You may have noticed from some of my posts – I really love food. Well, let me clarify that. I love good food. Food that is full of flavor, richness, and depth.
But I also know that my body feels best, functions best, and looks its best when I stay within a certain size range. The only time I ever weigh myself is when I go to the doctor’s for a check-up, but I do pay attention to how I feel in my clothes. And if I don’t feel amazing in my ripped skinny jeans, the world just doesn’t shine quite as brightly, know what I mean?
As a result, if I want to fully enjoy the foods I love I am going to have to do one of three things:
1. Exercise wayyyyy more than I have time for, (I walk daily and practice yoga most days)
2. Eat really, really small portions (not really possible with an intermittent fasting lifestyle) or
3. Find ways to make my food delicious, nourishing, and also lighter/low carb.
I choose #3. 💯. Which is as it turns out, is pretty fun. It gives me an opportunity to experiment in the kitchen and be a bit of a mad chemist, something I’ve loved since I started mixing coffee grounds with cough syrup in my grandma’s kitchen around 8 years old. My gran was awesome, btw, always encouraging my crazy ideas.
Tonight’s dinner is a perfect example of this. I had a mad craving for stir fry and rice, but as we all know, rice is a high glycemic food – so as a rule, I try to steer clear. Also tends to be high in arsenic, btw. Yuck, right?😳 But that same grandma who allowed me to play with random ingredients; eventually leading to my love of cooking, also loved to make fluffy white rice for me with lots of butter. Which means it’s a huge comfort food for me to this day.
But when the craving for my favorite comfort food hits me, I soak a few cups of organic brown rice overnight. This helps the kernels to better release nutrients, breaks down saponins, and lessens starch and arsenic. Win-win-win.
But I take it a couple of steps further. Because I just can’t help being a little extra.🤷♀️
In the morning I rinse the rice thoroughly, then add fresh water to an inch or so above the level of the rice. To this I add a ½ tsp. or so salt and two tablespoons coconut oil. Thrive Market has a bomb butter flavored coconut oil, and I looooove me some butter so it’s my go-to. And here’s the magic of this method, and where my mad chemist/scientist starts wringing her hands in glee:
“When you cook coconut oil and rice together, the oil binds to the digestible starch in the rice – that’s the starch that converts to glucose.
Once bound with the oil, the digestible starch begins to crystallize, creating another form of starch: the resistant variety. Researchers found that cooling the rice after cooking it promoted crystallization, leading to a shocking 10 to 15-fold increase in resistant starch compared to normally prepared rice.” – Dave Asprey
Cool, right???? Less digestible starch means less glucose, fewer carbs! The first time I learned this my mind was blown. 🤯.
I boil boil my rice mixture until the water is at the level of the rice, then turn to low and cover. I learned this technique of cooking grains from a wonderful Persian family I lived with over on the east coast. I still miss Mahin’s Fessenjan…🤤 but I digress. This technique shortens the cooking time by a good ten minutes, which is awesome for those of us born without the patience gene. After I have cooked my rice, I refrigerate, then reheat as needed.
Tonight I made fried rice to enjoy with my stir-fry, but because I may or may not – okay, I did – enjoy an impromptu “cheat day” treat – part of a sugary Frappuccino my friendly neighborhood Starbucks barista gave me, free of charge. While running errands, I had stopped for my usual stevia-sweetened iced green tea. The barista had apparently made too many Frappuccino’s for the last customer, so offered the extra one to me. What’s a girl to do? I didn’t want to be rude…
It was delicious, but if I was going to come anywhere near my usual -56 or so grams of carbs per day, I needed to make dinner a little extra extra low glycemic. To do this, I added a package of Shirataki “rice” to my dish, cutting carbs to approximately 15% of a 1-cup serving -and the calories significantly, too.
For my stir fry I just wok every veggie I can find in my fridge with fresh ginger, garlic, tamari, umami paste, sesame seeds, tofu or chicken, and my favorite low glycemic sweeter, monk fruit. Oh, and a generous portion of hot chili paste. The hotter, the better!
This meal was so, so good, but better still, so good for the body. 💪🏻
What do you do when you want to keep your diet light – without sacrificing flavor? I’d love to know!
Are you a morning person or a night owl? Personally, it’s hard for me to get to sleep before midnight, but I love waking up early. For a few years now, I’ve tried to keep to a morning routine that begins my day right and keeps me somewhat structured. I’ve found that not only does an early morning start help me to work better, I feel better and am happier throughout the day as a result.
When I am up before seven, I have ample time to really enjoy all of my little morning observances. I love the quiet of the house, the slow ritual of preparing coffee and the rich, cinnamon-laced chocolate aroma as it brews. I love settling down in my meditation chair with a big cup of hot lemon water, (cleanses the liver and kidneys and stimulates bile production, making digestion more effective) the scent of lemon tickling my consciousness as I begin my time with Source and meditation.
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As I finish up my meditation, my sweet little Pekingese will usually wander in to “practice” yoga with me, doing a few down dogs before insisting on a pet while I stretch. After yoga, I sit and enjoy a cup of “power coffee” then get my dogs out for a walk. By 9 am, I have taken care of myself, my animals, and the small morning chores and am ready to settle down to work at my computer.
On these days, my inner coach cheers for me, often in the voice of my paternal grandmother. My grandmother was one of the few positive female role models I had as a child. My coach congratulates me for keeping my goals on track and “gettin it done”, and reminds me of how proud she is of me. I pat myself on the back and feel amazing for being productive, caring for myself, home, family, and pets, and getting content written that maybe, just maybe might touch people and help them to see their own magic.
Sundays are my sleep-in days. I get up when my body wants to get up, usually around 9am. I relish having a slow day, making a big breakfast and just hanging out with my family. I think we all need at least one full day each week to re-create, to have fun and be lazy. But Monday I’m back to routine, up at a decent time and ready for the week. Or should be.
But it doesn’t always work out that way. There are days that I stay in bed too long, cozy under thick comforters, wrapped up in my partner’s arms and unable to motivate myself to get up. I almost always regret it. Instead of the positive, caring voice of my coach greeting me as I finally force myself to crawl out of bed, my inner critic kicks in as soon as my feet hit the floor – in a voice that alternates between two highly negative and critical women I had as mother figures growing up. These women had suffered terrible abuse in their formative years and did the best they could as parental figures, but the harshness of my childhood still rings in my inner ear and sometimes my heart, and most loudly when I’m feeling badly about myself.
On those less-than-ideal mornings, that voice berates me for “once again f#cking up”. As I rush through or entirely forego those rituals that help me to stay on track and productive, and my scattered mind goes into overdrive, she tells me I will never reach my goals. That I might as well just give up because I couldn’t possibly teach others to live a fulfilling and happy life. She tells me that I am a fraud. She reminds me that many of those close to me think my work as a writer, a teacher, a healer is just foolishness. As I listen to my critic my sensitive inner child is an emotional mess. It is often around this time that my coach tries to push through to tell me that I do live an amazing, magical, happy and fulfilled life 85% or more of the time. She reminds me that I began writing to help others who might be living in pain or just less than happy to do the same.
I want to hear what my coach is saying, but those damned childhood patterns fight to be obeyed and as my critic whispers negative into my mind I begin to question my purpose, my ability to teach others, reach my goals and nearly every other aspect of myself from my looks to my emotional intelligence. We’ve all been there at one time or another and as you probably know, it sucks with a capital S and just feels awful – and who really wants to feel bad?
When I start cycling downward, to be honest, there are times that I just can’t disconnect from that awful critic and it’s evening before I feel ok again. But I’ve learned to recognize my patterns and listen intently when my critic starts whispering bullsh#t in my ear – and have learned a few tools to quiet her again and get myself back on-track and feeling my best.
First and foremost, Islow the heck down. It is only too easy to get caught up in the rush when we are running behind our usual schedule, but remember what Einstein said? Time is relative. When we slow ourselves, time generally slows with us.
If you find yourself stressed and rushed, with your own inner critic starting to voice his or her unwelcome opinions into your subconscious, find a quiet spot, get comfortable and take some deep, slow breaths. As you silence your thoughts, see if you can actually sense time around you slowing. I guarantee this practice alone can be life-changing.
Make a list. I am highly ADD, which can be a gift when I need to hyperfocus or get many tasks done in a short period but less so when I am stressed and scattered. On those days that I am behind schedule and beleaguered, writing a list and being deliberate about checking off each item can help me to be more productive and get back to hearing the uplifting voice of my coach rather than the critic.
Put away the tech. Most of us really enjoy scrolling through Instagram or Tiktok, looking at beautiful images or fun microvideos. But how often do we allow Social Media – or a hundred different options all at the touch of a fingertip – to pull us out of focus? I deleted TikTok for several months because I found myself losing hours at a time, trying to justify those hours by telling myself the content was uplifting or made me feel happy to watch. Which it was, and it did, but how many hours do we watch others living rather than doing the living ourselves? I do believe that we can learn much and gain inspiration on how to live better or try new things from social media, youtube, or TikTok. But limiting our exposure and curating what we take in is so important in how it impacts our brain.
Get 10 minutes of exercise. My go-to is yoga, but 10 minutes on a treadmill, taking a brisk walk, a HIT routine, or anything that gets your blood pumping will oxygenate the bloodstream and brain, helping you to get clear.
Read or listen to a few minutes of inspirational or educational material. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Rachel Hollis, Gabby Bernstein, Bruce Lipton and Deepak Chopra are a few of my go-to’s, but I am currently reading and listening to “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Dr. Joe Dispenza. The book is a brilliantly written but easily understood non-fiction that covers the way to override a lifetime of bad habits in everything from our thoughts to our ability to create an amazing life. Dr. Dispenza teaches how our neurochemistry and quantum physics play important roles in this process, which resonates and backs up much of what I have learned and teach already. I highly recommend it. There are also literally hundreds of short podcasts available by various authors and speakers that can help get you back into a state of higher resonance. I would also recommend Binaural beats as a way to positively alter your brainwaves.
Last but not least, Look at the bigger picture. Remember that this is a lifetime journey, not just a day trip. Sometimes we take a wrong turn and get lost for a while, but we always find our way back to the main road – sometimes in just a few minutes, sometimes longer. But regardless of how long it takes us to get back on track, the difference between a frustrating experience and an adventure is 100% in our mindset. What are your long-term goals? Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Twenty? How do you want to feel tomorrow, next year, in five, ten, or twenty years? This is what really matters, not the hours or a day of feeling off-kilter and out of sorts.
It is important to remember that our thoughts are patterns – neural pathways – in the brain. To better understand this, I like to have students and clients imagine a vast field of golden grain, gently waving in the wind. Our transient thoughts – what we might have for breakfast, how much you enjoyed a conversation with the lovely barista at your local coffee shop, the files you need to send to your boss – are all pathways that disappear quickly. But those thoughts that we have on repeat; often thoughts linked to memories that began in childhood, are deep furrows or even trenches in the field.
The more we listen to the critic and dwell on the negative, the stronger those patterns or pathways become. Going back to the metaphor, the deeper those paths become until one day they are trenches so deep it can be difficult to even remember that there is a whole world above the level of where we walk. But conversely, when we choose to see the world – and ourselves – through rose-colored glasses, we become the habit of our thoughts. We become happy. Positive. Uplifted and uplifting.
And you know what? Our vibrational energy is contagious, which means when we feel good those around us feel good, too. Win win situation, right? So the next time you find yourself on that downward spiral, listening to your inner critic, take a moment to observe your thoughts. Step back, take a breath, and tell her (or him) to shut the hell up, because you are a fucking unicorn, my love. Let me say again: You are magic. You are in control of your thoughts and your life, not your damned critic. You are amazing, unique, and are exactly where you need to be so get up, lift your chin and glow. Much love, beautiful one.
Each morning I spend time in meditation and reading wisdom. For over ten years one of the teachers whose books have inspired me has been Rolf Gates. I have a sense of reverence, resonance, and gratitude each time I pick up my dog-eared copy of meditations from the mat, and his words often inspire my own writing.
This morning the lesson was from his second book of reflections, Meditations on intention and being – finding your mountain; your sense of calm, steadiness and purpose.
For me, I also relate this to establishing a firm foundation; something many of us have felt lacking this last year. I certainly have.
This morning in meditation I was relating this idea to the volcanic activity that happens to create mountains. The earth shakes violently, magma erupts from the ground and from this violence mountains begin to grow.
This past year has felt like that, hasn’t it? Many of us have had our lives completely shaken, altered from what it had been for years or even decades before.
But what better time than the beginning of a new year to start rebuilding – or perhaps just repairing those parts of our foundations that have been crumbling?
growing beautifully, rooted firmly
In yoga , we begin with our feet to establish strength and ease in an asana – yoga pose.
Feeling energy beneath every part of our foundation, often the foot or the palms, we root ourselves into the mat to allow the asana to grow from that place.
Life is just like this. If we establish a firm foundation before we begin a new journey, venture, practice, or year, feeling into each aspect of where we would like to go, we will establish a firm foundation that will allow us to grow towards the heavens in strength and beauty .
Establishing healthy habits is essential in beginning to build a strong foundation. How do you begin and end each day? Do you take time for self-care? Learning? Meditation? Healthy eating?
Keeping those healthy habits that help you function better is a fabulous goal in itself, but If you have a specific goal or goals, it is so important to write them down. A goal that stays in our head is simply a daydream. For most of us, we need to have something that feels tangible to keep us on task or we tend to slide back into our old patterns.
If you want to achieve something specific, try breaking your goals down into steps. For example, maybe your dream has been to be a surgeon but life got in the way before you could achieve those dreams. You met someone, fell in love and had children. But that dream has become a cry from your soul to be fulfilled. So you decide it’s time to move forward with your dream.
If you wanted to get into med school next fall, that goal might seem unattainable. But writing down the specific steps you need to get there can make the process feel much easier. It’s like the old adage – “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time.”
Bubble graph example. Fill in each with your own dreams and goals!
Creating a bubble graph is a great way to break things down into bite-sized pieces. You might begin with deciding which school is both desirable and accessible to you. Online schooling is becoming more and more easy to find. Is there a school where you can take the majority of your classes online and do the practicals on-campus intermittently?
Let’s say you find the school, study for and pass the MCAT. You apply for admission and are accepted. Next would be finding grants and scholarships to cover the cost of tuition and possibly some of your day-to-day expenses such as childcare when your partner is not available.
After that, entering school is your biggest step! You can break down each semester’s classes in much the same way that you created your bubble graph to keep you on-task.
Keeping things structured on a calendar that you can reference each day is a great way to keep you focused on whatever your goals might be.
Today, I am creating my own bubble graph and making the commitment to keep to those healthy habits that keep me on-track and moving in the right direction. I recognize that achieving the reality that I wish to see may be a slow process, like the forming of mountain peaks, but staying connected to my foundation will help me to see my dreams realized infinitely faster than having no foundation at all. Whatever your dreams, aspirations or goals for 2021, I hope you achieve them all, and more. You deserve it!✨ 💖✨
Let’s talk about one of my favorite Sanskrit terms:
Ishvara Pranidhana.
Just the sound of it is melodic and pleasing to my mind, but the meaning is both beautiful and complicated.
Ishvara is most commonly known as God, Highest Consciousness, Brahman/God Within/All That Is.
Pranidhana is surrender.
With Ishvara Pranidhana, we surrender completely to something greater than our selves.
We give our desires, dreams, anxieties and outcomes to Ishvara and have faith that all is well, that all is unfolding as it should and will work out for our greatest good.
I don’t know about you, but for me, faith can be damned hard.
There are days when I feel a mess, uncertain and ill at ease with reality, God, and my personal outcomes. I hold my worries close.
Honestly, those days suck. I feel awful – angry, frustrated and even resentful in that dark space – and though it can be hard to see the light beyond, I know that I 💯 do not want to remain in the darkness.
So I try to come back to Ishvara Pranidhana, to letting go of my little Self; the ego who loooooves to think she is in control – and closer to surrendering to God, whatever God may be.
To get back to the space of letting go and the knowledge that all is working out beautifully and perfectly for the evolution of my soul, I start with my #breath and move onto my #good .
There are so many incredible blessings in this life, and remembering those nearest and dearest – my good health, my loved ones, the beauty that surrounds me, the abundance that I experience daily – helps me to see the light and make my way out of that dark room. Spending some time getting out of my own head and ego and focusing my mind on sending love to others; whether it is someone I hold near and dear or the homeless woman playing violin on the street corner always, always makes me feel better, too.
There are times when I have to distract myself for a bit, first – I blast my “Happy” playlist, throw myself into a project, walk my dogs, call a friend or family member, start a new piece of art, try to work on editing my books… the list goes on.
After an hour or two in “flow”; forgetting my ego-fueled “problems”, finding my way back surrender, to Ishvara, is easy. Or easier, anyway. I may not have developed the patience to be in the space of “letting go and letting God” all of the time, but having a few tools under my belt helps me to get there more consistently.
From that space, it is often awe-inspiring to me how magic and “miracles” unfold and things really do work out in amazing ways. 🥰
Among the trees and wild things, I forget who I think I am. In nature, my small self dissolves into the trees and I am once again married to my soul. I am whole. I am Love. I am Divine. – TB Drake
Hello Beautiful;
How often do you get outside? Not just walking to your car for a quick trip to the market, but actually immersing yourself in nature?
The Japanese have a term for spending time in nature, especially in forests – Shinrin-yoku, or Forest bathing. I once read an article in Time magazine in which the author speaks of this practice as taking in the atmosphere of the forest through our senses. This sums eloquently how I feel when I am in nature, but especially surrounded by trees and away from the busy-ness and distraction of civilization.
As I walk among the tall trees, my sense of self – expectations, wishes, insecurities, doubts and fears just melt away as I stand in awe of the beauty that surrounds me. I am encompassed by the feeling of God – or Source, or Spirit – something so much greater than my small self and the trivial aspects of being human and my egoic self just can’t stand in front of that greatness so retreats to a distant corner of my mind.
Sunday is church day for many, but COVID has reduced or eliminated the ability to gather for worship. I don’t attend church services these days as the dogma and demand for money I had experienced in my last year or so of religion several years ago just felt wrong, but being in nature for me takes me directly to the Source that I have been seeking all my life.
This is worship. This is church and temple. This is connection to All That Is and as I sink deeper into connection with Source and and my Self I am reminded that the petty squabbles with my small self – and others – are unnecessary and even harmful to my truth – to the magic, beauty and spaciousness of who I am beneath those layers that have been imposed upon me by others and that I have imposed upon myself.
This connection to Source and Spirit is reason enough to spend time in nature as often as possible, but science also reinforces the benefits of shinrin-yoku.
Forest bathing exposes us to the powerful negative ions that are produced by the earth, but are found in particular abundance in forests and by large bodies of water. Frequent exposure to negative ions lengthen telomeres; the DNA markers for aging, reduce the incidence of cancer and autoimmune diseases, and increase the brain’s production of dopamine and serotonin; anxiety-lowering, feel good neurotransmitters. Forest bathing also has been shown to lower blood pressure and heart rate. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27493670/
Do you have a regular practice that disconnects you from technology and the negative impacts on our emotional and physical wellness that modern society brings and re-connects you with your highest Self and better health? If not, take a dip into the cool waters of Shinrin-yoku. Allow yourself to reset, to drop all of the stuff and reallyfeelthe forest. What have you got to lose -besides stress, anxiety, and poor health? Much love!🥰
The Chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken – Samuel Johnson
Hello Beautiful;
These past weeks have been trying for many. When I speak to friends, family, and acquaintances on social media, I hear a theme that cuts through each conversation – being at home is a struggle, and though of course, we all love our families, spending twelve or more hours each day in close proximity with anyone can start to like a chore. If there was any sort of dysfunction in close relationships to begin with, it is only too easy to get stuck in patterns of thinking and being that can emphasize this. Often, the worst is that though we feel stuck, resentful, and want to escape, we feel a tremendous sense of guilt for feeling this way.
I believe that part of the reason so many feel unhappy in this situation is not so much because of the situation or the people we are with, but rather because it is different, not having the freedom of control over where we go or don’t go, whom we spend our time and what we do with that time. Add to this the societal habit of busyness alternating with a tendency towards deliberate social isolation and we have created a perfect storm of emotional upheaval when our accustomed ways of being – or at least the choice – are taken away.
This emotional discomfort is as much because our neural pathways – our routines and ways of being – have largely been set from those aforementioned freedoms. Imagine a large field of long grass or wheat. Through that field are many light trails, a number that are obviously walked frequently and a few that are deep trenches. Those trails are our neural pathways, and the more entrenched we are in a specific habit or way of being, the deeper that trail or trench. Establishing new neural connections can feel uncomfortable and even painful – some of those pathways are six-foot deep trenches that we have to climb out of. Change is hard, and it’s easy to forget to have grace for ourselves as we go through the process of creating new ways of being.
Over the past week or so, my husband periodically turns into ” Eeyore” (“Another blustery day…”) and I have been much more emotional than usual, though we both are largely happy with life right now and don’t mind being home more. It is only a challenge because our brains have been wired a certain way for the past two years regarding our daily routines and now those routines are different. We are creating new “normals”, which is challenging, but making the choice to maintain awareness of the process makes a huge difference in staying (mostly) sane and happy.
I find it interesting that here in Washington State, the total “Shelter in Place” order is supposed to last six weeks – exactly the amount of time that research has shown to take to establish new habits or break old ones. So it seems that the question that we all need to ask ourselves becomes: What do we want our new habits of being to look like? Do we really want to go back to the chronic busyness and disconnection? How do we want our lives to feel when this is all over?
How we greet, meet, and complete each day is our choosing, regardless of our environment. I follow Rachel and Dave Hollis; energetic, inspirational and caring business leaders and coaches, and love that they have made this “Joy Week”. Their daily social media shot of wisdom reminds us that we can choose to be depressed during this pandemic – or we can choose joy. Recognizing old patterns, remembering that this is not forever – looking at the big picture – and re-framing the way we think about our situation can help us to create a greater sense of ease, harmony and even satisfaction in our lives regardless of circumstance. A trip to the grocery store can be a great adventure including a treasure hunt (TP? Dried goods? Canned beans?🙄) or a dystopian pain in the ass that you just want to get through, depending on how you frame the experience in your mind.
Being at home, you might feel like you are floating through your days, angsty and waiting for this pandemic to end. It is fine to give yourself some time to do just that – the sudden end of a way of life can feel a bit like death, and grieving can be necessary. But if we want to find our happy place again, at some point we have to get out of the mire and start establishing new daily routines. Are you getting fresh air? Exercise? Nourishing body and mind with healthy fuel? Finding ways to be social? Creating time and space for yourself? Now more than ever is a fantastic time to establish healthy routines – and boundaries – with our families, especially with so many parents homeschooling. Can you create a fun family fitness routine – “I spy” or “Bingo” in walks around the neighborhood, or a dance party in the kitchen while dinner is being prepared?
Just as important, parents need 30 minutes every morning – every single morning – to meditate, exercise, or just enjoy a cup of coffee in peace before everyone else starts needing attention. Period. Get up extra early if you have difficulty convincing your family that you are a human with needs, too.😜. I often remind myself that we have put people into space, for God’s sake – I should certainly be able to get up 30 minutes earlier than my usual, or get the dogs out for a brisk walk when I am feeling lethargic, or cook a decent meal when I could easily just eat a piece of peanut butter toast.
Of course, we don’t have to push through every bit of the resistance we experience, but I like to go with the 85-15 (ish) rule: 85% of the time I do the “hard thing” – I get up early, I keep to my routines, I yoga, I sit down to work (mostly without getting distracted) for several hours each day, I drag myself off the couch to take care of those things that aren’t as fun as let’s say, working in my garden or creating art. But 15 ish% of the time, I allow myself the indulgence of being lazy. Of having peanut butter toast for dinner. Of enjoying the heck out of a hot fudge coconut ice cream sundae. Of sleeping in. Of skipping the routine for a day. Of marinating a little in my self-pity for whatever. But then I get back to the zone that though might feel a little harder, is imminently more satisfying and life-affirming. Life is good, and living life on purpose and with purpose is just so much better.
I hope today, you can recognize that the discomfort or unease you may be experiencing is the result of what we might interpret as grief over a little death. Give yourself the grace you need to fully accept that things aren’t anywhere near your normal, even when things haven’t changed all that much. Freedom is a powerful commodity. But also recognize that you DO have the power to decide how you are going to livein the reality we are all currently experiencing, and what you want your reality to look like within those parameters.
Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain, spent nearly twenty years renovating, decorating, and lavishing love and expense on his home in Hartford, Connecticut. He wrote his best-known novels in that house and loved it so much that he said: “It had a heart and soul, and eyes to see with, approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies. It was of us… and we could not enter it unmoved.” The house is metaphor for our circumstance. You decide what your life will look like. You choose how you will feel in that life. It’s always our choice, and making decisions as to how your life will flow is where the power is. Take that power, beautiful. You deserve it!
Who is the happy Warrior? Who is he That every man in arms should wish to be? – It is the generous Spirit, who, when brought Among the tasks of real life, hath wrought Upon the plan that pleased his boyish thought: Whose high endeavours are an inward light That makes the path before him always bright; Who, with a natural instinct to perform, is diligent to learn; What knowledge can perform, is diligent to learn; Abides by this resolve, and stops not there, But makes his moral being his prime care; Who, doomed to go in company with Pain, And Fear, and Bloodshed, miserable train! Turns his necessity to glorious gain…. – William Wordsworth
How do you view beauty? Humans in our current society tend to think of beauty in people as something superficial. Something we create with make-up tutorials, really good hair, thousands of squats or bench presses and push-up jeans. The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes beauty as “A beautiful person or thing” to “A brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance”, but the most appropriate for what Wordsworth and Byron are describing seem to me to be:” A particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality” and “The quality or aggregate (combination) of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit”.
Just thinking about that last definition feels beautiful to me. The quality or qualities in a person that give pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit. This is what Byron and Wordsworth are describing as ideals. Yes, the woman Byron describes is clearly physically pleasing, but he suggests that it is the goodness and innocence within (all below) that creates this beauty.
I believe we can and should create beauty in every aspect of our lives, from how we feel about our physical selves and – how we treat ourselves with love and compassion – to the sacredness of the spaces we live in. But how often do we think to bring beauty not just into how we look but into who we are? What if instead of focusing so much on our exterior appearance, we put our focus on our beauty being intrinsic (to belong naturally; an essential aspect of our nature)?
In the poem above, Byron describes an ideal beauty. “She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies…” It gives me goosebumps and just feels beautiful, but what I love best about this poem is how he goes on to explain that it is her inner beauty that creates the truth in her outer beauty:
“Where thoughts serenely sweet express, how pure, how dear their dwelling place…the smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of days in goodness spent, A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent!”
But tell of days in goodness spent, a mind at peace with all below… Byron refers to how the goodness of her nature is a large part of what makes this beauty so memorable. Yes, Byron. Real Beauty isn’t something we create with make-up tutorials, thousands of squats or bench presses, perfect hair and push-up jeans. Real beauty begins with a mind at peace and a heart that is innocent, and it is just as easy – and more lasting – to create as the hours we spend each day tending to the exterior aspect of our beings. Real beauty lights us from within and gives us that “glow” more than any makeup primer could.
For us, creating this intrinsic beauty requires starting from within, learning to love who we are, and moving outward rather than trying to live up to a standard of superficial beauty that just isn’t sustainable. What if we, as a people, nurtured and developed our own intrinsic value – the generosity of our spirits, the kindness of our hearts and the grace we can extend to others while also creating a life that looks and feels beautiful on the outside?
From there, we can learn to share these aspects of our beauty with those around us, perhaps starting a trend – where does she get her glow? – even more instagram-worthy than the latest lip-puffing trend.
Here are a few ways to begin tapping into the beauty of spirit:
Love yourself. Truly. You can be the loving parent to yourself that you never had. Give yourself good – hugs included. Self-care is so important, and something as simple as a long hot bath or preparing yourself a meal that you want can go a long way in creating an environment of love for yourself.
Remind yourself of your radiance, your capability, and your Divinity. Really. Take a good long look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are amazing. Because you are. Make it your mantra. We have a culture that teaches
Breathe deeply. Breathing lowers cortisol and blood pressure, increases immunity, increases oxygen to the brain and bloodstream, and keeps our skin connected to our inner world and helps us to center,
Meditate – Tune into the deepest part of yourself and you will find your most beautiful self – I promise.
Pray – Whether you are praying to God, Source, Universal intelligence or the divine within, prayer works – and also reminds us of the goodness of our essential nature.
Move. Dance, run, walk, practice martial arts or whatever feels right to you. Moving not only creates better health but also takes us out of our minds and into our bodies and spirit.
Take accountability for every aspect of your life. Stop blaming others and forgive all who you believe have wronged you. It’s impossible to move forward when our past binds us. #letthatshitgo. Stop the shame, yourself included. In fact, stop the shame to yourself most of all. We treat others in the way we feel within. If we are constantly judging or shaming ourselves, that behavior will become our outer reality, as well.
Nourish yourself. Eat well. Give your body good nutrition and take time to savor your meals.
Create a sacred space for yourself. Someplace that feels beautiful and where you can feel who you are, a retreat from those hard things we all must experience sometimes. A place where we can transform this contrast, this “necessity to glorious gain”, as Wordsworth speaks of in his poem.
Bring beauty into every aspect of your life. How would you dress if you were completely authentic – ignoring what others were wearing to create a look that was your own? How do you feel in your home? Do you surround yourself with things that feel beautiful? What kind of art do you love?
Thrift and consignment stores are a good place to look if you are designing on a budget, but start by looking online and in magazines for styles that speak to you personally. Once you have crystallized the look you are going for, pick up a piece or two of art, furniture, or other home decor as you are able. A few items that reflect who you are can go a long way towards creating a space that you love to spend time in and feels wonderful and welcoming for others, as well. I love color and fill my home with vibrant art, lots of books, plants and of course, treasures from my family, but I also appreciate homes that have a zen-like quality in simplicity and refinement. Whatever speaks to you personally will reflect your inner beauty to others.
You are a beautiful, amazing being, and absolutely deserve to feel that down to your bones, in every aspect of who you are.
It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. the individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster. – Carl Jung
I had an odd dream recently. In the dream, I was an archaeologist and treasure hunter. I was at a party with my partner, searching for a relic that I knew was hidden in the house somewhere. From the perspective of the observer within the dream, I understood that there was a gigantic, frightening black demon in the house who was looking for me.
The demon must have been eight feet tall, and had a skull-like face and huge curved horns. He sent some of his minions to find and fetch me, but one of them came back to him having failed to find me. The demon killed him without a thought. As myself – the treasure hunter/archaeologist within the dream, I decided to confront the demon head-on. I descended to the basement of the house where I knew he was waiting.
As we moved down the steep stairway, I met a large black dog who accompanied me down. Though I was unafraid, I asked the dog to protect us. When we were nearly to the basement, another black dog appeared on the staircase below me with a wolfish smile. I knew it to be the demon in another form. I followed the dog to a large subterranean room where it transformed into the black demon.
The demon told me that it wanted to be flesh so it could walk the earth in a form that was solid. He wanted to feel human. It explained that the form it existed in now was much like an illusion, and he was unable to fully feel anything. It couldn’t feel emotions such as joy, or love. Couldn’t taste food. Couldn’t feel sex. Couldn’t truly experience life in the way humans could – with our depth of emotions and senses.
He handed me a hand-written note with explicit instructions on how to have him “raised”, but the writing was somehow childlike and I felt compassion for the creature. I could sense that beneath the frightening illusion of his form and cruel personality, there was something good, a spark of “humanity”. Unsure of what to do, but feeling sympathy, I asked him what he looked like in his true form.
Suddenly, he transformed into a large man, sitting slumped against the wall in front of me. He was beautiful. Perfectly formed, sandy blond hair, an expression of vulnerability on his face. I knew that he was conflicted because he hated my sympathy, but wanted the redemption my compassion could give him.
Looking at the stunning creature in front of me, I realized that he wasn’t just a demon – this was Lucifer Morningstar, the fallen angel in his true form. He had taken on the illusion of a terrifying demon to reflect humanities’ expectations of him based on religious dogma – that this monster with a bad rap was actually a hugely misunderstood beautiful creature who had been feeding the darkness for so long that he had forgotten who he really was.
I went to him and took his face in my hands, feeling something akin to love.
And then I woke up, desperately wishing to go back to the dream.
Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life. – Steve Wolf
I thought about this dream for some time after, wishing to understand exactly what it was trying to tell me, but it wasn’t until days later when I came across this quote on the “shadow self”, that I realized the dream was a metaphor for my own subconscious. We are all beings of duality, composed of light and dark – yin and yang, the “bad” wolf and the “good” wolf, or in my case, a terrible demon vs. a misunderstood angel.
I have always been acutely aware of both sides in myself – sometimes it has felt that my dark side, something monstrous; lurks just barely below the surface of my Self, ready to wreak havoc on a moment’s notice. But I, like most, push it back down into the basement of my soul, refusing to allow what feels like darkness exist with my light.
The problem is, I think that when we continually repress those darker sides of ourselves, those sides just get pissed. And louder. Our continued repression of what is a necessary part of ourselves causes depression, addiction, anger, judgement, and a host of other negative states that just don’t serve our best interest. But what if we really took a good look at what lies in the “basement” of our souls? What if we faced our own demons and owned those dark forces?
I’m not saying we should have a free-for-all orgy with our darker impulses. Here’s what I mean by owning – we are born a blank canvas, but somewhere along the way in early childhood, we begin to gather personal beliefs on who we are. Some of those beliefs are wonderful:
I am brave.
I am strong.
I am beautiful.
I am Intelligent.
I am unique and valuable
And so on. These “light” beliefs help us to grow into happy, capable adults. But unfortunately, we also pick up “shadow” beliefs that can stunt our growth, even if we aren’t aware of those beliefs becoming programmed into our subconscious, slowly growing into our “Shadow Self”. Some common Shadow beliefs are:
I am not good enough.
I am unlovable.
I am flawed.
My feelings are not valid.
I must take care of everyone around me.
I am different/weird/unaccepted.
The Shadow Self becomes an archetype that forms part of the unconscious mind, composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and embarrassing fears. This archetype is often described as the darker side of the psyche, representing wildness, chaos and the unknown. But that shadow self can be used when we need it – protecting ourselves or others when in danger – or, as Jung said, as a strong source of creative energy.
Exercise, painting, journaling, and writing are ways we can transform our shadow energy, but I believe it is also imperative that we examine negative beliefs we hold and become archaeologists of the soul, unearthing the root of these negative beliefs that often hold us captive and trapped in some of the unhealthy patterns that I mentioned above. I had a conversation with a friend recently who believed that we don’t need to look at our past in order to have a fulfilling future. I know others who turn to mantra or affirmation to cover up bad feelings.
“Positive thinking is simply the philosophy of hypocrisy – to give it the right name. When you are feeling like crying, it teaches you to sing. You can manage if you try, but those repressed tears will come out at some point, in some situation. There is a limitation to repression. And the song that you were singing was absolutely meaningless; you were not feeling it, it was not born out of your heart.” – Osho
I completely believe in the power of affirmation, but until we have discovered the place of origin our shadow selves came from, address and forgive those harms that were inflicted upon us – or we inflicted on ourselves – grieve if necessary, and begin to show that darker side of ourselves compassion and understanding, all the affirmation in the world won’t create lasting change, and we can not move on to a place of true wholeness.
I love the way Dr. Joe Dispenza explains this examination as a necessary aspect of overwriting our pre-existing programming in his book, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself”. Our brains are essentially complex, organic computers. If we want new programming, we must take the old programs out first. We have to “unpack” the old junk to make room for better stuff.
In my last writing, I spoke of becoming our own hero. To best become the fulfillment of who you wish to be; the fullest expression of who you truly are, you must first be whole. That means embracing, rather than suppressing all of your psyche. Loving yourself completely. Who knows, you just might find that the demons you were running from were angels in disguise the whole time. Much love, beautiful.
Heroes aren’t heroes because they worship the light, but because they know the darkness all too well to stand down and live with it. – Ninya Tippet
She’s always there on the sidelines, ready to step into who you fully are. The Hero. The Goddess. Your truest form.
But how often do we overlook the powerful being inside ourselves, choosing to venerate another such as a Hollywood star, social media “influencer”, politician or religious leader – or even an ideal such as a superhero from a comic or movie? We look for salvation outside of ourselves and wonder why we feel so powerless in our own lives.
But what if the tendency to revere greatness in others comes from a deep-rooted knowledge of and desire for greatness in ourselves? All we need is to re-discover that dynamic being within to remember who we really are, under the fear, the anxiety, the worry and the lack of self-trust.
We need to remember thatwe are fucking badass.
We all have our own unique brand of hero within, and it’s high time we stopped looking for someone to save us and start saving ourselves. Be your own Hero, loved one. Be someone that, when your time to cross the border to the great beyond comes, you can look back and say you lived big. You fulfilled those dreams that may lie latent inside yourself right now. You made a difference by just being who you are. You were your own, incredible, unique brand of hero, whatever that looks like.
If you aren’t sure what that might actually look like, we can find clues to our own authentic heroic voice through looking at those things that we admire in others. Maybe compassion is your superpower. Maybe you are a healer, protector of others’ rights, or an incredible artist, athlete, CEO or entrepreneur. Maybe your heroic gift is lifting others; of speaking life into those hard dusty places in others’ psyches that seldom see water. Do you love to share your artistic vision or inspire others to spend more time outdoors? We live in a time when getting your passions out there has never been easier.
Whatever your gift, don’t let it die inside of you. Don’t pass through this life a shadow of yourself. You deserve to be all that you truly are. Your soul deserves it. Those around you need it – by being your most powerful, authentic self, you also give others permission to take their own heroic journey into greatness. You are the Hero you have been waiting for. Believe it. Much love.
Guys. It’s time to get real. I’ve put on a little extra cushioning lately. I knew my jeans were fitting a little less perfectly, but I wasn’t really too worried about it. Sometimes we get off track, and the last months have been trying for all of us between Covid, our political situations, and the divide that seems to be happening between folks, even close friends and family members. It’s been kind of miserable, but there have also been aspects of beauty in the chaos, if we look for it.
With the cooler weather, I’ve also been a little more slack about my simplex carb intake, (I looooove Wood’s gf pumpkin scones and damn, there’s a lot of stress in the world…) have not being nearly consistent enough with my yoga practice (see above ) and I’ve been spending much more time sitting on my backside than ever working on editing my book. This last week has been especially bad as I injured my back stacking wood so I’m unfortunately not doing a whole lot of anything when it comes to real exercise.
But while on a couple of fun trips recently, (Oregon coast, and last week to the Olympic Peninsula) my hubby took a some pictures of the spectacular scenery with me in the frames in front of him. I was a little shocked to see that my ass had grown to extra thicc proportions, not a great look for my small frame. Not that I have ever had an expectation of having a straight or thin physique – I’ve always been curvy, and love my figure – but I have small bones and when I put on a few pounds, that extra weight tends to pass my upper body to go directly to my hips and, you guessed it, backside. So when I carry extra weight that is not muscle you really see it. As clearly demonstrated by my hubs’ photos.
I am passionate about understanding, practicing, and teaching the science and spirit of co-creation (you may have noticed). Creating a healthy, whole, and happy life should be a balance between nurturing and caring for the mind, spirit, and body. Our bodies are the temple of Spirit, after all, and should be a reflection of our inner realities. Lately, though, I realize my slacking in care needs to change, so it’s time to get back to a routine that includes daily exercise and less simple carbs.
The thing is, I’m really not good at denying myself things that are delicious. I can’t eat gluten as it does an awful number on my digestive system, so when I want a treat, it’s usually prepared with white rice flour. Which may be easy to eat (Woods GF pumpkin scones) but the body quickly converts simplex carbs into glucose, and unless you are exercising frequently, converts to fat fairly equally quickly. Which, as I mentioned, goes directly to my ass and hips. The body is an amazing thing – it puts calories away into storage for those lean times when we really need them. But when was the last time the average American had a “lean time” in which we didn’t have an abundance of food to eat – so we don’t really need to be storing fat for the winter, amiright?
My point is, if I don’t want to have a butt the size of Bermuda and hips that can rival Jessica Rabbit on my petite frame, I have to keep my simplex carbs to a minimum, with the exception of a cheat day each week. (Saturday Sundays!) But I also don’t want to feel like I am denying myself, so there are a few little tricks I use that help a whole lot to get back on track:
Consistent routine. I start my day with some form of exercise. Period. For me, it’s usually yoga and walking, but I also do some HIT and weight training. But whatever gets you moving is a good thing! I also try to get in a few sets of 10 push ups and squats throughout the day.
Staying on track with my Intermittent Fasting. I usually eat my first meal between 10 and noon and my second between 4 and 5:30. I don’t eat anything after that. Again, consistency is key. For most, eating 6 on,18 off might not work. 12 on, 12 off is much more typical. I’ve experimented quite a bit with my hours and this seems to be the best for me for feeling physically at my peak.
Sleep! Getting to bed at a decent hour makes a huge difference in my eating patterns the next day. Less rest means our bodies look for the missing energy elsewhere, often by consuming extra calories.
Shiritaki noodles. You can buy either the yam or tofu variety, but most science shows that too much soy increases estrogen which can be no Bueno. And I love to eat tofu, so I pretty much stick to the yam noodle variety. These noodles are super low calorie, (20-40 calories per bag) no to low carb, filling, and incredibly versatile and easy to prepare. I love throwing a rinsed package into a pot of broth and veggies for a delicious pho, but I also do a marinara on either the angel hair or fettuccine variety, a light olive oil and parmesan, or one of my favorites, a spicy pasta putanesca with green fettuccine. The noodles will take on the flavor of whatever you are cooking with, much like tofu.
Trader Joe’s Jicama wraps. I pan-fry two, slap them together so they don’t fall apart while I’m eating and fill them with whatever sounds good at the time. Last night’s dinner was gyro meat with herbed tahini and sprouts on these wraps. Tonight I made monk fruit-sweetened mole with chicken, cauliflower, sweet potato, black beans and peppers. Served on the wraps with shredded cabbage and avocado-cilantro crema. Believe me when I tell you, both meals were spectacular, and with these delicious meals I don’t feel like I am denying myself one bit.
Cabbage. Cabbage is an underappreciated food hero. It is high in fiber, vitamin C, K and A, is anti-inflammatory, and feeds your intestinal flora. Healthy intestinal flora=healthier weight. I try to incorporate it into my meals as often as possible. An easy and tasty slaw is shredded cabbage, black beans, salsa and a bit of light sour cream. I also throw in pepitas and sunflower seeds, high in chlorophyll and a variety of other nutrients. Earlier I mentioned easy, healthy pho? Chopped cabbage, ginger, fresh garlic and a jalapeno cooked into the broth, and topped with fresh cilantro takes it to a whole new level. Cilantro and ginger are two more antioxidant, anti-inflammatory superfoods worth eating regularly. This is also a great immune-boosting soup to make if you are feeling a little under the weather.
Hydration! Drink first if you think you are hungry, then wait 10 minutes. Often we misinterpret our bodies’ natural cues and eat when we are actually dehydrated. Urine should be light yellow to clear. ‘Nuff said!
Healthy, low-carb, gluten-free baked goods. I have found that it is usually when I deny myself of things I enjoy that I fall the hardest into poor eating habits. (I’ve been good for weeks...Just one(or 5) cookie won’t hurt… So once a week or so I bake a “sweet” using almond, flax, and coconut flours. I use monkfruit to sweeten. Last week’s treat was a low-sugar, low carb blueberry-apple-ginger cobbler. We enjoyed it warm with dairy-free yogurt for breakfast one morning and for dessert after dinner another night. So delicious! Having something that feels a little indulgent keeps me from craving things like chocolate chunk cookies, though I intend to try an almond flour dark-chocolate chunk cookie one of these days…
Greens. Years ago, I had a nutritionist tell me that we could practically eat a bathtub of greens without gaining weight, and I took that advice seriously. I love serving salads or sauteed greens with each meal, and in these cold winter months I throw every veggie I have on hand into my soups and stews. It’s also a good way to sneak veggies into meals without kids realizing it!
And last but most importantly, mindset. How do you want to feel in your skin? We all have different body types, shapes, and metabolic processes, but ultimately, what makes you feel your best? Lizzo is a voluptuous goddess who loves herself as she is – but also works out regularly so she can perform well and feel fabulous. I have several Pacific islander friends who are bigger boned and carry a little extra thiccness – and look exactly right and hot as hell as they are. I am both curvy and athletic, so feel my personal best when my body reflects both aspects of who I am.
Late last summer…Feeling Fabulous!
No matter what your “normal” might be, I hope you can look into the mirror and see your inherent gorgeousness. If COVID and the stress of the recent divisions within our society has caused you to stress-eat or stop exercising, that’s ok. I feel ya, literally. But regardless of what’s happening outside, my wish would be that you would feel your absolute best inside. Sometimes we fall off the wellness wagon almost by necessity, but at some point, your body deserves to feel it’s optimum. You deserve to feel your best. I know I’m ready to get back to feeling fabulous in my skin; my outer reality reflecting the inner reality I desire rather than the stress I may have been feeling of late. What is the reality you most desire for yourself, in your body and beyond? Whatever it is, you deserve it, beautiful. Much love!
This Blessed Sacred Life 