future reality that we want to see rather than the past reality that has been holding us back.   

We are also creating a magnetic and vibrational field that resonates to those around us and the quantum field, where Source can most readily bring us those components that we need to create the reality of our dreams.  

If you experienced blocks in your ability to come into a feeling state from the exercise above, let’s go back and take each trait or emotion individually.  

When you are ready, find your comfortable seated position. Begin with the first question you experienced difficulty with. Let’s say it was relationship – a hard one for most of us. Likely because of their own issues, our parents taught us that we were not valuable.

As a result, often without even realizing it, we behave in ways that perpetuate this belief in our adult relationships: 

We don’t keep our word to those around us. 

We let ourselves and others down or don’t always behave with honesty and integrity.  

We speak to our loved ones in ways that are harmful.  

We may find ourselves drawn to cheating on our partners – though we don’t want our primary relationship to end.  

We shut down when it comes to communication.

And a host of other dysfunctional behaviors that keep us – and our loved ones -unhappy and perpetuating the belief that we lack value.

Ouch, right?🥵. 

But here’s where we can transform those dysfunctional past subconscious programs into something so much greater and begin building the life and personality/personal reality that we wish to see rather than hating the person that we think we are.  

Let’s say in our personal relationships we have a tendency to be short tempered and resentful, and our communication skills are lacking.  

From your place of meditation, visualize a loving relationship with a partner in which you sit across from them, holding hands as you easily talk about those issues in your relationship that need work.  Feel your heart center completely open, radiating light and warmth in this visualization.  

(In a post a couple of weeks back, I spoke of heart coherence. This visualization will create coherence in your heart and mind not only in this moment, but in future moments as you experience this in reality.).  

Feel the love and acceptance of your partner as you create a greater reality together.  Hold yourself in this space for as long as you are able.  The longer you are able to sustain coherence in meditation, the more you will experience it in everyday life.

Use this basic formula for each quality you wish to embody.   

This may feel difficult at first. Remember that you are overlaying programs that have been there for many years and it will not feel comfortable the first time or even the first few times you practice, but you will notice that the more often you practice this meditation and visualization, the easier it will become. 

From there, you will begin to see what may feel like miracles unfolding as these new neural networks draw into your reality exactly what you wish for.   

This seemingly miraculous creation of new realities is a combination of new neural wiring and firing causing a release of A)different chemical messengers into the brain and body, B)accessing new possibilities in the quantum field, and C) our RAS (remember the Reticular Activating System; the brain’s “reality filter”? Someone mentions a red Fiat and suddenly we see five red Fiats on the freeway that we wouldn’t have noticed before) beginning to allow us to observe and draw to us new aspects of our everyday reality that we wouldn’t have seen with our old wiring and programs. Amazing stuff, right?🤩

Wherever you are, beloved, I hope you will read this and be inspired to become a conscious creator and reality shaper rather than a victim of past neurological programming.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to be fulfilled.  You deserve to have your deepest desires and greatest wishes achieved.  I believe in you, and I love you, always. 💖

  • Terah

Flip Your Happy Switch! (The learned practice of being grateful)

by Terah Drake, posted in gratitude, self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

Life is a beautiful gift, isn’t it?  While on a walk recently I stopped to appreciate the perfection of these thistles and the way the sunlight hit them jussst right.  Wow.🤩

We all have these moments of appreciation, but did you know that gratitude is a learned behavior? 

We tend to think of it as something that comes naturally, but in actuality it is something we have to practice, and the more we practice the more naturally it happens.  

The opposite is true, too.  It can be only too easy to dwell in a negative state and entirely forget how blessed we are.  

We might even say that we have to unlearn a lack of gratitude as well as developing a practice of appreciation to achieve lasting joy.

 We live in a world where we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive, and so forget to be aware of the abundant reality that most of us live in.  Politics, the media, and the issues pertaining to this global pandemic – along with a host of other subjects – can cause anyone to head into a tailspin of negative emotion.

I’ve written before that I have a daily gratitude practice that improves my level of happiness dramatically,  but I still found myself in this downward cycle last night. 

After a very enjoyable evening with friends I stopped to pick up some groceries.  As often happens, I ended up spending wayyy more time than I had intended in the store and as a result was home putting away groceries at nearly 10pm, tired and more than a little grumpy as a result.  

“This sucks.  Why am I frickin’ putting away groceries at 10 pm when I should be getting ready for bed?”  I still have to do those dishes from earlier.  The dog is whining. (Because I was being stupid noisy in the kitchen and she was trying to sleep…😒) Well f#ck, I just broke the coffee pot.”… (because I wasn’t being aware)

And before you know it, I’m thinking about all the other negative events from the day, the fact that my back is a little tender right now as a result of days of moving furniture and projects around the house and a host of other negatives just because. 😑

But this morning, as I prepared a gf bagel with the lox, herbed goat cheese, capers and avocado I had picked up while shopping last night for breakfast, I reminded myself that my negative state of the night before was a CHOICE that I made.  

I could have been feeling excited and grateful for the gorgeous lox I found on sale, the herbed goat cheese spread that I hadn’t seen before, along with a variety of other items many would consider “luxury foods” but I am blessed to enjoy daily.  

I could have been grateful for the fact that I have money in the bank to buy those groceries in the first place.  

I could have been thinking about the lovely time I had with friends earlier, the myriad projects I have completed recently, the sun and blue skies that broke from days of clouds and rain here in the Pacific NW – or a thousand other wonderful things that I experience on the daily.

But instead I chose to slide from being unhappy about putting away groceries at 10pm to an all-out pity party negative state.  

How many out there can relate? How often do we start our day in a wonderful mood but after reading the news or discussing politics at the water cooler find ourselves wishing for a nightcap – at lunchtime – to dampen the killer tension headache we have suddenly developed? Or we have an evening run-in with an obnoxious driver and find ourselves in a state of rage hours later, unable to sleep well as a result of the cortisol and adrenaline still in our system?

(The mind talks to the body every second, sending chemical messengers into the bloodstream in response to our thoughts and emotions.  The way you feel physically is often a reflection of our subconscious thought patterns.)

Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure do like feeling happy, excited and ready to take on the world a whole lot more than being grumpy, anxious and fearful, wanting to crawl into my safe little hole instead of finding fun adventure and good friends.  

And I 💯 know that the best way – maybe the only way – to get back to my best self is to change my mind state and vibrational frequencies.  

I used to tell my kids to “flip their happy switch” when they were in a negative mood.  Taking my own advice, this morning I made the choice to flip my happy switch.  I had a fabulous walk with my pups, enjoyed my perfect cup of French press coffee (since I broke my other pot, LOL) and especially savored the preparation and consumption of that breakfast.  

As I sit writing this, I am gratefully aware of the gentle breeze stirring the curtains, the soothing, happy blues, purples and yellows of my home, the green plants on my window and my big comfy couch.  And my big cup of coffee, obvs.😉

It’s a good day to feel grateful. 

It’s a good day to be happy.  

It’s a good day to have a really, really good day.  Don’t you agree?🥰

What are some things that you are especially thankful for right now? How do you best “Flip your Happy Switch”?  

(This just might be the name of my next book, btw… another thing to be grateful for!🤩😁😁)

Full Priced Biznitch

by Terah Drake, posted in self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

In meditation this morning, I asked myself what I was supposed to be right now. Not Where, because I’m pretty much where I have to be atm. But What.

For the last twenty years or more, I have been a karate teacher, a yoga instructor, a Thai massage-based energy healing therapist, a writer, a coach of sorts, and have owned several small businesses.  I’ve been a wife and partner, and most importantly, a mother.  

But I have had huge shifts in my life over the last year, in the titles and labels I’ve had since I was a teen. 

 I stopped teaching altogether as a result of Covid, and have only given massage to close friends and family members.   My youngest has spread her wings and left the nest, living three states away.  I have continued to write, but honestly, I have put so many other things ahead of my work that I hardly consider myself a writer just now. 

So I was looking for the next step of my journey.  What do I need to be right now?

The answer came to me almost immediately:

Full Price.

Now that might seem a strange thing to answer myself. Full Price? What even does that mean? For me, though it was unexpected, it made perfect sense.

You see, though I write nearly every day on the power of our thoughts and beliefs in creating reality, I still have times when I struggle with my own value.  Times when I believe I am unworthy of good – or even more still, of greatness.  I have to remember to give myself love and grace, because some days, it just doesn’t come naturally. 

On those days, if I were an item of clothing, I’d be a cute thrift store find; Maybe a handmade, lace-trimmed A-line dress with a fur collar because ya know, even on the bad days, I am cute and pretty darned smart.

But I certainly wouldn’t be a full-priced, tailor-made Yves Saint Laurent women’s tux or fabulous sequined disco romper straight from the design floor.  Not a chance. 

This idea of value – or lack thereof – began in a toxic early childhood and continued well into adulthood – as it does for most of us. From about three years old, in the words, actions, and punishments of my parental figures, I was taught that I was deeply flawed and lacked value, as I was simultaneously asked to make myself small. 

 “Don’t shine too bright.” 

 “Don’t speak your truth.”

 “Who do you think you are?” 

“Getting a little ahead of yourself (big for your britches) aren’t you?”

“Don’t achieve or you will make others feel bad” (“Let’s not tell anyone about these high test scores/grades/awards”).  … 

These are literally things people closest to me have said over the years, but how many others can relate to any of these ideas and values?  

This isn’t just a dynamic within my family, this is a societal flaw. Our media, religions and politicians teach us to stay in our place. To be “meek”. “Lowly”. To “hope for the best but expect the worst”. We celebrate mediocrity and punish those that try to fly higher, often without realizing it. Alternatively, we see these images of people living perfect lives and it makes us feel even worse because we aren’t living that amazing life, ourselves. We must really suck, right?

Most of us would say that we would never hold someone we know back from achieving greatness – but here’s an experiment to try – how many times do we scroll through social media, “liking” uplifting or deeply personal posts by celebrities or those that we don’t know – but ignoring those that are posted by someone in our family or social circle? As much as I hate to admit it, I have caught myself doing this, too.

We all know the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt..” But this contempt is based on our own feeling of unworthiness.  Our own lack of value.  And celebrating the good in someone close to us feels too much like illustrating our own flaws.  

But each time we choose not to celebrate another, we are also reinforcing the idea for ourselves that we aren’t deserving; deserving of good, deserving of of achievement, deserving of love, deserving of abundance, deserving of grace.  

This idea that we are “less than” has to stop somewhere if we are to get anywhere.

For myself, I perpetuated this flawed belief system into my adulthood with the partners and friendships I chose, the people I surrounded myself with, the choices I made and in the way I treated myself.

These relationships and choices supported my belief in my own “less-ness”, but at some level I knew that energy builds upon that which is already there, and began to distance myself from toxic relationships and slowly built a belief system that incorporated self-love and supported my value; my muchiness.

It has taken years of therapy and cognitive reprogramming to override those by past entrenched, toxic systems and patterns, and as you can see, still have work to do. Evolution is a constantly evolving process. What makes me most sad today is how much I hated myself for much of my youth and young adulthood.

I know others also struggle with this – and how hard it is to believe that we are worthy, that we are good, that we are valued and valuable, and that we are deserving of every good this world holds.  

My meditation this morning reminded me to stop questioning my value and embrace my badassery. So from this moment forward, I am honoring my full-priced value and holding this as my mantra and personal code:

I am a full-priced biznitch. I am a f#cking Goddess, and deserving of every good this world holds.

Can I get an AMEN and HALLELUJAH?

Now let’s get real for a minute – how does that statement make you feel?

Did you feel empowered and excited, or did it make you feel sad because you have a hard time believing it for yourself? Did you feel a little angry or have a moment of “who does she actually think she is?”

Your response to my mantra is the key and clue as to where your own personal value lies.

If you felt sad or angry, my love, I know it may be so very hard to accept or even look at, but those negative responses are the indicator that you hold yourself in such low value that you can not be excited to celebrate another. But we can not hold another in darkness and still be in the light, ourselves.

So let me say this –  It is time that you recognize and celebrate your value.  That you own your own full-pricedness. 

It is time that you put yourself on a pedestal, and honey, you are wearing that fantastic sequined onesie – or whatever the most incredible, fabulous piece that feels absolutely you might be.   

You deserve joy.  You deserve abundance.  You deserve love.  You deserve every good that this word holds.   

Believe it. 💖

Much love and big hugs, my friend.

  • Terah