In Paige, Arizona, just beneath the earth’s surface, there lay long, serpentine crevasses – “Slot Canyons”. The unearthly experience of being in one of these canyons is like being on another planet; warm reds, browns, golds and even shades of purple coloring narrow stone corridors, sculpted over eons by wind and water to create a spectacular, otherworldly landscape like nothing else. The journey we walk in this life is much like that canyon: sometimes long and winding, at times so narrow we have to hold our breath to squeeze through, but also at times opening to vast vistas so breathtaking, we could weep for gratitude.
The Swahili word for Journey is “Safari”. To find your authentic self requires a true Safari; a journey to the self through the self. This is a journey of spirit, on a spiritual path. Along the way, you are likely to encounter fierce hunters and predators, wild thick jungles so dense you will need a sharp sword to get through. You will have periods of darkness where you will wander, hands outstretched and ears wide open, unable to see the path in front of you but moving forward on faith that it is there and you are guided by unseen hands: you are.
In this Safari of Self, be prepared for upheaval. There will be moments of hunger as you begin to recognize dysfunctional and unhealthy patterns, as well as those things that your soul longs for. There will be moments of thirst as understanding begins to tickle the edges of your mind and you want more. There will be moments of loneliness as unhealthy patterns and associations drop away.
But when you have emerged from that jungle to arrive at the destination of Self; stronger, connected to those who resonate with who you truly are, feeling evolved and luminous – you will wonder that you ever hesitated to take the journey in the first place.
Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet and Sufi mystic, observes that “The spiritual path wrecks the body and afterward restores it to health. It destroys the house to unearth the treasure and with that treasure builds it better than before.” Bon Voyage, loved one.
“Know Thyself” – Maxim inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo, Delphi – Plato interpreted this philosophic maxim to mean “Know your soul.”
Do you feel that you know your Self with a captital S – your soul? Do you feel solid and whole in who you are, at your core?
We are meant to be complex, multi-dimensional beings. When we are whole, we are our most authentic Self; in touch with our highest Self, we are in touch with our child-like nature – our curiosity, sense of fun, possibility, and adventure. We are able to enjoy pleasure like an embodied, divine being, but also to take radical responsibility for the creation of our lives; to sit down and get sh#t done when it is necessary, like a grown-ass man or woman. But being integrated isn’t always natural or easy.
Recently, I enjoyed an evening out with one of my oldest friends. You know those friends that you love on first sight, and know that regardless of time or distance, you just know that you will be friends for life? She’s one of those. 🥰 We were discussing who we were as kids compared to now. Once upon a time, she was a badass gangsta with a gorgeous, wicked temper and a propensity to put the hurt on anyone who so much as looked at her beautiful self the wrong way, but now, as an adult working mom she felt she had to become “tame” and as a result, boring. She said she occasionally felt a stirring of that girl inside her, but suppressed that aspect of her Self because she felt that part of her personality would have a negative impact on her personal and professional life.
She had made her career and children her priority, and had stopped living fully or authentically. She had a wonderful relationship with her kids, but felt limited socially. She lost her ability to have fun. She became anxious and disempowered, and badly wanted to reclaim those parts of herself that allowed her to feel a deep sense of joy and satisfaction of life.
I have many friends who feel this way; as though growing up means growing one dimensional. They have lost their concept of being in touch with their “inner child”, their vulnerability, or their sensuality, because growing up means you have to be a responsible, reliable adult, right?
As women, we especially need to hold a piece of ourselves as that badass gangsta warrior woman.
Not an imbalance – she needs to be tempered with compassion, empathy, love and nurturing, but this part of ourselves is where we gain our strength, our power, and when necessary, that momma bear that could tear someone apart with a flick of a wrist if her cubs or loved ones were threatened. This part of ourselves is also often associated with our sensuality, another piece of our Self that is often either suppressed or overindulged.
We are meant to be sensual, sexual creatures – it is an aspect of our biology, after all, but that does not mean we have to overly sexualize ourselves to gain value from men, just as repressing the beauty and sexuality of who we are to be “taken seriously” is an imbalance of our authenticity. This imbalance can result in creating a life of loneliness or feeling less-than.
“I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water. – Amy Tan
Most of us are taught to suppress our “fullness” from a young age. We begin to rub parts ourselves away because we want to feel accepted or loved. We want to “fit in”. This is perfectly natural, of course. It is a vital aspect of our DNA to seek connection, companionship and even acceptance of those around us. We are at our best when we have meaningful connection with others. When we have loving, supportive partners, family, friends and community.
The problem is, like my friend, in seeking that approval and acceptance, it can be too easy to go to one extreme of the spectrum of our personalities, closing the door to our complexity, to our ability to express ourselves, or even feel deeply. We become disempowered when we allow others to dictate who we are, though this often happens by degrees, without really even knowing that it is happening. Has happened.
We become one-dimensional when we are meant to be multi-dimensional beings. When we suppress parts of who we are, those parts are like children who are lacking love and attention. They want to be acknowledged and integrated, and will do whatever it takes to receive the acknowledgment they need, but often in ways that impact us negatively. Those subconscious parts of ourselves will act out in the form of regression, depression, isolation, dysregulation/overly emotional or angry responses, self-sabotage, or even unexpected violence. We end up feeling overwhelmed or imbalanced.
Seek not outside of yourself; Heaven is within. – Mary Lou Cook
You are a gorgeous, multi-faceted individual who deserves to love every piece of who you are; mind, body and soul. One of the most important aspects of feeling whole; of good mental health and happiness is acknowledging, embracing, and integrating every aspect of our Self. We should have access to a sense of our inner child at various stages, our moody or mouthy teen, even the bright-eyed and curious college-age “kid” who we may have thought we grew out of decades ago.
The following exercises can help you to access lost parts of yourself. Many, if not all will likely feel strange, uncomfortable, or emotional for a bit. Stay with it. I promise you will experience a shift that can be profound, if you do. Most of us do not feel truly worthy of love, and part of this is because we spend so much of our lives rejecting those lost parts of ourselves.
Inner Child Exercise: Find a photo of you as a child. Hold that photo in your left hand and place your right hand on your heart. Gaze at the photo, feel the connection between who you are now and who you were then. Tell that child that you love her. Do this daily, preferably when you wake and right before bed, when your mind is in a relaxed state. (Theta brain wave)
Physical touch Exercise: Give yourself a hug. Say “Thank you, I love you.” Stay in this position until you feel a sense of love and appreciation. Alternatively, place one hand on your heart, one on your navel just below your belly button. Close your eyes and repeat “Thank you, I love you.’
Mirror Exercise: Look at yourself in the mirror. Really look. Find three things that you like and admire about your face. Say it aloud, then follow with – “I love you.”
Visual Affirmation Exercise: Write love notes to yourself such as “I love you.” “You are beautiful/intelligent/worthy/capable, etc.” “I love the way we play.” Or I appreciate our curiosity/sensuality/childlike nature, etc.”
Deep Inner Work Exercise: Find a place to get quiet. Come into your breath, spend some time just observing the slow inflow and outflow of breath from your lungs and nose. When you feel quiet, ask yourself the question – what aspects of You have you repressed? Who wants to be heard and have a conversation?
When you have a sense of what part(s) of your Self need to have some attention, whether it is your inner child, your powerful warrior, your sensual being, or any other aspect of personality that you may have ignored or suppressed, it is time to have a conversation. Don’t be surprised if you feel some negative energy. You may feel a little queasy, frightened, frustrated, angry – or a host of other emotions that we tend to keep under wraps, afraid to show who we really are. Observe and allow whatever you are feeling to be, but hold that part of you as the calm in the storm.
What you may need to say or experience to those lost parts of yourself is entirely personal, but once you begin to feel centered, a conversation might look something like this: “Hello, my Love. It has been too long.” I have missed you.” “I am so very sorry that I ignored you for so long.” “I love you.” “I will never neglect you again.” “Can we find a way to be fully integrated/together?” Stay with that part of yourself until you do feel a sense of integration. Be prepared to come back to this aspect of self regularly for a while – it takes time to heal a rift that may have been years in the making. Plus, loving and accepting ourselves should be daily practice. When you have come to the place where you feel those previously suppressed and forgotten parts of who you were once again as who you are, you will not only feel a deeper sense of wholeness and empowerment, but you will fall in love with yourself in a way that you may not have even known was possible. And that is a beautiful thing.
Today, I hope that you will find time to pull the lid off of those parts of yourself that you have suppressed and repressed for too long. Give them some love and attention, and gratitude for being vital aspects of yourself; of what has gotten you to where you are today, and begin working towards full integration. Feel that beautiful complexity from your toes to your fingertips, and into the fullest expression of who you truly are. You deserve it.
Big love. 💖
- Terah
This Blessed Sacred Life 