Soren Kierkegaard wrote "Once you label me you negate me". We are amazing, complex beings. I do not believe in absolutes, and I definitely don't believe that what we do is the absolute of Who we are. That being said, some of the ingredients that make me the Who that I am: I am a mom of two amazing kids and a number of pets, a rolling stone/traveler, a writer, artist, a yogini/yoga teacher, transformative wellness teacher, 6th degree BB Karate/martial arts instructor, Thai massage therapist/Intuitive Healer. I love helping others to find their happy place, and perhaps most importantly, I am a conscious creator of my reality - and hope that maybe through some of the wisdom and experience I share, you will learn to be, too.✨
The next few days I am going to take you through a series designed to give you the formula for changing your life for the better, from woe to WOW!, from being a victim of your environment to becoming a deliberate creator. This formula is science-based and may be the most powerful thing I’ve ever written.
So don’t scroll past.
You can not create a positive life with a negative mind.
Let me put this another way:
You can not create the life of your dreams if you are living in survival mode.
If you are experiencing anxiety, fear, frustration, anger or depression on a regular basis, you are in survival mode.
In this lower frequency (14-40 Hz) Beta brain wave state, your brain is producing cortisol and adrenaline on the regular. Your heart-brain coherence will be deregulated and your energetic resonance lower, which means you have less access to your energy reserves for brain and body use. You also produce less energy in your magnetic field, what some call the aura.
This is measurable and documented in thousands of studies.
It’s not just a matter of damaging neuropeptides and chemicals, either.
Your thoughts produce an electrical charge. Your feelings produce a magnetic charge.
The combination of these two charges create a resonance that you broadcast into the world at large – measurable in brain and heart monitors and “picked up” by those around us – as well as into the quantum field; that place where we best communicate with Source/God.
So when we are in chronic stress, we are broadcasting messages of fear. Of lack. Of pain – instead of messages of love, faith, joy, and creation.
And then we wonder why we stay in those same patterns and create the same circumstances over and over and over again; or we wonder why our prayers for a better life aren’t being heard.
Our prayers are being answered. We just don’t realize that our resonance isn’t asking the same thing that our mouth is.
What’s interesting about this is that the Bible specifically says to “pray with thanksgiving”. Gratitude is mentioned 71 times in the New Testament alone. The Qur’an mentions gratitude numerous times and is considered a fundamental teaching of Islam. Buddhist teachings are to cultivate gratitude as an attitude or habit.
If we want better for ourselves, we need to be in a higher resonance or vibrational state before we start asking, and we need to stay in that state as we ask. Gratitude is the perfect place to access that higher resonance.
If we can do this, miracles can begin to take place.
Stay tuned tomorrow for a breakdown of how we alter our current trajectory to move from woe is me to WOW is me?
Listen, babe. This world is absolutely glorious and worthy of our love and devotion even though it is a little broken.
For that matter, we are all a little broken, but still absolutely glorious and worthy of love.
We’ve all got our past traumas and shiznit that we have to deal with – and we really do need to acknowledge those parts of ourselves that are broken so we can come up with a plan to heal.
Sometimes the way we work through that brokenness; that shiznit is like Grace. Like beauty. Like kindness to ourselves and others. On those days, our broken shards come together with seams of gold. We use our history to create a greater, more compassionate future and a world that is poignantly beautiful.
I love the Japanese concept of Kintsugi – repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with precious metals such as gold, silver and platinum – to create something even more beautiful. We can relate this to the process of working through our brokenness to create greater beauty and meaning in our lives.
Other times dealing with our past looks like a train wreck. We just can’t seem to get those pieces together. We deal, and we deal, and we deal some more, and it doesn’t feel like we’ve made any forward progress at all.
On the days that we feel the most broken, it is important to create an environment of love and grace for yourself. To acknowledge that there is still beauty to be found – in ourselves and in the world.
Here are a few steps to keep us moving in the direction of healing and wholeness:
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Acknowledge your hurt – get to the root of your trauma. Talk to yourself. Ask where you need extra love, grace and healing. Allow any emotion that comes up to flow naturally through you. Be with those feelings for a bit. Then move on.
Learn to love yourself. Take time for self-care. What makes you feel good? Hot baths? Exercise? Good, nourishing food? Time with loved ones or pets? Art? Whatever makes you feel happy, follow that bliss.
Stop judging yourself and others. What we judge in another is something we dislike in ourselves.
Set healthy boundaries. Remove toxic situations and people – with love, of course.
Reprogram. Give yourself daily affirmations. Repeat until you feel the truth of your worth and beauty, then repeat some more. Listen to guided meditations. I start each day with a session of positive affirmations embedded with Solfeggio Frequencies; specific auditory frequencies that help our minds and bodies to resonate at a similar vibration. I really enjoy Jason Stephenson’s YouTube videos. Here’s a link to one to try: https://youtu.be/GnWlERK0UJci I recommend listening with good headphones. I keep a pair next to my bed and slip them on first thing upon waking to listen.
Count your blessings. Start a gratitude practice, listing at least 5 things you are grateful for each morning and evening. See the beauty in everything. Stop giving negative bullsh#t your attention, whether in the media, in your family/friend group or in your mind. Elevate your consciousness.
Move your body. Even just 15 minutes of exercise each day will increase your vitality and well being significantly.
Nourish yourself. Feed your body food and drink that make you look and feel your best. You deserve to feel fabulous in your own skin.
Find meaning and purpose. What makes you excited? What brings you joy? How can you serve others in a way that feels amazing?
This list translates individually, collectively, and of the world itself. We can’t ignore the damage we have done to our planet and the other species that share this beautiful earth. We must acknowledge the harm we have created, then shift our focus to solutions for a better, more whole future. The world, like us, is a little broken but still glorious. Also like us, it is broken because of what we humans have done. But we can not only repair the damage but make this world a paradise – if we choose to. I don’t know about you, but living in heaven on earth – in our own bodies and minds and in our environment – sounds pretty amazing to me. 🥰
I hope today, beloved, you see the world in all its tainted glory and love it in spite of it’s damage. That you also see yourself, whole or broken, as a beautiful creation and love every aspect yourself. Every cell, every fiber. You are worthy of your own love. And if you aren’t quite there yet, know this – I see you. I value you. And I love you💖
Big breath on today’s post, babe. I’m going to get deep on one of the key barriers to self-acceptance, authenticity, freedom and happiness. I’m talking about those things that hold us and keep us trapped in stagnation, unable to move forward – our attachments.
This might hurt a little as we rip off some band-aids, but it will be so worth the healing if you read to the end. Of course, implementation is a necessary step in growth, but you’ve got this and I’m right here with you every step of the way.
We form connections and attachments to our homes, schools, pets, professions and jobs, sports teams, sense of style and a hundred other things that we identify with on the daily.
But that is where it can get tricky.
We need connections, but our self-worth can get so very wrapped up in those things that we identify with.
We become attached first to a thing or person, but at some point, that thing or person becomes part of who we believe ourselves to be. It is only too easy from there to lose sight of ourselves as we wrap our sense of identity up in a person, place or thing.
Connection is spirit-based. Identification is ego-based. Here’s an example many can relate to: I really love my morning cuppa joe. I would even go so far as to say I have an attachment to it. The ritual of preparation, the aroma of the freshly ground beans, the rich, cinnamon-laced chocolatey goodness as it pours into my special mug each morning is one of the things that starts my day out right. I do drink organic coffee because unfortunately, coffee is one of the least regulated food products on the planet and tends to be contaminated with mold, pesticides and a variety of other yuck that we really should never put into our bodies. Just sayin’.
But enjoying my early morning deliciousness because it makes me feel amazing vs. considering myself a “coffee snob” who only drinks XYZ coffee at XYZ time of the day with XYZ people, who of course are the best kind of people moves me from healthy connection and mentality to ego-based identification.
I use coffee because it’s an easy example for me, but we can insert whatever attachment rings true to you – sports teams (are you obsessed with the Seahawks/Redskins/Greenbay/etc., or do you watch for the enjoyment of the sport?) to relationships (I couldn’t possibly live a happy, healthy life without my Spouse/Partner/BFF/Hookup/etc.)
Are you still with me? Here’s where we get to the real meat of the subject.
If we come to a place where that something or someone becomes so intrinsically attached to our value that we lose who we truly are, what happens when we no longer have that thing or person? What happens when the relationship or attachment becomes toxic or no longer truly serves who we are or who we wish to be?
When this happens, it is time to step back in order to come to an awareness of how those attachments might be holding us back from freedom, from being who we are – and who we were meant to be.
Here’s where we rip off the band-aid and let go of those things that are familiar to us when they no longer serve or have become toxic. Let’s be frank – it is so hard. We humans like routine. We like the familiar.
Or maybe better to say that we are most comfortable with the familiar.
Stepping out of a long-held comfort zone feels – uncomfortable. Hard. If you are in a place where you are being forced to let go of something – or someone – deeply familiar and are overwhelmed by negative emotion, don’t beat yourself up for struggling to “let that shit go” because babe, you are not alone and there is a reason it’s hard.
The pain of this emotional withdrawal is a combination of our biology and our ego. Our ego likes to create identity. It makes us feel like we belong somewhere, that whatever we are makes us valuable – “My name is Terah. I’m an empath. I’m also a mother, writer, artist, martial arts and yoga teacher and intuitive healer.” And there you have it, right? All that I am summed up in one sentence and wrapped up in a tidy little package. We do the same thing to nearly everything in our lives – including God, whatever God might be.
But fuck, babe. I am so damned much more than those titles and labels. So is God. And so are you. You are an amazing, limitless spirit that just so happens to be wrapped up in a meat suit – but even that label is inaccurate because that meat is frickin’ energy, dancing, whirling and spiraling – and just waiting for us to direct our intentional creation to it. Cool, right?
As long as our physical form doesn’t become just another aspect of our ego identification, that is. Body identification can be one of the greatest inhibitors to emotional freedom there is, especially in our current society. The trick is to want to feel your best because you love yourself, and want your external self to be a reflection of the amazing creation you are inside. Versus having a need to look your best because it’s what society expects or where your self-worth comes from.
But I digress, a little. The second reason it is so difficult to let go of our attachments is biology. The longer we hold something as a part of who we are, the more those attachments become neurological patterns – starting as connections in the brain, moving to pathways and eventually, if we stay in those identities too long, those neural pathways become trenches that require Herculean effort to alter. It’s not impossible but it is damned hard and requires nearly-constant awareness and re-programming work for a while to overcome.
Let me give you another example – A while back, I met with my friend Michelle who is currently going through a separation from her husband. The relationship was founded in some mutually unhealthy patterns but she was eventually able to see that those patterns weren’t serving who she was becoming and she didn’t want to remain in that stuck place any more. They tried to work things out but just had too many of their patterns wrapped up in cycles of victimhood and dysfunction.
Suddenly on her own, Michelle found herself grieving far more than she felt she should have been, especially as she had known where the relationship was headed for several years. Some days she felt so heavy that she could hardly function – but she noticed it was worse when she would be in the places they had been together. As we spoke, I pointed out that it made perfect sense – her sense of identity and value had been wrapped up in who she was in the relationship for a long time.
She was a wife. A partner. A playmate. A best friend, chef, housekeeper and a million other titles that seemed exclusive to that relationship. How many of us can relate? So Michelle wasn’t just grieving the end of the marriage but also who she had been in that marriage.
Divorce isn’t just the end of a relationship. It is too often the death of an identity. After 15 years her neurological pathways relating to her relationship were trenches that she had to dig herself out of – an emotionally and physically painful process.
But here’s what was awesome – having the “aha” moment of why she was having such a hard time – that she had her identity wrapped up in who she was as a wife rather than an individual and spiritual being – helped her to climb out of the depression she was experiencing. She will still have work to do and daily affirmations to reprogram those patterns but she’s on her way to freedom, joy, and self-creation.
Can you relate to your identity being wrapped up in something so deeply that to be without it feels devastating? If so, loved one, now is the time to give yourself lots of grace. Lots of love. And get to work!
– Write down daily affirmations on your own worth – just as you are.
– Take time to meditate.
– Give yourself plenty of self-care.
– Visualize the future you wish to see – and the you
that you want to be, ideally before bed or upon waking when your brain is in an alpha or theta state – the best time to reprogram old patterns.
Happy healing, beloved. I can’t wait to see how joyous freedom feels on you!
Life is a beautiful gift, isn’t it? While on a walk recently I stopped to appreciate the perfection of these thistles and the way the sunlight hit them jussst right. Wow.🤩
We all have these moments of appreciation, but did you know that gratitude is a learned behavior?
We tend to think of it as something that comes naturally, but in actuality it is something we have to practice, and the more we practice the more naturally it happens.
The opposite is true, too. It can be only too easy to dwell in a negative state and entirely forget how blessed we are.
We might even say that we have to unlearn a lack of gratitude as well as developing a practice of appreciation to achieve lasting joy.
We live in a world where we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive, and so forget to be aware of the abundant reality that most of us live in. Politics, the media, and the issues pertaining to this global pandemic – along with a host of other subjects – can cause anyone to head into a tailspin of negative emotion.
I’ve written before that I have a daily gratitude practice that improves my level of happiness dramatically, but I still found myself in this downward cycle last night.
After a very enjoyable evening with friends I stopped to pick up some groceries. As often happens, I ended up spending wayyy more time than I had intended in the store and as a result was home putting away groceries at nearly 10pm, tired and more than a little grumpy as a result.
“This sucks. Why am I frickin’ putting away groceries at 10 pm when I should be getting ready for bed?” I still have to do those dishes from earlier. The dog is whining. (Because I was being stupid noisy in the kitchen and she was trying to sleep…😒) Well f#ck, I just broke the coffee pot.”… (because I wasn’t being aware)
And before you know it, I’m thinking about all the other negative events from the day, the fact that my back is a little tender right now as a result of days of moving furniture and projects around the house and a host of other negatives just because. 😑
But this morning, as I prepared a gf bagel with the lox, herbed goat cheese, capers and avocado I had picked up while shopping last night for breakfast, I reminded myself that my negative state of the night before was a CHOICE that I made.
I could have been feeling excited and grateful for the gorgeous lox I found on sale, the herbed goat cheese spread that I hadn’t seen before, along with a variety of other items many would consider “luxury foods” but I am blessed to enjoy daily.
I could have been grateful for the fact that I have money in the bank to buy those groceries in the first place.
I could have been thinking about the lovely time I had with friends earlier, the myriad projects I have completed recently, the sun and blue skies that broke from days of clouds and rain here in the Pacific NW – or a thousand other wonderful things that I experience on the daily.
But instead I chose to slide from being unhappy about putting away groceries at 10pm to an all-out pity party negative state.
How many out there can relate? How often do we start our day in a wonderful mood but after reading the news or discussing politics at the water cooler find ourselves wishing for a nightcap – at lunchtime – to dampen the killer tension headache we have suddenly developed? Or we have an evening run-in with an obnoxious driver and find ourselves in a state of rage hours later, unable to sleep well as a result of the cortisol and adrenaline still in our system?
(The mind talks to the body every second, sending chemical messengers into the bloodstream in response to our thoughts and emotions. The way you feel physically is often a reflection of our subconscious thought patterns.)
Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure do like feeling happy, excited and ready to take on the world a whole lot more than being grumpy, anxious and fearful, wanting to crawl into my safe little hole instead of finding fun adventure and good friends.
And I 💯 know that the best way – maybe the only way – to get back to my best self is to change my mind state and vibrational frequencies.
I used to tell my kids to “flip their happy switch” when they were in a negative mood. Taking my own advice, this morning I made the choice to flip my happy switch. I had a fabulous walk with my pups, enjoyed my perfect cup of French press coffee (since I broke my other pot, LOL) and especially savored the preparation and consumption of that breakfast.
As I sit writing this, I am gratefully aware of the gentle breeze stirring the curtains, the soothing, happy blues, purples and yellows of my home, the green plants on my window and my big comfy couch. And my big cup of coffee, obvs.😉
It’s a good day to feel grateful.
It’s a good day to be happy.
It’s a good day to have a really, really good day. Don’t you agree?🥰
What are some things that you are especially thankful for right now? How do you best “Flip your Happy Switch”?
(This just might be the name of my next book, btw… another thing to be grateful for!🤩😁😁)
Has anyone else noticed that over the last year, we have been 💯 inundated with messages of fear? Politics. Pandemics. Mass shootings. (Oh my!)
Hostility among social groups, friends, and even our loved ones is rampant as many hold differing views on nearly every subject that anyone is talking about right now. Even some celebrities are jumping on the bandwagon of spreading hate and malcontent.
I recently came across Jim Carey’s awful “political art” letter to Melania Trump, calling her the “Worst First Lady”. Seeing it made me feel sick to my stomach.
I didn’t particularly like Melania Trump, and I really didn’t like her husband – but who knows why she made the decisions she did? I can only imagine how hard it would be to be married to DT, Amiright? But I guess the main question is, who are we to judge so harshly? How would any of us feel if that kind of vitriol was directed at us?
But there are plenty of other subjects to keep us in a state of angst.
Presidents. Vaccinations. Border control. Masks.
Stay at home. Get outside.
Open businesses fully. Close businesses fully.
Get rid of guns. More guns, greater control.
Black Lives Matter. All lives matter.
All Cops Are Bastards. Law enforcement saves lives.
De-fund police. More funding for police to provide better training.
Avoid social interaction. We need greater social interaction for emotional and physical wellness.
Peaceful protests. Out of control riots.
Democrat. Republican. Conservative. Liberal. Boomer. Gen Z. Millennial.
Save the environment. F#ck the environment.
Save the trees. Raze forests to buy more sh#t from Amazon.
The list goes on, but you get the point. Nearly everyone I speak to believes we are in crisis. Most believe this is a tipping point and many think the world is heading to hell in a handbag.
I’ve spoken to many Christians who believe we are in the “End Times” as foretold by Revelations. Shoot, I’ve spoken to agnostics and atheists who think we are in the end times. Well, maybe we are, maybe we aren’t. Doesn’t the bible also say “But of that day and hour no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.”? (Matthew 24:36)
So why assume or speculate? Because some part of us loves the fear. Loves the drama. Loves the angst. Or, if we don’t love it, at least we accept it as “the way it is”. We become accustomed to this “new way of being” and those new neurological patterns become habits.
But habits that include daily fear, anxiety, anger, or depression can not lead to an improvement in our circumstances. In fact, living in the toxic environment of chronic stress impacts our physical and emotional well-being, compromises our immune system, depresses neurological function, and, from the level of frequency, our ability to create a good life.
This isn’t just woo-woo or psychobabble. Wondering about the science of that statement? Let’s break it down.
One of the major responses to various stressful conditions is the activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis
This is a cycle that begins with the Hypothalamus, (part of the brain responsible for stress control) where it sends signals to the Pituitary Gland (Conduit for chemical messengers that send information to cells throughout the body) that there is environmental stress. The pituitary gland sends these messengers to the Adrenal Gland, which starts pumping out stress hormones such as Adrenaline and Cortisol.
This relay of information is based on the bodies’ primitive flight or fight response. Whether the threat/stress is a saber-toothed lion, a cruel comment on social media, the news’ constant fear-mongering, or an argument about whether Trump or Biden will go down in history as the best – or the worst – president in history, the physiologic response is the same.
But let’s get back to how the HPA axis affects our body. As Adrenaline and Cortisol are pumped into the bloodstream, blood flow is re-directed from our gut and vital organs to our external limbs (fight or flight, right? Fists or feet)
Now, we generally know that the fight or flight response is a vital and necessary aspect of the survival of the human species. But thousands of years ago, it might be necessary to fight or run from a threat every once in a while. But we are living in a time when stress is constant and chronic, which means we are activating the HPA Axis on the daily. Not good.
Over time, the nourishment of our vital organs, immune system, and brain become inhibited. Really, really not good.
Add to this the fact that many of us have been isolated from our friends and loved ones (seniors and children/teens being the hardest affected by this) which also activates the HPA Axis.
(Studies have shown that in the absence of affection/love, vital statistics decrease by an average of 30%😳😳)
Is it any wonder that so many become sick, depressed, or angry?
When we become habituated in an emotional response, that response is programmed into our subconscious as a behavior, and that behavior becomes our personality, for better or for worse. So occasional frustration becomes habitual anger which becomes an angry, abusive person.
Yuck, right?
But when we habituate gratitude and joy, the same happens. Moments of gratitude turn to contentment, which becomes a happy, healthy human.
And who doesn’t want to be a happy, healthy human?
If we become aware of our emotional state – and the huge impact it has on our physical health, the vast majority of us would choose joy over frustration and anger.
Vibrant health over Dis-ease.
Love over hate.
Peace over war and bitterness.
Creation over destruction.
So here is an alternative to creating a happier reality: The next time you find yourself reacting to the media, or social media, or someone’s differing political or other views, just stop for a moment. Take a big breath and step back from that knee-jerk reaction. Remind yourself of the harm you are doing to yourself and others.
Remind yourself that you ”have a precious human life and will not waste it.”
Then step back into the conversation with kindness. Agree to disagree. Value others for their uniqueness and differences.
Curate the news you expose yourself to or shut it off completely.
Avoid toxic people or those that try to engage you in argument, even if those people are close to you. You can love someone from a distance while choosing to create better for yourself.
Seek social media presences and outlets that lift others rather than tear them down.
Find healthy habits to substitute those that perpetuate toxic cycles. Re-programming means overlaying old neurological programs.
Feed yourself nourishing foods rather than junk. Eat some good, dark chocolate.
Cut back on the caffeine.
Take Epsom salts baths.
Get outside and get some exercise, not only reaping the stress-busting perks of good physical fitness but also the myriad benefits of being in nature. (See past blog on Shinrin-Yoku/Forest Bathing)
But most of all, choose to celebrate this life rather than criticize and worry about things out of our control. Look for the good rather than the ugly. See the flowers over the weeds. Or pull the weeds and plant some flowers!
This is your garden, beloved. Do you want paradise or purgatory? Your choice. 💖
We may not realize it, but every moment we are choosing who we are. Hero, Villain or Victim. Eggplant or shining star.
But when we act like a 🍆, it is only too easy to make excuses for our bad behavior, isn’t it?
“I’m in a bad mood because…
– I’m tired.
– I have a headache/stomachache/body ache/allergies, etc…
– My boss/employee/friend/acquaintance/partner/kid doesn’t value me.
– I didn’t get the job/promotion/position I wanted…
I didn’t get my way…
There is always a litany of reasons/excuses why it’s ok for us to be difficult, moody or angry.
These “reasons” allow us to lash out at those closest to us. To be a d#ck to our friends, co-workers or the cashier at the supermarket. To allow a dark cloud to follow us around and confirm all the reasons why we are a victim.
Right about now you might be thinking that I’m kind of a 🍆 for being so harsh, right? 😬
But here’s the thing, babe. The truth often hurts – and it’s not until we take an honest look at our behaviors that we can actually become the person that we want to be rather than the person our past experiences and behaviors dictate we be.
Unfortunately for many of us, our past involved parental figures and peers that made us feel less than capable. Less than valuable. Less than worthy. And so we play out the emotional repercussions these past patterns cause each day by allowing our subconscious to rule our emotions and actions rather than our awareness. But when it comes down to it, most of us would probably choose happiness, light, ease, kindness, and compassion as our key traits rather than being known as an Eyore or an asshole, right?
You choose your behaviors, consciously or unconsciously. The difference between training good behavior in yourself – or not – is whether or not you choose to be conscious or allow your unconscious patterns to dick-tate who you are.
So ask yourself this question: Who do I want to be – a hero, victim, or a villain?
This is your story and you are writing the plot, characters and outcome, my love. You are the hero – or villain (victim) of your own story.
So what are you choosing today?
Are you allowing all of life’s contrasts to shape you into forged steel – or melt you into slag?
Are you allowing that headache/fatigue/negative experience to excuse bad behavior – or are you becoming the hero and shining your amazing light, in spite of your circumstance?
Finding fun trails to hike in the Pacific Northwest Setting my own pace💖
It surprises me how many folks think I’m a little cray cray for my love of solo travel. I’ve heard “Well you certainly are brave” (with the raised eyebrows, of course) or “Are you sure that’s a good idea as a female?” And almost always “Isn’t that dangerous”?
Well, being smart when you travel is necessary for anyone.
Being aware of your surroundings and carrying a little somethin’ that can be used as a weapon if necessary is a good idea. I also believe everyone should have some basic self-defense skills.
I’ve never actually had to use either my skills as a martial artist or the low key travel weapons, but better safe than sorry, right?
Spooky nighttime alleyway, Prague
But when someone actually asks why I travel alone so often, the answer is simple.
Because I like to.
I love finding the road – or path – less traveled.
I like the backstreet noodle shops and underground dance clubs. The out-of-the-way spots that to some might just be a little sketch.
I have been lost – intentionally and unintentionally- in the backstreets of New York, Paris, London, Glasgow, Lisbon, Prague and many other places. Being lost can be both stressful and an amazing adventure, but it is definitely not for everyone.
Incredible views in the Algarve, Portugal
I love setting my own pace. Sometimes that means I’m speed walking or trail running, sometimes I just want to mosey, stopping to smell the roses, sit beneath a tree or the wide open sky and just be.
Do you feel that, too?🚶🏼♀️🏃♀️🌳
I love meeting new people; having conversations with random folks in a quaint café or on a trail. This is harder to do when traveling in company.
I once had an amazing conversation in some random SoCal deli with an older gentleman who was writing the history of African Americans.
Like, the entire frickin’ history. So cool, right?😎.
But that conversation likely would not have happened had I been with company.
I love the quiet of long open stretches of road, being alone with my thoughts – or listening to an audiobook or music, top down and sunlight streaming into the car, stopping as I please in small towns and out-of-the-way hamlets. Or not.
Hiking the Muskeg Juneau AK
I’m not saying that I always want to travel on my own. Having the right company along for life’s journeys can add to the beauty and fun of many experiences, too. 🥰
But I think we get too caught up in the idea of constant company and stimulation. I believe we should all seek solitude and silence – and our own good company and the companionship of Source – as often as possible.
How else can we learn who we are? What other experience besides being on our own and figuring things out when necessary can teach us independent thinking and the value of our own innate capability and intelligence?
Not to mention the fun in finding the road less traveled…😁
Road trippin’ with my girls (Lola and Irma, my vintage Puck and Fiat)
In meditation this morning, I asked myself what I was supposed to be right now. Not Where, because I’m pretty much where I have to be atm. But What.
For the last twenty years or more, I have been a karate teacher, a yoga instructor, a Thai massage-based energy healing therapist, a writer, a coach of sorts, and have owned several small businesses. I’ve been a wife and partner, and most importantly, a mother.
But I have had huge shifts in my life over the last year, in the titles and labels I’ve had since I was a teen.
I stopped teaching altogether as a result of Covid, and have only given massage to close friends and family members. My youngest has spread her wings and left the nest, living three states away. I have continued to write, but honestly, I have put so many other things ahead of my work that I hardly consider myself a writer just now.
So I was looking for the next step of my journey. What do I need to be right now?
The answer came to me almost immediately:
Full Price.
Now that might seem a strange thing to answer myself. Full Price? What even does that mean? For me, though it was unexpected, it made perfect sense.
You see, though I write nearly every day on the power of our thoughts and beliefs in creating reality, I still have times when I struggle with my own value. Times when I believe I am unworthy of good – or even more still, of greatness. I have to remember to give myself love and grace, because some days, it just doesn’t come naturally.
On those days, if I were an item of clothing, I’d be a cute thrift store find; Maybe a handmade, lace-trimmed A-line dress with a fur collar because ya know, even on the bad days, I am cute and pretty darned smart.
But I certainly wouldn’t be a full-priced, tailor-made Yves Saint Laurent women’s tux or fabulous sequined disco romper straight from the design floor. Not a chance.
This idea of value – or lack thereof – began in a toxic early childhood and continued well into adulthood – as it does for most of us. From about three years old, in the words, actions, and punishments of my parental figures, I was taught that I was deeply flawed and lacked value, as I was simultaneously asked to make myself small.
“Don’t shine too bright.”
“Don’t speak your truth.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“Getting a little ahead of yourself (big for your britches) aren’t you?”
“Don’t achieve or you will make others feel bad” (“Let’s not tell anyone about these high test scores/grades/awards”). …
These are literally things people closest to me have said over the years, but how many others can relate to any of these ideas and values?
This isn’t just a dynamic within my family, this is a societal flaw. Our media, religions and politicians teach us to stay in our place. To be “meek”. “Lowly”. To “hope for the best but expect the worst”. We celebrate mediocrity and punish those that try to fly higher, often without realizing it. Alternatively, we see these images of people living perfect lives and it makes us feel even worse because we aren’t living that amazing life, ourselves. We must really suck, right?
Most of us would say that we would never hold someone we know back from achieving greatness – but here’s an experiment to try – how many times do we scroll through social media, “liking” uplifting or deeply personal posts by celebrities or those that we don’t know – but ignoring those that are posted by someone in our family or social circle? As much as I hate to admit it, I have caught myself doing this, too.
We all know the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt..” But this contempt is based on our own feeling of unworthiness. Our own lack of value. And celebrating the good in someone close to us feels too much like illustrating our own flaws.
But each time we choose not to celebrate another, we are also reinforcing the idea for ourselves that we aren’t deserving; deserving of good, deserving of of achievement, deserving of love, deserving of abundance, deserving of grace.
This idea that we are “less than” has to stop somewhere if we are to get anywhere.
For myself, I perpetuated this flawed belief system into my adulthood with the partners and friendships I chose, the people I surrounded myself with, the choices I made and in the way I treated myself.
These relationships and choices supported my belief in my own “less-ness”, but at some level I knew that energy builds upon that which is already there, and began to distance myself from toxic relationships and slowly built a belief system that incorporated self-love and supported my value; my muchiness.
It has taken years of therapy and cognitive reprogramming to override those long-past, but entrenched toxic systems and patterns. Even with all the “work”, I still have more learning, and growing to do. Evolution is a constantly evolving process.
What makes me most sad today is how much I hated myself for much of my youth and young adulthood.
I know others also struggle with this – and how hard it is to believe that we are worthy, that we are good, that we are valued and valuable, and that we are deserving of every good this world holds.
My meditation this morning reminded me to stop questioning my value and embrace my badassery. So, from this moment forward, I am honoring my full-priced value and holding this as my mantra and personal code:
I am a full-priced biznitch. I am a f#cking Goddess; a fully birthed incarnation of Divinity – and 💯 deserving of every good this world holds.
And so, my beautiful friend, are you.💫
Can I get an AMEN and HALLELUJAH?
Now let’s get real for a minute. Close your eyes take a breath, and notice – how did that statement make you feel?
Did you feel empowered and excited, or did it make you feel sad because you have a hard time believing it for yourself? Did you feel a little angry or have a moment of “who does she actually think she is?”
Your response to my mantra is the key and clue as to where your own personal value lies.
If you felt sad or angry, beloved, I know it may be so very hard to accept or even look at, but those negative responses are the indicator that you hold yourself in such low value that you can not be excited to celebrate another. But we can not hold another in darkness and still be in the light, ourselves.
So let me say this – It is time that you recognize and celebrate your value. That you own your own full-pricedness.
It is time that you put yourself on a pedestal, and honey, you are wearing that fantastic sequined onesie – or whatever the most incredible, fabulous piece that feels absolutely you might be.
You deserve joy. You deserve abundance. You deserve love. You deserve every good that this word holds.
It is said that soon after his enlightenment, the Buddha passed a man on the road who was struck by the extraordinary radiance and peacefulness of his presence.
The man stopped and asked, “My friend, what are you? Are you a celestial being or a God?”
“No,” said the Buddha.
“Well, then, are you some sort of magician or wizard?”
Again the Buddha answered, “No.”
“Are you a man?”
“No.”
“Well my friend, what are you then?”
“I am awake”.
-– Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield, Seeking the Heart of Wisdom
Have you ever thought about the journey to Self as a mathmatical equation?
When we begin the journey of fulfillment, self-expression, and authenticity, we often add to our lives in search of those ideas, people, creative undertakings and things that speak to us personally and feel real to our truest selves. Part of “becoming” is trying out new notions and endeavors, right? We begin to expand as we learn new patterns and ways.
We might take up painting, or cooking, or poetry, or a hundred different creative endeavors that feed our soul. We might make a career change or enter new relationships or even decide to have or adopt a child. We might take up sailing, surfing, or mountaineering for the incredible connection to nature – and ourselves – that we find when we are outdoors.
But as we continue to grow, we also begin to curate our reality. We become more selective about what we bring into our sphere as we discover that the process of self-actualization is equally about subtracting and discarding those things in our lives that no longer serve our highest good.
We discard old belief systems and unhealthy habits.
We discard relationships that don’t support our growth.
We discard the excess accumulation of “stuff”, learning to live happily with those things that most resonatewith our truest selves. Those things that make our cells sing.
In the same way a caterpillar transforms into its gorgeous butterfly self, (it literally digests itself; dissolving its corporal self into a gooey miasma to re-form into the winged symbol of beauty and joy we all love) we let go of those parts of ourself that no longer serve the fullest expression of who we are.
Sometimes, just as I would imagine the transformation of a caterpillar into butterfly must be excruciating, the journey to our truest self can also be uncomfortable or even downright painful. Have you ever tried to learn a new language or instrument with zero previous experience? It can be fun, joyous, even, and exciting, but it is also challenging, frustrating, and hard. This is the reason why so many give up after just short time.
Building new neuralconnections and chemistry is just not an easy process – but if we stay committed to the path, it is very, very worth the end goal. Once we move through the discomfort, through the pruning and culling of that which we don’t really need, the end product – comfort, ease in our being, joy, a sense of purpose, manifestation and ultimately, the continual creation of our best reality.
Where is your journey of transformation taking you? What habits are you letting go of – or creating – today?
I’m currently in the midst of renovations to my home in preparation for putting it on the market in March, along with writing new content daily and continued work on editing my books.
This means time is precious and in short supply.
I want to get the hundred or so projects finished while also packing up some of the extra items that we aren’t using – and finding time to write – but I also want to eat well to supply my body with good nutrition. Because a girl can’t live on coffee alone, as much as I might try…😛
My answer to this is to prepare at least two meals at the same time, and sometimes more if it is convenient.
Today’s brunch was smoked salmon, spinach, avocado and shrimp omelettes topped with hollandaise for brunch, served with green smoothie a keto biscuit with low sugar jelly. So good. 😋
Before I began the omelettes I prepared greens to make the green base for my next few days’ smoothies. I like to use watercress, parsley, mint and cilantro, all great for liver/kidney function. I also throw in several cups of fresh baby kale, a generous chunk of fresh ginger, wheatgrass juice (I juice mine first) a little fresh pressed lemon and orange juice for the vitamin C and some coconut cream for those MCFA’s.
If you haven’t heard of the many, many studies done on the benefits of medium chain fatty acids found in coconut oil from energy to metabolic function, you need to jump on that bandwagon ASAP! ✨✨✨
The fats and vitamin C from the coconut cream and juices also help your body to assimilate all of the amazing nutrients and antioxidants from the greens.
Sometimes I’ll just take a shot of this green mix, but more often I blend it with a few frozen cherries, berries or a little pineapple/mango depending on my mood and where my body is on a given day. I love to toss some hemp hearts in mine too.
As I was already processing greens for the smoothie base, I blended some extra parsley, fresh garlic, avocado, dill, good olive oil, lemon and lime juice to make a sauce for the baked cod I threw in the oven at the same time I was prepping brunch.
I set the cod on a bed of fresh arugula and cauliflower rice, surrounded by baby zucchini and seasoned with garlic salt, lemon, and fresh dill. Easy peasy.
I love that dinner is prepped and ready to go so I can focus on the projects. And I know it’s going to be 💯 amazing, especially topped with the avocado sauce and more fresh shrimp.
What are your mealtime tricks for those days (or weeks) when you are short on time?
This Blessed Sacred Life 