Do you love your body? Do you celebrate those genetic propensities that make you uniquely you? How we feel about our bodies plays a huge role in how we interact with the world. How much time do we lose each day, each week, each year obsessing over an image of beauty that is not our own truth? I am guilty of this, myself. I’m sure I have lost years of my life in a quest for some ideal that wasn’t me. I wish it wasn’t so, but for nearly as long as humans have had written history there are examples of how society imposes an ideal – especially on women – and we follow these ideals to feel beautiful, to fit in, to be accepted and approved of.
Until the 21st century, women with curves were generally celebrated, but by the 1920’s, oddly coinciding with the beginning of the women’s revolution, women’s figures became thinner and flatter, and for nearly a century, this seems to be a trend that hasn’t gone away. It seems that women, in our desire to be strong, independent humans, subconsciously think we need to be less of what makes us feminine.
Alternatively, we think we need to make ourselves smaller to be socially acceptable. So we starve ourselves as we disappear into anorexia. Or exercise compulsively and to excess. Or we rid our bodies of the calories we consume through laxatives or bulimia. If we could each truly see the way we inflict self-harm to our bodies and our minds from an outsider’s perspective, I believe we would begin a love relationship with ourselves that would bring us as individuals and society back into balance.
What is it that creates the need to be thinner, to be younger, to be less of who we are at any given moment? Maybe it’s time to get back to an ideal that represents what we should be – healthy and glowing – instead of what a patriarchal society has insisted is beautiful. I did a basic google search on “beautiful female bodies” and every single image was basically the same. Every single image. Women who were largely lighter skinned, thin with a touch of curve in the “right places”. It’s no wonder there are an estimated seven million girls and women with eating disorders.
God, I could cry or scream to think of how all of the girls and women who don’t fit that ideal must feel when they see what society expects of them. But what if instead of thinking we needed to be taller, thinner, more curvy, more beautiful from the media’s standpoint and saw yourself as a Goddess or God – a divine being, how much better would we treat our body and mind?
In the middle ages, women padded their bellies to appear more attractive because if you were a little soft, you could afford to eat, which meant you were healthy. Cleopatra was said to have wished for varicose veins, and who hasn’t admired the gorgeous curves and hint of muscle of the Venus de Milo statue, or the rubenesque beauty of Botticelli’s Birth of Venus?
As we begin to celebrate the beauty in greater ethnic diversity, curves have once again come into popularity, which is wonderful – but we have once again found a way to distort this celebration of the feminine body, women taking drastic measures to have impossibly thin waists and surgically implanting fat or silicone to enhance breasts, hips and butts. But isn’t this the opposite of self-love? Surgically altering our appearance isn’t loving ourselves – it’s loving an impossible and often unhealthy ideal.
But what if we could look in the mirror and see our own loveliness, exactly as we are? What if we saw that sweet little bit of belly, the softness of our inner thighs, the curve of our hip and just loved it? What aspect of your physical being might not be considered standard beauty, but are still stunningly you? Maybe you have eyebrows like Frida Kahlo, hips like Marilyn Monroe or I have small-ish breasts, but I love how they suit my narrow shoulders perfectly. My daughter inherited her dad’s broader shoulders, but they offset every aspect of her curvaceous figure to stunning effect. I have a beautiful “sister from another mother” who is tall and slender, but also very strong looking. Growing up, she thought she was too boyish, but there are few women who don’t envy her narrow hips and strong arms. All I see when I look at her is one fantastic woman.
Lizzo is one of my current heroes. Dang. That girl has it going on in so many ways, from her incredible voice to her sassy personality, but I looooove the way she celebrates her splendid curves. We should all feel the way about ourselves that she describes in the song “I’m in love with myself”.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t aim to be overweight, though I think the modern version of what overweight is is grossly generalized and out of date. I have friends of different ethnic backgrounds and I’m sorry, but 130 pounds for 5’5” island girl just isn’t realistic. For that matter, someone who has a denser muscle mass will be significantly heavier than someone who doesn’t. And who doesn’t dread getting weighed at the gym or the doctor’s office? There’s something wrong there.
Eating healthful, nourishing foods and getting plenty of exercise – are ways that we can not only keep our bodies healthy and strong, but also love ourselves with self-care. Giving ourselves good fuel is no different than giving a high-performance car high-performance fuel. What foods speak to you? Do you need more greens, more fruit, or some good dark chocolate? An occasional doughnut or a bowl of ice cream is good for the soul, but if you are feeding your needs more than your desires, the odds are good that you won’t often crave food that doesn’t serve your body.
I like to follow a 80-85% rule. Eighty-five or so percent of my meals are healthful, whole foods. But we have “Sunday Saturdays” at my house, indulging in an extra-special treat once per week. I eat twice a day instead of once, following an intermittent fasting diet. Not because I’m trying to lose weight, but because it feels best for my body. Because I am only eating twice, I aim for 500-600 calories my first meal and a minimum of 700 calories for my second. I eat more on days that I exercise. Experiment with what makes you feel most alive.
Exercise also keeps bodies and minds in good condition and helps us live longer, happier lives, especially if we are getting outside for that exercise. But rather than obsessing over perfection to please someone else’s ideal, fall in love with yourself. Celebrate those aspects of yourself that make you so uniquely you. You are beautiful. You are a queen, and deserve to love yourself. Believe it! Much love, you gorgeous thing.
This Blessed Sacred Life 