Tag: #selfworth #celebrateselfworth

In meditation this morning, I asked myself what I was supposed to be right now. Not Where, because I’m pretty much where I have to be atm. But What.

For the last twenty years or more, I have been a karate teacher, a yoga instructor, a Thai massage-based energy healing therapist, a writer, a coach of sorts, and have owned several small businesses.  I’ve been a wife and partner, and most importantly, a mother.  

But I have had huge shifts in my life over the last year, in the titles and labels I’ve had since I was a teen. 

 I stopped teaching altogether as a result of Covid, and have only given massage to close friends and family members.   My youngest has spread her wings and left the nest, living three states away.  I have continued to write, but honestly, I have put so many other things ahead of my work that I hardly consider myself a writer just now. 

So I was looking for the next step of my journey.  What do I need to be right now?

The answer came to me almost immediately:

Full Price.

Now that might seem a strange thing to answer myself. Full Price? What even does that mean? For me, though it was unexpected, it made perfect sense.

You see, though I write nearly every day on the power of our thoughts and beliefs in creating reality, I still have times when I struggle with my own value.  Times when I believe I am unworthy of good – or even more still, of greatness.  I have to remember to give myself love and grace, because some days, it just doesn’t come naturally. 

On those days, if I were an item of clothing, I’d be a cute thrift store find; Maybe a handmade, lace-trimmed A-line dress with a fur collar because ya know, even on the bad days, I am cute and pretty darned smart.

But I certainly wouldn’t be a full-priced, tailor-made Yves Saint Laurent women’s tux or fabulous sequined disco romper straight from the design floor.  Not a chance. 

This idea of value – or lack thereof – began in a toxic early childhood and continued well into adulthood – as it does for most of us. From about three years old, in the words, actions, and punishments of my parental figures, I was taught that I was deeply flawed and lacked value, as I was simultaneously asked to make myself small. 

 “Don’t shine too bright.” 

 “Don’t speak your truth.”

 “Who do you think you are?” 

“Getting a little ahead of yourself (big for your britches) aren’t you?”

“Don’t achieve or you will make others feel bad” (“Let’s not tell anyone about these high test scores/grades/awards”).  … 

These are literally things people closest to me have said over the years, but how many others can relate to any of these ideas and values?  

This isn’t just a dynamic within my family, this is a societal flaw. Our media, religions and politicians teach us to stay in our place. To be “meek”. “Lowly”. To “hope for the best but expect the worst”. We celebrate mediocrity and punish those that try to fly higher, often without realizing it. Alternatively, we see these images of people living perfect lives and it makes us feel even worse because we aren’t living that amazing life, ourselves. We must really suck, right?

Most of us would say that we would never hold someone we know back from achieving greatness – but here’s an experiment to try – how many times do we scroll through social media, “liking” uplifting or deeply personal posts by celebrities or those that we don’t know – but ignoring those that are posted by someone in our family or social circle? As much as I hate to admit it, I have caught myself doing this, too.

We all know the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt..” But this contempt is based on our own feeling of unworthiness.  Our own lack of value.  And celebrating the good in someone close to us feels too much like illustrating our own flaws.  

But each time we choose not to celebrate another, we are also reinforcing the idea for ourselves that we aren’t deserving; deserving of good, deserving of of achievement, deserving of love, deserving of abundance, deserving of grace.  

This idea that we are “less than” has to stop somewhere if we are to get anywhere.

For myself, I perpetuated this flawed belief system into my adulthood with the partners and friendships I chose, the people I surrounded myself with, the choices I made and in the way I treated myself.

These relationships and choices supported my belief in my own “less-ness”, but at some level I knew that energy builds upon that which is already there, and began to distance myself from toxic relationships and slowly built a belief system that incorporated self-love and supported my value; my muchiness.

It has taken years of therapy and cognitive reprogramming to override those by past entrenched, toxic systems and patterns, and as you can see, still have work to do. Evolution is a constantly evolving process. What makes me most sad today is how much I hated myself for much of my youth and young adulthood.

I know others also struggle with this – and how hard it is to believe that we are worthy, that we are good, that we are valued and valuable, and that we are deserving of every good this world holds.  

My meditation this morning reminded me to stop questioning my value and embrace my badassery. So from this moment forward, I am honoring my full-priced value and holding this as my mantra and personal code:

I am a full-priced biznitch. I am a f#cking Goddess, and deserving of every good this world holds.

Can I get an AMEN and HALLELUJAH?

Now let’s get real for a minute – how does that statement make you feel?

Did you feel empowered and excited, or did it make you feel sad because you have a hard time believing it for yourself? Did you feel a little angry or have a moment of “who does she actually think she is?”

Your response to my mantra is the key and clue as to where your own personal value lies.

If you felt sad or angry, my love, I know it may be so very hard to accept or even look at, but those negative responses are the indicator that you hold yourself in such low value that you can not be excited to celebrate another. But we can not hold another in darkness and still be in the light, ourselves.

So let me say this –  It is time that you recognize and celebrate your value.  That you own your own full-pricedness. 

It is time that you put yourself on a pedestal, and honey, you are wearing that fantastic sequined onesie – or whatever the most incredible, fabulous piece that feels absolutely you might be.   

You deserve joy.  You deserve abundance.  You deserve love.  You deserve every good that this word holds.   

Believe it. 💖

Much love and big hugs, my friend.

• Terah