Tag: #growth

Full Priced Biznitch

by Terah Drake, posted in self development, self-growth, confidence, self worth

In meditation this morning, I asked myself what I was supposed to be right now. Not Where, because I’m pretty much where I have to be atm. But What.

For the last twenty years or more, I have been a karate teacher, a yoga instructor, a Thai massage-based energy healing therapist, a writer, a coach of sorts, and have owned several small businesses.  I’ve been a wife and partner, and most importantly, a mother.  

But I have had huge shifts in my life over the last year, in the titles and labels I’ve had since I was a teen. 

 I stopped teaching altogether as a result of Covid, and have only given massage to close friends and family members.   My youngest has spread her wings and left the nest, living three states away.  I have continued to write, but honestly, I have put so many other things ahead of my work that I hardly consider myself a writer just now. 

So I was looking for the next step of my journey.  What do I need to be right now?

The answer came to me almost immediately:

Full Price.

Now that might seem a strange thing to answer myself. Full Price? What even does that mean? For me, though it was unexpected, it made perfect sense.

You see, though I write nearly every day on the power of our thoughts and beliefs in creating reality, I still have times when I struggle with my own value.  Times when I believe I am unworthy of good – or even more still, of greatness.  I have to remember to give myself love and grace, because some days, it just doesn’t come naturally. 

On those days, if I were an item of clothing, I’d be a cute thrift store find; Maybe a handmade, lace-trimmed A-line dress with a fur collar because ya know, even on the bad days, I am cute and pretty darned smart.

But I certainly wouldn’t be a full-priced, tailor-made Yves Saint Laurent women’s tux or fabulous sequined disco romper straight from the design floor.  Not a chance. 

This idea of value – or lack thereof – began in a toxic early childhood and continued well into adulthood – as it does for most of us. From about three years old, in the words, actions, and punishments of my parental figures, I was taught that I was deeply flawed and lacked value, as I was simultaneously asked to make myself small. 

 “Don’t shine too bright.” 

 “Don’t speak your truth.”

 “Who do you think you are?” 

“Getting a little ahead of yourself (big for your britches) aren’t you?”

“Don’t achieve or you will make others feel bad” (“Let’s not tell anyone about these high test scores/grades/awards”).  … 

These are literally things people closest to me have said over the years, but how many others can relate to any of these ideas and values?  

This isn’t just a dynamic within my family, this is a societal flaw. Our media, religions and politicians teach us to stay in our place. To be “meek”. “Lowly”. To “hope for the best but expect the worst”. We celebrate mediocrity and punish those that try to fly higher, often without realizing it. Alternatively, we see these images of people living perfect lives and it makes us feel even worse because we aren’t living that amazing life, ourselves. We must really suck, right?

Most of us would say that we would never hold someone we know back from achieving greatness – but here’s an experiment to try – how many times do we scroll through social media, “liking” uplifting or deeply personal posts by celebrities or those that we don’t know – but ignoring those that are posted by someone in our family or social circle? As much as I hate to admit it, I have caught myself doing this, too.

We all know the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt..” But this contempt is based on our own feeling of unworthiness.  Our own lack of value.  And celebrating the good in someone close to us feels too much like illustrating our own flaws.  

But each time we choose not to celebrate another, we are also reinforcing the idea for ourselves that we aren’t deserving; deserving of good, deserving of of achievement, deserving of love, deserving of abundance, deserving of grace.  

This idea that we are “less than” has to stop somewhere if we are to get anywhere.

For myself, I perpetuated this flawed belief system into my adulthood with the partners and friendships I chose, the people I surrounded myself with, the choices I made and in the way I treated myself.

These relationships and choices supported my belief in my own “less-ness”, but at some level I knew that energy builds upon that which is already there, and began to distance myself from toxic relationships and slowly built a belief system that incorporated self-love and supported my value; my muchiness.

It has taken years of therapy and cognitive reprogramming to override those by past entrenched, toxic systems and patterns, and as you can see, still have work to do. Evolution is a constantly evolving process. What makes me most sad today is how much I hated myself for much of my youth and young adulthood.

I know others also struggle with this – and how hard it is to believe that we are worthy, that we are good, that we are valued and valuable, and that we are deserving of every good this world holds.  

My meditation this morning reminded me to stop questioning my value and embrace my badassery. So from this moment forward, I am honoring my full-priced value and holding this as my mantra and personal code:

I am a full-priced biznitch. I am a f#cking Goddess, and deserving of every good this world holds.

Can I get an AMEN and HALLELUJAH?

Now let’s get real for a minute – how does that statement make you feel?

Did you feel empowered and excited, or did it make you feel sad because you have a hard time believing it for yourself? Did you feel a little angry or have a moment of “who does she actually think she is?”

Your response to my mantra is the key and clue as to where your own personal value lies.

If you felt sad or angry, my love, I know it may be so very hard to accept or even look at, but those negative responses are the indicator that you hold yourself in such low value that you can not be excited to celebrate another. But we can not hold another in darkness and still be in the light, ourselves.

So let me say this –  It is time that you recognize and celebrate your value.  That you own your own full-pricedness. 

It is time that you put yourself on a pedestal, and honey, you are wearing that fantastic sequined onesie – or whatever the most incredible, fabulous piece that feels absolutely you might be.   

You deserve joy.  You deserve abundance.  You deserve love.  You deserve every good that this word holds.   

Believe it. 💖

Much love and big hugs, my friend.

  • Terah

New Math

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized

It is said that soon after his enlightenment, the Buddha passed a man on the road who was struck by the extraordinary radiance and peacefulness of his presence. 

The man stopped and asked, “My friend, what are you? Are you a celestial being or a God?”

“No,” said the Buddha.

“Well, then, are you some sort of magician or wizard?”

Again the Buddha answered, “No.”

“Are you a man?”

“No.”

“Well my friend, what are you then?”

“I am awake”. 

-– Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield, Seeking the Heart of Wisdom

Have you ever thought about the journey to Self as a mathmatical equation?

When we begin the journey of fulfillment, self-expression, and authenticity, we often add to our lives in search of those ideas, people, creative undertakings and things that speak to us personally and feel real to our truest selves.   Part of “becoming” is trying out new notions and endeavors, right?  We begin to expand as we learn new patterns and ways.

We might take up painting, or cooking, or poetry, or a hundred different creative endeavors that feed our soul.  We might make a career change or enter new relationships or even decide to have or adopt a child.  We might take up sailing, surfing, or mountaineering for the incredible connection to nature – and ourselves – that we find when we are outdoors.  

But as we continue to grow, we also begin to curate our reality.  We become more selective about what we bring into our sphere as we discover that the process of self-actualization is equally about subtracting and discarding those things in our lives that no longer serve our highest good. 

We discard old belief systems and unhealthy habits.

We discard relationships that don’t support our growth.  

We discard the excess accumulation of “stuff”, learning to live happily with those things that most resonatewith our truest selves. Those things that make our cells sing.  

In the same way a caterpillar transforms into its gorgeous butterfly self, (it literally digests itself; dissolving its corporal self into a gooey miasma to re-form into the winged symbol of beauty and joy we all love) we let go of those parts of ourself that no longer serve the fullest expression of who we are.    

Sometimes, just as I would imagine the transformation of a caterpillar into butterfly must be excruciating, the journey to our truest self can also be uncomfortable or even downright painful.  Have you ever tried to learn a new language or instrument with zero previous experience?  It can be fun, joyous, even, and exciting, but it is also challenging, frustrating, and hard. This is the reason why so many give up after just short time. 

 Building new neuralconnections and chemistry is just not an easy process – but if we stay committed to the path, it is very, very worth the end goal. Once we move through the discomfort, through the pruning and culling of that which we don’t really need, the end product – comfort, ease in our being, joy, a sense of purpose, manifestation and ultimately, the continual creation of our best reality.

Where is your journey of transformation taking you?  What habits are you letting go of – or creating – today?   

Much Love;

  • Terah

Metamorphosis

by Terah Drake, posted in Uncategorized
Metamorphosis – noun

1a: change of physical form, structure, or substance especially by supernatural means
the metamorphosis of humans into animals
b: a striking alteration in appearance, character, or circumstances
The company has gone through a series of metamorphoses.
2: a typically marked and more or less abrupt developmental change in the form or structure of an animal (such as a butterfly or a frog) occurring subsequent to birth or hatching
the metamorphosis of caterpillars into butterflies

Hello, Beautiful;

These past months have been challenging for nearly every human being around the world as a result of the fallout from Covid.  We have all experienced isolation and tension over the way we have had to change our public business and interactions.  Many of us (myself included) have lost our livelihoods, our financial, and our emotional equity.  The emotional fallout from these stressors has been hard for most and nothing short of cataclysmic for some.  We see marriages failing, families falling apart, and pretty much everyone has had to rethink the way they move in the world.  But perhaps an aspect of how we re-think things is to consider that this has been a necessary process for our society as a whole and we are in the process of transformation – metamorphosis – from a system that hasn’t worked in some time into something greater.  

Recently I have been seeing butterflies everywhere – at the lake, in my yard, on social media, when I open my email each morning.  This has gotten me to thinking about the process butterflies take to achieve their own metamorphosis and how it seems incredibly relevant to what’s happening in our society right now.  
 
We all admire butterflies for their gentleness, power of flight, and beauty.  In the Monarch particularly, the long, arduous migratory journey they make over 3000 miles each year is an incredible inspiration for perseverance.   The transformation these beautiful creatures make from lowly caterpillar to majestic butterfly is also a powerful symbolism for transformation to be used in our own lives when we are experiencing difficult circumstances.  

But did you know that when the caterpillar: an eating machine, finally stops consuming to create its cocoon, it does not just sprout wings and burst from its chamber fully-formed?  The transformation is a messy, difficult journey.  It literally digests itself into a viscous goo and gradually re-forms from that primordial soup around imaginal discs; tiny little cells that contain DNA building blocks for each body part.   

Our own transformations can be much like this.  We experience a catalyst, such as this pandemic, where the parts of our life that weren’t really working well, to begin with, break entirely.  We often experience tremendous pain or grief as we deal with the loss of whatever it was that was familiar to us; the dissolution of a marriage, the loss of a job, etc. – and dissolve into our own primordial goo for a bit as we try to manage these tremendous changes.  But slowly, we begin to re-frame our points of reference and build new foundations, hopefully around good mental health and better situations.  We may not even realize we have transformed and emerged from our cocoons until one day, we find ourselves soaring through clear skies, the sun on our face and the wind at our backs, new, stronger, beautiful, and free at last.   

If you are experiencing your own painful transformation right now, keep moving forward, and know that you are not alone in this journey. This too, shall pass.  Keep feeding yourself love, nurturing, and good and you will emerge from the darkness of your transformation back into the light.  Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even a month from now, but when you get there, you will be grateful for this experience, knowing that it brought about the radical transformation that took you from larvae to butterfly.  Much love, beautiful.