I have not drawn into despair,
I did not go mad in gathering honey,
I did not go mad,
I did not go mad,
I did not go mad.
- Hoda al-Namai
Hello Beautiful;
This beautiful poem speaks of repeating a painful process – gathering honey from a live hive – and remaining sane through the process. Of course, the hive and the honey are metaphor for moving through a painful process, hoping that the outcome will be sweet. This is a process many of us are experiencing right now, our hands in the hive of COVID-19, and an uncertain immediate future. Frankly, for most, it sucks.
We all have been trying to learn new routines from what we have been accustomed to for years. Those of us that have families at home are finding it hard to emotionally reset as we are with our people every minute, leading to some minor craziness, especially for moms who have a tendency to be constantly “on” when families are around. Our social norms with friends and being among people – other than our families – are gone and for those of us who live alone, that sense is amplified tenfold. Added to all of this is the intense financial worry many who are unemployed are experiencing. Small business owners have and will continue to be especially hard-hit from the shut-in and many friends have already had to let go of their spaces and are uncertain of their future.
Here in Washington State, we have just gotten word that it is probable that schools will not resume on campus in the fall of 2020, leaving so many parents with school-age children in a bad place. Homeschooling for many is hard while at home full-time due to the mandatory shelter in place order, but assuming many of those folks will be getting back to full-time employment that becomes impossible. I am grateful that my kids are out of school, but my heart aches for the parents dealing with this struggle.
So as we go through this painful process, the question becomes, where is the honey? What can we hope for while being stung by a hundred bees of worry and anxiety? The answer to that, I believe, is complex – we must acknowledge our pain (I’m a big believer in crying as a release for stored negative emotions. Did you know that elephants, with their huge brains and ability for empathy, cry?) but then we need to get back to the moment. When we get into the cycle of stress, worrying about the future may feel all that the mind is capable of – but if we can just shift our thoughts, that anxiety melts away, creating ease rather than pain. Call it a distraction from the sting. When Hemmingway experienced writers’ block, he said he would write one true thing. Just one, which would always lead to the revived flow of his creativity. Can you find one true thing of joy, of beauty, or ease with which to distract your mind from the dis-ease of the moment?
Rumer Godden; an early 21st-century writer who began her career in the midst of World War 2 and went on to write more than fifty books, said: “How to be happy when you are miserable. Plant Japanese poppies with cornflowers and mignonette, and bed out the petunias among the sweet peas so they shall scent each other. See the sweet peas coming up. Drink very good tea out of a thin Worcester cup of a colour between apricot and pink…”
For me, one example of finding joy when I’m miserable is watching the way the sun streams through my living room window, illuminating the plethora of orchids and other tropical plants that I keep. I especially love it when my little Pekingese bathes in a patch of sun just below the greenery. I slow my breath and my racing thoughts and just enjoy the wash of color and light. This one true moment of ease and beauty creates a space of lightness around what felt like anxiety just a minute before, allowing the rest of the day to flow more beautifully. What is one true thing of beauty or joy you can find right now?
The next aspect of finding our sweetness is in having hope for the future. We must have something to look forward to or we lose momentum, even if that something is a dream you aren’t sure how to achieve. Having a sense of purpose plays into this – what do you feel led to do? We help others by living our own dreams, and making a difference in the world around you is another aspect of the path to fulfillment.
Do you love to create, or perhaps you have dream of becoming a teacher, a medical professional, activist, CEO, speaker or designer? If you aren’t sure of what you would like to do, start a list of things that light you up. Share your dreams with someone close, and brainstorm ways to move you in that direction. If you are already on the path, keep setting goals and moving towards them. Or maybe your fantasy is traveling the world? Start a list of countries you hope to visit first. When will they open to foreign travel? Can you find a way to visit one place on your list? If not, how can you experience the joy of travel somewhere closer until international travel eases?
If you are one of the many who were living your dream but have lost it as a result of this quarantine, you may just need to re-frame what you were doing. A friend of mine who had a beautifully designed consignment store has shifted to online sales to keep her business going. A healer I know has begun zoom and teleconferencing to continue to meet her client’s emotional needs. Many restaurants that once had great business from in-store clients have found they do just as well with takeout only.
Martin Luther King Jr. said “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” When we gaze into the night sky, we know that the stars shining beautifully are millions of years old and light-years away (even more mind-blowing is that we are seeing them as they were a hundred years ago – effectively looking into the past) but they are still there, illuminating the darkness of the sky. When the sky is obscured by clouds, though we can not see them, we know that they are still there. Hope is just like this. The darkness around us may feel pervasive, but we know that the light is so very close – we just have to reach out for it.
When it feels like things are out of our control, remembering that ultimately, Source has our back. and things are always working out. I have found that holding this knowledge in the forefront of my mind not only helps me to stay light but also ensures that things do always work out. I use a favorite line from the poem “There could be holy fallout” by my favorite Sufi mystic and poet, Hafiz to help me stay centered around this thought: “It is all, it is all in the Beloved’s will.” Hafiz speaks eloquently from centuries past of what we so many are experiencing right now in the entire poem:
We are often in battle.
So often defending every side of the fort,
It may seem, all alone.
Sit down, my dear.
Take a few deep breaths,
Sit down, my dear.
Take a few deep breaths,
Think about a loyal friend.
Where is your music,
Your pet, a brush?
Surely one who has lasted as long as you
Knows some avenue or place inside
That can give a sweet respite.
If you cannot slay your panic,
Then say within
As convincingly as you can,
“It is all God’s will!”
Now pick up your life again.
Let whatever is out there
Come charging in,
Laugh and spit into the air,
There could be holy fallout.
Throw those ladders like tiny match sticks
With “just” phantoms upon them
Who might be trying to scale your heart.
Your love has an eloquent tone.
The sky and I want to hear it!
If you still feel helpless
Give our battle cry again,
Hafiz
Has shouted it a myriad times,
“It is all,
It is all the Beloved’s will!”
What is that luminous rain I see
All around you in the future
Sweeping in from the east plain?
It looks like, O it looks like
Holy fallout
Filling your mouth and palms
With Joy
Do what you can to find your joy in the moment. Start daydreaming about all of the amazing adventures and blessings the future will hold. Let go of the stuff you can’t control and when all else fails, know that Source has your back and though things might not go exactly according to plan, things always work out. It is all, it is all in the Beloved’s will. Much love, beautiful!
- Terah
This Blessed Sacred Life 