We Break Ourselves

This one may be a hard pill to swallow.  If you find yourself reacting to these words, there just might be a reason for your response- but please read to the end to understand the full concept.💙

We break ourselves.

We want to believe, as we get older and begin to give up on the idea of happiness, of abundance, of wholeness, that we have gotten to this point of embitterment because “life” has made us this way.  We blame our exes, our environment, our childhood, our career – or anything else except ourselves – that we have lost faith in life.  Lost hope in the idea of happiness.  Of love.  

But the truth is, the idea of “fault” is a lie.  

There is no fault in any aspect of our lives; only programs and belief systems that began before most of us can even remember.   As children, most of us are in some way exposed to people or environments that teach us that we will be disappointed with life.  

Our parents don’t know how to show us unconditional love, because they weren’t taught, themselves. So we grow up not knowing or understanding how to love others – or ourselves, well. 

 Our well-meaning grandparents teach us to “stay in our lane”; to be a plumber instead of an astronaut, a receptionist instead of a ballerina, a doctor or lawyer instead of a creative genius who invents, or paints, or builds worlds in video games for a living.  

We feel the disapproval of the adults in our lives when we try to explore beyond the boundaries of the world that is safe and familiar to those around us, so we stop exploring and stop expecting amazing things to happen for us.  

Or perhaps our parents had “lack” mentality, so we grow up with a poverty mindset;  spending every dime and farthing we get because some part of us believes there will never be enough.  

We carry these programmed beliefs systems; this neurological wiring, into adulthood.  Our primitive brain, the amygdala, takes this wiring and creates a map for us to follow; conceivably until we die.

We get the degree or the job/career our families expect and replace simulation with safety.  

We marry the “easy” partner, and replace passion, authenticity, and adventure with approval and comfort.  It seems  better to have the perceived acceptance of our families and our society than take the chance on those things that feel unfamiliar.  

Or, if we have abandonment issues because we had emotionally unavailable caregivers as children, we repeat those neurological programs that tell us that we will always be disappointed with those we care for.   

We spend our entire lives attracting to us those people and experiences that will enforce ourlearned “truths”.  We find personal relationships with others that have similar wounds and play out the cycle again and again, until we finally figure it out and begin to allow ourselves to be in safe relationships where we can find real intimacy and vulnerability.  

Or we don’t.  And we wonder why depression and anxiety are rampant…

The problem is, often these unhealthy and even harmful behaviors lead us to hold depression and shame because we can’t “get it right”; fill in the blank for whatever “it” seems appropriate for you. 

The shame keeps us from acknowledging the very programs that we could rewire, if only we were willing to take a deep dive into the root of those subconscious processes. This shame gets “triggered” by what we might perceive as someone else’s disapproval or judgement and we go right back into those self-sabotaging behaviors and beliefs.  And so the cycle continues, perpetuating itself, Ad infinitim.  

But it is when we begin to have curiosity about and take radical responsibility for every behavior, decision and action that may be inhibiting our growth or happiness that we are able to actually start to create a life of personal authenticity and happiness; a life based upon who we are as individuals rather than what our childhood taught us to believe about ourselves, reality, and what is truly possible.  

Artist: Yusupova Jema

I’ve said it before because it’s true – the process can be incredibly difficult; even painful.  It’s deciding to take the red pill.   Sometimes we have to tear apart a life that is unsatisfactory in order to build a foundation based upon a healthier belief system.  It can get messy. We may lose people, careers, and lifestyles either for a little while – or forever –  because we become unfamiliar to those past realities.  We no longer have the similar behaviors and beliefs that kept you connected.  People will often fear or resent your growth.  It can get lonely, for a bit.

But those that truly want us to be happy will support you on your journey, and we begin to attract others who more accurately reflect your newfound authenticity.  Perhaps just as importantly, you will begin to enjoy your own company.  As you unearth lost parts of yourself, you might even begin to fall in love with those parts of your identity that you had forgotten.🥰

Growth can be frightening.  Your primitive, survival-based brain will literally produce hormones – neurochemicals – that will make you fearful, frustrated, and uncomfortable when you begin to move out of old, outdated ways of thinking and being.  Most will never even start the process.  It’s “easier” to live a life of survival or complacency.

But if you are still reading this, there must be some part of you that dreams bigger.  That wants to live a life that feels like living rather than waiting until death finds you.  Maybe you have already begun thinking of the possibility of happiness; of creating a life of connection and fulfillment.  If you are, beautiful one, I hope you can believe that you deserve it.  Truly.  We all do. 

 If you have begun or are ready to confront the “monsters under the bed” of your outdated or faulty subconscious processes, I am so proud of you.  It might feel frightening or discouraging at times, but you will get the other side with a greater capacity for growth and creation than perhaps you would have imagined.  I wish you the greatest joy and a life that feels on-purpose – and I hope I will be there with you as you take that journey into the unknown.  

Big love.💖

• Terah