I recently watched a YouTube video by relationship guru #JimmyKnowles from “Jimmy on Relationships” on the topic of “green flags” in people. In the video, he gave what I felt was an incredibly insightful metaphor on focusing on people with positive traits rather than searching for the negative. He gave a great metaphor to explain this, pertaining to “Currency Discriminators”. Currency Discriminators are counterfeit money experts. Apparently, they rarely spend much time looking at counterfeit bills. Instead, they spend most of their time becoming so familiar with authentic currency that anything that is fake or false jumps out at them. They learn what real looks like so they can easily spot a fake.
Interesting, right? And so apt for this particular subject.
Looking for red lights in others seems to be pervasive in our current culture. Anyone who spends time on social media or watching the news has heard of “toxic” or narcissistic behavior. There are hundreds or thousands of podcasts, videos and memes that teach us what to look for in order to spot a narcissist or a toxic person.
The problem is, if we are focusing on or dwelling on the darkness in others, it is impossible for us to be fully in the light, ourselves. But, if instead of spending so much of our energetic currency looking for red flags in people, we put more focus on looking for and celebrating good people and the beauty and wonder of life in general, the toxic bullsh#t might just fade into the background. Like feeding the good wolf rather than the evil one, the good that we feed will prevail.
Where focus goes, energy flows…What we are, we attract. We are the problem, and the solution.
When we view the world (and ourselves) through the lens of love, the world begins to look back at us in the same way. Focusing on the positive traits in ourselves and others brings more positive into our own lives.
Here are some “Green Lights” to look for in those that we might be considering deepening relationships with. When we get good at spotting authentic currency, it makes it easier to see and avoid the false and the unhealthy.
- Honesty – They are honest in their word and deed. Their actions reflect their words. They have integrity between who they say they are and what they believe – and how they behave. Lying is a red flag for serious underlying issues, and a commitment to honesty is the best indicator for future success in relationships. If you can’t trust your partner everything else is pointless – or just won’t be there.
- Kindness – You feel safe around them. You can be vulnerable with each other. They make you feel prioritized. They are consistent. You should never be confused about where you stand in relationships. If they hold you in value, they will put in the effort – we prioritize what we value.
- Communication – They communicate openly and honestly. You can have hard conversations without them shutting down, running away or becoming hostile. They can communicate their own discomfort with openness and vulnerability.
- Humor/sense of fun – They are able to hold life lightly. They don’t take themselves or life too seriously. They can joke and be silly without being rude. Having a sense of humor is a huge green flag.
- Open mindedness – They are flexible. They are willing to approach the unfamiliar and can allow someone to hold a different view or perspective without dismissing or invalidating them.
- Accountability – They have a “repair and rebuild” mentality. They are able to acknowledge and apologize for their words or actions. They say “I’m sorry” and genuinely mean it, even if they did not intend to cause pain or unhappiness.
- Empathy – They understand others’ pain. They are curious about what makes others feel or what they think. Empathy helps us to feel safe and loved.
- Vulnerability – They connect with themselves and others. They can communicate how they feel openly and honestly.
- Praise – They celebrate others’ wins. They can praise others without feeling shame, themselves.
- Growth mindset – They are self-aware. They have an attitude of gratitude. They are curious about life and have an interest in learning about how to grow and evolve. If we do not understand our own destructive or sabotaging patterns, we can neither grow or have compassion for others. This is not about perfection, but a continued expansion into the best version of ourselves.
- They see everyone as equal. They treat others with value and care, understanding that our differences are our strengths, and our value lies in what makes us individually who we are. Teamwork makes the dream work!
- They have healthy relationships with others. They hold healthy relationships with friends, co-workers and family. They are able to openly display affection and care for those they spend time with. They get along with a diverse group of people.
No one on the planet is “perfect”, of course. But when we seek out and focus on the good in others – and ourselves – we are creating a better world for everyone. We teach our children and others to see the good to learn to better be the good that we wish to create in the world.
What positive traits do you look for and celebrate in others?
Big love.💖
- Terah
This Blessed Sacred Life 